Biting @ Daycare

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  • Unregistered

    #91
    mother of a biter

    my son is not quite two yet. he started biting after he was bit. We all have tried to stop this very awful bad habbit...he bite for all sorts of reasons and he bites for no reason at all. I do believe it is to get someones attention. It works for him. He gets put in time out. They call me and i come get him. I always make him apologize the the child he bites. And for those who say that it is bull when a parent states the child does not bite at home.. you have no idea what you are talking about. My child knows the punishment at home is more than a time out when they do something they are not suppose to...i am truely sorry for all those little children who are the victims that get bit over and over. my daycare has tried to do a positive reinforcement with my child..giving him treats and praise when he doesn't bite but it doesn't work everyday..only when they really stay on top of it...am i really soppose to punish him when we get home for something he has done 3,4,6, hours after he has done the biting?? i have takin him to the doctor and he says it just a phase to wait it out...ive researched biting in toddlers and done all the things they say so what am i, and parents with the same problem, soppose to do?? please anyone have any ideas? i guessing not for some toddlers they are just going to have to grow out of the stage.. my son has had a lot of ear problems and just got tubes put in. he has been behind in his speach.. so maybe that has something to with it.. i just dont know. i feel bad for all those kids but what to do????

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    • QualiTcare
      Advanced Daycare.com Member
      • Apr 2010
      • 1502

      #92
      my daughter never bit anyone until a child started biting her at daycare. normally, when i'd pick her up from daycare, i'd pick her up, hug her, kiss her, talk to her, etc. the day i walked in and saw the incident report saying she bit someone, i didn't pick her up or hug her. i said something like, "you do NOT bite! i am not happy!" i made her walk to the car and i didn't hold her hand or talk to her AT ALL. normally, i'd carry her and talk. she bit one more time after that and i did the same exact thing. she never bit again.


      there was a girl biting my son every single day, multiple times a day and i was MAD!! biting is normal, but biting the same child repeatedly for no reason is not nomal. he's very sweet natured and would never bite back or do anything. it got to where he cried when we got close to the daycare because he knew he was going to be chewed on all day. i was there when the mother of the child who was biting picked her up one day. she walked in, picked her daughter up, hugged her, kissed her, and was rubbing her head as she was saying, "why are you biting?" in a little baby voice. OBVIOUSLY, that approach was not working.

      kids bite other kids their age - so just because they don't bite their parents or siblings at home is no indication whatsoever of what they do at daycare with peers.

      anyhow, i think dealing with your child who bites depends on the dynamic between you and your child. what i did with my daughter worked like a charm because she hated that i was upset and i made it CLEAR that i was. it's not being mean - it's being stern. biting HURTS and they need to know that you are very unhappy when it happens.

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      • Unregistered

        #93
        My grandson 19 months old was biten 2 times in the butt. The boy took his shorts and diaper off to do this. The licenced sitter watchs 5 childern in her home, one being her own 4 yr. old. Whats so bad about this story is she says she don't know what happen. When my daughter pick him up she asked if her son ever takes his diaper off. He has 1 time when he was in his bed without shorts on. When my daughter changed his diaper she noticed it and called sitter who pretend that she didn't know anything happened and he didn't cry all day long. What I'm wanting to know is who to report this to. She doesn't need to be watching kids. This happened in Corydon, In. My grandson no longer goes there.

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        • Unregistered

          #94
          Puzzled

          I am the Director of a DC where a complaint with Protective Services was filed against us because of a biter. A tot in our care has been bitten 4 times in the past 5 weeks, 2 of the bites coming from one child. The investigation led to interviews with her teachers and myself, viewing the incident reports and a home visit with both the victim and the biter's parents.

          After being read the complaint by DCF, which according to the mother, was made by a friend of the child's family.(information received via mom's FB posts w/pictures ) I have just one question. If this is what she thinks and feels about the quality of care given to her child WHY IS SHE STILL INTRUSTING US WITH HER CHILD'S CARE??????

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          • Unregistered

            #95
            biting imo

            I think states need to change the ratios, lower the amt of kids per teacher in centers.
            Working in a center now I understand how fast it can happen.

            Then if they did that rates would go up due to more staff needed to be paid. But that is another topic.

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            • Unregistered

              #96
              Tollder biting

              I have been a toddler/preschool teacher for many years now. I want to let both the biters and the victims parents know that we spend our entire day with your children and care for them very much. We don't want to see the victims injured hurting or upset and we don't want to see the biters frustrated and upset. We are not in the childcare career for the money, although tuition for most centers is very high we do not get paid well at all. We choose this career because we love children and enjoy helping/watching them learn and grow. In an ideal classroom all of the children would be happy and gentle to their "friends" for the entire day. But in a realistic classroom there are 9 children in 9 different mindframes throught the day. One minute the children could be thoroughly enjoying singing the abc's and a second later 2 of the children may be crying one of the children may be trying to hit and or bite their friend and the others may still be sitting enjoying singing. We shadow the biters to the best of our ability however it only takes half a second for a biter to bite. We understand the frustrations from both the biters parents and the victims parents. Belive me, we feel for both of you!! The most important aspect of preventing biting is communication with the staff members in your childs center. It is also very important to remember that consistancy is EVERYTHING. If your childs center is using "sitting out time" and you are doing something different at home the child is not going to understand either consequence. It is also very important to remember to be patient, biting is NOT going to stop overnight. We all wish that it could be this way but it is an unrealistic expectation. We understand that you (both biters parents and victims parents) are very frustrated with this behavior and believe me we get frustrated sometimes as well. It is important not to show the child that you are frustrated, show them with words and facial expressions that you are "not happy" and "sad" that they are biting and HURTING their friends. To the victim we show comfort understanding and most importantly love! I hope that this has helped mostly with the parents who's children are in daycare centers to understand where we the care providers are coming from.

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              • Unregistered

                #97
                My 16 month daughter was bitten today and yesterday by the same child. I can understand the first time, and I can mostly understand the second time - giving the benefit of a doubt that it was a one time occurrence.

                I've made it very clear that my expectation is that this does not happen to any child in that room again for a very long time. They are now aware that there is a problem and it is entirely possible to prevent it from here on, it's not convenient, but it's possible. If the only solution to the problem is an additional person following this child around the entire day, then do it. I will not accept this type of injury to my child because they want to maximize their profits.

                Further, I was also told that they cannot legally divulge who the other child was. I researched the governing daycare laws for my state and could find no such requirement. I've requested that they specifically show me where this is written.

                You are your child's advocate! Don't take anything you're told for granted and make sure your child is protected!

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                • Unregistered

                  #98
                  I'm a daycare asst in a toddler room and also a mom of 3. None of my children ever bit or were the victims of a biter. But none of my children went to daycare which I now know is a whole different situation.

                  To say that daycare workers aren't paying enough attention is simply untrue. The daycare I work at was fortunate for almost an entire year. Not one of our children were biters, but as our enrollment grew, it was bound to happen. A 2 yr old boy enrolled from another school and mom failed to tell us that her child tended to bite. And the first chance he got he bit. It happened right in front of my eyes and for no reason. I've read some posters blame dcworkers as being too underpayed & overworked to properly supervise in these situations. And I have to protest that this is false. As a dcw who has cared for these toddlers - you become quite attached to these children and are in fact their surrogate parent. You sometimes spend more time with them than their own parents do & sometimes these children will slip & call you mommy. When they are bit while in your care - it hurts them and hurts you. I was absolutely horrified and even more so because this bite looked bad. It broke skin, bled and swelled immediately. And I have to admit, that I couldn't help but feel some anger towards the offender. But we have been instructed that this is nothing new - and some children bite out of anxiety or stress. And this child was new.

                  We did everything we were supposed to do. We separated the biter - spoke sternly to the offender. He cried & truly looked upset over his actions. We coddled the victim & administered first aid, called both parents and wrote up a boo-boo report. Our policy (though never needed before) is 3 strikes & you're out. We have also been told that we should never give out names of the offender for legal reasons. To the parent who wonders if this is valid - you better get used to this. It's the same reason why minor-aged lawbreakers are never identified and this will happen time & time again as your child progresses through school. The law is not of our making - but we are forced to follow it. And sometimes it might be your own child who benefits from this rule.

                  And then it happened again - even though I tailed the biter like a shadow. He managed to bite the same child and without warning. We were all looking out the window at some large birds on our school lawn and like a cobra, this kid struck. This time not only was the child hurt, but I (being responsible for tailing this biter) felt horribly. I had been speaking to the intended victim at that precise moment - I watched her eyes get large & could see her pain. It was my job to protect her and believe me, I'd have taken that bite in her place if possible. I speak to her mother all the time - and we've become friends, so that just added to the stress. We followed the same procedures as before - and this time I made sure this biter was nowhere near the victim... ever. It was tiring & I couldn't let my guard down for a second. I always stood between them. But it happened again. But this time with another child & it happened when I had gone home. Unfortunately, being the 3rd strike, the biter was expelled. We are business after all and our administrator did this to protect the other children. I had gotten attached to this child too (the biter) and feel badly for everyone involved. I wish we could have bent the rules to let him stay, because I'm sure we could have stopped him eventually - but we couldn't do it at the expense of the other children. Dcworkers do care - we care for all involved - the parents, the biter, the victim. It has nothing to do with being underpayed.

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                  • Unregistered

                    #99
                    Victim of Biting

                    My daughter was recently bitten for the 8th time. When I sat down to chat with the owner/director, which I did in a calm and non-accusatory manner, she informed me of the steps the center was going to take to protect the children getting bit.

                    That same day, when I picked up my daughther, the owner/director had left a letter "requesting" that I find a new provider.

                    I feel terrible that I ever even exposed my daughter to this center, and I feel worse that I have to so quickly up-root her.

                    Any thoughts/suggestions?

                    Comment

                    • JenNJ
                      Advanced Daycare.com Member
                      • Jun 2010
                      • 1212

                      It is possible that these 2 children are antagonizing one another and the center wants to protect itself legally. I have seen both the biter and victim guilty of aggressive behavior and both children asked to leave in centers before.

                      Comment

                      • Unregistered

                        Mom of a Biter Conceding

                        I've read every post here. I am the Mom of a biter. She is 2 and has a 7 year old non-aggressive brother. She does attempt to bite at home so I know it happens at DC and home. No denying that. She has not been expelled yet but after reading these posts I've decided to pull her out. I will take vacation time until I find her new DC with hopes that change in environment will help her. I cannot stop working, I am the primary insurer and my son and husband need their health insurance. If the next DC doesn't work, I will pay the additonal cost and have a caregiver come to our home. I had not seen that suggested. What are the experiences to at home care by a caregiver and re-introducing to a DC after 6 mos or 1 year?
                        I will add for the more recent comments about what prompted the biter to bite. My daughter is almost 2 1/2 and extremely verbal for her age. After all the incidents, she has been able to express why she bit. The most common reasons were: she was pushed by another child (in one instance to the ground), a child played a game she didn't like (seriously doesn't like), her toys were taken from her, she was forced to sit to close to another child when she needed personal space. In all instances, the report was written up as "unprevoked" biting. Doesn't seem that way to me. I understand that it is less severe to have the child that takes, pushes, is annoying, etc but some children don't just back away and get bullied....some children re-act back. Unfortunately, I have the reactor. So maybe now in a new setting, they will set things fair for her and others and she'll stop this awful biting. (and I've also ordered the book "No Biting" express mail....) Will post a review and follow up.

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                        • Unregistered

                          My son bit, too-daycares don't treat every case equal

                          My son was a biter, too. When he was a year old at a large corporate nation wide chain daycare, a child with a known biting problem at enrollment was allowed to join the daycare without notice to the parents. After my son was severely bitten many times and the daycare downplayed and refused to tell the parents anything, the biter finally left voluntarily. Yes, the biter was not terminated and the daycare didn't say anything to the family except sending her home after she'd bitten many times. They didn't even seperate her from the group when she had to be picked up and she bit more during that time. My son would have huge bruised bite marks on his back - she would bear hug him and bite while the teacher was changing diapers. I found out years later from other teachers that he would be hysterical for the rest of the day and would be screaming for mommy. I'm haunted by that to this day. They only had one teacher classrooms, so she couldn't be effectively shadowed. During the time and for a long time later, my son would night wake with night terrors. Even saying her name would start the night terrors again. The damage was done. I don't blame her - she had no business being in a large group setting with her type of biting problem - I blame the daycare. My son started biting immediately and he bit regularly until he was 3. He only bit 2 different kids the entire time. And believe me, those parents were both teachers in the school system and made my life hell for years. Daycare intervention is a big one. I requested for years that the daycare seperate my child from the 2 he was biting - they never did and that was a shame. One of those 2 was also a biter who picked it up from the original biter as well, so my son and the other child would sit and bite each other for the fun of it while the teachers watched and laughed. Teachers told me this. There was even a daycare teacher with a child who was a biter who picked it up from the original biter as well. They bent over backwards to move him around and help out the teacher mom - even switching her child and my child in 2 different classrooms to accomodate the teacher mom. They refused to accomodate my child in any way regardless of my suggestions. Every one of my suggestions was used with all the other biters in the daycare, but they refused to try that with my son. My child was the only one that ever got punished - I know because the daycare teachers told me and so did the parents. Go figure! If hindsight was foresight, I would have taken him out of there after the first bite and enrolled him somewhere else. I'm positive I would have never had any problems with him - he never bit outside of daycare regardless of situation. He got sent home a couple of times but I was threatened with termination every week and my child bit maybe once or twice per week and rarely ever left a mark - they even wrote him up for attempting to bite! Fastforward 2 years later and I find out recently that this same chain daycare allowed another child of same age to bite every day for a year and the only thing ever done was give her parents handouts, never even had a conference with her and certainly never mentioned termination! Found out from the parent herself. Talked with other parents who had been complaining about the biter to the director. Biter had never been sent home even once. The mom is a teacher in the local school system - conicidence you say, I think not. In every case where the biting was overlooked, the parents were teachers in the local school system. I was the only one not in the school system and only had one child. The others were paying $24,000 and $36,000 per year in daycare tuition. I was only paying $12,000 because I only had one at their daycare and therefore was easily expendable. I'm sure not much I could do now, but trust me, when I have more children, I will use my experience. Everyone tells me to avoid me large group daycares and hire in home small centers instead and I agree. I've polled all my friends and not one single one had a problem with small in home centers. Live and learn I guess. I wished I'd discovered this forum years ago, it could have really helped me back then.

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                          • Unregistered

                            biting

                            My grandson was bitten 11 times by the same child, sometimes on the face. The daycare handled it by moving him to a different room. Each time the other child was moved up to the room my grandson was in, the child would bite again. My grandson was not the only child who was a victim.

                            The daycare told my daughter that they would have the child removed if that is what she wanted. She told them to remove the child and they did not. My grandson is now in another daycare. If their intention was not to lose a client, it didn't work.

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                            • Unregistered

                              i amhaving the exact same issue... i dont know what to do....

                              Originally posted by RNmom
                              I am the mother of an a very sweet 18 month old that started biting shortly after starting daycare two months ago. Until then he had only been cared for by family or friends. He loves to play and cuddle, cries when we leave the room- I thought it was the perfect time for him to enter an environment with organized play while everyone stays in the same room! He started to bite his older sibs at home and quickly stopped doing so after stern words and a short “time out”. The day care director assures me that his biting is not out of anger, aggression or frustrated. I have addressed HALTS with her (common reasons for toddler to bite, including Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Teething, or Sleepy), adding a late snack-that he may or may not get. No new teeth and 4 hour naps rule out the other two. I have attached a pacifier to his shirt-which he never used before. I have even had an early prevention professional come in and assess him and the class. She claims the reason he bites seems to be related to his lack of communication-despite his use of sign language. Still he continues to bite, sometimes twice in one hour. Today I was told he was a “danger to the classroom”. It is becoming my belief that some settings just might not be a good fit for a particular child/personality. Maybe the “lonely” aspect of HALTS is not being addressed. And if these child care professionals are so frustrated with my child, are they really providing optimal care?
                              I am having the exact same issue i need help dont know what to do the only available child care that convienient in my area... what do i do they are trying to put my daughter on a 1 week suspension... im at a hault and im a sinlge parent she dont bite at home and shes sweet and gentel to everyone that i asses her with, they make the reports sound so vulgar... theres on lady that works at the daycare and and her daughter almost same age as my daughter is one of the kids that is geting bit i honestly think its conflict of interest... how do i reslove this situation???? halts sounds great i need more info... some one help me

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                              • Unregistered

                                you couldn't have said it any better, way to go
                                Originally posted by MLB
                                As a director I can say that this is always a sticky situation. We are not allowed to tell who bit either. This policy protects all families in the center. Kids do bite for several reasons so it is hard to have an iron clad policy. Dismissal is the last resort but sometimes necessary when looking out for a whole group. We can't make everyone happy we either have the biter's parents upset with us for not handling the situation or the one that got bit parents all upset about what we are going to do to fix it. It depends on why their biting, where, how hard, how frequent. Just because we have to occasionally disenroll children for biting does not mean we do not care about the kids or if we keep a biter that we are just in it for the finances. Hence, we are always in the middle of a sticky situation. Shadowing sounds great but is usually not reasonable in a group setting with ratios. There is no set answer for this problem but if your childcare has been reasonable then try to understand the decisions that they have to make. It is just a part of life and being vendictive and filling complaints and making threats is just silly and a waste of perfectly good energy that could be used to better your child's situation.

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