Biting @ Daycare

[Blackcat31]

What I see are adult issues. The documentation is to the adults benefit, be wary of that. It sounds like they have made the decision. Have you started looking for other care?

He is 15 months, not 20-24 months... there is a big difference there. I know it does not seem like it should be, but it is. Big. Is he still in an infant room or a wobbler room?

Truth: He should not be in a place where he cannot be directly supervised with "friends". Not yet. One in the tunnel at a time. He should not have that easy access to his "friends" while working on a biting issue either. Not quite yet. His place should have been right next to the adult well out of reach.

The simple truth is toddlers can't have "friends". Not yet. They enjoy watching and learning from one another, but don't have the ability to understand that what hurts them hurts others. They just don't. Not yet. It is the adults responsibility to protect them from one another by preventing the opportunities for it.

I am not going to be popular today... ::::

Some may not agree but when right is right, popularity has no place

Your bolded sentence.....goes back to the basics in ECE (before the politics even).... environment IS everything.

[Cat Herder]

Some may not agree but when right is right, popularity has no place

Your bolded sentence.....goes back to the basics in ECE (before the politics even).... environment IS everything.

So true. I am actually enjoying that part of the new ECCE curriculum. They are teaching things I was already doing, but did not have the words to describe.

Nature, Nurture, Environment, Development, Nutrition and Safety. If we stick to this stuff, everything else flows as it should. lovethis

The politics will change anyway. I am getting it.

##hijack##

[Unregistered]

What I see are adult issues. The documentation is to the adults benefit, be wary of that. It sounds like they have made the decision. Have you started looking for other care?

He is 15 months, not 20-24 months... there is a big difference there. I know it does not seem like it should be, but it is. Big. Is he still in an infant room or a wobbler room?

Truth: He should not be in a place where he cannot be directly supervised with "friends". Not yet. One in the tunnel at a time. He should not have that easy access to his "friends" while working on a biting issue either. Not quite yet. His place should have been right next to the adult well out of reach.

The simple truth is toddlers can't have "friends". Not yet. They enjoy watching and learning from one another, but don't have the ability to understand that what hurts them hurts others. They just don't. Not yet. It is the adults responsibility to protect them from one another by preventing the opportunities for it.

I am not going to be popular today... ::::

We have been looking for other care. Mainly due to other issues. Like last week he got into an ant bed on the playground. Had 20+ bites on one hand. The reason I haven't pulled him yet is lack of quality centers. There are very few options around here. And even fewer that open early enough for me to get to work at 0600. This center is actually part of the installation I work for so they open early in order to accomodate those of us who have early tours.

He's still in an infant room. He's supposed to move up in December. I say supposed to because right now the center combined the two toddler rooms into one and turned the second room into a nursing lounge. Well, now the toddler room is full and there are at least 6 kids who will be ready to move up between now and Christmas. The last plan I heard was to redistribute the two infant rooms into one room of true infants and another that's pre-toddler.

[Cat Herder]

We have been looking for other care. Mainly due to other issues. Like last week he got into an ant bed on the playground. Had 20+ bites on one hand. The reason I haven't pulled him yet is lack of quality centers. There are very few options around here. And even fewer that open early enough for me to get to work at 0600. This center is actually part of the installation I work for so they open early in order to accomodate those of us who have early tours.

He's still in an infant room. He's supposed to move up in December. I say supposed to because right now the center combined the two toddler rooms into one and turned the second room into a nursing lounge. Well, now the toddler room is full and there are at least 6 kids who will be ready to move up between now and Christmas. The last plan I heard was to redistribute the two infant rooms into one room of true infants and another that's pre-toddler.

Wow. Sounds like Chaos. Have you looked at your States Childcare Resource and Referral Service (CCR&R)? It is free and they can be a huge help. They would know every possible legal care option in your area and recommend a good fit for you. They are also who inspects us.

[Unregistered]

Wow. Sounds like Chaos. Have you looked at your States Childcare Resource and Referral Service (CCR&R)? It is free and they can be a huge help. They would know every possible legal care option in your area and recommend a good fit for you. They are also who inspects us.

No, but off to Google that right now. Thanks!

[Unregistered]

Biting is perfectly normal at daycare and it comes and goes. Just because there had been streaks of biting doesn't mean that it's a bad daycare or the teachers weren't watching. And parents who think their kids can do no wrong need a reality check. We had 4 kids in our toddler room biting one child, who provoked each bite by pushing and taking toys away. His parents complained and threatened, and finally left... miraculously all biting stopped! Yes there are now some biting incidents here and there, but nothing like with that child. Sometimes a change of environment stops the biting. We have some kids who got kicked out from other centers for biting but have not had one biting incident with us. So if you're parents of a child who keeps getting bitten, either be patient and wait it out or just find a different daycare. No need to make a fuss and play the blame game with teachers or biters.

You are an idiot. And obviously you don not have a baby of your own or don't have another child biting yours. If your child would come home with bite marks on his/her face and hands and back you would make "a fuss" (or maybe You wouldn't give a s*t). It can be hard to find a different daycare close to the place you live/work. So biters should be "shadowed" and their "victims" should be moved to a different group. If in school your child is getting beat up every day, you gonna just say its "perfectly normal"? Or take actions, like get principal involved, get parents involved. Every problem adults have come from those tender years and then you spend a lifetime trying to understand why you are f"cked up, meanwhile you were abused at a tender age by some biter that none cared to stop. And yes, I know the troll who wrote the quoted statement is just as mentioned an idiot. Still biting is an issue and has to be addressed, not ignored/dismissed like most of the time ****ty caregivers who just want to get a paycheck do with ease.
Yes, I am upset.

[SugareeDCM]

You are an idiot. And obviously you don not have a baby of your own or don't have another child biting yours. If your child would come home with bite marks on his/her face and hands and back you would make "a fuss" (or maybe You wouldn't give a s*t). It can be hard to find a different daycare close to the place you live/work. So biters should be "shadowed" and their "victims" should be moved to a different group. If in school your child is getting beat up every day, you gonna just say its "perfectly normal"? Or take actions, like get principal involved, get parents involved. Every problem adults have come from those tender years and then you spend a lifetime trying to understand why you are f"cked up, meanwhile you were abused at a tender age by some biter that none cared to stop. And yes, I know the troll who wrote the quoted statement is just as mentioned an idiot. Still biting is an issue and has to be addressed, not ignored/dismissed like most of the time ****ty caregivers who just want to get a paycheck do with ease.
Yes, I am upset.

Here's where you're wrong. I do have a child who is being bitten by another. But I can't get too mad about it because in the past it was my child doing the biting. I came here to update our situation and saw this and just had to say that your view is clouded by the fact that your child hasn't been the biter...yet. It happens. It's not developmentally abnormal unless you're talking about a 5+ year old.

Anyway, I'm the poster who's son goes through streaks of biting. Nothing and then 2 or three in a few days then nothing again for months. I was unable to find another center that worked with my work schedule, but the center he was at moved him into a "pre-toddler" room and it has been like night and day. Instead of having 6 kids ranging from 6 weeks to 17 months they have 5 kids ranging from 12-20 months. One of the first things the new teacher told me was that she wasn't going to call me for stupid stuff (i.e. diaper rash, phantom fevers, etc). Sure enough, the only call I've gotten has been when he was actually sick (BTW: has anyone ever had a kid come down with HFM without ever running a fever? It happened to us.) He's doing great except that now he's the one being bitten. Twice in a month. I'm secretly hoping that this will teach him that biting other people hurts and not to do it. Yeah, I probably **** as a mom in that regard. So right now, we're doing good. Hopefully, this trend will continue.

[daycarediva]

Here's where you're wrong. I do have a child who is being bitten by another. But I can't get too mad about it because in the past it was my child doing the biting. I came here to update our situation and saw this and just had to say that your view is clouded by the fact that your child hasn't been the biter...yet. It happens. It's not developmentally abnormal unless you're talking about a 5+ year old.

Anyway, I'm the poster who's son goes through streaks of biting. Nothing and then 2 or three in a few days then nothing again for months. I was unable to find another center that worked with my work schedule, but the center he was at moved him into a "pre-toddler" room and it has been like night and day. Instead of having 6 kids ranging from 6 weeks to 17 months they have 5 kids ranging from 12-20 months. One of the first things the new teacher told me was that she wasn't going to call me for stupid stuff (i.e. diaper rash, phantom fevers, etc). Sure enough, the only call I've gotten has been when he was actually sick (BTW: has anyone ever had a kid come down with HFM without ever running a fever? It happened to us.) He's doing great except that now he's the one being bitten. Twice in a month. I'm secretly hoping that this will teach him that biting other people hurts and not to do it. Yeah, I probably **** as a mom in that regard. So right now, we're doing good. Hopefully, this trend will continue.

Glad he is doing better! Yes I have had a kid get HFM without a fever, a friend's child.

No, it doesn't make you a bad mom. LOL! Although he is probably not making the connection.

[Unregistered]

Close the Center

Well then the child grabbed my son's arm and nawed on it like an ear of corn breaking the skin. The staff didn't even bother to notify me about the incident until I picked him up at 6pm and it had happened at 3pm. I asked for a copy of the incident report, and the manager informed me that they don't file reports for incidents.

This is an issue. Incident reports need to be filed. You have grounds to have the state remove the center's operating license at this point ... if the center is even licensed.

I know. I've done it. And seriously, I couldn't have cared less when the operator whined and boo-hoo'd in the local paper about how oppressive the state was to her and how she had to lay off staff.

[Betanya]

It's not my responsibility to understand, help, or have my child put up w/your BITER

Over the years, I've heard all the Dr. Spock-ish rationalizations and "it takes a village to raise a child" idioms about how you (as a parent of a non-biter) should address issues with habitual BITERS that have decided your child is their personal chew toy whenever they get upset, frustrated, or want a toy your child is playing with.

Understand this ... it's NOT my responsibility to protect or understand the biter. It's my responsibility as a parent to protect my child's welfare until they can protect themselves. I don't care if the biter is frustrated, can't verbally communicate anger, doesn't feel loved or that its getting enough attention, or wants toy that someone else is playing with ... he or she is NOT my child.

I would love to stay at home with my children and keep them out of the day care industry. Unfortunately, the reality is that I'm not independently wealthy and have to work. Over the years I've encountered biting incidents to my children (sometimes multiple bites by the same biter within days) ... since none of my children have ever bitten anyone either in day care or at home ... I have had no problem ever telling the day care provider to remove the biter from the room period and they can attempt all the intervention techniques they like ... as long as it's somewhere else not around my children.

Once, a Director told me she couldn't possibly penalize the biter because of the social trauma it would cause the biter and that we needed to be more tolerant of the needs of such children and that my children also needed to be tolerant of others even if they are biters.

My response was to the point and without compassion (since it was the 3rd incident of the week, and two bites broke the skin) ... either remove the biter from the classroom or I would definitely penalize the day care with law suit and a lot of bad biting media publicity (the day care was located in a state that at the time had a low opinion of day care centers to begin with). My child had been with the day care for 3 years without incidents, the biter had been there only 3 weeks and had bitten or hit or kicked a child almost every other day.

The biter was in another room the next morning with a shadow staffer. Which lasted about 2 days when the biter bit the staff member on the leg hard enough for the staffer to require stitches and a hepatitis shot.

To the parents of biters, I don't blame you. But when your child inflicts intentional, unprovoked pain on my children repeatedly ... I will do everything possible to make sure your child never does that again. I shouldn't have to "switch" to another day care just because your child can't keep their teeth to themselves.

[daycarediva]

Over the years, I've heard all the Dr. Spock-ish rationalizations and "it takes a village to raise a child" idioms about how you (as a parent of a non-biter) should address issues with habitual BITERS that have decided your child is their personal chew toy whenever they get upset, frustrated, or want a toy your child is playing with.

Understand this ... it's NOT my responsibility to protect or understand the biter. It's my responsibility as a parent to protect my child's welfare until they can protect themselves. I don't care if the biter is frustrated, can't verbally communicate anger, doesn't feel loved or that its getting enough attention, or wants toy that someone else is playing with ... he or she is NOT my child.

I would love to stay at home with my children and keep them out of the day care industry. Unfortunately, the reality is that I'm not independently wealthy and have to work. Over the years I've encountered biting incidents to my children (sometimes multiple bites by the same biter within days) ... since none of my children have ever bitten anyone either in day care or at home ... I have had no problem ever telling the day care provider to remove the biter from the room period and they can attempt all the intervention techniques they like ... as long as it's somewhere else not around my children.

Once, a Director told me she couldn't possibly penalize the biter because of the social trauma it would cause the biter and that we needed to be more tolerant of the needs of such children and that my children also needed to be tolerant of others even if they are biters.

My response was to the point and without compassion (since it was the 3rd incident of the week, and two bites broke the skin) ... either remove the biter from the classroom or I would definitely penalize the day care with law suit and a lot of bad biting media publicity (the day care was located in a state that at the time had a low opinion of day care centers to begin with). My child had been with the day care for 3 years without incidents, the biter had been there only 3 weeks and had bitten or hit or kicked a child almost every other day.

The biter was in another room the next morning with a shadow staffer. Which lasted about 2 days when the biter bit the staff member on the leg hard enough for the staffer to require stitches and a hepatitis shot.

To the parents of biters, I don't blame you. But when your child inflicts intentional, unprovoked pain on my children repeatedly ... I will do everything possible to make sure your child never does that again. I shouldn't have to "switch" to another day care just because your child can't keep their teeth to themselves.

As a home daycare provider these are reasons I cannot/will not keep an aggressive child- regardless of reasons for said aggression. I don't have the staff to hire a 1:1 and I will not put the safety and security of the other children in jeopardy because of one child.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

Over the years, I've heard all the Dr. Spock-ish rationalizations and "it takes a village to raise a child" idioms about how you (as a parent of a non-biter) should address issues with habitual BITERS that have decided your child is their personal chew toy whenever they get upset, frustrated, or want a toy your child is playing with.

Understand this ... it's NOT my responsibility to protect or understand the biter. It's my responsibility as a parent to protect my child's welfare until they can protect themselves. I don't care if the biter is frustrated, can't verbally communicate anger, doesn't feel loved or that its getting enough attention, or wants toy that someone else is playing with ... he or she is NOT my child.

I would love to stay at home with my children and keep them out of the day care industry. Unfortunately, the reality is that I'm not independently wealthy and have to work. Over the years I've encountered biting incidents to my children (sometimes multiple bites by the same biter within days) ... since none of my children have ever bitten anyone either in day care or at home ... I have had no problem ever telling the day care provider to remove the biter from the room period and they can attempt all the intervention techniques they like ... as long as it's somewhere else not around my children.

Once, a Director told me she couldn't possibly penalize the biter because of the social trauma it would cause the biter and that we needed to be more tolerant of the needs of such children and that my children also needed to be tolerant of others even if they are biters.

My response was to the point and without compassion (since it was the 3rd incident of the week, and two bites broke the skin) ... either remove the biter from the classroom or I would definitely penalize the day care with law suit and a lot of bad biting media publicity (the day care was located in a state that at the time had a low opinion of day care centers to begin with). My child had been with the day care for 3 years without incidents, the biter had been there only 3 weeks and had bitten or hit or kicked a child almost every other day.

The biter was in another room the next morning with a shadow staffer. Which lasted about 2 days when the biter bit the staff member on the leg hard enough for the staffer to require stitches and a hepatitis shot.

To the parents of biters, I don't blame you. But when your child inflicts intentional, unprovoked pain on my children repeatedly ... I will do everything possible to make sure your child never does that again. I shouldn't have to "switch" to another day care just because your child can't keep their teeth to themselves.

I am not independently wealthy either, but many stay at home moms work by doing daycare to bring in the income, so it could be the solution to your problems. Stay home, watch a group of children, and use your methods in dealing with children who bite. When you have mastered that, write a book and consult with daycares on how to handle it more effectively. Problem solved.

[nannyde]

Over the years, I've heard all the Dr. Spock-ish rationalizations and "it takes a village to raise a child" idioms about how you (as a parent of a non-biter) should address issues with habitual BITERS that have decided your child is their personal chew toy whenever they get upset, frustrated, or want a toy your child is playing with.

Understand this ... it's NOT my responsibility to protect or understand the biter. It's my responsibility as a parent to protect my child's welfare until they can protect themselves. I don't care if the biter is frustrated, can't verbally communicate anger, doesn't feel loved or that its getting enough attention, or wants toy that someone else is playing with ... he or she is NOT my child.

I would love to stay at home with my children and keep them out of the day care industry. Unfortunately, the reality is that I'm not independently wealthy and have to work. Over the years I've encountered biting incidents to my children (sometimes multiple bites by the same biter within days) ... since none of my children have ever bitten anyone either in day care or at home ... I have had no problem ever telling the day care provider to remove the biter from the room period and they can attempt all the intervention techniques they like ... as long as it's somewhere else not around my children.

Once, a Director told me she couldn't possibly penalize the biter because of the social trauma it would cause the biter and that we needed to be more tolerant of the needs of such children and that my children also needed to be tolerant of others even if they are biters.

My response was to the point and without compassion (since it was the 3rd incident of the week, and two bites broke the skin) ... either remove the biter from the classroom or I would definitely penalize the day care with law suit and a lot of bad biting media publicity (the day care was located in a state that at the time had a low opinion of day care centers to begin with). My child had been with the day care for 3 years without incidents, the biter had been there only 3 weeks and had bitten or hit or kicked a child almost every other day.

The biter was in another room the next morning with a shadow staffer. Which lasted about 2 days when the biter bit the staff member on the leg hard enough for the staffer to require stitches and a hepatitis shot.

To the parents of biters, I don't blame you. But when your child inflicts intentional, unprovoked pain on my children repeatedly ... I will do everything possible to make sure your child never does that again. I shouldn't have to "switch" to another day care just because your child can't keep their teeth to themselves.

^^^^

This is why I have a zero tolerance policy for biting.

Parents FLIP when their kid gets bit. They threaten to sue and turn you in. They want the biter gone. They want the biter to have it's own adult... whatever it takes to have their kid not get bit.

They don't give a flip about developmentally appropriate. They don't want to hear it.

The only parents who care about the biter learning not to bite is the biters parents. Nobody else cares.

I had one bite when I first started doing daycare. The biters mom was so upset because she was so concerned about whether or not the kid her kid bit had any communicable diseases! I got schooled.

When I was a school nurse, I would have rather called and told a parent their kid broke their leg than call to say their kid got bit. The bite calls were way more work because the parents were so upset.

It doesn't matter if the parents of the bitee is right or wrong. It doesn't matter that biting is or isn't normal. It doesn't matter what measures you put in place short of exclusion and.one to one care.

What matters is that I don't want dhs called. I don't want inspected over it. I don't want the complaint on my record for life. I don't want to pay to give the biter his own adult for group rates.

I can't afford the learning curve the biter needs. Bottom line.

You bite... you are out.

[Unregistered]

How to handle?

My wife and I are the parents of a two year old boy and almost 4 year old girl in the same daycare. My daughter has made it to Preschool without being bitten. My son has been bitten by the same boy, a friend of his no less, 8 times now between the young todds room, toddler room, and first early preschool room. He's never had any major damage done, but it is frustrating nonetheless. We try to be pragmatic about it and we KNOW it is a communication thing...our boy speaks in sentences and the other boy barely utters any words at all. But 8 times over about the last 14 months? I'm just trying to measure an appropriate level of discontent over the situation. I get it's part of developing, but can't the kid chew on another child for once? To make it more complicated, the offender also lives directly across the street from us. The parents apologized about the first 4 or 5 times... They are nice, intelligent people and I know they are frustrated too, and we don't want to create a worse situation for them. Where would your cutoff be between being pragmatic and straight sick and tired of it?

[PJD]

Another Reason for Biting

Frustration is one reason for biting- but another (often overlooked) reason has to do with oral stimulation. Remember oral exploration is the first stage of development - just because kids move into later stages does not mean that they will not cycle back. Even adult bite nails, smoke, and engage in other oral stim behaviors (don't go there!).
In addition, kids this age have teeth coming in!

If a kid is compelled to bite it is more productive to direct that compulsion. It is NOT ok to bite friends- but it is OK to bite (...XXX fill in the blank). Some special needs catalogs have a biting bracelet for kids (they work really well). You can also buy a commercial vibrating teether.
Give these kids LOTS of oral stimulation during the day- crunchy apples- cereal etc. Have them whistle, lick things out of small cups, and blow bubbles. Parents can use a vibrating toothbrush at home.
Good Luck!