Bad Situation with Home DCP

[Unregistered]

except...this 16 yo boy

tickled two girls until they were upset and came in to get help.

[Hunni Bee]

I just couldn't be comfortable with that. I was taught as a little girl never to allow an older boy or man put his hands on me, and I would teach my daughter that as well.

I just don't feel that if I send my 4yo daughter to daycare, she needs to play alone with a 16yo boy or that he needs to touch her. I don't think I'd mind if he played with all the kids in sight of the DCP, and he played non-touching games with them.

Plus, little kids need to start learning about boundaries and "good touch bad touch" at that age. I'm sorry, but the world we live in now is not that safe for kids anymore. They need to know that a older kid or adult doesn't get to just put their hands on their bodies just because they want to, even a slightly familiar one.
Although, I don't go into body discussions with my kids because I don't know what their parents want them to know, I tell that they have the right to tell any person not to touch them if they feel uncomfortable, and the only people that should be allowed to see or touch their bodies is them, whoever takes care of them at home and me (I still have to help with wiping, etc sometimes) - and that they can even tell me not to touch them.

Im glad the OP's daughter was savvy enough to tell when she didn't like someone's touch. Im sorry, but I don't like this at all. I would definitely leave.

[LittleD]

What I see id a lot of providers trying to put themselves in Gladys shoes. I'm glad that all your teen age boys love the dck, that's great. But, it doesn't mean that all providers teens like to play with the kids. And yes, having a report made can be harmful to a provider, especially if it is unwarranted. OP stated "but I do know she told me only her or her husband were allowed to care for the kids." If California laws state that teens 14 and up can be assistants, why is THIS teen not "allowed" to? (just something to chew on there)
Also, I'm not sure what happens when a report is filed there, but here where I am (Ontario) there is an interview with the provider, and they determine whether or not the complaint is valid. I'd like to know what the OP is wanting to complain about exactly. To me (as a provider AND a mother) I thought he/she was watching them doesn't cut it. It is their job to make sure the children are being supervised and considering only the husband or wife are allowed to watch them, then only they should be supervised. I don't care if the kids didn't want to come in, you bring them in. The other parent could wait to have (as OP stated a heated) discussion until the children were supervised. Of course, this is just my opinion!

[workingfromhomemom]

Thanks for all the replies. I should mention a couple of things. I still do not think anything sexual happened with the 16 year old. I don't know the laws of CA and I honestly don't know if my daughter and niece were left alone out back or with the 16 year old. Either way I do know the husband and wife both thought the other one had the kids. The husband was on the computer and the wife was talking with another parent.

My biggest concern by far was the way that my complaint was handled. I talked to her about two days after initial incident (happened on Mon night, I brought it up on wed night). She flipped out despite the fact that I said over and over that I didn't think anything weird happened. Her reaction was not normal. I approached her calmly, respectfully, and professionally. And later she told my brother that she had never in her life been approached by someone so aggressively and angry as me! What the F??? It was so strange. I also didn't like how she reprimanded the girls for staying outside alone and also not even acknowledging that they got tickled. She just kept insisting that the girls were the ones to jump on them. Way to make a child's feelings validated.

I will never teach my daughters to fear being touched by older boys or men. I can not in good faith teach them a blanket statement like that. My girls have an 11 year old brother that adore them. But I do teach my 4 year old that her body is her space and that is she EVER feels uncomfortable with ANY kind of touch she can come get a grown up she trusts. I did have a full convo on the way home with her the night of the incident. I did not lead her in any way but I went all over her body asking where the boy tickled her (feet, head, etc. included) and how he touched her and all her answers seemed totally fine. My very in tune intuition tells me nothing happened. But my intuition also says that nothing is an accident and I believe she is no longer there for a reason. Not sure what that is yet.

So, last week the DCP left a bag of my dd stuff on my porch with a note that said "Sorry things didn't work out and I hope you find what you are looking for." I sent her a detailed letter stating exactly what happened to her and her husband. I never got a chance to talk to him and he is a provider too. I wanted them both to know what I feel went wrong and why. I have, of course, not heard from them since.

We found a great preschool for my dd and my niece. They are both over four and are ready for a more structured preschool environment. I think they will love it.

Oh, by the way, when my brother went in and talked to her about leaving he was prepared to give the standard two weeks notice. She said no, we don't need any notice, and went to get my niece's stuff. She also told him that he is controlled by me and my mom and that my niece is a poor sport in many situations and that he should work on that. She also said my niece would do well in her new preschool. But was all that extra BS comments really necessary?

Although this whole thing has been incredibly bizarre I am still having a hard time deciding to report.

[sharlan]

I don't really see anything worth reporting.

Just be happy that your daughter and niece are in a new facility. Time to let it go and move on.

[youretooloud]

She also told him that he is controlled by me and my mom and that my niece is a poor sport in many situations and that he should work on that. She also said my niece would do well in her new preschool. But was all that extra BS comments really necessary?

Although this whole thing has been incredibly bizarre I am still having a hard time deciding to report.

Wow... so, I bet this behavior worked for her when she was 16 and for some reason, she never got past that stage.

I am so glad you got out of there... a good provider is sad to see her kids leave. Her reaction shows you that she's not much more mature than the kids she's caring for.