Mom Cried When I Told Her 2 Year Old Cannot Have Bottle

[Country Kids]

I don't agree with this at all.

I think this kid has a serious eating disorder. I think he needs to be managed by highly experienced people who have the knowledge to work with him gradually to accept food. It's a long long long road and it takes a lot of time and money.

If he pukes at the sight of food he has something seriously wrong with him. It's not a manipulation.

OP said in an earlier post that he does eat and play at home. I'm thinking maybe he has something like celiacs or crohns disease. Both of these can cause the really runny diapers and I had a child in care that had celiacs and it caused delays in her development. It took a nutrionalist to diagnose it not a pediatrician. If hes eating and playing at home maybe hes just not happy at daycare (wouldn't be anyones fault) and hes not the first child not to do well in childcare.

[cheerfuldom]

Does the OP know for sure that he eats and plays happily at home or is this info from the parent? I have a special needs child here and her mom lied (I guess unintentionally?) about tons of stuff before finally getting this little girl evaluated and admitting that things were not as she portrayed.

[nannyde]

OP said in an earlier post that he does eat and play at home. I'm thinking maybe he has something like celiacs or crohns disease. Both of these can cause the really runny diapers and I had a child in care that had celiacs and it caused delays in her development. It took a nutrionalist to diagnose it not a pediatrician. If hes eating and playing at home maybe hes just not happy at daycare (wouldn't be anyones fault) and hes not the first child not to do well in childcare.

The mom says he eats and plays at home. It doesn't mean he does either. There is a reason he is on cereal bottles at home. It's not because he eats well there.

His "play" could be an adult holding, walking, rocking, one to oneing him while he plays.

He definitely needs medical care and an assessment. I think it's way past behavioral. I wouldn't discipline him in any way and I wouldn't associate his behavior with any willfullness or intent. I think he's a sick little guy.

[Mom_of_two]

how sad. In this situation it does appear as though something else is going on, with all the delays listed. I would NOT mention any specific potential diagnosis (ie. autism) even if you choose to encourage the parents to seek some intervention regarding the delays (leave that to the DR. imo.)

If there were no delays I would put the child at the table and give him the same food and drink as other two year olds and if he doesn't eat, fine. Obviously this case sounds different. I will not give a bottle after a year, even if the parent asks. (Will help to wean off of it of course.) If there are random circumstances or Dr. says to do it for whatever reason that is different.

Please keep us posted!

[Unregistered]

My food program lady said that is one of their "rules." That at 2 years of age he needs to be drinking from a cup. If I don't follow their rules, I will get booted from their program, which means I'll have to charge all parents more because I can't afford all of that food! She said the food program is not just about eating, it's about forming good eating habits, good mouth muscle tone (which Nannyde covered) and proper eating skills for their age. It teaches a lot of hand-eye coordination as well.


First, let me say, I hope you don't think I am being offensive....it is not my intent.

I understand this isn't really the topic at hand, but I don't believe your FP specialist. I agree part of the point is to teach proper eating and forming good habits, but they CANNOT tell you that a two year old CANNOT have a bottle. I'd ask her to show me in writing the rule she is referrinf too. If I was Mom and I wanted my child to have a bottle, I'd insist on seeing it. I just looked at the CACFP website and cannot find anything in the regs that state this.

I agree he should not have a bottle, children do not get a bottle from me here after their first birthday. But it really isn't anybody else's business if Mom wants to give her child a bottle.

Just talked to my FP lady about other not related things today she clearly explained that the USDA has specific rules and each food program provider (company that provides the food program to you, like Providers Choice or CCRR in our area) INTERPRETS THOSE RULES AS THEY SEE FIT. The OP's food program can very well say that THEIR rule is 2 yr olds are fed from a cup NOT A BOTTLE, as long as they are meeting the MINIMUM requirements from the USDA they can add in any additional requirements they want. You can choose the specific food program PROVIDER which is where the rules vary- so long as they are in accordance with the USDA.

I think its a mute point about whether the FP allows bottles. No educated professional would actually allow a two year old (without a med dx) to eat from a bottle simply b/c they refused to do it any other way.

[Unregistered]

moms only see one kid- theirs

Partner up with Momma here, and let her know that you are going to work with her and her kiddo. Don't fall back on the food program rules...have a real heart to heart talk about the fact that he is not eating anything with you and you just don't feel good about his developmental stages on any of the other levels - if he is really unhappy with your place or crowd - you understand if they'd like to try a few places out, but you don't think that is it (unless you do). That takes the pressure off both of you.

Then, do a food journal and food introduction plan - agree with mom to introduce the same new foods at home and in care, document together (send the notebook back and forth with him) and look for patterns and room for improvement. Try to keep it a group effort so the newness isn't just in your zone.

Confer again after a few weeks and decide together to look for assessment options that might be free, and consider recommending a ped you trust.

Above all, be really warm and friendly with him and with mom in front of him. Make sure she is comfortable and showing him that she is. He needs to know you guys are friends who care about him together.

[QualiTcare]

My food program lady said that is one of their "rules." That at 2 years of age he needs to be drinking from a cup. If I don't follow their rules, I will get booted from their program, which means I'll have to charge all parents more because I can't afford all of that food! She said the food program is not just about eating, it's about forming good eating habits, good mouth muscle tone (which Nannyde covered) and proper eating skills for their age. It teaches a lot of hand-eye coordination as well.


First, let me say, I hope you don't think I am being offensive....it is not my intent.

I understand this isn't really the topic at hand, but I don't believe your FP specialist. I agree part of the point is to teach proper eating and forming good habits, but they CANNOT tell you that a two year old CANNOT have a bottle. I'd ask her to show me in writing the rule she is referrinf too. If I was Mom and I wanted my child to have a bottle, I'd insist on seeing it. I just looked at the CACFP website and cannot find anything in the regs that state this.

I agree he should not have a bottle, children do not get a bottle from me here after their first birthday. But it really isn't anybody else's business if Mom wants to give her child a bottle.

maybe the food program specialist isn't saying that the child CAN'T have a bottle, but that if he does have a bottle he has to be held and fed. i'm only guessing. if that's the case, to ME that would mean he can't have a bottle. i would never hold a 2 year old and feed them a bottle. it's ridiculous.

either way - food program rules or not - this child shouldn't be on a bottle. so, if the "food program won't allow it" line works on the mom - all the better.

[littlemommy]

My food program lady said that is one of their "rules." That at 2 years of age he needs to be drinking from a cup. If I don't follow their rules, I will get booted from their program, which means I'll have to charge all parents more because I can't afford all of that food! She said the food program is not just about eating, it's about forming good eating habits, good mouth muscle tone (which Nannyde covered) and proper eating skills for their age. It teaches a lot of hand-eye coordination as well.


First, let me say, I hope you don't think I am being offensive....it is not my intent.

I understand this isn't really the topic at hand, but I don't believe your FP specialist. I agree part of the point is to teach proper eating and forming good habits, but they CANNOT tell you that a two year old CANNOT have a bottle. I'd ask her to show me in writing the rule she is referrinf too. If I was Mom and I wanted my child to have a bottle, I'd insist on seeing it. I just looked at the CACFP website and cannot find anything in the regs that state this.

I agree he should not have a bottle, children do not get a bottle from me here after their first birthday. But it really isn't anybody else's business if Mom wants to give her child a bottle.

So...it's not anybody else's business if Mom wants to giver her child a bottle, but yet YOU don't allow it at your home? That would make it your business.

[littlemommy]

maybe the food program specialist isn't saying that the child CAN'T have a bottle, but that if he does have a bottle he has to be held and fed. i'm only guessing. if that's the case, to ME that would mean he can't have a bottle. i would never hold a 2 year old and feed them a bottle. it's ridiculous.

either way - food program rules or not - this child shouldn't be on a bottle. so, if the "food program won't allow it" line works on the mom - all the better.

That's what I thought. I'm not going to hold and feed him with a bottle. His dad told me yesterday that he has been trying to get him off of it for over a year, but his mom wants to keep babying him. He said that he's glad the food program lady said that because unless his GF hears it from someone else she would have him take a bottle to school.

His dad and I had a good talk about his eating habits. He said that he eats well with a fork and spoon at home. He told me some of his favorite things, and that he doesn't like tomatoes. That may be part of the problem...I cook with tomatoes quite often. I asked if there was a reason they give him cereal in a bottle. He said it helps him sleep longer at night, and that they will continue feeding it at night but I do not need to do it here. Hopefully that will mean he won't come filled up on that and will want to start eating.

I'm glad him and I had that talk. Now I'm confident that the boy is eating at home. Now we just need to work on his communication and social skills.

[littlemommy]

Just talked to my FP lady about other not related things today she clearly explained that the USDA has specific rules and each food program provider (company that provides the food program to you, like Providers Choice or CCRR in our area) INTERPRETS THOSE RULES AS THEY SEE FIT. The OP's food program can very well say that THEIR rule is 2 yr olds are fed from a cup NOT A BOTTLE, as long as they are meeting the MINIMUM requirements from the USDA they can add in any additional requirements they want. You can choose the specific food program PROVIDER which is where the rules vary- so long as they are in accordance with the USDA.

I think its a mute point about whether the FP allows bottles. No educated professional would actually allow a two year old (without a med dx) to eat from a bottle simply b/c they refused to do it any other way.

Thank you for this information!! I didn't want to argue with my food program lady about whether or not it is a legal "rule." It's not age appropriate, and I didn't feel comfortable with it. Not only is it bad for his teeth and eating habits, but it disrupted the other kids at lunch time. They would sit and stare at him chewing on the nipple and then they wouldn't eat. I'm so glad this is over and NO MORE BOTTLE will be brought with him. His dad agrees that he should not have it, so I have his support as well.

[Live and Learn]

I am glad that you and the daddy had a heart to heart.

Just curious..... what does he like to eat at home?

[sharlan]

If the parents don't have insurance, contact the local school district and see what opportunities they have for diagnosing and helping this child with his developmental delays.

[Crystal]

Just talked to my FP lady about other not related things today she clearly explained that the USDA has specific rules and each food program provider (company that provides the food program to you, like Providers Choice or CCRR in our area) INTERPRETS THOSE RULES AS THEY SEE FIT. The OP's food program can very well say that THEIR rule is 2 yr olds are fed from a cup NOT A BOTTLE, as long as they are meeting the MINIMUM requirements from the USDA they can add in any additional requirements they want. You can choose the specific food program PROVIDER which is where the rules vary- so long as they are in accordance with the USDA.

I think its a mute point about whether the FP allows bottles. No educated professional would actually allow a two year old (without a med dx) to eat from a bottle simply b/c they refused to do it any other way.

They can interpret it as they see fit, but if they want to terminate contract with you they have to prove that the "way they see fit" actually is in line with the federal guidelines.

I agree that the child shouldn't have a bottle, especially as his main source of nutrition. My whole point is that I wouldn't have told Mom FP said this, because then Mom COULD challenge it if she wanted too.

[Crystal]

So...it's not anybody else's business if Mom wants to giver her child a bottle, but yet YOU don't allow it at your home? That would make it your business.

Yep. At my house it is my business. So, I would either quit talking to Mom about it, as I said earlier, and do things my way at my house OR I would simply tell Mom that I will no longer allow bottles at my house, she is welcome to continue her way at home and if she disagrees with me about it she could find alternate care. I simply wouldn't use the FP as an excuse for not doing things her way, I'd tell her straight up how I felt about it. I'd tell her straight up that she is creating life-long health issues for this child if she doesn't change her ways. I'd tell her he needs to be evaluated by a health professional and to see a nutritionist. Then, she could do with that info as she sees fit.

BTW....other than saying you cannot give this child a bottle or you'll get booted from the FP, did this FP specialist give you any REAL advice on how to help this child? THAT is her job, really.

[Crystal]

Thank you for this information!! I didn't want to argue with my food program lady about whether or not it is a legal "rule." It's not age appropriate, and I didn't feel comfortable with it. Not only is it bad for his teeth and eating habits, but it disrupted the other kids at lunch time. They would sit and stare at him chewing on the nipple and then they wouldn't eat. I'm so glad this is over and NO MORE BOTTLE will be brought with him. His dad agrees that he should not have it, so I have his support as well.

Cool. That's great. Now, what are you going to do when the child doesn't eat or drink at all? That is dangerous. Is there a plan of action with the parents, or is everyone just taking the bottle away?

This cannot just be done "cold turkey" - he is attached to his bottle and it is his largest source of nutrition. What if he doesn't eat or drink? Hopefully he will, but from the issues you have described, it's not likely. I wouldn't want to be responsible for caring for a child who refuses to eat or drink anything.....bad things can happen.