Mom Cried When I Told Her 2 Year Old Cannot Have Bottle

[littlemommy]

could they be giving him mixed grain cereal instead of rice?

Not sure what exactly it is. She always said "Here's his bottle of rice cereal." Sometimes it would be warm, sometimes cold. Either way, not nutritionally enough for a developing brain and body.

Another reason I'm hesitant about asking them to get him evaluated is because she has mentioned before that they do not have health insurance. I know they take him in for his regular appointments, because she gave me an updated shot record. I'm sure their pedi would say something to them if he noticed at his regular appointments. Our town is known to have horrible pedi's..which reminds me I should ask who they go to!

[Cat Herder]

I have a 15 month old and mom said she doesn't care how long he's on the bottle. She even warms the milk for him at night! I'm done trying cause its a waste of my time if all he gets at home is a bottle. He's refusing the sippy altogether now. He just had his one year check up and the Dr. said to be off the bottle by the end of the month. So she said, i don't care he can stay on it as long as he wants... Umm who's the parent??? Obviously its the baby!

I just went through something similar with a preemie who had a bit of slow development. Also 15 months.

Have you tried warming the milk and serving it in the sippy cup for a few weeks?? It worked like a charm for me.

Now I just let it sit for about 5 minutes before serving to knock the chill off. I have since noticed they all seem to drink it better that way. Much less painting the table with it....

[Live and Learn]

Blue cloud,
Warm the sippy cup milk.

[nannyde]

Not sure what exactly it is. She always said "Here's his bottle of rice cereal." Sometimes it would be warm, sometimes cold. Either way, not nutritionally enough for a developing brain and body.

Another reason I'm hesitant about asking them to get him evaluated is because she has mentioned before that they do not have health insurance. I know they take him in for his regular appointments, because she gave me an updated shot record. I'm sure their pedi would say something to them if he noticed at his regular appointments. Our town is known to have horrible pedi's..which reminds me I should ask who they go to!

The mixed grain cereal would explain the loose stools. Do you see any dark flecks in the cereal or is it ALL white. The rice should look like cloudy shaped.

Some mixed cereal has oatmeal and rye in them. That would explain the not digesting it.

Has she told you exactly what he is eating at home?

I've done a food journal with these kind of kids to put in writing what I TRIED to give them and have the parents document what they say they are having.

Usually what it comes down to from home is baby fruit in stage two... yougurt (commercial yougurt is REALLY high in sugar)... and sugar or fatty bread products. The kids will have a HOST of grain products they eat BUT they are usually very sweet (sugar cereals) or very fatty and salty like goldfish.

They also may be giving him baby fruit desert combo food... not REAL baby fruit. The parents believe the desert (which is really candy treat food) like Hawain Delight... Blueberry Buckle... etc. are REAL fruit. If you look at the contents they are really just blended deserts/treats.

They may also be giving him the combo dinner stage two foods. They are usually high salt, high fat, and have VERY VERY little protein. It's more like a bread than a veggie and meat combo meal.
If he is living off of milk, crackers, and baby fruit he will not have normal stools.

[littlemommy]

Blue cloud,
Warm the sippy cup milk.

I just wish this boy I have would eat anything. anything at all. I feel bad that all he ever wants/gets is milk or rice cereal.

[jojosmommy]

I forgot to mention in my earlier post that often children with delays can suffer texture/oral aversion issues. Likely if he has something else going on and WILL NOT eat anything but liquid milk with some rice or fruit in it he hasn't developed his palate, tounge, jaw etc to eat appropriately. I had one child with this that had to learn how to eat certain things b/c the textures of many foods would get "lost" in his mouth and he would throw up. Not the kind of kids who dont WANT to eat something so the intentionally puke, this is a real medical DX and can be treated with chewy sticks, oral therapy devices and slow integration of specific textures. Basically these muscles, joints etc have not been used for so long they don't even know how to function anymore. In our area we even have a therapy place that offers classes for kids and parents with just this issue. I would talk to mom about getting a formal eval.

[countrymom]

when are you giving him this milk. I think its time for a food schedual change too. I would sit him down with everyone, offer him a tablespoon of food, and only a little bit of milk in a cup. At snack time offer him water and sit him down to eat, for lunch the same thing. Don't give him a full sippy cup of milk and always offer it after he has eaten something. Its going to take you a bit, but it sounds like this childs eating schedual is off. I've had lots of kids like this, all they do is drink milk all day and eat nothing but junk food.

[nannyde]

I would have not told her no about the bottle but rather: The only way he can have it here is if he has a doctors note for it. Just contact your doctor and have him write me a note saying the child can have it.

That way it's not YOU saying no to her.

It will be difficult to get a doc to write that note BUT if she feels that strongly about it then she can fight the fight with the doctor. At least it will force her to bring it up to a person with a medical degree. That's a good thing.

She will most likely say they won't do it over the phone and she has to take him in. Tell her that the food program lady MUST be right and this must be a big issue for them to require an office visit for it.



This is just one of those "the parents can't give you permission to do the wrong thing". Having a cereal bottle for a two year old only works when the PARENT is doing it. She can't give permission for someone else to do it.

The easiest thing for her to do is to leave your day care. That way she can either have grandma do it or whoever she hires agree to it without a doc note upon hiring them. Just be prepared for her to scoot on down the road.

When parents do these kind of things it is VERY valuable to them. If she is crying over it it most likely means that this is something that brings her a lot of easy and switching child care is WAY easier than saying no to a two year old.

[Crystal]

hmmmmm......

I would not talk to Mom about it anymore. I would offer the child a sippy cup and small bits of healthy finger foods at each regularly scheduled meal and snack time. I would not offer the bottle with cereal AT ALL. It is filling him up and that is why he refuses to try anything else. If you keep offering him the regular foods and not the bottle, in time he will realize it's this or nothing. I have never known or heard of a child who will literally starve rather than trying the new foods. You may haver to put the bits of food in his mouth at first for awhile, just so he gets the idea, but he will eventually eat.

Mom doesn't want to hear what you have to say. She has made that clear. Telling her to do anything is not going to work. Seems that she wants her "baby" to be just that, a "baby" still.

I'd do what is right for the child on my watch, and when he actually starts trying and enjoying new foods, I'd take some photos, journal what he's been eating and give it to Mom.

Another thing, your food program specialist cannot tell you or the Mom that the child cannot have a bottle. Mom can give the kid a bottle til' he's a teenager if she wants to. You can give him a bottle as well. The only thing the food program specialist can say or do is recommend not giving a bottle, requiring that you provide the foods that meet food pattern guidelines, but she cannot say that you cannot serve his drink in a bottle. Not that it really matters, as I wouldn't give him a bottle anyway, but FP has no authority to say you cannot give a bottle.

Also, you can certainly contact children's protective services and get their opinion without actually reporting first. They'll tell you if you should report it.

[littlemommy]

hmmmmm......

I would not talk to Mom about it anymore. I would offer the child a sippy cup and small bits of healthy finger foods at each regularly scheduled meal and snack time. I would not offer the bottle with cereal AT ALL. It is filling him up and that is why he refuses to try anything else. If you keep offering him the regular foods and not the bottle, in time he will realize it's this or nothing. I have never known or heard of a child who will literally starve rather than trying the new foods. You may haver to put the bits of food in his mouth at first for awhile, just so he gets the idea, but he will eventually eat.

Mom doesn't want to hear what you have to say. She has made that clear. Telling her to do anything is not going to work. Seems that she wants her "baby" to be just that, a "baby" still.

I'd do what is right for the child on my watch, and when he actually starts trying and enjoying new foods, I'd take some photos, journal what he's been eating and give it to Mom.

Another thing, your food program specialist cannot tell you or the Mom that the child cannot have a bottle. Mom can give the kid a bottle til' he's a teenager if she wants to. You can give him a bottle as well. The only thing the food program specialist can say or do is recommend not giving a bottle, requiring that you provide the foods that meet food pattern guidelines, but she cannot say that you cannot serve his drink in a bottle. Not that it really matters, as I wouldn't give him a bottle anyway, but FP has no authority to say you cannot give a bottle.

Also, you can certainly contact children's protective services and get their opinion without actually reporting first. They'll tell you if you should report it.

My food program lady said that is one of their "rules." That at 2 years of age he needs to be drinking from a cup. If I don't follow their rules, I will get booted from their program, which means I'll have to charge all parents more because I can't afford all of that food! She said the food program is not just about eating, it's about forming good eating habits, good mouth muscle tone (which Nannyde covered) and proper eating skills for their age. It teaches a lot of hand-eye coordination as well.

Nannyde- The bottles with "cereal" were thick and white, like it was just milk and rice. No brown flecks. I still think that if that is ALL he gets at home it could cause the loose stools.

Today at drop-off, she said that he didn't bring a bottle. I said I'm sure he'll do fine since he only chewed on it anyways. I told her that for the past couple weeks I was putting milk in a cup for him. He barely drank any, but at least he didn't just chew on it. She said it's probably going to be harder on her than on him.

At lunch time, I told the kids to come sit down to eat. Everyone ran in and was so excited. He stood there and cried. After he sat down, I gave him a bowl with some cut up lasagna. He hit it away instantly. Then he pushes everyone else's bowls away. Everyone ate, and I put his bowl on the counter so it wouldn't end up on the floor. I later got him to take one bite. He acted like he didn't know how to chew!! He just let it sit there, then started screaming, then puked.

Wow. I don't even know what to do anymore. I offer every day, and everyday he throws this huge fit. Do I ask mom to pack a lunch for a day to see if that makes him eat? I'd be curious to see what she would pack. If it's all junk then how do I tell her that I'll start offering my food again?

[nannyde]

This is an amazing article.

http://main.zerotothree.org/site/DocServer/29-3_Chatoorv.pdf?docID=7961

[Live and Learn]

I would not have her provide food because it will be all baby food and gummy worms.

Keep doing what you are doing but just put a bite at a time in front of him.

Maybe start with nice sweet carrots or even peaches. See if you can get him used to eating SOMETHING healthy at your house.

I think for the time being it is ok to feed him like you would a much younger child until he gets the hang of feeding himself.

Stick it out for a couple more weeks. Let's see how things improve. I know you can help this lil guy out.

NO PUREES AND NO BOTTLES THOUGH!

Good luck.
Poor lil guy.

[Crystal]

My food program lady said that is one of their "rules." That at 2 years of age he needs to be drinking from a cup. If I don't follow their rules, I will get booted from their program, which means I'll have to charge all parents more because I can't afford all of that food! She said the food program is not just about eating, it's about forming good eating habits, good mouth muscle tone (which Nannyde covered) and proper eating skills for their age. It teaches a lot of hand-eye coordination as well.


First, let me say, I hope you don't think I am being offensive....it is not my intent.

I understand this isn't really the topic at hand, but I don't believe your FP specialist. I agree part of the point is to teach proper eating and forming good habits, but they CANNOT tell you that a two year old CANNOT have a bottle. I'd ask her to show me in writing the rule she is referrinf too. If I was Mom and I wanted my child to have a bottle, I'd insist on seeing it. I just looked at the CACFP website and cannot find anything in the regs that state this.

I agree he should not have a bottle, children do not get a bottle from me here after their first birthday. But it really isn't anybody else's business if Mom wants to give her child a bottle.

[countrymom]

I'm mean, I wouldn't have fed him, thats fine that he didn't want to eat, but a) he would not be allowed to touch other peoples food and b) he would have to sit there and watch the others eat. I don't believe in letting the child go and play while everyone eats, not my problem that he wants to be stubborn but I don't allow a child tell me what he can and cannot do. Also, if he didn't want to eat, then give him some water in a sippy cup, I would not allow milk, he's playing a game now, he knows if he screams and pukes that you'll feel sorry for him and give him milk, I don't play games like this.

[nannyde]

I'm mean, I wouldn't have fed him, thats fine that he didn't want to eat, but a) he would not be allowed to touch other peoples food and b) he would have to sit there and watch the others eat. I don't believe in letting the child go and play while everyone eats, not my problem that he wants to be stubborn but I don't allow a child tell me what he can and cannot do. Also, if he didn't want to eat, then give him some water in a sippy cup, I would not allow milk, he's playing a game now, he knows if he screams and pukes that you'll feel sorry for him and give him milk, I don't play games like this.

I don't agree with this at all.

I think this kid has a serious eating disorder. I think he needs to be managed by highly experienced people who have the knowledge to work with him gradually to accept food. It's a long long long road and it takes a lot of time and money.

If he pukes at the sight of food he has something seriously wrong with him. It's not a manipulation.