Biting @ Daycare

[Mariahsaint]

Frustration is one reason for biting- but another (often overlooked) reason has to do with oral stimulation. Remember oral exploration is the first stage of development - just because kids move into later stages does not mean that they will not cycle back. Even adult bite nails, smoke, and engage in other oral stim behaviors (don't go there!).
In addition, kids this age have teeth coming in!

If a kid is compelled to bite it is more productive to direct that compulsion. It is NOT ok to bite friends- but it is OK to bite (...XXX fill in the blank). Some special needs catalogs have a biting bracelet for kids (they work really well). You can also buy a commercial vibrating teether.
Give these kids LOTS of oral stimulation during the day- crunchy apples- cereal etc. Have them whistle, lick things out of small cups, and blow bubbles. Parents can use a vibrating toothbrush at home.
Good Luck!

Old thread, but good advice!

Thank you!

[PJD]

Old thread, but good advice!

Thank you!

I know- Old thread but new member!! ::

[Unregistered]

Let's be honest...

I fully understand your opinion that you aren't responsible to raise the children you "care for". However, children spend an average of 50 hours a week under the influence of daycare providers. So, let's do the math.
A parent is with their child for 1-2 hours during the hustle and bustle of the morning getting themselves and the child ready for the day. There isn't much parenting room there. You have them for an average of 10 solid hours thereafter. The parent picks up the child 30 minutes to an hour depending on drive time after work, let's say 6pm, and the child goes to bed between 8-8:30am. This leaves 2 and a half hours in the evening to cook dinner, bathe the child and do minor house chores. So the parent hours vs provider hours do not equate. Yes, I do understand parenting comes first. But in today's society if a child is not fed, bathed or dressed appropriately there could be legal repercussions that are inflicted. Therefore, your statement that you are not responsible to raise someone's child is completely absurd. You are ABSOLUTELY responsible. This is why YOU were hired. Parents are choosing YOU to care for, nurture and TEACH their child because their jobs do not allow them to provide and parent equally. You should not be in your chosen career. Your comments make it clear you are only handling children for a paycheck. Any and ALL parents associated with you or your establishment should reconsider paying anything to you as your services lack in an extreme way!! This is not productive to the child or parent and you could be the reason these "biters" are not adequately learning how to adapt socially. Harsh but true!!

I take it your not a daycare provider? Do you realize that daycare providers/ and daycare centers can be sued by the parents of the child/children that were bit? You make it sound as though providers just discipline the action! Listen, I am very well schooled in the job that i do but i do have to protect not only my children but the children that have been placed in my care. I provide a well-organized, well-supervised, and stimulating atmosphere for the children in my care. IE the 3 strikes your out policy, i work with my parents to come to a solution together. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't and the child may need more care than i can give! I don't think it is the jobs of us daycare providers to have to put up with aggressive, disruptive, or destructive behavior. I have more than one child in my care, so do you think it is fair to the other children to have all my time taken up by this one child with the bad behavior? How long are us daycare providers expected to put up with this type of behavior? I am here to provide for your children, not raise them!!!!!!

[Blackcat31]

I fully understand your opinion that you aren't responsible to raise the children you "care for". However, children spend an average of 50 hours a week under the influence of daycare providers. So, let's do the math.
A parent is with their child for 1-2 hours during the hustle and bustle of the morning getting themselves and the child ready for the day. There isn't much parenting room there. You have them for an average of 10 solid hours thereafter. The parent picks up the child 30 minutes to an hour depending on drive time after work, let's say 6pm, and the child goes to bed between 8-8:30am. This leaves 2 and a half hours in the evening to cook dinner, bathe the child and do minor house chores. So the parent hours vs provider hours do not equate. Yes, I do understand parenting comes first. But in today's society if a child is not fed, bathed or dressed appropriately there could be legal repercussions that are inflicted. Therefore, your statement that you are not responsible to raise someone's child is completely absurd. You are ABSOLUTELY responsible. This is why YOU were hired. Parents are choosing YOU to care for, nurture and TEACH their child because their jobs do not allow them to provide and parent equally. You should not be in your chosen career. Your comments make it clear you are only handling children for a paycheck. Any and ALL parents associated with you or your establishment should reconsider paying anything to you as your services lack in an extreme way!! This is not productive to the child or parent and you could be the reason these "biters" are not adequately learning how to adapt socially. Harsh but true!!

I am not hired by anyone.

Parents buy the services I offer but I am not hired help.

Stop trying to make excuses as to why parents can't parent. If their child is spending an entire day with a child care provider and only getting 2 hours of face time a day with their child, I think someone should be re-thinking their priorities.

Doing this for the paycheck? Damn right I am!

Why do you think I should put my love and concern about a child above my want/need for a paycheck when you obviously aren't holding parents to the same concept?

Stop thinking its a providers job to parent.

Provider = provides care and supervision to a child when parents are at work.

Parent = responsible for the behavior, the morals and the overall health and condition (physically, emotionally and mentally) of the child.


Nope, I don't see "parenting" in any part of my job description.

It's MY job to do what is best for ALL children in my GROUP care program. If one is a biter and poses a continuous threat or risk to the other children, then the biter goes.

If that doesn't work for the parent, they can HIRE a nanny.

Nannies work FOR parents.

[Thriftylady]

I fully understand your opinion that you aren't responsible to raise the children you "care for". However, children spend an average of 50 hours a week under the influence of daycare providers. So, let's do the math.
A parent is with their child for 1-2 hours during the hustle and bustle of the morning getting themselves and the child ready for the day. There isn't much parenting room there. You have them for an average of 10 solid hours thereafter. The parent picks up the child 30 minutes to an hour depending on drive time after work, let's say 6pm, and the child goes to bed between 8-8:30am. This leaves 2 and a half hours in the evening to cook dinner, bathe the child and do minor house chores. So the parent hours vs provider hours do not equate. Yes, I do understand parenting comes first. But in today's society if a child is not fed, bathed or dressed appropriately there could be legal repercussions that are inflicted. Therefore, your statement that you are not responsible to raise someone's child is completely absurd. You are ABSOLUTELY responsible. This is why YOU were hired. Parents are choosing YOU to care for, nurture and TEACH their child because their jobs do not allow them to provide and parent equally. You should not be in your chosen career. Your comments make it clear you are only handling children for a paycheck. Any and ALL parents associated with you or your establishment should reconsider paying anything to you as your services lack in an extreme way!! This is not productive to the child or parent and you could be the reason these "biters" are not adequately learning how to adapt socially. Harsh but true!!

We are not parents. Even if we wanted to "parent" regulation strictly prohibits it. That doesn't mean I am doing this only for a paycheck. I had a behavior incident today that as a parent, I would have handled MUCH differently. But we as providers are not really allowed to discipline. Even time out is frowned upon or flat out not allowed in some areas for daycare providers. If parents are to overwhelmed to work AND parent, then they should have chosen either to stay at home with their child OR not have children. Now that is "harsh but true".

[Nurse Jackie]

I am not hired by anyone.

Parents buy the services I offer but I am not hired help.

Stop trying to make excuses as to why parents can't parent. If their child is spending an entire day with a child care provider and only getting 2 hours of face time a day with their child, I think someone should be re-thinking their priorities.

Doing this for the paycheck? Damn right I am!

Why do you think I should put my love and concern about a child above my want/need for a paycheck when you obviously aren't holding parents to the same concept?

Stop thinking its a providers job to parent.

Provider = provides care and supervision to a child when parents are at work.

Parent = responsible for the behavior, the morals and the overall health and condition (physically, emotionally and mentally) of the child.


Nope, I don't see "parenting" in any part of my job description.

It's MY job to do what is best for ALL children in my GROUP care program. If one is a biter and poses a continuous threat or risk to the other children, then the biter goes.

If that doesn't work for the parent, they can HIRE a nanny.

Nannies work FOR parents.

what she said. This is an old thread but a really good read

[Thriftylady]

I am not hired by anyone.

Parents buy the services I offer but I am not hired help.

Stop trying to make excuses as to why parents can't parent. If their child is spending an entire day with a child care provider and only getting 2 hours of face time a day with their child, I think someone should be re-thinking their priorities.

Doing this for the paycheck? Damn right I am!

Why do you think I should put my love and concern about a child above my want/need for a paycheck when you obviously aren't holding parents to the same concept?

Stop thinking its a providers job to parent.

Provider = provides care and supervision to a child when parents are at work.

Parent = responsible for the behavior, the morals and the overall health and condition (physically, emotionally and mentally) of the child.


Nope, I don't see "parenting" in any part of my job description.

It's MY job to do what is best for ALL children in my GROUP care program. If one is a biter and poses a continuous threat or risk to the other children, then the biter goes.

If that doesn't work for the parent, they can HIRE a nanny.

Nannies work FOR parents.

Well said!

[daycarediva]

I am not hired by anyone.

Parents buy the services I offer but I am not hired help.

Stop trying to make excuses as to why parents can't parent. If their child is spending an entire day with a child care provider and only getting 2 hours of face time a day with their child, I think someone should be re-thinking their priorities.

Doing this for the paycheck? Damn right I am!

Why do you think I should put my love and concern about a child above my want/need for a paycheck when you obviously aren't holding parents to the same concept?

Stop thinking its a providers job to parent.

Provider = provides care and supervision to a child when parents are at work.

Parent = responsible for the behavior, the morals and the overall health and condition (physically, emotionally and mentally) of the child.


Nope, I don't see "parenting" in any part of my job description.

It's MY job to do what is best for ALL children in my GROUP care program. If one is a biter and poses a continuous threat or risk to the other children, then the biter goes.

If that doesn't work for the parent, they can HIRE a nanny.

Nannies work FOR parents.

I can manage to work 60 hours a week (as a provider) and parent my children (who are not with me during the day/at school)

I prep everything and am completely ready before I get my kids up in the morning. They get a healthy breakfast and face time.

My dinners are prepped in the morning, crockpot, or made together as a family. I can grill while my kids play outside and interact with them then. I can cook while my kids are playing in the dining room or doing homework and talk to them. There are MANY MANY opportunities for QUALITY time. Working full time is NO EXCUSE not to be able to spend time with your children. Not to be able to parent them.

I do household things after my kids are fed, played outside, given showers, have done homework, and we read together. That means I'm up until 11-12 when I have to be up at 4:30am to get ready for MY children AND to go to work (daycare provider) myself.

**** it up buttercup. Being a working mom means you have two full time jobs.

[Unregistered]

Biting

I work in a center and I do the absolute best that I can. No matter how much you watch the kids they still get bitten. They are so quick! Shadowing is almost impossible. Having 10 kids to 2 teachers is extremely hard. Not an easy job. It's frustrating for the teachers as well. Especially when you have exhausted all other options. Biting is normal but when a child bites everyday, continuously throughout the day I don't find it to be ok. I can understand if it's now and then. I feel that there should be a policy for these things after exhausting all other options. I know as a parent I would not like it if my child came home with bite marks everyday with more than 1 bite a day. I also do not like the ratio. I feel 2:10 is too overwhelming for teachers and the kids as well. It should be 2:8. Trying to watch that many kids plus all the paperwork and activities that we are supposed to do is very difficult. It is NOT by far an easy job. Parents are stressed with just their 1 toddler. Imagine trying to deal with 10!!!

[Josiegirl]

Frustration is one reason for biting- but another (often overlooked) reason has to do with oral stimulation. Remember oral exploration is the first stage of development - just because kids move into later stages does not mean that they will not cycle back. Even adult bite nails, smoke, and engage in other oral stim behaviors (don't go there!).
In addition, kids this age have teeth coming in!

If a kid is compelled to bite it is more productive to direct that compulsion. It is NOT ok to bite friends- but it is OK to bite (...XXX fill in the blank). Some special needs catalogs have a biting bracelet for kids (they work really well). You can also buy a commercial vibrating teether.
Give these kids LOTS of oral stimulation during the day- crunchy apples- cereal etc. Have them whistle, lick things out of small cups, and blow bubbles. Parents can use a vibrating toothbrush at home.
Good Luck!

Great ideas! I believe some kids/people are more prone to oral needs than others. And redirection to properly filling those needs is what's needed.
I can understand how a parent may feel whether their child is the bitee or biter. And it happens to most, if not all of us. Those who get terribly upset about their child getting bitten would understand much better if on the other side of the coin.
As far as whose job it is to bring their child up? Well, that's a tough one; of course it's the responsibility of the parent first and foremost. BUT since those kids are with us most of their awake time, how on earth are they to teach them when not present in certain dynamics, when they might see them hours after the fact, and when their child is too young to really retain the knowledge/memory all the way from breakfast till supper time? Sure, some biters are old enough to remember and learn but if you have a 12 month old just starting to bite, or if kids target certain kids at dc but are in a completely different mind frame when they get home and never bite anywhere other than dc, how do parents adjust their teaching for that?
I'm not giving excuses to parents; I believe everyone needs to be on the same page but I also believe it's so much harder to make the point with a biter when they're home and not in their usual biting environment.
Am I making sense?

[Blackcat31]

I work in a center and I do the absolute best that I can. No matter how much you watch the kids they still get bitten. They are so quick! Shadowing is almost impossible. Having 10 kids to 2 teachers is extremely hard. Not an easy job. It's frustrating for the teachers as well. Especially when you have exhausted all other options. Biting is normal but when a child bites everyday, continuously throughout the day I don't find it to be ok. I can understand if it's now and then. I feel that there should be a policy for these things after exhausting all other options. I know as a parent I would not like it if my child came home with bite marks everyday with more than 1 bite a day. I also do not like the ratio. I feel 2:10 is too overwhelming for teachers and the kids as well. It should be 2:8. Trying to watch that many kids plus all the paperwork and activities that we are supposed to do is very difficult. It is NOT by far an easy job. Parents are stressed with just their 1 toddler. Imagine trying to deal with 10!!!

Biting is NOT normal.

I have 12 kids....ALONE. (birth to age 5)

I have had maybe 1 or 2 biting incidents in 2+ decades

If biting is a reoccuring issue in your environment, then you (and/or the teachers) should be looking for the answers within the group dynamics and the environment.

Biting is NOT normal.

[LysesKids]

Biting is NOT normal.

I have 12 kids....ALONE. (birth to age 5)

I have had maybe 1 or 2 biting incidents in 2+ decades

If biting is a reoccuring issue in your environment, then you (and/or the teachers) should be looking for the answers within the group dynamics and the environment.

Biting is NOT normal.

I agree... I have had only one incident in 12 years and all my kids were in the 0-3 year age group. I've always had 4-6 kids at a time too depending on the state I was living in.

[Unregistered]

our daughter is 15 months and has been bitten 4 times in three weeks at her current daycare center. After the third time, the director told us that they would shadow the kid to make sure that they were not biting...three days later she was bitten again by the same child. My husband, went to pick her up and they had an incident report stating that she "fell" but it was clear by the mark on her face, yes her face, that she had been bitten, you could see the teeth marks on the top and bottom and she is still bruised 5 days later. Now, I am a completely reasonable person, I understand at this age biting does happen and I do not feel any ill will toward the child who is doing the biting, but seriously 4 times in 3 weeks? When my husband confronted the director about what was being done to prevent this and that he didn't feel it was enough, she threw her hands in the air and said what is it that you want me to do, there are 6 kids in there with one adult, you should not be so mad about this, this is completely age appropriate. Well sure it might be age appropriate, but that doesn't mean we don't try to stop it, right? The next day I went to drop my children off and she politely asked for me to start looking for a different place to take my children, then she started to accuse my husband of being a threat to her and staff because he overreacted to his child being bitten. So we were thrown out of daycare because our child was bitten multiple times and we questioned their method of dealing with it. So while I can sympathize with the parent of biters, please understand I don't feel that a child who does not bite should be punished either just because we as parents want to protect them from it.

[daycarediva]

our daughter is 15 months and has been bitten 4 times in three weeks at her current daycare center. After the third time, the director told us that they would shadow the kid to make sure that they were not biting...three days later she was bitten again by the same child. My husband, went to pick her up and they had an incident report stating that she "fell" but it was clear by the mark on her face, yes her face, that she had been bitten, you could see the teeth marks on the top and bottom and she is still bruised 5 days later. Now, I am a completely reasonable person, I understand at this age biting does happen and I do not feel any ill will toward the child who is doing the biting, but seriously 4 times in 3 weeks? When my husband confronted the director about what was being done to prevent this and that he didn't feel it was enough, she threw her hands in the air and said what is it that you want me to do, there are 6 kids in there with one adult, you should not be so mad about this, this is completely age appropriate. Well sure it might be age appropriate, but that doesn't mean we don't try to stop it, right? The next day I went to drop my children off and she politely asked for me to start looking for a different place to take my children, then she started to accuse my husband of being a threat to her and staff because he overreacted to his child being bitten. So we were thrown out of daycare because our child was bitten multiple times and we questioned their method of dealing with it. So while I can sympathize with the parent of biters, please understand I don't feel that a child who does not bite should be punished either just because we as parents want to protect them from it.

I would have been upset about the biting- but I would have been LIVID about a lie regarding injury. Instead of being proactive and preventing injury, or terminating the child who was biting, they already lost one child who was not a threat and will eventually lose more.

Biting is tough- but when a director said the game plan is the child is shadowed, and they failed to follow through with that plan and it happened again- there is a definite supervision issue at play.

I would specifically ask your new daycares what their policy on biting and aggression is before you enroll. I have had children in my home daycare pulled from centers because of other children biting. I don't tolerate it and will terminate a biter to protect the other children enrolled. Many providers have similar policies.

[Unregistered]

Show some compassion

Our son has been bitten 3 times in the last 3 weeks by the same little monster at his day care. We are working with the Director to remedy the situation, but I am pushing hard for this child to be expelled. This has been an ongoing problem with this child per one of the teachers and I think it's time to stop protecting the attacker and start trying to protect the victims. You parents of habitual biters who whine about how it's not fair that your little angel be kicked out for biting are selfish, egotistical walking nightmares in your own right. It's no wonder your little brat likes to attack others. There should be consequences for bad behavior at any age, including being removed from a situation where you are the problem.

I cannot believe you would say this about a child. There is a reason I am reading this thread as a parent of a biter, it's because I desperately want to find a solution. My son is 17m old and just started at a new daycare. He is the sweetest, silliest little boy but has bitten three times in his first two days. Alll have been in response to a child taking a toy from him. I am in no way justifying his actions though. If he continues to have a problem and moving him to a new school is best for all involved, I am all for it. I do know, however, that biting is very common in this stage and when children's little brains are being exposed to so many new things st once it can be stressful. This is not a behavior that is curbed overnight and I applaud all parents and teachers who work to fix these issues daily. My son has also been Britten several times. Although I was not happy about it, I am a KIND person and understand. There is nothing I have done or any otger parent of a biter has done that has caused their child to act this way. Children, just as adults, process stress in different ways. You obviously are not one who practices patience and compassion in your everyday life so who are you to judge a small child facing these feelings head on for the first time? If the shoe was on the other foot I know I would be concerned for my child but I would certainly handle it with more grace than you