Why So Negative?? (TGIF!!!)

[blessedmess8]

Uuug! Nannde, I'm sorry! I didn't even get through all that. I don't want roses and lipops! I appreciated your advice and it made me think of things from another angle. The child was taken to the Dr the next day (a new Dr), taken off all dairy, new formula, stool samples are being collected, he took a 2 hour nap the next am and was a happier baby! You were rigt about me knowing my parents. You take a less emotionally involved stance with your families and I respect that! And I value what your experience brings tot he table. You give good, straight forward advice. However, in my post asking for reassurance in an action I was taking with a family - meaning possible terming of a child - I didnt really want a critique of what punctuation I used or the tone of my letter.(Although that's just a risk you take on a public forum!) I stand behind the way I approached a very delicate situation with a family I have a relationship with. Point: I am new to this forum and was new to the situation of having to term a child in a home daycare setting. But, as far as dealing with parents, this is not my first rodeo! And, while I respect your opinions and advice, you seem to have a bit of arrogance about your knowledge of child care and it "seems" just from reading a lot of your posts that you consider YOUR ways to be the only way it should be done! I'd caution you on having that kind of attitude! It might keep you from gaining valuable knowledge from other people on this forum who's strategies are different from yours, but still effective! Your suggestion about being careful about what I say b/c they couls come back on me about injuries really made me stop and think!! So, at any rate, keep that advice coming, because I know I still have lots to learn! I had read a LOT of super negative and a few pretty hateful posts Friday. I just wasn't feelin' it! Hipe you have a great weekend!

[blessedmess8]

OK, I read it all! Just gotta say: the title of the thread you brought up was "Need some reassurance...." So, just so you know, I DID specify!

Am I being a troll now??? Oooops!

I was super emotional that day about the situation. Maybe that's why I wasn't taking criticism real well??

[nannyde]

Uuug! Nannde, I'm sorry! I didn't even get through all that. I don't want roses and lipops! I appreciated your advice and it made me think of things from another angle. The child was taken to the Dr the next day (a new Dr), taken off all dairy, new formula, stool samples are being collected, he took a 2 hour nap the next am and was a happier baby! You were rigt about me knowing my parents. You take a less emotionally involved stance with your families and I respect that! And I value what your experience brings tot he table. You give good, straight forward advice. However, in my post asking for reassurance in an action I was taking with a family - meaning possible terming of a child - I didnt really want a critique of what punctuation I used or the tone of my letter.(Although that's just a risk you take on a public forum!) I stand behind the way I approached a very delicate situation with a family I have a relationship with. Point: I am new to this forum and was new to the situation of having to term a child in a home daycare setting. But, as far as dealing with parents, this is not my first rodeo! And, while I respect your opinions and advice, you seem to have a bit of arrogance about your knowledge of child care and it "seems" just from reading a lot of your posts that you consider YOUR ways to be the only way it should be done! I'd caution you on having that kind of attitude! It might keep you from gaining valuable knowledge from other people on this forum who's strategies are different from yours, but still effective! Your suggestion about being careful about what I say b/c they couls come back on me about injuries really made me stop and think!! So, at any rate, keep that advice coming, because I know I still have lots to learn! I had read a LOT of super negative and a few pretty hateful posts Friday. I just wasn't feelin' it! Hipe you have a great weekend!

Ughhh Blessed

As hard as I may try you dismiss with a proclamation that you won't even read it.

You do realize that your conveying that our board has so much negative on it IS negative? Do you understand that you have compounded the very problem in which you protest?

My suggestion about being careful about what I say b/c they could come back on you about injuries didn't come from me doing this for a year and six months. THAT comes from many years of experience!!!! Being able to read your words and project into the future something that could put you, your family, your business at risk is a skill that comes from a lot of hard work and experience.

You can't have it both ways. It doesn't work like that. You say you took the time to read many of my posts and then summarily dismiss my work here as a "know it all". That's insulting. Then you caution me to be the student as I may learn something. That's insulting too.

I come to these boards to learn. I've been on internet day care forums for thirteen years. If you would like to see proof of that search nannyde in Ivillage archives and you will see years of my participation.

I already GET that that is a primary function of this kind of "universal" communication. I USE that to add to my experience. I show you that I do that in how I write and what I write. You, with experience, should be able to see that.

I'm personally sick to death of the negative "you guys are so negative" from unregistereds and newbies who haven't spent hours upon hours creating this content and participating. This is as fine of a board as I have ever participated on and it gets old seeing it get beaten down over and over. With the Daycarewhisperer role I also get the special special of some a$$ whoopins targeted directly at me.

I'm a big girl and I can take that but I do NOT take kindly to this board being attacked.

It's getting really really old.

Do you want to participate or not? If you do.. then know you can't control how people are going to respond to your posts. We aren't obligated to respond in the way you see fit. Take the free we offer here and use the little that works for you and leave the rest.

[nannyde]

OK, I read it all! Just gotta say: the title of the thread you brought up was "Need some reassurance...." So, just so you know, I DID specify!

Am I being a troll now??? Oooops!

I was super emotional that day about the situation. Maybe that's why I wasn't taking criticism real well??

Right you did say that

Now tell me how are we to respond when we CAN'T reassure you?

Can we say "you know your baby best" and THEN add some proceed with caution or are we to just say nothing?

That's what I'm asking you. I'm asking you this with a pure heart. How are we supposed to respond to you if we think you are doing or have done something that is very against what we know from our experience? How are we to advise you once we think the "damage is done" and what could come next?

[blessedmess8]

Wow! If you'll go back and read what I wrote, I told you that your advice DID make me stop and think, I appreciate your experience, and keep it comin! I can take it. I don't ALWAYS find your suggestions helpful, but some I do. Gotta' take the good with the bad, right? Sometimws we need a swift kick in the butt and sometimes we need to be lifted up ALL of us! Somehow, you've decided to take my complaint about negativity very personally, and I'm sure sorry! But, when on a public forum, everyone has their own opinions, right? I didn't direct this at YOu or this BOARD, but at people who seem to just be consistently negative all the time and present things in a less than respectful manner. Trolls I am now informed they are called. Sorry if you took any personal offense to it

[nannyde]

You take a less emotionally involved stance with your families and I respect that!

I don't take a less emotionally involved stance with my parents. I have kids in my day care who I have worked for the family for over seven years, five years, nearly five years, three years, two years, and 1.5 years. If you look at my website you can see I'm telling you the truth. Look at the photo section and you will see these kids from baby... thru toddler... to preschool... to school aged. Same kids year after year. That means same parents year after year. www.nanshouse.com

I know what having a realationship with the parents means. I get it. You have said this kid is ten months old and so that tells me that even if you had him from birth on that this relationship is VERY new. I get that too. I understand dealing with kids with behavioral and medical issues. I've been doing this a long time. I get it.

I also know when you communicate the way you did with them there are RISKS despite how "emotional" you are with them.. how connected you are to them. What I told you was the risks I know of from my experience.

How is that negative?

[nannyde]

Wow! If you'll go back and read what I wrote, I told you that your advice DID make me stop and think, I appreciate your experience, and keep it comin! I can take it. I don't ALWAYS find your suggestions helpful, but some I do. Gotta' take the good with the bad, right? Sometimws we need a swift kick in the butt and sometimes we need to be lifted upm ALL of us! Somehow, you've decided to take my complaint about negativity very personally, and I'm sure sorry! But, when on a public forum, everyone has their own opinions, right? I didn't direct this at YOu or this BOARD, but at people who seem to just be consistently negative all the time and present things in a less than respectful manner. Trolls I am now informed they are called. Sorry if you took any personal offense to it

I'm not taking offense to it. I'm trying to understand it.

I do appreciate your responding because I really really don't get it.

It doesn't matter if you were posting directly to me about the negativity or if that was for a group of us. It feels the same to me. All I see every day is a bunch of sharing women who are putting some fabulous content on the internet for generations to come. Sure it gets a little froggy now and then but that comes with it too.

[blessedmess8]

I'm not taking offense to it. I'm trying to understand it.

I do appreciate your responding because I really really don't get it.

It doesn't matter if you were posting directly to me about the negativity or if that was for a group of us. It feels the same to me. All I see every day is a bunch of sharing women who are putting some fabulous content on the internet for generations to come. Sure it gets a little froggy now and then but that comes with it too.

OK. I can't make you understand why the constant negativity from some posters bothers me, but it does. But, I AM taking it with the good. I just happened to post about the fact that it bothered me b/c I thought that's what this was for! Voicing opinions, seeking opinions, etc.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

[Blackcat31]

OK. I can't make you understand why the constant negativity from some posters bothers me, but it does. But, I AM taking it with the good. I just happened to post about the fact that it bothered me b/c I thought that's what this was for! Voicing opinions, seeking opinions, etc.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

Okay,~ let's do this from another angle. Let's use your post that you mentioned: When you posted that, WHAT was it you wanted? Was it simply reassurance that you were doing the right thing or just a simple "it's all gonna be fine."? If you only wanted reassurance then that is the only thing the responders should have said. A whole bunch of posts that said, "Everything is all good and will be just great. You did the right thing."

If that isn't what you wanted and others posted according to the way they felt about how they viewed your e-mail or way you were handling the situation, why is that so bad or "negative?" They weren't calling you a bad provider or saying you did anything wrong. People were simply giving their take on the whole thing. I wouldn't call that negativity at all.

When you post something on a public forum to a bunch of people who do EVERYTHING from advertising, to setting rates or wearing babies differently, you are going to get that many different responses/opinion too. I would think that as an adult we would just sort through the posts that were helpful and simply ignore the rest.

Just as posters say things differently, responders understand things differently and you made mention of so many negative posts those couple of days or Friday or whenever, but I don't really recall the atmosphere being any different than it normally is. You yourself said you were emotional so maybe it was all in how you took it and not really what was being said. You also said that there are a few posters that you feel are negative ALL the time. I personally, would just never respond to those ones. That seems to be the easiest way to avoid any negativity.

Not only should members not feed the trolls but don't join in the negativity game either. It goes both ways.

Nan and I talked at length about this and really in my opinion, I am somewhat confused about what some posters really want when they start a thread. Do they want help, attention, advice, new ideas, different views...my head spins sometimes because although members offer advice or tips or any of those things but the same members will keep starting threads about things that we have already discussed to death with them and if they aren't going to take advice, why ask? If that isn't what they were looking for then they should just be upfront in the beginning about why they are posting. Personally, I need clearer directions I guess.

Please don't think any of this is directed at you personally because I am NOT picking on you, but the convo just seems to be happening right now so I am just saying my two cents.

You also mentioned you think Nan comes across as arrogant sometimes or better than others. That is a perfect example of how we all take things differently because I have never once thought that about ANY of her posts.

I think alot of really good advice gets brushed to wayside or ignored because some people are too stubborn to either take the advice offered by people who have BTDT, or they weren't really looking for anything but attention or something else entirely in the first place.

The only solution I can offer up is for posters to simply state from the get go what it is they are looking for. Then the responders can reply appropriately.

[nannyde]

Okay,~ let's do this from another angle. Let's use your post that you mentioned: When you posted that, WHAT was it you wanted? Was it simply reassurance that you were doing the right thing or just a simple "it's all gonna be fine."? If you only wanted reassurance then that is the only thing the responders should have said. A whole bunch of posts that said, "Everything is all good and will be just great. You did the right thing."

If that isn't what you wanted and others posted about the way they viewed your e-mail or way you were handling the situation, why is that so bad or "negative?" They weren't calling you a bad provider or saying you did anything wrong. People were simply giving their take on the whole thing. I wouldn't call that negativity at all.

When you post something on a public forum to a bunch of people who do EVERYTHING from advertising, to setting rates or wearing babies differently, you are going to get that many different responses/opinion too. I would think that as an adult we would just sort through the posts that were helpful and simply ignore the rest.

Just as posters say things differently, responders understand things differently and you made mention of so many negative posts those couple of days or Friday or whenever, but I don't really recall the atmosphere being any different than it normally is. You yourself said you were emotional so maybe it was all in how you took it and not really what was being said. You also said that there are a few posters that you feel are negative ALL the time. I personally, would just never respond to those ones. That seems to be the easiest way to avoid any negativity.

Not only should members not feed the trolls but don't join in the negativity game either. It goes both ways.

Nan and I talked at length about this and really in my opinion, I am somewhat confused about what some posters really want when they start a thread. Do they want help, attention, advice, new ideas, different views...my head spins sometimes because although members offer advice or tips or any of those things but the same members will keep starting threads about things that we have already discussed to death with them and if they aren't going to take advice, why ask? If that isn't what they were looking for then they should just be upfront in the beginning about why they are posting. Personally, I need clearer directions I guess.

Please don't think any of this is directed at you personally because I am NOT picking on you, but the convo just seems to be happening right now so I am just saying my two cents.

You also mentioned you think Nan comes across as arrogant sometimes or better than others. That is a perfect example of how we all take things differently because I have never once thought that about ANY of her posts.

I think alot of really good advice gets brushed to wayside or ignored because some people are too stubborn to either take the advice offered by people who have BTDT, or they weren't really looking for anything but attention or something else entirely in the first place.

The only solution I can offer up is for posters to simply state from the get go what it is they are looking for. Then the responders can reply appropriately.

Good post and thanks for the naptime chat.

One thing I might add is that this site is FREE. This site has a treasure trove of FREE information and advice on nearly every possible subject of daycare. When you post here.. most often.... someone comes along and replies and very often you get advice and SPECIFIC technique from providers in all stages of experience.

That's a BLESSING.

If you like a particular poster you can quickly go in and read their posts wall to wall. You can search their name with specific key words.

It's all done in a flash.. with a click of a mouse.

That's extremely cool.

We need to be thankful to Michael for providing this forum and grateful to have such access to each other.

Just sayin

[blessedmess8]

I'm honestly not even sure how this got turned in to something about threads I have started or me, in general. I can keep saying the same things over and over, like: "I want running down this forum as a whole." Or "I was just making an observation" or "this wasn't directed at you." But, I've already said that. I guess as veteran members of this forum you'll just have to be patient with us "newbies" and endure our redundant posts and acclimation to the way this all works. I guess I'll go back and read the whole history of threads before I post anything else!!!!

[Blackcat31]

I'm honestly not even sure how this got turned in to something about threads I have started or me, in general.

This discussion was started by you. You are the OP. :confused:


"However, I see a LOT of negativity"

Where was anyone actually being negative. Stating a difference of opinion is not negativity. I am still confused as to how differing opinions are negative.


"But, there seem to be some people that want to jump in on every post and say negative things or make people feel like they are "wrong."

Same as previous answer plus, why is viewing things from another angle or offering 'what if' scenarios considered telling someone they are wrong? I define it as advice which the person asking for it can pick and choose freely which to take or discard from the multiple choices within each thread.

"The majority of us are here for advice, ideas, and reassurance"

Then thread starteds need to say "I need advice. I can take whatever you say and either decide to use it or not but I won't get my feelings hurt so bring it on." or "I need reassurance not other viewpoints or suggestions, just reassurance that I did the right thing. Even if you don't agree." Because the way I see it, I can't possibly sugarcoat every thing I have to say to my adult virtual friends when I am already doing it for my little dayfriends I watch all day.


"Most of us don't need another criticism"

As I said before not every differing viewpoint and suggestion or even disagreeance is a personal attack.

"I guess I'll go back and read the whole history of threads before I post anything else!!!!

FTR~ What I said about repeating subjects was in reference to newbies who keep asking the same questions themselves and then not ever listening

...NOT newbies posting on the same subject.

That is a given that newbies will ask questions older members have already talked about, but since they haven't been members long that is completely expected.

I meant, for example if Blackcat (!) keeps coming on the forum and asking how to handle a dcb who hits alot and she gets replies and advice but just keeps posting about the same kid or subject which tells me she isn't using any of the advice given just gettting a lot of attention.

These are quotes from you and responses (in bold) from me.

I say we agree to disagree that we all have different viewpoints, ideas, and ways of saying things. Which was my point in the first place.

[blessedmess8]

I'm OUT on this one! Nannyde and BlackCat, you officially get the last word on whatever it is you are wanting to argue about! (I'm confused as to what the issue is at this point!) Ready... GO! ;b

[cheerfuldom]

wow, ladies, this post was interesting to say the last. I do find that some posters post not really knowing what they want until after they get and then critique the responses given. You would think that forums would be pretty basic but the feelings, tone, intentions, etc. are all there just as they would be with other relationships and not everyone meshes with each other all the time. I do wonder about some posters (not necessarily the OP) that post with what seems like complaints but instead of finding somewhere they do like, they hang around and complain and post passive aggressive type comments and I can't figure out what they are even doing on the forum. Not just this forum either because I am on several and it comes up a lot.