Why So Negative?? (TGIF!!!)

[Blackcat31]

I guess I am refering to the "trolls." I can take some criticism or a differing opinion, but I've just seen some who consitently post on people's threads as if their way is the ONLY way and if you don't do it that way, you are a STUPID head! ha! i agree that the majority of posts are helpful and informative, and am here to get my ego stroked! just wonder why some people NEVER seem to have a positive thing to say. Maybe they suffer from a bad case of burnout and the three day weekend will help? No, trolls probably don't close for holidays...

:::::: that's a good one!!!

I found it... and I never find exactly what I am looking for...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIyr5TXqe8Y

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Cat~ That is hilarious and should almost be a requirement BEFORE being allowed to join or post on the forum. Kind of like how Nan's has her dcp's watch FOod Inc before enrolling! What a great orientation video!!!

[godiva83]

Lol - oops broke a rule
That was very informative and pretty funny, thanks for the added knowledge and the laugh

[MommyMuffin]

I think some of those threads are hilarious or like watching a soap opera. Its entertaining during nap time. But sometimes it does get a little too nasty and I just stop reading it. Just ignore the neg and laugh at the rest!

[Cat Herder]

I WISH I could take credit....

Someone here posted it during the last 28 day cycle.....

It made my week.

Nan got me with FOOD INC, too. I am back in my skinny jeans AND have a better menu for my daycare now. I have learned alot.

[daycare]

When I first ccame here I too was taken back by some of the rsponses or post that i would read. But one thing you also have to remeber is that it does take time to get to know the regs that post here and understand where they are coming from. there are so many different walks of life here and of course it with stike a debate from time to time.

I think that once you get to know people and understand them you will see that everyone here means no harm and that we are all here for the benefit of others, not just ourself.

Welcome to the form and thanks for the Friday wishes. After the crazy week that I had, I know I could use the TGIF wishes...

Have a super weekend and thanks for brining more peace to the form..

[dEHmom]

I found it... and I never find exactly what I am looking for...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIyr5TXqe8Y

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THAT WAS AWESOME whoops broke a rule already.



For the newer people here, please be warned that between the 12th and 20th of the month, the forum heats up (it's the forum cycle). There is a thread on it, and I just don't have time to post it so maybe Michael will do it for me, since he's usually on top of that.

[Blackcat31]

When I first ccame here I too was taken back by some of the rsponses or post that i would read. But one thing you also have to remeber is that it does take time to get to know the regs that post here and understand where they are coming from. there are so many different walks of life here and of course it with stike a debate from time to time.

I think that once you get to know people and understand them you will see that everyone here means no harm and that we are all here for the benefit of others, not just ourself.

Welcome to the form and thanks for the Friday wishes. After the crazy week that I had, I know I could use the TGIF wishes...

Have a super weekend and thanks for brining more peace to the form..

You know that is a really important thing to address. Alot of times when a member posts a reply or response on here and it is taken as to direct or strict or whatever, it is almost always from a long standing member. In their defense, it is 9 out of 10 times born from the BTDT way thinking. It also has a lot to do with the fact that if you join and hang around long enough you start to see waves of new members joining that will post about things that have gotten covered a million times before. That isn't their fault at all because that is the whole reason they have posted to seek out help or advice form those of us who have BTDT.

But as a member who has been here for almost a year and lurked for even longer, I see the cycles of newbies who are asking the same things over again just like the old newbies did in their new-ness.

IMHO, I think the posts that are direct and to the point and the ones often taken out of context are the ones where a seasoned vet is simply just trying to respond as helpfully, as quickly and as realistically as possible which sometimes takes the sugar coating off and comes out as hurtful or mean to those who aren't familiar with the regular atmosphere around here.

So it is obvious that not only does the the forum have a 28 day cycle it also seems to have a bigger cycle where there are newbie members and old newbies become regulars and the regulars become seasoned, and seasoned veterans just become bitchy (... JUST KIDDING about that last part!) kwim?

All in all though NONE of us would contiue hanging around if we didn't get something from this site. Whether it is support, ideas, advice, socialization, amusement or whatever....every single member is a unique person and although the opinions may differ greatly, every single one of us does mean well.

[Michael]

Thanks for the thoughts and prayer
This forum for me has done more good than harm and I appreciate it ten fold.
However, I have found that some people's points do tend to come across more negative than others- but sometimes that's what you get with virtual communication, ppl read it how the interpret the tone and connotations not really how the author meant it to come across.
It is in my opinion, that everyone is entitled to their own opinions and this is a great place to voice them; however, if we disagree with them we need to remind ourselves to correspond with grace and tact.
By the way what are 'trolls'

^ Agree with this

What is a troll? Lucky you can't see them:

[PitterPatter]

^ Agree with this

What is a troll? Lucky you can't see them:

::::::
LMAO!!!

[PitterPatter]

I found it... and I never find exactly what I am looking for...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIyr5TXqe8Y

::::

:: TY for sharing that!! It should be a sticky at the top of the forum!!
Ummm Michael?

[PitterPatter]

So, I'm fairly new to this forum and I really appreciate the advice and understanding I've found here. However, I see a LOT of negativity. I'm not saying you shouldn't disagree with someone or try to make then see the other side of something. But, there seem to be some people that want to jump in on every post and say negative things or make people feel like they are "wrong." The majority of us are here for advice, ideas, and reassurance. Advice CAN be given in an encouraging way. Most of us don't need another criticism. We get enough of that! I keep seeing posts where people ask for advice and then get absolutely put through the ringer! What the heck?

Anyway! I just want every one of you on here to know that I sent up a special prayer for us all this am! We have a VERY important and demanding role. Happy Friday! Enjoy the long weekend! (If you are closing Mon.) I know I am!!! Woooo-Hoooo!

I posted this earlier but I don't see it maybe I closed the window before sumbitting? As I was saying... I try not to step on toes here because I have only been open 5 tears and usually I am the one asking for the advise. I have had a disagreement or 2 but I take every opinion into consideration because sometimes what I may find harsh now may be very helpful later. I do offer some advise when I have had a similar experience but again it's just my opinion. I don't get upset when others don't take my advise. Now I have seen some people be plain nasty here and usually it's a troll so I try to ignore and move on.

There are some regs here that I really value for opinions and take the advise often. For them I am gratful! I am also thankful for your prayer for all of us so I am sending that right back up for you in return. May God bless us all with a happy and safe holiday weekend!

*No offense meant to those who may not believe in God

May everyone have a great weekend!!

[MyAngels]

I found it... and I never find exactly what I am looking for...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIyr5TXqe8Y

::::

Oh my gosh, I spit Diet Coke on my laptop at "curling one out in the teapot" ::.

Oops - I think I just broke at least two rules .

To the original topic: I don't really mind the "negative" types of posts that occasionally come up because it reminds me of how lucky I am to have the decent families that I have now in my daycare, and it also reminds me of how far I've come from the days when I didn't have such luck.

[Kaddidle Care]

Yeh, I agree LOL! ::

That's one of my favorite 'puter videos.

[Luna]

I posted this earlier but I don't see it maybe I closed the window before sumbitting? As I was saying... I try not to step on toes here because I have only been open 5 tears and usually I am the one asking for the advise. I have had a disagreement or 2 but I take every opinion into consideration because sometimes what I may find harsh now may be very helpful later. I do offer some advise when I have had a similar experience but again it's just my opinion. I don't get upset when others don't take my advise. Now I have seen some people be plain nasty here and usually it's a troll so I try to ignore and move on.

There are some regs here that I really value for opinions and take the advise often. For them I am gratful! I am also thankful for your prayer for all of us so I am sending that right back up for you in return. May God bless us all with a happy and safe holiday weekend!

*No offense meant to those who may not believe in God

May everyone have a great weekend!!

Freudian slip? ::

Maybe I'm being a troll in this thread, as I have nothing helpful to contribute other than being a smartypants.
Have a good weekend everyone!

[nannyde]

So, I'm fairly new to this forum and I really appreciate the advice and understanding I've found here. However, I see a LOT of negativity. I'm not saying you shouldn't disagree with someone or try to make then see the other side of something. But, there seem to be some people that want to jump in on every post and say negative things or make people feel like they are "wrong." The majority of us are here for advice, ideas, and reassurance. Advice CAN be given in an encouraging way. Most of us don't need another criticism. We get enough of that! I keep seeing posts where people ask for advice and then get absolutely put through the ringer! What the heck?

Anyway! I just want every one of you on here to know that I sent up a special prayer for us all this am! We have a VERY important and demanding role. Happy Friday! Enjoy the long weekend! (If you are closing Mon.) I know I am!!! Woooo-Hoooo!

I've thought a lot about what you have said in this post. I even made a 4-1-1 call to Blackcat to get her read on this because I respect her very much and she seems to get what you are saying in a way I don't.

There have been a lot of threads lately like this one where the topic is negativity. There seems to be a number of posters and a lot of unregistereds who want us to post differently... to respond differently.

From where I sit... to be honest... I think there's a lot of value in just answering posts with some version of what parents believe and expect... "you know your baby best and you know what's best for your baby".

That kind of blanket response pretty much takes care of any post on here to describe good times... bad... questionable etc.

If we just do the "you know your client best and you know what's best for your client OR you know your business best and you know what's best for your business OR you know your dck's best and you knokw what's best for your dck's" we could save a ton of cyber space and make everyone happy every day.

It's MUCH harder to discuss the possibility that what you are doing is actually hurting your business... your relationship with parents... your wallet... your kids position relative to the business... your ability to care for multiple aged group kids from multiple families.

It takes WAY WAY WAY more time and thought to specifically point out what part of what the poster is saying and give an honest opinion, base that opinion on previous experience, and give examples of what you know.

When you add the element of: well I do want your opinions but I want it to be couched within the idea and specific words from you that I know my baby best and I know what's best for my baby or I will be offended... then you add ANOTHER layer of expectation on the responder. When you say that the responses you get that aren't "I know my baby best" are negative because they aren't upholding my foundational thinking that I DO know my baby best... then you basically are walling the responders in to "if you have nothing to say that's nice to me then say nothing at all".

That kind of thinking does not a message board make. It's also disheartening to people (like me) who invest a LOT of personal time for FREE trying to spread the notion that it can be done differently and that there ARE clients who behave badly and do a really bad job parenting. There are liars and cheats in the client world. There are freeloaders who are entitled.

There are also super great respectful day care parents who are awesome parents.

Now see how long it took me to write the second compared to the first? It's so much easier for me to just say that MOST parents are super dooper and you should be fine.

What really got me thinking about this was the post you put up about the email you sent to the parents of the ten month old. I put a LOT of time into responding to you and actually did a second lengthy post to discuss the process parents go through when their day care spot may or is being termed and I ended up deleting it.

The truth was that I didn't support your email to them at all. I can't tell you that I would ever put something like that in writing. I would not use those words and I wouldn't have put a single thing in there about how I "feel" about the kid. I think there is a five percent chance that your letter will work for you (meaning you end up keeping the kid... the crying is resolved with a reasonable amount of time... and the parents modify what they are doing in their home care and medical care to insure it stops/markedly diminishes and stops/markedly diminishes within the next month or so).

I think there's about a 95 percent chance that this is going to blow up and the parents are going to leave without notice and use your letter as their reasoning for why they must leave on their terms at their time without paying you or giving you the curteosy you gave them.

Now if I think that... how am I to respond to you? Am I to just do what I did in my first response to you? Do I say "you know your baby best and you know what's best for your baby" and not write a single word more in case it will upset you?

Or do I spend my time writing out my experience of the roadmap for parental behavior when they are told there is something wrong with their kids behavior and a NO to continuing the day care?

How am I to know what you really want to hear? If I know you just want to be reassured... I simply can't do that. I think what you wrote and how you have managed it is risky. I pray that the five percent chance that it will turn out is your five percent. Am I just to give you that five percent snuggles and affirmation or should I talk story to you and tell you what "I" know? If I tell you what I know are you going to perceive it as negative and feel shunned from the board?

No matter what... we can't win. The only thing that is acceptable is sunshine, roses, lipops, and kittens inside of a bubble.

If that and "it's not what you say it's HOW you say it" is the only proper ettiqutte for discussing negative aspects of this business then I think there are few that will be able to manage giving that response every time in every post.

I know I don't have the energy for that.

There has to be a point where posters and lurkers realize that the advice or knowledge that's given here is given FREELY and a blessing to those who come this way. It's FREE ... it's someone elses time and energy for you for FREE. You can take it or leave it but saying that it must be done with limitations and done with buttermilk frosting over every word is asking too much AFAIC.

Take the FREE and use it as you wish. If you come only for support then SAY I just want support and the ones here who agree with you and have the time will give you support. If you want advice then be prepared for advice that answers your questions specifically AND responds specifically to your situation as you present it.

Offer to the negative ones what you want. Support them by telling them what you specifically want so they don't have to spend their time and energy on pointing out what you don't want to hear or don't like.