Making A Parent Pay For "Damage"

[Blackcat31]

Lol my favorite part is the signing the box


It has a huge frownie face and the it says

"UH OH!!!"
YOU left it out
MOM picked it up
She's got your stuff
You're out of LUCK
To get it back
Must do a CHORE
Again it is yours
Just like before

The to to side I attached a little pocket containing laminated chores chores are age appropriate

Chore boxes are ALL the rage on Pinterest lately

http://boomergrandparents.com/the-chore-box-genius-concept-for-families/

[Cradle2crayons]

Yesssssss and it works!!!!!! Lol. It works soooooo goooooooood!!! At first I had to get a bigger box... But before long it got demoted to a little dollar tree basket that's smaller than the sign!!! Lately the uh oh box has been oh no lonely!!!!

[Lyss]

Chore boxes are ALL the rage on Pinterest lately


http://boomergrandparents.com/the-ch...-for-families/

OT I know but I had to comment! I have a friend who does this with her teenage daughter and her laundry. She was struggling with her just leaving her laundry all over, both clean and dirty. She started doing this and one day her daughter had to go to school in her baseball uniform shirt and a pair of shorts her grandma got her that she hated (think 60s flower print couch : because she lost everything else! She always picks up now! ::::

[Cradle2crayons]

Lol yes in the beginning my daughter would procrastinate with her laundry so then I started throwing my laundry in her basket. Now as soon as its her laundry day, it's done.

I could out my daughter in a garbage bag for clothes and she could care less ... But for those that do care, that would work!!

[Angelsj]

Yes I agree that it seems like everyone has ADHD these days when they haven't actually been diagnosed with it.

Any diagnosis can be abused, but I was referring to kids with autism and asperger's as "spectrum" kids. Yes, I know that ADHD is often included on the spectrum, but to me these are a different issue, with differing chemistry.
ADD and ADHD are very much overused, personally, I believe, by teachers who don't know how to deal with boys and their energy levels (and some girls as well.)
Children today are not given any where near the level of physical work or outdoor playtime that was there even just two generations ago. Once they are in school they are expected to spend a LOT of time indoors, either being "taught" (so sit still) or doing homework (a big pet peeve of mine.)
Kids need to get outside, run around, be kids...and if they don't, they are restless (AKA today....ADHD)

[Angelsj]

Can you get financial assistance without a diagnosis?

I don't know about Canada, but here in the States, no way. The problem is, however, that you can get a doctor to give you a diagnosis of ADHD and get meds in a single visit. So the diagnosis is a dime a dozen here.

[Unregistered]

Something to consider...at least here in the States. Children who are diagnosed with a disability, whether it is ASD or Emotional Behavioral Disorder (which often, *but not always* means really God-awful, should have lost the kids years ago, parents) get Social Security benefits.

I've had students tell me that their parents tell them to act worse in school in order to get more money. Hence, the money wagon that was mentioned earlier.

[Cradle2crayons]

Something to consider...at least here in the States. Children who are diagnosed with a disability, whether it is ASD or Emotional Behavioral Disorder (which often, *but not always* means really God-awful, should have lost the kids years ago, parents) get Social Security benefits.

I've had students tell me that their parents tell them to act worse in school in order to get more money. Hence, the money wagon that was mentioned earlier.

We don't get any benefits. Matter of fact our health insurance won't even pay for one of her meds or her psychiatrist. So, that's not true for everyone. We also don't have an Iep or any other "special " programs


AND if they do get ssi, it's a set payment every month regardless on how "bad" the kid acts.

[Angelsj]

We don't get any benefits. Matter of fact our health insurance won't even pay for one of her meds or her psychiatrist. So, that's not true for everyone. We also don't have an Iep or any other "special " programs


AND if they do get ssi, it's a set payment every month regardless on how "bad" the kid acts.

Yeah, we have never gotten any special benefits either. And we have 4 with Asperger's (diagnosed), one originally given an Autism diagnosis which changed, and one that has co-morbid ADD so bad that they could not finish the ADD testing. Nearly everything has been out of pocket.

[nannyde]

So I can assume none of your own children are "on the spectrum." This is one of the most ignorant statements I have seen you make.
No matter what is going on there will be some parents who use an excuse to not make their child behave, but unless you have parented a child who is autistic or has asperger's syndrome, you really can't understand what it means.

People with your attitude have been making my and my children's lives miserable for 23 years.

Well if you got a diagnosis of “on the spectrum" 23 years ago you had about a one in 2000 odds. (I don't think it was even a possible diagnosis in 1990 but I digress) In 2013 the odds are about 1 in 80 with some areas of the US being even higher.

It's terribly misdiagnosed and is costing school districts across America loads of money. It's becoming a get out of jail card for parents who are searching for an answer that could quite well really be poor inept parenting.

I don't know your family so I'm not directing this to your family. Have you researched the misdiagnosis of in the spectrum? Just google that phrase and you will get tons of articles. It's scarry.

[Crazy In Mo]

As provider, I wouldn't expect you to pay, and your child should not have been placed alone in a room for even one minute.

That being said, as a parent, I have to disagree with your "approach" to "discipline".

Your child KNOWS that she has control because she never expereinces any "negative" consequesnces for her behavior. She throws screaming fits and DEMANDS to have here way because you "know her currency" but it leaves the provider very little to work with. I could be wrong, but It also seems as though you are creating a "special need" for her so that her behavior will be acceptable in group care. I have actually had a couple of parents do that in the past here at my program. Their children were FINE here, with me. BUT, at home, not so much. SO, they went to every single place they could find until they got a diagnosis that got them the free, special needs care that they wanted for their children. Their children were perfectly capable of being in group care with typically developing children, the parents simply could not figure out why they didn't behave for THEM, so they gave it a name.

Please, do your child a favor and give her REAL consequences for her behavior. Simply removing a toy that she isn't using correctly while allowing her to continue playing with others lets her know that she is the one in control. Sure, this is effective some time....but if that is ALL you do ALL the time, well, she knows It is truly a real disservice to your child....she needs more firm, clear boundaries.

BTW....I don't say these things lightly. I don't use time out, but I certainly WILL NOT allow a child to tantrum and be out of control on my watch. Your child needs a firm, loving provider who COMMANDS RESPECT, while giving respect back for appropriate behavior.

[Cradle2crayons]

Yeah, we have never gotten any special benefits either. And we have 4 with Asperger's (diagnosed), one originally given an Autism diagnosis which changed, and one that has co-morbid ADD so bad that they could not finish the ADD testing. Nearly everything has been out of pocket.

I so empathize.... My daughter had the same problem. The add tester sent her to the psych who medicated her with a specific medication just so she could actually get through testing. That particular med was continued and she's still on it. It's not a stimulant at all. It's an older med made for high blood pressure that simply slows down these ADHD kids. She takes that medication as well as a mood stabilizer that works very well for moods and sleep, as well as the long term and short term stimulants. The stimulants she only takes in the days she goes to school. The other two she takes year round.

[nannyde]

Well if you got a diagnosis of “on the spectrum" 23 years ago you had about a one in 2000 odds. (I don't think it was even a possible diagnosis in 1990 but I digress) In 2013 the odds are about 1 in 80 with some areas of the US being even higher.

It's terribly misdiagnosed and is costing school districts across America loads of money. It's becoming a get out of jail card for parents who are searching for an answer that could quite well really be poor inept parenting.

I don't know your family so I'm not directing this to your family. Have you researched the misdiagnosis of in the spectrum? Just google that phrase and you will get tons of articles. It's scarry.

http://nymag.com/news/features/autism-spectrum-2012-11/

Before 1980, one in 2,000 children was thought to be autistic. By 2007, the Centers for Disease Control were reporting that one in 152 American children had an autism-spectrum disorder. Two years later, the CDC updated the ratio to one in 110. This past March, the CDC revised the number upward again, to one in 88 (one in 54, if you just count boys, who are five times as likely to have one as girls). A South Korean study from last year put the number even higher, at one in 38. And in New Jersey, according to the latest numbers, an improbable one in 29 boys is on the spectrum.

Siegel, who has been running her clinic since the eighties, says she’s seeing “more false-positive assessments than ever before.” Of the roughly ten new assessments she’s asked to do every week—kids showing up with spectrum diagnoses from another therapist—six of them might not have an autism-spectrum disorder. This isn’t to say that they may not have psychological issues, only that those are either other disorders or they don’t rise to an impairing level. “A lot of kids are just delayed in development, slow to talk, or anxious, or hyperactive, and a lot of kids are just terribly parented.”

Poor parents want diagnoses serious enough to merit state-funded school services, and rich parents want the least stigmatizing diagnoses. (“When you say a kid is mentally retarded,” Siegel says, “parents try to talk you out of it.”) And some parents are simply flummoxed by their own kids’ irrational mood swings, refusal of food, or inability to express emotion. When these parents come to Siegel, they get a surprise: She diagnoses their children as suffering from childhood. “We see a lot of diagnosis-of-childhood kids, whose parents have never set limits, plus kids who are temperamentally difficult to raise.”

And their world is about to get shaken up. Next May, the fifth edition of the DSM is to be published, and the APA has proposed to eliminate the Asperger’s diagnosis, folding it, as well as PDD-NOS, into the broader new all-purpose bucket of autism spectrum disorder. The thinking is that Asperger’s isn’t scientifically distinguishable from autism, and that a single diagnosis may help to combat the epidemic that is more diagnostic than real. But the debate has been fractious. Fred Volkmar, who’d headed the committee for DSM-IV, quit the DSM-5 committee, and has been vocal about the likelihood that the redrawn map of who’s on the spectrum will cause a lot of people who currently have diagnoses to lose them. A report previewed in January suggested that as few as 45 percent of people who currently have Asperger’s or PDD-NOS diagnoses will retain them, though a study in The American Journal of Psychiatry, published earlier this month, put the number closer to 90 percent.

[Kaddidle Care]

http://nymag.com/news/features/autism-spectrum-2012-11/

Before 1980, one in 2,000 children was thought to be autistic. By 2007, the Centers for Disease Control were reporting that one in 152 American children had an autism-spectrum disorder. Two years later, the CDC updated the ratio to one in 110. This past March, the CDC revised the number upward again, to one in 88 (one in 54, if you just count boys, who are five times as likely to have one as girls). A South Korean study from last year put the number even higher, at one in 38. And in New Jersey, according to the latest numbers, an improbable one in 29 boys is on the spectrum.

As I read this my audible "Wows" became louder and louder. This IS really scary. I'm in NJ.

[Angelsj]

Well if you got a diagnosis of “on the spectrum" 23 years ago you had about a one in 2000 odds. (I don't think it was even a possible diagnosis in 1990 but I digress) In 2013 the odds are about 1 in 80 with some areas of the US being even higher.

It's terribly misdiagnosed and is costing school districts across America loads of money. It's becoming a get out of jail card for parents who are searching for an answer that could quite well really be poor inept parenting.

I don't know your family so I'm not directing this to your family. Have you researched the misdiagnosis of in the spectrum? Just google that phrase and you will get tons of articles. It's scarry.

I was actually pretty clear that my oldest "spectrum" (read Asperger's) child was diagnosed with autism. Asperger's wasn't part of the widely known medical realm, and he did rather fit with many of the autism concepts, just not all of them. There was also only a single type of autism recognized at that point.

I don't need to google it; I have lived in the research, development and medical literature of ASD for many, many years. I have used a variety of programs, diets, discipline styles and medications over the years. I am fully aware that people misuse the diagnosis. This has been a more recent (read 2007--2010) upswing, but before that we were seeing a rise in these kids.

Personally, I believe we are creating some very serious issues with our rise in GMO foods, pesticide laden fruits and veggies, processed foods, chemicals to clean with, and a huge jump in the number of vaccines we expect our kids tiny bodies to handle. Our infants are exposed to a mess of junk before they are even born, and we inundate them with more and more from there.

It isn't just a rise in autism or "spectrum" disorders but also in AD(H)D, asthma, childhood cancers, obesity in kids, etc, etc. Yes, some people are just on the bandwagon, and really need to parent better, but there are still a significant number of kids with Autism and Aspergers, and even AD(H)D that really don't need the attitude you put forth.

Yes, I will try anything I can to "control my kid" but a little understanding into why he does what he does would serve the public well. He may be having that meltdown because your perfume just overwhelmed his senses. Not exactly something I could control, so maybe you could be less judgmental and more understanding.

And putting him in "time out" for acting that was is not only incredibly unfair, but it will not work. He just doesn't understand it. He might even sit there, but he will never understand why he is sitting there. He will react the same way next time, until he is old enough to understand what set him off, hopefully be able to verbalize it and learn to move away or change the stimuli. It is a huge learning process that must be done in a way they understand.

For the record, that "autistic turned asperger's" child of the 1990's is still a little quirky, and still has some autistic behaviors (imagine your quirkiest history professors) but he lives on his own, has a girlfriend (who is also a bit quirky), is in his fourth year of college, and plans to teach physics to high school kids, because he is an amazing teacher, with a depth of patience, and loves kids. He also has a measured IQ of 160.

I am still in the throes of one more kiddo (a 13 yo with Aspergers, and ADD) and he is still a tough cookie, but we will get there. I spend a good part of my day counseling parents of kids with spectrum diagnoses. Yes, i see some interesting kids who are not really ASD, but most of the ones who take the time to come to me have kids who truly are, and the last thing they need in their lives are people with judgmental attitudes like you displayed staring at them in the grocery store with "that look."