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I am at a loss! I posted about this child before looking for advice! I have talked to his parents on SEVERAL occasions, let them know what I was doing, gave them ideas of what they can do.... I am to the point that I am going to give them a letter saying if his behavior doesn't change in X amount of time he is gone!! So I guess my question is how long do I give them the attempt to make things better? They obviously haven't put forth an effort like I have asked, so my letter may make them mad and they may leave, but thats life and I need to keep ALL the kids I am caring for safe and he is harmful!!! So they could get mad or they could take me seriously and make an attempt, whatever the outcome is I am ready to deal with it! Now I just need to know how much time to give them and also can I let my other families know that I have done this with him? Thanks for your help
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First off never disclose to other familes what arrangments you have with any families... that is private and personal information.
As for time, I would really think about the whole situation over all. Is the child going to put others at risk and you could possibly lose another good client out of it?
I have had to do this before, where I put the child on probation for 2 weeks. I drew up a probation contract and required the parents to sit down and understand the situations at hand. I made them sign the contract and they understood that if the beavior did not improve by the 2 weeks (10 days) mark then we would end out contract.
the parents were on board and signed..they knew what i was dealing with and admitted they had several issues at home. After a week I could see progress being made. I ended up terming about 3 months later as the behavior went right back to square one after the probation period wore off...
Someone on here brought up a good way to decide to term or not. They marked their calendar from the day the probelm started....30 days from that day if it were still a problem then she rid of the problem. I like that method...
One of the things that I just remembered too was that last year i had a kid that started here with behavior that was UNREAL... redirecting, time out, nothing worked... Finally I told the mom that I felt that the he could not care less if he had to do time out or any other form of disipline...
I gave the DCK two warings and then on strike 3 he was removed from the play area and giving them only books, the DCK had to do everything solo for the entire day...
After doing this a handful of times he eventually stopped the behavior and started listening....he is still here today.. -
K the child JUST turned 2. He is a menace, to put it mildly! LOL He is an only and the first grand on both sides!
He can talk GREAT, so NO that is not the problem! He knows how to say "I want a turn", I get a turn he done", "share, please", pretty much everything that has to do with sharing, taking turns, manners - everything! I have taught him good words to use to get a turn and to wait for a turn and to share, we have practiced this religiously - it is his actions that I can't get rid of and they just keep comming! I have been COMPLETELY consistent with him and have tried several different things to bite his behavior in the butt and NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING is working! His parents are aware of what is going on here as we have had SEVERAL discussions about it and I have given them different things they could do at home and told them that THEY needed to set up playdates for him, inside and outside of his home, go to ECFE classes! I told her to do the playdate thing so she could see just WHAT I was talking about, because she claims they don't see this behavior at home! She has seen him in action here though........ He hits me for crying out loud!! 
He is a bully to all the kids, but he really takes it out on a boy I have here who is the same age as him! He wants what everyone else HAS, he will, kick, bite, scratch, pinch, take, wrestle for whatever! I am sooooo tired of it! I cannot turn my back on him! It is CONSTANT and I mean CONSTANT! I currently have 9 kids in care and this summer will have 11, one of those kids is my 4 month old in which I am trying to nurse! I REALLY don't have time to follow him around like a hawk and I am sick of it!! Yes the other kids are being hurt and I am sure their parents are tired of it, they haven't said anything, but I can feel it! No child is perfect and their children sometimes have behaviors, whose don't, but this child is so constant and I don't feel like I am getting anywhere! I need Nanny 911 and I am a daycare provider! 
Friday he bit a child, today the same child has scratch marks on his cheek from being hit by him! I am nervous for his mother to come and that is why I asked if I could somehow let my other families know I am doing something about it! I know there are privacy issues, but they all KNOW what child I am talking about! I don't have to tell them their children do and they see if for themselves! Can I say I am working diligently on the issue and leave it at that? I just need her to know that I am working on the problem so in the mean time she doesn't get mad and leave or something and I need to know how to do this without breaking the privacy rules!! I appreciate your thoughts advice and anything you have to offer! I am going to put up a seperate post about sample probation contracts! I have never had to do this and I feel like I am giving up, but I am sick of living my day watching and making sure he doesn't hurt anyone, it is ridiculous!!!
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So LIC says we are not supposed to inform the parents who hit, kick, bit, etc. However, as you stated the kids are able to be verbal and tell the parents who did it.
In this case, I would talk to the victims paretns and let them know that you are trying to put an end to it and that you are not ignoring it.
Wow this really sounds like a DCB that I had. The mom was in the dark about his BAD behavior and she was a school teacher.
I tried everything I could, but the issue with the child was that there was NO consistency in schedule, daily routine...
How often does this child come to DC?Comment
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He comes 4 days a week!! I am not sure why he isn't getting it!!! I have NEVER had a child like him before! Honestly he is just flat out MEAN!Comment
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how long has he been there? wow that is crazy... but it sounds like this goes on becuse mom and dad don't do anything about it.... a child coping with their emotions is hard to deal with. My 3.5 year old sometimes still has blow outs with his behavior becuase he gets so upset...Comment
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He has been here since he was 6 months old! The behavior started when I added a child the same age as him.... However he does it to ALL of the kids, just the majority is taken out on the same aged child! I don't know I feel like I have done everything right here and he is just thick headed or something! I have been doing in home childcare for almost 7 years and have never had this BIG of a problem! I have done everything the same with him as I would have any other child I have dealt with that had behavior issues come up! I don't know I feel like I get rid of his hitting, then kicking starts, I get rid of his kicking and then scratching starts, get rid of that and hitting starts again! He has bitten all along!! I don't know it is a never ending battle! I think if his parents would get him around kids and wouldn't GIVE him EVERYTHING he wants we might get somewhere! I don't know he surely RULES THE ROOST at home and it isn't hard to see! Like when she gets here at the end of the day: He won't leave, tells her no, takes toys from the kids and she just stands there, watches and in a whiney high pitched voice says "lets go", "you shouldn't do that", "give that back", but NEVER makes him do anything! I get SOOOOO sick of it that I pick him up, bring him down to my entryway and walk back up the stairs and shut the door! I take him off of the swing set him out of the sandbox and tell him to go! She will let this go on for 15-20 mins EVERYDAY! I don't think she has EVER picked him up and MADE him leave!!! One day she came and I was cleaning up snack and some of the kids where down and she was standing by my gate trying to persuade him to leave when I heard the 2 year olds start bickering I went running over there and pulled him off the other 2 year old who he was trying to bite, while she just stood right there next to them and LITTERALLY watched it happen and DID NOTHING! UGH I don't know that is them and it is NOT me and not how I run my show!
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wow its def time for a talk with the bullys parents... I am jaw dropped
have you read the Nannyde artice changing of the guard? You should really read it.. She is Brilliant!!! Like nanny 911 but for DC. she is strict, but I love her ways because they work.
If you cant find the article, I think I copied it and saved it so i could find it for you...
This behavior from the child cannot continue. Not for your sake, the others or the child... Letting it go on does not teach him anything...
I feel for you..hang in there... Hopefully you will get the parents to work with you on this. However, please read the article.....Comment
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I would call a Daycare Facility and ask them how they work with parent and daycare staff on children that act out like this.
When my son was 2 yrs old he was a bitter. At nap time he bit a girl so hard she bleed. The staff called me and asked me to come and pick him up from care. He was a suspended 2 yr old for 2 days. At the time I was upset at the facility for suspended him..it put me at a inconvenience but also I was upset at my son. How dare they is how I felt...now I know better.
Put the behavior right back on the parents. I would have a meeting with both mom and dad. Maybe, "if allowed"... video tape play time and interactions. So parents can see upfront and personal what you are trying to get a crossed. Explain that there are new procedures that you are putting in affect such as sending home a child for biting or for any behavior you deem not exceptionable or safe. If your parents of this child get up set in any way tell them at this point you are putting this in affect bc it's the last straw and you'd really like to work with him and not just term him. Let them you YOU are NOT giving up on this child. However, this type of behavior has been going on way to long with out any improvements. You have a responsibility to unsure each child's safely if any child was seriously hurt bc of this child your the provider will be found at fault. Either these parents will work with you and try there best to help with changing his behavior or they don't and you continue to send this child home. The parents are not going to be happy with continually having to miss work bc of his behavior. And trust me other places will do the same. Specially facilities....they just don't mess with that type of behavior. It could mean a lawsuit if there was a major injury.Comment
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Jp
do you have nine kids by yourself? If so are they all there at one time? What is your max daily kids and do you have a staff assistant?Comment
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To the parents of:K the child JUST turned 2. He is a menace, to put it mildly! LOL He is an only and the first grand on both sides! He can talk GREAT, so NO that is not the problem! He knows how to say "I want a turn", I get a turn he done", "share, please", pretty much everything that has to do with sharing, taking turns, manners - everything! I have taught him good words to use to get a turn and to wait for a turn and to share, we have practiced this religiously - it is his actions that I can't get rid of and they just keep comming! I have been COMPLETELY consistent with him and have tried several different things to bite his behavior in the butt and NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING is working! His parents are aware of what is going on here as we have had SEVERAL discussions about it and I have given them different things they could do at home and told them that THEY needed to set up playdates for him, inside and outside of his home, go to ECFE classes! I told her to do the playdate thing so she could see just WHAT I was talking about, because she claims they don't see this behavior at home! She has seen him in action here though........ He hits me for crying out loud!! He is a bully to all the kids, but he really takes it out on a boy I have here who is the same age as him! He wants what everyone else HAS, he will, kick, bite, scratch, pinch, take, wrestle for whatever! I am sooooo tired of it! I cannot turn my back on him! It is CONSTANT and I mean CONSTANT! I currently have 9 kids in care and this summer will have 11, one of those kids is my 4 month old in which I am trying to nurse! I REALLY don't have time to follow him around like a hawk and I am sick of it!! Yes the other kids are being hurt and I am sure their parents are tired of it, they haven't said anything, but I can feel it! No child is perfect and their children sometimes have behaviors, whose don't, but this child is so constant and I don't feel like I am getting anywhere! I need Nanny 911 and I am a daycare provider! Friday he bit a child, today the same child has scratch marks on his cheek from being hit by him! I am nervous for his mother to come and that is why I asked if I could somehow let my other families know I am doing something about it! I know there are privacy issues, but they all KNOW what child I am talking about! I don't have to tell them their children do and they see if for themselves! Can I say I am working diligently on the issue and leave it at that? I just need her to know that I am working on the problem so in the mean time she doesn't get mad and leave or something and I need to know how to do this without breaking the privacy rules!! I appreciate your thoughts advice and anything you have to offer! I am going to put up a seperate post about sample probation contracts! I have never had to do this and I feel like I am giving up, but I am sick of living my day watching and making sure he doesn't hurt anyone, it is ridiculous!!!
Little Johnny's behavior in child care is becoming increasingly difficult to manage in the group setting. When children reach the age of two they often have some physical acting out which in my experience is manageable with redirection and verbal prompts.
Little Johnny is not responding to normal methods of discipline and correction. I have also seen numerous situations during arrival and departure where he is acting out and not responding to the verbal redirections you have given him. After speaking with you specifically about this, I am convinced that he is only doing this in my setting. Your account of his home behavior is so drastically different than what I'm seeing in my care that I'm certain the only rationale for such immense difference IS my setting.
I'm relieved to know he is so well behaved at home. This shows me clearly that he HAS the ability to behave like a little gentleman. It's just not happening here which causes us all great concern.
The behaviors he is having here are violent. He is aggressive with the other children to the point that he is comrimising my ability to safely supervise and care for them. The amount of attention he needs moment to moment far surpasses that of the other children.
I want to be clear with you that this is NOT because of his age. I have had many children from birth to five and his behavior is not reflective of any normal stage of any age. Despite an inordinate amount of minute to minute intervention and redirection he continues to kick, hit, and bite the other kids. He is clearly understanding what is expected of him and directly refuses to follow my expectations.
I know that it is impossible for you to work on this behavior at home because you are not seeing his obstinence and defiance at your home. I do, however, see that he is behaving poorly when you arrive and depart and while he is here during the day.
Begining tomorrow you will need to take ahold of his behavior when you are arriving and departing. This means he is to behave and follow MY rules while you are in my home with him. If he acts out in any way you are to take him outside and correct the behavior. He is not to enter my home or be in my home while acting out.
I am willing to work with him for two more weeks to correct his behavior. During this time you must be available to come and get him should he refuse my direction. I will give him two warnings to correct and then he will need to be picked up. I will text/call you with both warnings so you can make the preparations you need to have him picked up. On the third offense he will be separated from the children completely until you arrive.
I highly suggest you begin looking for other arrangements for him. His behavior is so drastically different between my home and your care that I really feel he needs an environment that more clearly mimics the care he receives at your home. If you would like to pull him immediately, please feel free to do so without notice. I will not hold you financially responsible for our termination agreement. I want what is best for Johnny and understand completely if you are unable to comply to my plan of picking him up from care.
My plan will begin tomorrow should you decide to continue care. Please sign and return this notice if you should decide to use our services during this two week period. Should Johnny's behavior show immediate and postive changes we will be happy to continue to offer services. Otherwise please accept this as a two week notice effective immediately.Comment
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Yes! I agree that that during the probationary period, the child should be picked up for any unruly and unsafe behaviors that he exhibits.
Defninitely saving this and tucking it away for when I will inevitably need a letter like this. I am fortunate enough to have a great group of kiddos right now. ***knocking on wood***Comment
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I am licensed to care for up to 12 children by myself! I usually have that many in the summer and I hire a teenager to help me during the summer months! During the school year I usually have 10 or so! I currently have 9 children that are here and this is what my week looks like!
Monday
2 year old 7 - 5pm (Not the problem child) Boy
4 year old 7-4:15pm Boy
3 year old 7:30-5pm Girl
4 year old (My daughter, Preschool: leaves at 7am and returns at 11am) Girl
3 year old (Preschool arrives at 11am stays till 5pm) Boy
6 year old (My daughter gets off of the bus at 3:45pm) Girl
4 month old (My son) Boy
Tuesday
2 year old 7 - 5pm (Not the problem child) Boy
2 year old 7 - 4pm (Problem child) Boy
4 year old 7-4:15pm Boy
3 year old 7:30 - 5pm Girl
4 year old (My daughter) Girl
4 year old (She rotates 2 days one week, 4 days the next week 2:30-5) Girl
6 year old (My daughter gets off of bus at 3:45pm) Girl
4 month old (My son) Boy
Wednesday (Always my FULL day)
2 year old 7-5pm (Not the problem child) Boy
2 year old 7 - 4pm (Problem child) Boy
4 year old 7-4:15pm Boy
3 year old 7:30 - 5pm Girl
4 year old (My daughter arrives at 11am after preschool) Girl
3 year old (Preschool arrives at 11am stays until 5pm) Boy
4 year old (Rotates 2 days one week, 4 days the next week 2:30-5) Girl
6 year old (My daughter gets off of bus at 3:45pm) Girl
4 month old (My son) Boy
Thursday
2 year old 7 -5pm (Not the problem child) Boy
2 year old 7 - 4pm (Problem child) Boy
4 year old 7-4:15pm Boy
3 year old 7:30 - 5pm Girl
4 year old (My daughter) Girl
3 year old 7 - 5pm Boy
4 year old (Rotates 2 days one week, 4 days the next week 2:30-5) Girl
6 year old (My daughter gets off of bus at 3:45pm) Girl
4 month old (My son) Boy
Friday
2 year old 7 - 5pm (Not the problem child) Boy
2 year old 7 - 4pm (Problem child) Boy
4 year old 7-4:15pm Boy
3 year old 7:30 - 5pm Girl
4 year old (My daughter) Girl
4 year old (Rotates 2 days one week, 4 days the next week 2:30-5) Girl
6 year old (My daughter gets off of bus at 3:45pm) Girl
4 month old (My son) Boy
Once summer comes I add two school age Girls a 7 and 9 year old!! 7 year old is full time 7-4:15 and the 9 year old is 3 days a week 7:30-5!
I also have a mom who is expecting in October! : )Comment
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wow how do you do it?? that is a lot of kids for one person to take on...
You my friend are brave..
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