I Don't Like One Of My DCK

[Symphony]

and it breaks my heart

She is almost 5, has two younger siblings and is completely in charge at her house. She makes all of the decisions! Plans their menu, decides what activities they will do, when everyone goes to bed...an example, DCM wanted to spend a weekend away a few weeks ago, but they couldn't because DCG wouldn't let them :confused: ETA they even let her choose the daycare...the kids went to three different daycares for a week each and then they let her choose which one at the end.

She screams bloody murder at drop off, getting everyone else in tears too. At pickup she tells dcm that she had the worst day of her life. I don't get a break anymore, because if I lay her down she will kick and scream the entire two hours so no one sleeps.

Lots of little things, she whispers in the other kids ears, "isn't that your favorite toy? Why are you letting him play with it?" pointing to another child. Or one of the kids will bump their head and when they cry she'll say, "Your mom isn't here! She might never come back!" So now we are crying for the bump and missing mom...

Then there are the things that make me think...You are four? If a child cries at the table, "She's sad because everything you make us is disgusting" or in the playroom, "She wishes you weren't so mean and really wants her mom".

So today, I lay everyone down, put in a movie for DCG and run to the bathroom. When I come back, she is sitting at the nap room enterance saying, "I know you guys don't want to take a nap, but it is not my choice here, I am not the boss! I woouls love for you to stay up with me, but she says you can't I'm so sorry!"

Are you kidding me???

I have never had such a hard time with a kid before. I seriously dread work now and it breaks my heart. The worst part is that I ADORE her siblings. I don't know what to do. The stress just makes me cry

Thanks for listening.

[SandeeAR]

She would have VERY quickly found herself taking a nap in the room with me, WITHOUT TV!

[daycare]

all kids in my care nap.. I would not give in to her game.... if eveyone naps she naps... dont let her reel you in to her little games..


just like the other person said I would have this child laying on a mat by my side with NO tv. once you negoitate it becomes an opportunity for the child to battel you every time....

[snowborden1]

Wow!!! That child has to go ASAP! Those parents have really created a monster. YIKES! I am so sorry you have to go through this. That is so unfortunate that you have to lose out on all three kids because of the one.

[nannyde]

She knows she has the power over you... that you will do as you are told. She doesn't know WHY but she knows it for a fact.

My guess is that you tolerate her to protect the income of the siblings. My guess is that you KNOW if you term her or put a hard and fast stop to her behavior that the other two will go out the door along with the money. My guess is that you are biding time till she gets into school when you just have the two little ones.

If a kid knows you are weak they are going to take over. If you ARE weak because you are trying to protect the income of the siblings then you must allow her to lead.

She IS your boss. She IS the one who decides your income.

This is what happens when children lead. It never works out.

If you want her behavior to stop you have to risk the income of the siblings. Are you willing to do that? If not, then make friends with your boss and try to keep her happy.

You will not be able to convince the parents that she is not your boss. There's no words to say... no plan to put in place... no correcting her behavior. The ONLY way to get this to stop is to stop allowing her to run the show or let her go.

[JenNJ]

I'm with Nan on this. This kid has you wrapped around her finger. It really is NOT her fault bc you aren't making her tow the line. In my house its this simple -- you follow my rules or out you go. Parents and kids.

Only you can decide if the money is worth dealing with a manipulative brat everyday.

[Symphony]

It's not really about the money, it is that I love the other two so much. They are only going to be here through the summer and I already have two other families coming to fill the spot.

You are completely right about the naps and the TV though. That I need to stop right away. Do you ladies think when I put my foot down in that area, the other things will settle down too? You all are right and tomorrow we will all be laying down, no exceptions. It isn't worth it to the other kids for me to be this stressed.

Any other suggestions for the other stuff? I've never seen a passive aggressive four year old and I don't know how to handle that...

[MommyMuffin]

It is hard to admit when you dont like a dck. I try to think of the positive things about the child. Sometimes certain dck personalities or their parents "parenting" techniques just dont mix well.

My own daughter is at an impressionable age and I do not want any child influencing her with horrible behavior like the dck you are talking about. I work very hard and pride myself on how respectful and nice my daughter is. I am somewhat picky about the children in my daycare.
I would term.

[nannyde]

It's not really about the money, it is that I love the other two so much. They are only going to be here through the summer and I already have two other families coming to fill the spot.

You are completely right about the naps and the TV though. That I need to stop right away. Do you ladies think when I put my foot down in that area, the other things will settle down too? You all are right and tomorrow we will all be laying down, no exceptions. It isn't worth it to the other kids for me to be this stressed.

Any other suggestions for the other stuff? I've never seen a passive aggressive four year old and I don't know how to handle that...

If it's not about the money then offer to care for the two little ones for free and tell them to take the four year old somewhere else. They WILL go for it.

[JenNJ]

This girl isn't PASSIVE aggressive -- she is aggressive.

[squareone]

She knows she has the power over you... that you will do as you are told. She doesn't know WHY but she knows it for a fact.

My guess is that you tolerate her to protect the income of the siblings. My guess is that you KNOW if you term her or put a hard and fast stop to her behavior that the other two will go out the door along with the money. My guess is that you are biding time till she gets into school when you just have the two little ones.

If a kid knows you are weak they are going to take over. If you ARE weak because you are trying to protect the income of the siblings then you must allow her to lead.

She IS your boss. She IS the one who decides your income.

This is what happens when children lead. It never works out.

If you want her behavior to stop you have to risk the income of the siblings. Are you willing to do that? If not, then make friends with your boss and try to keep her happy.

You will not be able to convince the parents that she is not your boss. There's no words to say... no plan to put in place... no correcting her behavior. The ONLY way to get this to stop is to stop allowing her to run the show or let her go.

There is no arguing with this. These are the facts - plain and simple.

If it's not about the money then offer to care for the two little ones for free and tell them to take the four year old somewhere else. They WILL go for it.

Free is funny::. I get your point though, Nan. Symphony, if it's really NOT about the money then tell the parents that you will continue to care for the younger two (with pay of course )but the girl has to go. They will either take you up on the offer or leave with all 3.

Oh, and this part "...that they even let her choose the daycare...the kids went to three different daycares for a week each and then they let her choose which one at the end."

The truth is probably that they got kicked out of 3 other daycares and you are the 4th stop.

[countrymom]

I'm going to be blunt here. ARE YOU KIDDING ME! you let this girl rule your house. You are an adult and its your business, why do you let some 5 yr old girl tell you and the others what to do, are you scared of her, do you fear losing income.
You need to put her in her place right away, she wants to whisper to the children, then she gets to play by herself, she's naughty at nap time, then put her in a spot away from the children. Why are you not punishing her for her naughty ways, if corners don't work, then sit her in a chair and let her watch the children play, reward the children for their good behaviors, she'll see what is going. I hate rewarding children but sometimes this is the only way to get to them. You need to stop this behavior asap. What she does is home is moms buisiness but you don't let her do naughty things in your house.

[Symphony]

You all have really opened my eyes here. It is strange how sometimes you need an outside person to show you what is going on.

The reason they wanted to switch from a center to a home was because dcm wanted all her kids to be together, so I don't think she would let them split up. I don't think my other families would appreciate knowing I was watching them for free...even though I admit that is a very tempting idea which would make me much happier.

I think I will do what you all have said and make some big changes around here.

[nannyde]

You all have really opened my eyes here. It is strange how sometimes you need an outside person to show you what is going on.

The reason they wanted to switch from a center to a home was because dcm wanted all her kids to be together, so I don't think she would let them split up. I don't think my other families would appreciate knowing I was watching them for free...even though I admit that is a very tempting idea which would make me much happier.

I think I will do what you all have said and make some big changes around here.

I don't know that there are many families with three kids who wouldn't take an offer to care for two of the three for free and have the other one who is older (and will be separating from them in August anyway) go somewhere else for five months.

Your other families don't have to know the two are there for free but even if they do... it's none of their business.

[gbcc]

Good for you for opening your eyes and realizing there is a problem here! To be honest if you decide to keep this child it is going to be a pi$$ing match for awhile. You just need to show her that you will shoot harder and farther .

I have a child that I really don't like and it also makes me very sad. When I look at him I see money signs and no affection. He honestly gives me the creeps. He constantly has to touch people especially the babies and I find this very odd. I will not let him out of my sight and he is 6 years old. Tons of Red Flags on this kids future. He is also the one I complained that if he has a good day the parents buy him McDonalds.