Would You Say Anything

[daycare]

So I have a dcf that asked me a few months ago to extend my hours for their children. Being that I needed to keep these clients, I agreed. I was told that the parents are not able to get back from the city without stress of getting here on time. I agreed to stay open until 7:00pm. I did tell the DCF that I would be willing to take on a new schedule, however, that it would only be for work purposes. The DCK is her from 8:30-7:00 pm daily.

Over the weekend, I met with some friends and one happens to know DCM. she told me how they (her and DCM) started taking a Zumba class 3 days a week after work and I should join them.... Guess she didnt know that I was the one watching the kids so they could Zumba...

Today I get a picture text from DCM in a nice outfit (not how she came this morning) holidng a bag Quinoa, asking is this what you feed the kids?

I am really upset, I feel like I am getting taken for a ride here. See normally I would not care what my parents do, but when i agreed to later hours, we agreed that it would only be for work purposes. I have DCK 2 hours past my normal hours of operation M-F.

Terming is not an option. Would you say something?

[laundrymom]

Yes. I would tell them that since they aren't needing the late hours for work you are not able to offer it.

[daycare]

Yes. I would tell them that since they aren't needing the late hours for work you are not able to offer it.

The DCM is a bit argumentive, and I am sure whe will say how do you know???

Should I just state it just as you did and leave it at that? I guess if I say anything, I better be prepared for them to pull their kids.

[Blackcat31]

Of course you should say something! She is taking advantage of you and you are letting her. .

You need to tell her that she needs to be respectful of your agreement to watch the kids late for work purposes only. If she wants to know how you know differently, tell her. Your friend did nothing wrong by inviting you to class and was obviously not in on dcm's shady deal with you so I would absolutely say something.

I'd consider playing the "I'm kinda hurt that you weren't honest with me in first place." line of thinking. She probably lied because she knew it was wrong to ask more of you when you already do so much.

Wow!! The nerve of some parents.

[sharlan]

I think I would mention it to the mom.

I'd probably say something like - I hear you're taking a Zumba class 3 days a week. Could you please stop and pick up the kids on your way?

It's really not fair that you're feeding her kids dinner, disrupting your family's dinner hour, while she's at the gym.

[laundrymom]

The DCM is a bit argumentive, and I am sure whe will say how do you know???

Should I just state it just as you did and leave it at that? I guess if I say anything, I better be prepared for them to pull their kids.

I would answer with, are you denying it? I work 2hours OVER every day as a curtesy to you. To help you out. I thought you respected me, my family, I thought you felt me valuable to your family. I had hoped to work this out. I really adore your kids and think they are a good fit here. But if you arent honest with me how am I supposed to feel? I can tell you right now I feel used. I don't mind working extra to help you out but when I'm putting in 14 hours a day and you are out shopping and meeting with friends, while letting me think you are getting here as fast as possible after work, I feel used and valueless. Do you think we can work past this?

Then just be. Quiet.

See what she says.

[Abigail]

Does your mutual friend work with this mom? Would you be "stepping over the line" if you talked about the DCM with your friend? How good of friends are you all?

Do you like Zumba or workout at their gym? Did you increase your rates for this mom? Do you now have to serve dinner to her child? How long did you make this agreement to stay open later AND is it for 3 or 5 days of the week?

Answer those questions, but the choices would be either flat out tell the mom you will be increasing your rates if she wants the use longer hours, make sure it's $10+ a day because it's so late and this is the only child you still have. If you didn't sign a new contract, this would be the perfect time to do so and let her know in order for you to continue staying open later for her that rates must increase starting immediately or Monday if she pays in advance.

OR, you can tell her you can not stay open later unless she is working and would like to contact her work to verify hours in order to qualify you for being open later. "to quality" sounds better than "as proof" LOL.

OR call the place she goes to and see if they have any "specials" for one-time trials. Then as long as she is paying a higher rate (even though you know she is not at work) you should let her know you're going to do a one-time gym workout class and have a substitute for an hour one night. Then show up and ZUMBA with her! LMAO

[safechner]

They are stealing your family time. Shame on them! I would say something to dm because it is unfair to you and her kids.

I can't image to leave my kids to daycare that long hours. I work out at the gym but I wait until my kids are in bed then I go off to the gym after 9pm or so.

[daycare]

I would answer with, are you denying it? I work 2hours OVER every day as a curtesy to you. To help you out. I thought you respected me, my family, I thought you felt me valuable to your family. I had hoped to work this out. I really adore your kids and think they are a good fit here. But if you arent honest with me how am I supposed to feel? I can tell you right now I feel used. I don't mind working extra to help you out but when I'm putting in 14 hours a day and you are out shopping and meeting with friends, while letting me think you are getting here as fast as possible after work, I feel used and valueless. Do you think we can work past this?

Then just be. Quiet.

See what she says.

I need your backbone. Got some to lend? Lol
I will say something. Thanks to all that responded.

I do feel sad more than angry right now. I just don't get the parents that don't want to spend time with their kids.

[Crystal]

I would put it in writing. Write a letter stating exactly the issue. In the letter, Welcome her to come to you to talk after she reads it if she has any questions or concerns.

Personally, I would tell her I have decided to no longer offer extended hours, effective now.

So not cool, and I am sorry she did this to you. You have been put in a very awkward position.

[sharlan]

I need your backbone. Got some to lend? Lol
I will say something. Thanks to all that responded.

I do feel sad more than angry right now. I just don't get the parents that don't want to spend time with their kids.

That was the whole point of my post about dinner the other night. I just don't understand.

[daycare]

Does your mutual friend work with this mom? Would you be "stepping over the line" if you talked about the DCM with your friend? How good of friends are you all?

Do you like Zumba or workout at their gym? Did you increase your rates for this mom? Do you now have to serve dinner to her child? How long did you make this agreement to stay open later AND is it for 3 or 5 days of the week?

Answer those questions, but the choices would be either flat out tell the mom you will be increasing your rates if she wants the use longer hours, make sure it's $10+ a day because it's so late and this is the only child you still have. If you didn't sign a new contract, this would be the perfect time to do so and let her know in order for you to continue staying open later for her that rates must increase starting immediately or Monday if she pays in advance.

OR, you can tell her you can not stay open later unless she is working and would like to contact her work to verify hours in order to qualify you for being open later. "to quality" sounds better than "as proof" LOL.

OR call the place she goes to and see if they have any "specials" for one-time trials. Then as long as she is paying a higher rate (even though you know she is not at work) you should let her know you're going to do a one-time gym workout class and have a substitute for an hour one night. Then show up and ZUMBA with her! LMAO

Omg that last sentence had me on the floor...
Contract was signed before extended care even startred. Family is being charged extra $ per day Which is built into the new rate.
Gym. I love the gym. I live for it. But I don't get to go until around 11pm anymore cuz I got too much going on with daycare and my own kids.
Thanks for your helpful and funny post!

[daycare]

Thanks ladies for the advice. I know I need to be very open and firm about our agreement. I'll let you know what happens.

[wdmmom]

I would just be frank with her and tell her that you had some things come up and that staying open until 7pm is no longer advantageous to you and your family.

Late hours will cease Friday, September 23rd. This gives DCM a little more than a week to get things figured out.

If she asks why you are going to re-nig on the agreement of staying open late, tell her:

*it's interfering with your family life
*ability to attend school functions/conferences/etc.
*inability to prepare for the next day until after her children leave, etc
OR
*TELL HER YOU SIGNED UP FOR A ZUMBA CLASS! ::::::

[MarinaVanessa]

*TELL HER YOU SIGNED UP FOR A ZUMBA CLASS! ::::::

You know you can say that a friend of yours signed up for Zumba and invited you to join and then just give her long akward blank stare followed by an uncomfortable silence. Maybe she'll put two and two together. The awesome thing is that she won't really know whether you know that she's taking the class or not (unless she asks and you tell her). If she doesn't put them together or just doesn't care and starts to argue the earlier pick-up then tell her that you'll need to renegotiate the later pick-up and discuss payment for the later times. THEN you can just say out of the blue "...you can pay extra on the nights you have Zumba and pick up at your normal time the rest of the week." See how she likes them apples.