Making A Parent Pay For "Damage"

[Angelsj]

As to "terribly parented", I think we are seeing a huge rise in kids who just are NOT parented. They feed them and bathe them and buy them things, but they do not parent. We have somehow developed a generation who either does not know or does not care how to parent a child, or what that even means.

I also suspect your doctor might be a tad biased in the other direction. Typically, you will find the truth somewhere in the middle of all those numbers.

[Unregistered]

We don't get any benefits. Matter of fact our health insurance won't even pay for one of her meds or her psychiatrist. So, that's not true for everyone. We also don't have an Iep or any other "special " programs


AND if they do get ssi, it's a set payment every month regardless on how "bad" the kid acts.

Social security is applied for through the federal government, not your health insurance. There are guidelines that need to be followed that need to be followed, here is the link.

http://www.ssa.gov/disability/professionals/bluebook/112.00-MentalDisorders-Childhood.htm

Also, payment is based on the levels (percentages) of disability. As behaviors rise, the children receives more services, which equals more money.

Lastly, has your child been evaluated through the school? You have legal rights for special education services if your child qualifies. Any public school must conduct an evaluation if a parent requests one.

Here is the link if you would like more information on your rights, in terms of Special Education.

Your friendly, neighborhood Special Education Teacher

[Cradle2crayons]

Social security is applied for through the federal government, not your health insurance. There are guidelines that need to be followed that need to be followed, here is the link.

http://www.ssa.gov/disability/professionals/bluebook/112.00-MentalDisorders-Childhood.htm

Also, payment is based on the levels (percentages) of disability. As behaviors rise, the children receives more services, which equals more money.

Lastly, has your child been evaluated through the school? You have legal rights for special education services if your child qualifies. Any public school must conduct an evaluation if a parent requests one.

Here is the link if you would like more information on your rights, in terms of Special Education.

Your friendly, neighborhood Special Education Teacher

Ssi payments here are 605 I believe it is... And Canassure you my tube fed heart baby would get more than ADHD or etc. and it doesn't matter how sick she is, it's the same payment every month regardless. As far as ssi for ADHD,the few I know that have it all get e same amount, regardless of severity.

My child doesn't NEED special education services and I refuse for a school to get more money simply because my child has a diagnosis. I don't want an Iep on her because she don't need one.

And I'm well aware of all my resources. I just choose my child doesn't use them if she doesn't need them.

[Qpmomma]

Just a thought:

"Positive punishment" is adding something to the environent the child doesn't like to get them to comply.

"Negative punishment" is taking something away the child values to get them to comply.

Proceed.

[m.kids1301]

We are not allowed to shut a child in a room for discipline either so I really don't think this would hold up even if she were to take it to court. I had one girl that repeatedly pushed buttons even at 5 years old. I'd have her stand in a corner and I told her she'd stay there for 5 minutes (I set the timer). If she moved at all I reset it. She did get the idea somewhat and would hold still but I had to stay right there to make sure she did. It was more of a "who's in charge" moment. It gets very hard to have to be so focused on one child's behavior when you also have to be caring for several others. You may want to find a very small group; any provider would need a bit more time to be able to work with a very strong-willed kid.

[renodeb]

That is strange, the provider should not have put her in that room and shut the door. That would be considered confinment. IMO its her fault that the matress smells. That was poor judgment on her part. I wouldnt pay for the mattress. Not normal at all to me.
Deb

[MaryM]

1st: My 3yo (newly 3) has been increasing her defiance recently. She is currently in a stage where if she says 'No' to something, she becomes an immovable object. We are working at finding her currency, but it's really hard right now. We're struggling with her and I sympathize with the DCP about that. I really do. Right now we're getting the best results with clearly stating our expectation and then consequence of not listening and then following through every time. DD is very calculating and it's really hard when she seems to weigh her options and then chose the consequence. We are basically following Setting Limits with your Strong Willed Child.

2nd: I do not agree with time-outs. I am trained as a teacher and believe strongly that reinforcement works far better than punishment. All the research I have read confirms this and so do the guidelines at most daycares. It is absolutely appropriate, for example, to have a child who is making bad choices stick close to the provider rather than get to go play. But I don't think that making a child sit somewhere as a punishment is appropriate or effective.

3rd: That's actually not my problem. If a time-out had worked (on her stairs) I probably wouldn't object too much. I don't like it, but I realize that she needed to try something. It was the closing my kid in a room unsupervised that bothers me.

4: I know my kid has issues. She has been approved for a SN preschool program in the fall. She doesn't have delays (in fact she's a really smart little girl) but she has challenging behaviors that are getting harder and harder to deal with. But, the basic facts are that she does not hit, bite or hurt other children or the DCP. She simply becomes absurdly defiant at times and we don't have any way to diffuse the situation right now.

She's not going back. The DCP is done with her. I think it's too much. She recently had another 2 kids start and she doesn't have the ability/resources/energy right now to deal with my DD. I get that and I will find someone else until the end of the school year. I don't have any interest in causing her trouble. She reached the end of her rope with my kid and made a bad choice. I live with this kid and I get it. I would never have thought that a 3yo could be so difficult.

My thing is that we have paid for next week since we pre-pay 2 weeks at a time (I'm not asking for a refund) and now she wants us to also buy a new mattress.

Have you had your daughter evaluated for oppositional defiance disorder?

[Blackcat31]

Have you had your daughter evaluated for oppositional defiance disorder?

I know this is a long thread but OP already answered this question in post #43.

Her child will be evaluated in September. Hopefully she will have some answers then.

[MaryM]

As provider, I wouldn't expect you to pay, and your child should not have been placed alone in a room for even one minute.

That being said, as a parent, I have to disagree with your "approach" to "discipline".

Your child KNOWS that she has control because she never expereinces any "negative" consequesnces for her behavior. She throws screaming fits and DEMANDS to have her way because you "know her currency" but it leaves the provider very little to work with. I could be wrong, but It also seems as though you are creating a "special need" for her so that her behavior will be acceptable in group care. I have actually had a couple of parents do that in the past here at my program. Their children were FINE here, with me. BUT, at home, not so much. SO, they went to every single place they could find until they got a diagnosis that got them the free, special needs care that they wanted for their children. Their children were perfectly capable of being in group care with typically developing children, the parents simply could not figure out why they didn't behave for THEM, so they gave it a name.

Please, do your child a favor and give her REAL consequences for her behavior. Simply removing a toy that she isn't using correctly while allowing her to continue playing with others lets her know that she is the one in control. Sure, this is effective some time....but if that is ALL you do ALL the time, well, she knows It is truly a real disservice to your child....she needs more firm, clear boundaries.



BTW....I don't say these things lightly. I don't use time out, but I certainly WILL NOT allow a child to tantrum and be out of control on my watch. Your child needs a firm, loving provider who COMMANDS RESPECT, while giving respect back for appropriate behavior.

The parent needs to start administering spankings, not beatings, spankings....there is a difference.

[Crystal]

The parent needs to start administering spankings, not beatings, spankings....there is a difference.

That is not what I was saying, at all.

[MaryM]

Sorry-didn't mean to hit "quote" button!

[lisawatsonis]

Call it even

1st: My 3yo (newly 3) has been increasing her defiance recently. She is currently in a stage where if she says 'No' to something, she becomes an immovable object. We are working at finding her currency, but it's really hard right now. We're struggling with her and I sympathize with the DCP about that. I really do. Right now we're getting the best results with clearly stating our expectation and then consequence of not listening and then following through every time. DD is very calculating and it's really hard when she seems to weigh her options and then chose the consequence. We are basically following Setting Limits with your Strong Willed Child.

2nd: I do not agree with time-outs. I am trained as a teacher and believe strongly that reinforcement works far better than punishment. All the research I have read confirms this and so do the guidelines at most daycares. It is absolutely appropriate, for example, to have a child who is making bad choices stick close to the provider rather than get to go play. But I don't think that making a child sit somewhere as a punishment is appropriate or effective.

3rd: That's actually not my problem. If a time-out had worked (on her stairs) I probably wouldn't object too much. I don't like it, but I realize that she needed to try something. It was the closing my kid in a room unsupervised that bothers me.

4: I know my kid has issues. She has been approved for a SN preschool program in the fall. She doesn't have delays (in fact she's a really smart little girl) but she has challenging behaviors that are getting harder and harder to deal with. But, the basic facts are that she does not hit, bite or hurt other children or the DCP. She simply becomes absurdly defiant at times and we don't have any way to diffuse the situation right now.

She's not going back. The DCP is done with her. I think it's too much. She recently had another 2 kids start and she doesn't have the ability/resources/energy right now to deal with my DD. I get that and I will find someone else until the end of the school year. I don't have any interest in causing her trouble. She reached the end of her rope with my kid and made a bad choice. I live with this kid and I get it. I would never have thought that a 3yo could be so difficult.

My thing is that we have paid for next week since we pre-pay 2 weeks at a time (I'm not asking for a refund) and now she wants us to also buy a new mattress.

If you have another week paid and it's both the provider and you that have come to the consensus that this isn't working.....try reasoning with her saying that you are still prepaid one week. Provider keeps that in exchange for the ruined bed.

I have had difficult children like this. And I have learned that sometimes it's a personality thing. It's the right thing to do to ask kindly for the parent to find another daycare.

But I will say this, you never mentioned the chance of your 3 yo NOT understanding what she was doing. You kinda admitted that she did indeed pee the bed in defiance and on purpose. So in that case, I feel you ARE responsible for the mattress. Your child did it out of anger and defiance not out of not knowing, fear or being mistreated.

[Unregistered]

True

and here I thought it was just me who started to notice this too. How come when I grew up we didn't have kids like this. Maybe because we had discipline, I don't know. I'm glad others are starting to see this too.

I'm the mom of a child with ADHD but I will never, ever use her diagnosis as a way to explain away poor behavior.

I've also noticed the difference between when I was a kid and kids these days and I really do believe that the lack of discipline has played a part in the behavior of this generation of kids.

[Liliyachka]

You owe her nothing in regards to the matress

You owe the provider nothing in regards to the matress. She did not follow her own policy about the time out and she should not have left your child in the room. In my state New Yrok, providers are required to provide direct visual supervision at all times. Children cannot be left without direct visual competent supervision at any time, except for nap time. With written permission of the parent, children may nap or sleep in a room where an awake adult is not present. When children are sleeping or during nap times, the doors to all rooms must be open; the caregiver must remain on the same floor as the children; and a functioning electronic monitor must be used in any room where children are napping or sleeping and an awake adult is not present.

[Izzyjenni]

As an educator in public schools for 10 years up until last year, most districts in my state use "responsive Classroom" which use "take a break chairs" aka "time-outs." Although in this instance you don't give one in a closed room. Believe me, I've been there when a child is on your last nerve but putting them in a closed room is a no, no. However, that being said, your child should not have peed intentionally on anything but in the toilet. As a parent, I would just pay for the mattress and be done with this provider.