Would You Say Anything

[Meeko]

Tell the dcm that a good friend of yours (name the mutual friend) has invited you to a zumba class, so you're gonna give it a shot........and how sorry you are that she has to work during that time......

...then look knowingly at her with a raised eyebrow.......

[Sunshine44]

Update yet? What did you tell her?

[mismatchedsocks]

Tell the dcm that a good friend of yours (name the mutual friend) has invited you to a zumba class, so you're gonna give it a shot........and how sorry you are that she has to work during that time......

...then look knowingly at her with a raised eyebrow.......

Love this!

[mom2many]

Tell the dcm that a good friend of yours (name the mutual friend) has invited you to a zumba class, so you're gonna give it a shot........and how sorry you are that she has to work during that time......

...then look knowingly at her with a raised eyebrow.......

I loved this! ::::::::

I feel for you having to deal with this, because in the past, I have been sympathetic to parents on a few isolated occasions and extended my hours to accommodate them... only to find out they weren't being completely honest and were taking advantage of the situation.

It is hurtful when you feel like you are being used and when the situation came up again, I told them the extended hours were no longer available, because it had become too difficult and conflicted with my own family's activities and they had to figure out other options.

[daycare]

.


So kids were dropped off really late this morning so I just got done talking to the DCM.

I asked her, so how do you think the new schedule is working out and how are the kids doing with it?

She says fine, what do you mean how are the kids taking it.

I tell her:

Well I was just curious how the kids were dealing with the fact that they hardly have any time each day to spend with mom and dad since they are here for 11.5 hours a day. I said that must be really hard on them and hard on you too. I know that I could not go through my day like that not being able to see my kids and having someone else get to be with them all day long. It would just kill me. I then say nothing and wait for her to respond.
She stands there and looks at me with this look of “what are you talking about lady”
Then all of a sudden one of the kids starting crying so I had to go. She ran out the door quickly.
I hope what I said will soak in for a bit and make her think, if she doesn’t feel guilty for not wanting to be with her kids more, then I don’t know if I can continue to work for someone like this. I know we could all go on a rant about parents and face time with their kids…Honestly I am just really sad about it. What I really want to say is, if you didn’t plan on being here for your kids, then why did you have them, but I know that would be very unfair to say….. but geeerrrrrrrr


BTW both parents are self employed. He owns a very successful chain of doggie daycares and she owns several very successful human salons…

[Blackcat31]

.


So kids were dropped off really late this morning so I just got done talking to the DCM.

I asked her, so how do you think the new schedule is working out and how are the kids doing with it?

She says fine, what do you mean how are the kids taking it.

I tell her:

Well I was just curious how the kids were dealing with the fact that they hardly have any time each day to spend with mom and dad since they are here for 11.5 hours a day. I said that must be really hard on them and hard on you too. I know that I could not go through my day like that not being able to see my kids and having someone else get to be with them all day long. It would just kill me. I then say nothing and wait for her to respond.
She stands there and looks at me with this look of “what are you talking about lady”
Then all of a sudden one of the kids starting crying so I had to go. She ran out the door quickly.
I hope what I said will soak in for a bit and make her think, if she doesn’t feel guilty for not wanting to be with her kids more, then I don’t know if I can continue to work for someone like this. I know we could all go on a rant about parents and face time with their kids…Honestly I am just really sad about it. What I really want to say is, if you didn’t plan on being here for your kids, then why did you have them, but I know that would be very unfair to say….. but geeerrrrrrrr


BTW both parents are self employed. He owns a very successful chain of doggie daycares and she owns several very successful human salons…

Please don't take this the wrong way, but is the issue you are having with her have to do with the fact she spends so little face time with her kids or the fact that she lied about why she wants you to watch the kids later?

If it was really the face time then I think you would have said no to watching them at all in the first place, but I think that now because you actually know what she is really doing that that is the issue.

You can't say what you said to her and expect her to feel guilty (she doesn't) or expect her to understand what you meant by talking around the real subject. You need to either confront her and let her know that you are aware that she is lying and then go from there however you two plan to work it out OR you need to let it go as if you still think she is working.

I mean if you can't be upfront about why you are mad it isn't fair to make it about something else...kwim?

[Happiness]

You know I read everything in here... so I am basing what I say on that...

I dont think that you really need to say ANYTHING to her other then... "I am really not able to stay open any later then my normal hours. It has started to take a toll on my own family time and as a mother and business owner I need to do what is fair for my family. I understand that you said you are working extra hours at work, is this something that is going to be ongoing?"

And leave it at that... if she comes back and says... YES... those are our new hours of work... then I would say... Perhaps you can have a family member watch them outside of the daycare hours...

I mean really... at that it is, is that they are not finding outside CARE for their children... like any other PARENT would if they were in SCHOOl for that time they would need to find a babysitter if they wanted to go out to the GYM, Movie whatever...

BTW... trying to make them feel guilty about not spending time with their kids could BACKFIRE on you... It can only lead to them being upset that you would even say something... at least in the context that you did... maybe telling them that you have NOTICED the kids are a little different now that they are in care longer and wonder how they are doing at home....

Again no parent likes to hear that they are not doing a good job of parenting or the type of time they spend with their kids if they really cant avoid being away from them...

Those are my two cents... maybe five..

[daycare]

Please don't take this the wrong way, but is the issue you are having with her have to do with the fact she spends so little face time with her kids or the fact that she lied about why she wants you to watch the kids later?

If it was really the face time then I think you would have said no to watching them at all in the first place, but I think that now because you actually know what she is really doing that that is the issue.

You can't say what you said to her and expect her to feel guilty (she doesn't) or expect her to understand what you meant by talking around the real subject. You need to either confront her and let her know that you are aware that she is lying and then go from there however you two plan to work it out OR you need to let it go as if you still think she is working.

I mean if you can't be upfront about why you are mad it isn't fair to make it about something else...kwim?

I know what you saying... I was venting a little in my update post as well as to the DCM. I had to get if off my chest. Even though it's about her lying, it is sad to me that she would do this to her kids...... Just how I feel.

It is about face time if she is chosing to go do things for herslef rather than for her family. Having to work later is to support her family and I get that. But gym and shoping is not. I will let her know this.


I really planned on confronting DCM about the situaiton but got cut short on time.

[MsMe]

.


So kids were dropped off really late this morning so I just got done talking to the DCM.

I asked her, so how do you think the new schedule is working out and how are the kids doing with it?

She says fine, what do you mean how are the kids taking it.

I tell her:

Well I was just curious how the kids were dealing with the fact that they hardly have any time each day to spend with mom and dad since they are here for 11.5 hours a day. I said that must be really hard on them and hard on you too. I know that I could not go through my day like that not being able to see my kids and having someone else get to be with them all day long. It would just kill me. I then say nothing and wait for her to respond.
She stands there and looks at me with this look of “what are you talking about lady”
Then all of a sudden one of the kids starting crying so I had to go. She ran out the door quickly.
I hope what I said will soak in for a bit and make her think, if she doesn’t feel guilty for not wanting to be with her kids more, then I don’t know if I can continue to work for someone like this. I know we could all go on a rant about parents and face time with their kids…Honestly I am just really sad about it. What I really want to say is, if you didn’t plan on being here for your kids, then why did you have them, but I know that would be very unfair to say….. but geeerrrrrrrr


BTW both parents are self employed. He owns a very successful chain of doggie daycares and she owns several very successful human salons…

this is exactly why I will be moving on from my dayare at the 1st of the year. I have tried for years to seperate my head from my heart on this matter and I have come to the conclusion that I can not. It breaks my heart and I can no longer stand by and watch it break the hearts of their children.

Good luck I hope you get this all sorted out. I unfourtunalty agree taht you are not going to make this women feel guilty. The blank stare she had on her face was not an act she really didn't understand what you ment. She never will. Providers who set their lives aside to provide care for children and love them with all of their hearts will never be able to understand how a parent and be away from their child so much and not think twice of it. (disclaimer: I am NOT saying all families who use daycare are this way. There are only a few). if you can I would term this family or it will just be a train wreck you have o watch over and over again. I wish I would have folloed this advice and known well enough that I can not be surrounded by these families, and I may not be in the possition I am now.

[Blackcat31]

I know what you saying... I was venting a little in my update post as well as to the DCM. I had to get if off my chest. Even though it's about her lying, it is sad to me that she would do this to her kids...... Just how I feel.

It is about face time if she is chosing to go do things for herslef rather than for her family. Having to work later is to support her family and I get that. But gym and shoping is not. I will let her know this.


I really planned on confronting DCM about the situaiton but got cut short on time.

I hear ya... and I completely get where you are coming from but in some cases, working out at the gym for some people IS taking care of themselves so they can be the best for their families. While that is not me, I can see how some people may view it that way.

I guess I would just be really upset that she wasn't honest with you in the first place. It is outright disrespectful and rude to lie about that.

I had a mom who asked me to add an hour to her day two times per week so she could work out. She had 3 young children ALL in full time care so I understood her need to work out. She worked full time and as far as her relationship with me, she was always great about paying on time, scheduling, following rules and etc but the difference is she was honest about why she needed the hour. I guess your post hit me because of the blatant dishonesty by dcm and that is so wrong, hurtful and disrespectful to you and very inconsiderate!!

Hopfully, you will get an opportunity to talk more with this mom. Keep us updated if you do.

[daycare]

I hear ya... and I completely get where you are coming from but in some cases, working out at the gym for some people IS taking care of themselves so they can be the best for their families. While that is not me, I can see how some people may view it that way.

I guess I would just be really upset that she wasn't honest with you in the first place. It is outright disrespectful and rude to lie about that.

I had a mom who asked me to add an hour to her day two times per week so she could work out. She had 3 young children ALL in full time care so I understood her need to work out. She worked full time and as far as her relationship with me, she was always great about paying on time, scheduling, following rules and etc but the difference is she was honest about why she needed the hour. I guess your post hit me because of the blatant dishonesty by dcm and that is so wrong, hurtful and disrespectful to you and very inconsiderate!!

Hopfully, you will get an opportunity to talk more with this mom. Keep us updated if you do.

yes gym is so important to me and my health. I could not be a heathy horse like I am now if it werent from the gym, but I am sure you could agree with me that you would also do it when your children were sleeping at night, not while you could be awake playing, singing, holding, loving on them....

Yes the lying is the bottom line of this that has got me....being honest is necessary for any realtionship to work and when youre caught in a lie, you really have did yourself in.

thanks for your support and always being so straight with me. I don't need sugar coating of anything, I have enough bologna in my life everyday.........

[Blackcat31]

yes gym is so important to me and my health. I could not be a heathy horse like I am now if it werent from the gym, but I am sure you could agree with me that you would also do it when your children were sleeping at night, not while you could be awake playing, singing, holding, loving on them....

Yes, you are right about that. But this mom may have thought you would not approve so she lied. Still NOT okay but...that is what I think, as a provider, we do have a right to have issue with. I do not think as providers that we have a right to get on a parent about face time or lack of it because I really think it is somewhat over stepping our boundaries. I know 100% of the parents in my program hired me to care for their children but NONE of them hired me to police or parent them. This I know. We can choose to not provide care for children unless their parent is ONLY at work but since we cannot monitor or police them we need to trust them (trust is a two way street) and although we, as child care providers may not approve of how many hours and minutes parents spend or don't spend with their children, I really do not think there is much we can do about it. It is our opinion and my daddy told me along time ago, "Opinions don't change anything. Actions change things."

Yes the lying is the bottom line of this that has got me....being honest is necessary for any realtionship to work and when youre caught in a lie, you really have did yourself in.

thanks for your support and always being so straight with me. I don't need sugar coating of anything, I have enough bologna in my life everyday........

Bleh...I hate bologna!! LOL! :: No problem, I know you are aware that I have only the best intentions and want you to be the best you can be so in order for that to happen, I cannot sugar coat things for those I care about. I am waaaay too honest to play that game.

I responded in bold

[daycare]

So I got an email from DCM.... I guess our very short converstaion went ok.
She told me that she feels really bad that she does not have much time with her kids and that she is looking into freeing up her schedule over the next few weeks so that she can be here around 5:30 to pick up. She said she will still need late days here and there, but that she wants to make sure that she has more time to do things with them. She admitted that she felt that i was raising her kids and not her and she is afraid that they won't build a bond which will affect them later in life.

I am really shocked that she sent this and really hope that it is sincere.

Guess we will just have to wait and see what happens...

Thanks to all of you for listening and responding!!

[Crystal]

Lying is the one thing I will not tolerate. If she is willing to lie to you about something so simple, what else will she lie to you about?

One time in my career I have terminated a family and it was because the parent lied to me about an illness that was then passed on to other children. The Mom was caught in the lie when Dad accidentally outed her. They were termed right that second and it was placed in my handbook that if a parent lies about illness they would be termed. I don't lie to them, and I expect the same in return.

[daycare]

Lying is the one thing I will not tolerate. If she is willing to lie to you about something so simple, what else will she lie to you about?

One time in my career I have terminated a family and it was because the parent lied to me about an illness that was then passed on to other children. The Mom was caught in the lie when Dad accidentally outed her. They were termed right that second and it was placed in my handbook that if a parent lies about illness they would be termed. I don't lie to them, and I expect the same in return.

....did you noitce that I still have not addressed the fact that she lied to me? I am not sure if I should just squash it or still confront her about it.... It is still bothering me that I was lied to.....