She knows she has the power over you... that you will do as you are told. She doesn't know WHY but she knows it for a fact.
My guess is that you tolerate her to protect the income of the siblings. My guess is that you KNOW if you term her or put a hard and fast stop to her behavior that the other two will go out the door along with the money. My guess is that you are biding time till she gets into school when you just have the two little ones.
If a kid knows you are weak they are going to take over. If you ARE weak because you are trying to protect the income of the siblings then you must allow her to lead.
She IS your boss. She IS the one who decides your income.
This is what happens when children lead. It never works out.
If you want her behavior to stop you have to risk the income of the siblings. Are you willing to do that? If not, then make friends with your boss and try to keep her happy.
You will not be able to convince the parents that she is not your boss. There's no words to say... no plan to put in place... no correcting her behavior. The ONLY way to get this to stop is to stop allowing her to run the show or let her go.
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