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You really shouldnt assume the parents arent doing what they are suppose to be doing unless you know for sure. It could be more then just a parenting problem he could have some kind of special need, he could be abused, etc. I speak from experince my middle child was very agressive as a toddler, had alot of behavior problems till age 6 when I knew it was NOT a parenting problem on my part like everyone thought at the school he actually has something wrong with him he is ADHD with behavioral therpay and the right meds he is a sweet, well behaved, loving little boy Im not saying this boy is ADHD but he could have something wrong with him so you should look into that further not just pointing the finger at the parents.
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Yes this is true. That's why I wrote this:
Little Johnny is not responding to normal methods of discipline and correction. I have also seen numerous situations during arrival and departure where he is acting out and not responding to the verbal redirections you have given him. After speaking with you specifically about this, I am convinced that he is only doing this in my setting. Your account of his home behavior is so drastically different than what I'm seeing in my care that I'm certain the only rationale for such immense difference IS my setting.
This states that what the provider sees is the poor behavior in her setting AND the one time she DOES see the child with the parents the child is behaving badly. That's all she can speak to.
Her account of the time she DOES see the parent dealing with his poor behavior is this: (and keep in mind these are parent observations of 15-20 minutes each time... over a period of many many months)
Like when she gets here at the end of the day: He won't leave, tells her no, takes toys from the kids and she just stands there, watches and in a whiney high pitched voice says "lets go", "you shouldn't do that", "give that back", but NEVER makes him do anything! I get SOOOOO sick of it that I pick him up, bring him down to my entryway and walk back up the stairs and shut the door! I take him off of the swing set him out of the sandbox and tell him to go! She will let this go on for 15-20 mins EVERYDAY! I don't think she has EVER picked him up and MADE him leave!!! One day she came and I was cleaning up snack and some of the kids where down and she was standing by my gate trying to persuade him to leave when I heard the 2 year olds start bickering I went running over there and pulled him off the other 2 year old who he was trying to bite, while she just stood right there next to them and LITTERALLY watched it happen and DID NOTHING!
So my advice is to assume the parent is telling the truth and only speak to what you KNOW FOR SURE.
She knows for SURE that the child is behaving violently and disrespectfully around the parent and the parent does NOTHING at all to MAKE HIM STOP. She isn't guessing about it... she knows it for SURE.Comment
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JJ,
To be honest I would term any child who you would title "problem child" on a public forum if you know what I mean.
Obviously the love is gone. You deserve better and so does the child.
Keeping kids safe is your #1 job. The other dc kids aren't safe with the bully around. He would have been gone a long time ago here.
Good luck
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I am NOT completely pointing my finger at the parents! I said what I said about the parents due to some of the things I have seen them DO or NOT do for that matter! I talked to the mom last night again told her that I am still having some behavioral issues with him and that I think now our next step is to sit down and have a meeting and talk about this on a further measure! I asked her to talk to her husband and to get back to me on what night works best for them! We talked more about what is going on and I told her that it is my job as a childcare provider to provide a safe, happy and healthy environment for all of the kids I am caring for and I am having a hard time doing that with her childs behavior! I ALSO said that this will be for the best interest of her child as well! In the beginning I thought it was just a phase and thought it had nothing to do with lack of dicipline, alot of children express behaviors when they lack communication skills and the result of the outcome of those behaviors is all due to how we react to them and how we handle them! This is dragging on and on and on and he just keeps adding new ones! I at this point DO NOT think it is entirely the parents fault. Obviously this child needs help and support from all parties involved and that is why I am taking the steps to correct this and make a difference for him!! Whatever it may be ADHD, lack of dicipline it needs to be corrected and it needs to happen now! I was just trying to explain his behavior and explain his life style and what I have seen, he certainly could have an underlying condition and that is why I as a childCARE provider is trying to get to the bottom of it in the best way I possibly can, but with all do respect to all of the other families I care for that might need to be termination! Is that fair to this child, nope not at all - sounds as if I would be giving up on him at that point, but I have talked to the parents on several different occasions and I have tried several different things here to correct it and obviously NOTHING is working! Maybe it is me and maybe it is the other kids and the environment, I am not entirely sure, but that is why I am doing what I am doing to sort it out and figure out the best route for this child and it might not be me or the environment I provide! Thank you for pointing out the ADHD situation and giving an example where you have seen it, I will take this with me and will keep trying to figure this all out! However, if it is not corrected or if he is not showing progress then I need to do what is best for the rest of my families and he needs to move on because it OBVIOUSLY wouldn't be healthy for him to stay here because something isn't working here!Comment
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I had a child who exhibited similar behavior on my center and I eventually terminated. I love the letter Nannyde, but...
I sent the boy who was causing the disruptions home on several occasions. What I found was it only reinforced the negative behavior. He realized that if he hit, kicked, bit, etc. he could go home with grandma. She felt sorry for him that the mean daycare sent him home, so she would take him to the park, for icecream, etc. Not saying that this would happen in your case, just something to think about.Comment
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Makes you wonder if the parent even knows how to handle it too. My Son never responded to punishments either till I also got some parenting therpay to be showed how to handle my special needs child. Maybe she can give the parent some resources so she can get some classes, read books, etc. to help her also cope with this child Im sure her child is no walk in the park either for her. I know its so hard to deal with misbehaving children but it breaks my heart when they are just thrown out of daycare, schools like trash and no one wants to help them. I also had a little boy who misbehaved in care they found out her has SPD I never gave up on him thou he ended up going to a special pre school program when he was 3 but what I did was read up online and figure out how to handle it I didnt wanna give up on him.Comment
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I knew me righting "Problem child" on here would cause someone concern! LOL I didn't know how to put it I was going to right "bully" guess that should have been better! : S I do love this child and want it to work! That is why I have been diligently trying my DARNDEST to make it work and I have been hovering and trying to keep everyone safe! My nursing 4 month old doesn't know how to eat steadily he constantly is pulling on and off because I think this is how I have nursed him since he was born because I ALWAYS have to interrupt his feedings to intervene with ONE child! He now just eats like this! All of the other kids and alot of kids I have raised have to be warned and told and they will stop! Not him I have to physically remove him from a situation EVERYTIME and it really is disruptive yes I know and yes it is my job to keep everyone safe so that is why at this point I feel I have done everything I could and this is my last straw and if it doesn't start improving he is out!Comment
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Why are you keeping him? :confused:Comment
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I don't agree with this. I don't think it's the "place" of home providers (especiallly when they are alone during the day) to even attempt to work with children with this kind of behavior. We have to KNOW when the child's needs are NOT being met and gladly turn that over to more qualified personelle.
Instead of seeing it as "thown out like trash"... I like to see it as "escorted out on a silver platter".
Day care providers should NOT keep children and work with parents that are too hard to manage. You should KNOW inside yourself what you can and can't do and turn away children and parents that are beyond your abilities.Comment
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Why am I keeping him? Well I may or may not be! This post sounds absolutely horrible in which it is.... However I would like to say this since it has been mentioned that the love is obviously gone!
In which is NOT true what so ever, if the love was gone he would have been out a LONG time ago! I show my love over and over again by continueing to try along with countless other ways!! I will continue to show my love by terminating this child if things aren't improving greatly in the next few weeks! My love will be shown in this simply because it isn't working, the child needs help from someone who can give it to him in a better manner than I! If my consistency, my structure, myself, my group and my home are not working for him than why would I keep him here - that would NOT be loving!! My last resort is to get everyone on board NOW, not tomorrow, not next week, not in a month, NOW! If at that point things aren't comming around well then he needs to move on because I simply can't do for him what he needs and by myself making that decision is LOVE in itself! The reasons why I want it to work and not want him to leave goes on and on, however I didn't explain these reasons because that isn't the problem at hand! But since this post sounds horrible I am going to list just a few reasons why I LOVE having him here to show that the Love isn't gone: Every morning my door pops open and he greets me with the grinnyiest "Good Morning Megan!" He is as cute as a bugs ear and even though there is mischief behind his smile he has one alot of the day and I love that about him! He is squishy and loveable and always is willing to give me a hug! He is adventurous, imaginitive and fun! His parents are respectful of my hours! They are considerate and understanding if I need time off! They ALWAYS pay on time! They show up on time and call if they will be late at dropping him off even if it is for 5 mins! The love certainly isn't gone and I could go on and on to show this! He has some behavior issues that are aggressive and that is all and I came on here looking for advice on what my next step should be! I do certainly love and care for him just as much as I do all of the families I care for and that is why I have tried and why I will term if need be!
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NannyDe
That is all! 
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A week from Tuesday is termination day if there isn't everyone on board and some major improvements!
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IMO this is the problem. My mild mannered son who has a very good vocab has in the last 3-4 months increased his hitting, wrestling etc of another child very close to his age. He too will do it to anyone close however if he and this particular child are in different rooms. He has never scratched, bit or caused marks to anyone though. My son just turned 2 so at first I felt like "oh great terrible twos." I started watching and this other little boy does very little things to set him off. When I say XX there is a train, can you pick that up? This other child runs over and snatches it before my son can get it. This other child intentionally sits next to my son when we are waiting for the bathroom and breathes on him (in his ear) or gives him "grumpy eyes". I started watching very closely at the other kids and now I see it is aggravated first by something.
I do not condone hitting, wrestling, etc. I do not allow it in my home however I am now more aware of the fact that one is fighting with his hands and the other with his mind. Now I call them both out when this happens so that the sneakier one doesnt think he can get away with this.
You said the mom says she never sees the behavior elsewhere and I can attest to this too. My son plays in a number of play groups and NEVER does this. He doesnt even do it when this other kid is not at daycare but the rest of the kids are.
We are teaching my son what he can do with his hands. He currently knows he can give moochies (kisses hand then blows it to friend), snuggles (hugs) high fives or pats on the back. EVERYTIME he offends he takes a break with me and then we remind him. "What can we do with our hands?" He has the understanding but lacks the foresight to do it BEFORE hitting etc. I think it takes a long time to teach kids to think BEFORE they react. And ALOT OF PAITENCE. I have passed over taking other young ones at this time b/c I know I need to be more one on one until he learns not to wrestle, hit etc.
It sounds like with all the kids you have and the nursing you don't have the time to put in the work to train a more stubborn child like this. If you think you are going to lose others you might want to drop him- especially if he is causing marks etc.Comment
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Teachers, providers, etc should HAVE to take classes on how to deal with children like this instead of getting rid of them there are alot of children out there with special needs these days. I see it as throwing them out like trash as I have dealt with this first hand and you dont really know till its your child who is treated like this. I didnt mean that the provider above is doing this its just I have seen it with my own child because the teachers didnt have the education on how to interact with a special needs child they do have school for such children that are HIGHLY expensive and middle class families such as myself cant afford them. Im not sure if there are childcare centers or homes like this or not would be nice if there are so parents have a choice to take there child somewhere where the child wont be kicked out of somewhere else every other month.Comment
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