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Very well said!! This is not a mother worried with her child safety... this is a mother trying to frame a daycare provider that refused to "bend" to this mother's "tantrums"!! I'm almost positive that if this provider came to this forum she would have a completely different interpretation of this "transportation slip" issue! This mother obliviously does not like to be said she's wrong, do not take accountability for any results and is in this forum just presenting the information that favors her childish desire of "revenge"!! A lot more is being concealed and THAT IS the information that made the licensing office say the provider did nothing wrong!! This all seems SO CLEAR to me!!!
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This is also a clear example of Passive-Aggressive Behavior parents. This mother had to settle with this provider because of her low rates... this mother did not agreed with this provider's regulations... and instead of doing something about it and going to another daycare, she just agreed to cooperate and then “performed” her passive-aggressive behavior.
I met in my daycare business a couple of mothers with this “problem” and it is an impossible relationship to work with in this business.
Quoting the article in the above link:
“What are the signs and symptoms of passive-aggressive behavior?
Answer
from Daniel K. Hall-Flavin, M.D.
Passive-aggressive behavior is a pattern of indirectly expressing negative feelings instead of openly addressing them. There's a disconnect between what a passive-aggressive person says and what he or she does. For a passive-aggressive person, true feelings are shared through actions, not words.
For example, a passive-aggressive person might appear to agree — perhaps even enthusiastically — with another person's request. Rather than completing the task, however, he or she might express anger or resentment by missing deadlines, showing up late to meetings, making excuses or even working against the task.
Specific signs and symptoms of passive-aggressive behavior include:
Resentment and opposition to the demands of others
Complaining about feeling underappreciated or cheated
Procrastination
Stubbornness
Inefficiency
Memory lapses
Sullenness
Irritability
Cynical or hostile attitude
Although passive-aggressive behavior can be a feature of various mental health conditions, it isn't considered a mental illness. If passive-aggressive behavior is interfering with your relationships or daily activities, consult a therapist who can help you identify and try to change your behavior.”
I'm sure many ladies in this forum can recognize in this article some of the issues we struggle with in this career...Comment
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I have been providing care for 15 years. My family comes first. I started this to be with my kids and every family that I care for knows that. I tell them when they sign up about having to close early on occasion and with sports, I don't always know exactly when and what time that will be. My families have been wonderful throughout the years.
I don't take advantage of it, but won't miss my kids events.
I had one family no show to pick up early once and they were very apologetic. I was not happy, since I missed a special event for my child. They never missed an early pickup again!
Obviously, her schedule is not going to work for what you need. Find other care.
Not every day care family or day careprovider is the perfect fit for each other.Comment
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i am a mother worried about my child..if i wasn't, i would have signed that damn slip without hesitation..and yes, ofcourse i'm trying to get out of this contract with her.. i don't think what she did was right, therefore i should not have to pay for services not rendered to me. this is not a tantrum. a tantrum is what the daycare provider pulled on me the day after, calling me a bitch and a brat. i texted her very respectfully when i let her i know i was pulling my child from her care, and that is what she responded with.
and yes when i let her know i could not leave work early the night before AND the day OF her sons game..she did in fact respond with these exact words "we would gladly take him with us but you didn't approve it. he has to be picked up by 4 or we will take him with us" to that i did not respond-i was at work! by the time i had received that message is was already past 4pm and there was really nothing i could do at that point. her daughter is 22 years old and clained as her "assistant" on all of the daycare forms/contracts so yes, she could have stayed back for 15 minutes.
let me break it down for all of you confused judgemental people:
-i met her before signing up to check out her place and talk with her
-everything seemed fine as far as the baseball issue. she said she would let me know when these games were
-he signed up and was attending for a month and a half and seemed to like it
-at 8pm on tuesday she texted "hi ***** i need you to pick up Caiden tomorrow by 4pm. we have a home baseball game and i noticed that you didn't approve transportation. thank you"
-i responded with "the only way i will be able to arrange that is is Caiden stays with his aunt all day tomorrow..she's 14 and can't drive to pick him up at 4, so if thats the case i don't think i should have to pay for tomorrow with this short of notice." that was the end of the conversation that night
-nothing was said or brought up when i dropped him off. it might had lead her to believe i was going to pick him up and everything was fine, BUT it also lead ME to believe she understood where i was coming from and would not transport him
-the day of the game i texted her at 1pm and said "i asked my boss and the earliest i can leave is 4:30 today..are there any other games i need to know about rt now so i can make plans for them"
-she responded "i told you Thursday" -which she did not EVER tell me of a nother game other than the one that day!- "..we would gladly take him with us but you didn't approve it. He has to be picked up by 4 or we will take him with us"
all of that is word for word directly from my phone. believe what you want. i feel like MOST of the people that responded to my original post were helpful to me in finding out what is right and wrong, my next step, etc..Comment
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1. You provider was wrong. She broke contract. I would not pay if I were you. If she comes after you, you have a very valid reason for not paying. Let the courts figure it out. Even if technically she did nothing wrong according to the county, I would take my chances in court.
2. You NEED a backup babysitter. A high school student, college student, neighbor, etc. to be able to pick your child up in a case of emergency. Not just for silly situations like this, but what if you were in a car accident or stuck in hours of traffic? Your child would be stranded at the providers home. That would not work. You need to make connections in your community to prevent situations like this from happening. Care.com is a nice site for sitters.
3. Find a provider who doesn't go off site ever in a vehicle. Maybe consider a center.
4. While I do understand that you are a single parent, you can't leave your child daycare after they are closed. It doesn't really matter if she told you at 8pm the day before, 8 weeks before, or an hour before. When your daycare is closed, it is closed. You can't just leave the kid there and hope for the best. And I do think it is entirely possible that she just got the schedule. I often get sports schedules at the very last minute -- once even the day OF a game.
5. Communication is key. Stop texting and pick up the phone. If you had said "Sally, I don't want my son going to the game but I can't be there to pick him up on time," she would have said not to bring your child at all that day. And that is her right in her home and business. You were aware of these circumstances upon enrollment.
I really think this entire thing would have not happened if you two had just talked. I don't think this is your fault. I think she should have waited with your child and given you an immediate termination notice. I would NEVER transport without permission.Comment
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I am pretty sure this thread has run it's course.
The OP asked for advice and opinions. She has gotten PLENTY!
There is no need for posters to continue posting their opinion repeatedly.
I am pretty sure the OP gets it.
So unless there is more helpful advice to offer, I think we need to leave this thread be.
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Oh I believe that what is stated above was the provider's word for word.
Here is my thoughts again:
Provider says:
"hi ***** i need you to pick up Caiden tomorrow by 4pm. we have a home baseball game and i noticed that you didn't approve transportation. thank you"
Mother says:
"the only way i will be able to arrange that is if Caiden stays with his aunt all day tomorrow..she's 14 and can't drive to pick him up at 4, so if thats the case i don't think i should have to pay for tomorrow with this short of notice."
OH WAIT DING! DING! DING! We have a winner!! Mother could have made alternative arrangements but instead chose to ignore the providers original request: I NEED YOU TO PICK UP CAIDEN TOMORROW BY 4PM. Provider was able to provide care for Caiden until 4:00pm that day so no payment should have been refunded. It would have been your choice to not bring him at all.
Provider said:
"i asked my boss and the earliest i can leave is 4:30 today..are there any other games i need to know about rt now so i can make plans for them"
Why did you wait until you were already at work to look for the solution to the problem?
Provider said:
"..we would gladly take him with us but you didn't approve it. He has to be picked up by 4 or we will take him with us"
The fact that you claim you didn't see this message until after 4pm is BS!! You didn't want to see the message bc you had already made up your mind that you weren't going to pick him up.
Again with the questioning of your parenting skills: what would have happened if your child was injured that day and the provider couldn't get ahold of you until after 4:00pm??
Your excuses are pathetic!!Comment
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OP you may think my judgements are harsh but remember when and if you take this to court the provider's lawyer is going to bring all of these points up to the judge who is going to judge you on your decisions as well. I honestly think you will lose in court. When lawyers try to get someone off they look at the mistakes the other party made prior to the big "mistake" (transporting without permission) and use those mistakes made by the other party to build their case and get their client off on the main "mistake" (transporting without permission). If a lawyer can prove that the other party made enough mistakes prior to the main mistake the judge will throw all evidence of the main mistake out. The provider's lawyer is going to be quite pleased with the amount of mistakes you made prior. Something to keep in mind.Comment
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the "aunt" i am referring to above was my son's father's family..who didn't even return a voicemail!!! it was the only alternative i had..and it did not go through
i had no choice but to wait until i was already at work..how am i going to call my work at a time they are closed?!?!
like i said..believe what you want!! i did see the message, but not before she had already transported him in her vehicle!
in the case of an emergency, whether it be regarding my son or myself, my mother would have immediately left work to pick him up.. at the time of signing they ask for emergency contacts for use in a situation where they could not get a hold of me..I.E. the above!!!.. and they have my work number as well...without a response, they should not just assume that means "okay"
a lot of you..actually MOST i'm assuming are mothers in this forum..and if ANYONE were to attack your abilities as a parent, you too, without hesitation, would also go on the defensive!!!!
i don't care what you people think about my ability as a mother, a single one at that!.. my son is happy, healthy, and has never had any major injuries. i watch him closely and make sure the daycare's he attends does the same. i simply came here to ask a question, let my situation be known, and get advice... if you arent responding to any of those requests, and those requests ONLY, then keep your comments to yourself
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TO THE OP....
I am sorry that some people on here are making such harsh judgments towards you and using words not necessary.
I am really sorry that you have had to go through this experience. Hopefully you can find a daycare provider that will better suit your needs and be more open with you..
I have been in your shoes, I was also a very young single mother. From the sounds of it, you are doing a great job by holding down a job and going to school.
As I said before, really think about finding someone who can help you out in cases of emergency. Imagine if something happened to you and you couldn't get your son from care......
Best of luck to you and your son....Wish I was closer, I would love to help you guys out finding a provider..i'd help you but I transport....Comment
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I will repeat post #171
I am pretty sure this thread has run it's course.
The OP asked for advice and opinions. She has gotten PLENTY!
There is no need for posters to continue posting their opinion repeatedly.
I am pretty sure the OP gets it.
So unless there is more helpful advice to offer, I think we need to leave this thread be.
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What is frustrating to me is after all of these posts we finally hear a very important missing piece. Mom DID have backup with the aunt she mentioned BUT she didn't want to pay for a day her son wasn't in care. THAT is super important! She chose to take him because she wanted her money's worth and took him knowing in the end what would happen...An earlier thread caught my attention as well regarding the runny nose and if she could get out of the contract. It's almost like she is trying to find a way out without paying the 4 weeks.
The provider should NOT have transported, this is clear but the missing pieces make it obvious to me what was really going on....Comment
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Here is Tom Copeland's reply https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=61919
"The provider violated her agreement with the parent by transporting the child against the express wishes of the parent. What should the provider have done? Called the parent. Called other persons on the authorized list to pick up the child. If this failed, called child protection/police as a last resort.
Rather than call child protection or the police, the provider could have stayed home and waited for the parent. Yes, she misses the ball game, but her primary consideration should be the child. It seems to me a situation where the provider needed to have made better plans with the parent as to what would happen if the parent didn't pick up on time. This could involve identifying a number of other people who could be called to pick up the child in this situation. Or it could be made clear to the parent that the provider would call child protection if the parent didn't fulfill her agreement to pick up the child. Calling the police without a heads up is probably an extreme reaction if the parent doesn't have a warning about it.
I can understand the parent being angry in this situation because the provider went against her express wishes. If this went to court, I think the parent would probably win. If I was the provider I wouldn't try to collect money owed under the contract as this would make the parent even more angry. Angry parents are more likely to spread bad word of mouth. I would let this go and plan ahead more carefully the next time around. "Comment
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I was a single mother to a now 8 year old boy for 3 years myself. You can't use that as a crutch.the "aunt" i am referring to above was my son's father's family..who didn't even return a voicemail!!! it was the only alternative i had..and it did not go through
i had no choice but to wait until i was already at work..how am i going to call my work at a time they are closed?!?!
like i said..believe what you want!! i did see the message, but not before she had already transported him in her vehicle!
in the case of an emergency, whether it be regarding my son or myself, my mother would have immediately left work to pick him up.. at the time of signing they ask for emergency contacts for use in a situation where they could not get a hold of me..I.E. the above!!!.. and they have my work number as well...without a response, they should not just assume that means "okay"
a lot of you..actually MOST i'm assuming are mothers in this forum..and if ANYONE were to attack your abilities as a parent, you too, without hesitation, would also go on the defensive!!!! i don't care what you people think about my ability as a mother, a single one at that!.. my son is happy, healthy, and has never had any major injuries. i watch him closely and make sure the daycare's he attends does the same. i simply came here to ask a question, let my situation be known, and get advice... if you arent responding to any of those requests, and those requests ONLY, then keep your comments to yourself
The facts remain:
Provider told you, you had to pick up your child by 4:00pm. You FAILED to do that. You MADE your provider care for your son who told you she would not be available to help you that day. You left your child with someone who clearly said they couldn't take him unless they transported him. YOU WERE OK WITH THAT.
My ADVICE would be to find a way to work this out in a civil manner with your provider because I believe if she takes you to court she will win. Just my advice.Comment
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