DCP Stopping Over After Business Hours

[Unregistered]

I am a registered user but decided to post this way tonight...just in case.

Here's the situation...dcp calls a lot (checking on kids, forgot to mention something about kids, etc.....most of it is bs and there was really no need to call). I've gone to letting voice mail pick up then if I must respond, it is by text or e-mail back instead of a call back.
The last straw....dcp shows up (when he knows darned well daycare is over AND he knows my kids are at music lessons AND he knows my hubby is not usually around then).

I had plans with hubby (dh was actually off that day unbeknownst to dcp) and hubby was just down the street. I shut the curtains, got a bottle of wine out, let my dog out quick and as I am letting doggie back in, I see dcp out of corner of my eye and on his way up to my door. My dh and I rarely get time alone and we had like 50 minutes that night (first time in months).

He had his kids' valentines (he was not going to bring kids monday, their mom was...who by the way he sees and talks to every single day). He managed to get in the front door. I backed way up and hoped dh would be coming in back door any minute. I said that the mom could have brought the valentines and he said no, he wouldn't let her bring them as he didn't trust her not to do something to them. wth...what would she do to her kids' valentines?

Then he proceeded to stay for 20 minutes, whining about the kids' mom and blah, blah, blah. My dh stalled outside (because he cannot stand the dcp) but finally came in, didn't acknowledge the dcp and then the dcp finally left. I am very uncomfortable with this dcp. We have seen him drive by our house in the evening and weekends MANY times, I live on a street where he'd really have no business other than daycare. He has started going to my church too, a different religion that what he is.

Today he called and left detailed vm that kids are sick and won't be here tomorrow. VERY detailed message. I see no reason to call back yet he wants a call back. I will text him in a bit and tell him I got the message and hope kids feel better.

Has anyone had this weird of a dcp before? I need to send him a letter that I don't want visits after daycare hours without a phone call...I really want to charge him my overtime fee for his being here 20 minutes after I was already closed that night. Just looking for some input/suggestions/letter to send?

Most of my dcps avoid him like the plague.
Thanks in advance for your help.

[KEG123]

Um. Creepy. I don't know what I'd do, honestly. Sounds like he's giving you (and everyone else) a bad vibe. Instincts are there for a reason.

[laundrymom]

I would just tell him honestly that while you love your job that after hours you devote your time to your family. That you would like him to respect your personal time.

I am a registered user but decided to post this way tonight...just in case.

Here's the situation...dcp calls a lot (checking on kids, forgot to mention something about kids, etc.....most of it is bs and there was really no need to call). I've gone to letting voice mail pick up then if I must respond, it is by text or e-mail back instead of a call back.
The last straw....dcp shows up (when he knows darned well daycare is over AND he knows my kids are at music lessons AND he knows my hubby is not usually around then).

I had plans with hubby (dh was actually off that day unbeknownst to dcp) and hubby was just down the street. I shut the curtains, got a bottle of wine out, let my dog out quick and as I am letting doggie back in, I see dcp out of corner of my eye and on his way up to my door. My dh and I rarely get time alone and we had like 50 minutes that night (first time in months).

He had his kids' valentines (he was not going to bring kids monday, their mom was...who by the way he sees and talks to every single day). He managed to get in the front door. I backed way up and hoped dh would be coming in back door any minute. I said that the mom could have brought the valentines and he said no, he wouldn't let her bring them as he didn't trust her not to do something to them. wth...what would she do to her kids' valentines?

Then he proceeded to stay for 20 minutes, whining about the kids' mom and blah, blah, blah. My dh stalled outside (because he cannot stand the dcp) but finally came in, didn't acknowledge the dcp and then the dcp finally left. I am very uncomfortable with this dcp. We have seen him drive by our house in the evening and weekends MANY times, I live on a street where he'd really have no business other than daycare. He has started going to my church too, a different religion that what he is.

Today he called and left detailed vm that kids are sick and won't be here tomorrow. VERY detailed message. I see no reason to call back yet he wants a call back. I will text him in a bit and tell him I got the message and hope kids feel better.

Has anyone had this weird of a dcp before? I need to send him a letter that I don't want visits after daycare hours without a phone call...I really want to charge him my overtime fee for his being here 20 minutes after I was already closed that night. Just looking for some input/suggestions/letter to send?

Most of my dcps avoid him like the plague.
Thanks in advance for your help.

[mickey2]

I would tell dcd I am going to talk to your wife!


Period! Story closed!

End it before it starts!

Sounds to me like this jerk might be looking for trouble!

[Abigail]

I would have locked the door and turned the lights off. LOL.

Creepy he drives by! I would be concerned and make sure my doors are locked at night too.

I don't think you can charge for this time, but I would mention if they ever stopped by after hours that you will not answer the door or else it's $1/minute for over time fees, LOL. Nahh, I simply wouldn't answer the door and if it happens again terminate. I can't handle creepy.

[nannyde]

There is no nice way to address this. You have to be blunt and tell him: DCD you are calling me for things that can either wait until the kids are in care or don't really involve care. You are making the things that do have to do with care much longer than necessary. You have come to my home during my off hours to discuss the children's care.

Tell him that it needs to stop or you will need to have a "parent conference fee" that is five dollars a minute paid upfront. This fee will be for texting, phone calls, and any face to face conference that you deem unnecessary. This will be institued immediately.

[missnikki]

I hope you are licensed. Call your licensor and report this guy. Why? It gives me (and others here) the creeps and quite frankly, you need to get it documented by an outside individual ASAP.

THEN, you have your talk with him about boundaries, rules, business hours.
Make sure he knows that once your business is closed for the day, it becomes your home and any person showing up unannounced will be treated as a stranger. Let him know that your husband does not take kindly to visitors when he is not home. Tell him you almost called the police when you saw him coming.

Any man who is genuinely a good person would understand what you are trying to say and get that he has overstepped. Any other reaction (denial, anger, acting weird) is a sign of a red flag.

Please trust your gut and be smart. Wouldn't hurt to have a neighbor keep a watchful eye afterwards. If I sound paranoid, it is because I am getting a very strong chill from this one and I'm sorry to frighten- better safe than sorry.

[Unregistered]

I agree that you need to put a stop to this now and I would do it with a phone call, letting him know that he will no longer be allowed into your home except when dropping off or picking up his kids. I think as providers we are so vulnerable being alone all day and the way this dcd is acting would make me very uncomfortable. I do have a open door policy, but it has strings attached. I live at the end of a private drive, I keep my inside door locked and my screen door locked, all my parents know they are welcome anytime, but they have to knock and be let in. Protect yourself by making it clear to him that he can't come to your house whenever he feels like it.

[Little People]

I agree with everyone you need to stop this now. I would tell him that after your closing hours.. YOUR DAYCARE IS CLOSED and it is your family time!

Maybe you could hang a sign on your door that says CLOSED!!

Sorry you are going through all this, and I think if you don't stop it now it will get worse.

[momofboys]

He most certainly is overstepping boundaries & I would not be happy about it. It also gives me the creeps. You need to have a frank discussion with him about how when you are closed you are closed! Good luck!

[nannyde]

He most certainly is overstepping boundaries & I would not be happy about it. It also gives me the creeps. You need to have a frank discussion with him about how when you are closed you are closed! Good luck!

I wouldn't focus on the peak of his indescretion which is coming during of hours. He will just claim that he won't do THAT again. The day to day problems with him consuming a disproportionate amount of the providers time by calling, texting, and conferencing about things she doesn't really need to do with him needs to be focused on.

[missnikki]

I wouldn't focus on the peak of his indescretion which is coming during of hours. He will just claim that he won't do THAT again. The day to day problems with him consuming a disproportionate amount of the providers time by calling, texting, and conferencing about things she doesn't really need to do with him needs to be focused on.

There is a big difference between taking up a providers time and lurking/stalking her at night and at church. The time issue is annoying. The stalking is potentially dangerous.

Put the cart before the horse on this one.

[nannyde]

There is a big difference between taking up a providers time and lurking/stalking her at night and at church. The time issue is annoying. The stalking is potentially dangerous.

Put the cart before the horse on this one.

Nope

What made him feel comfortable taking it to the next level was the positive response he got from the frivilous contacts he has done in the past. She definitely needs to address the off hours visit BUT she needs to first address what made him comfortable doing it in the first place.

[missnikki]

I'll respectfully agree to disagree.

[Crystal]

I'd put this man in his place THE VERY NEXT TIME I saw him. Id' say it AND provide it in writing. Set boundaries and enforce them. I'd also talk to the Mom about this.

Also, if he drives by after hours again and you see him, I'd have hubby stand outside and wave him to pull over. HE should then tell the man that he has no business driving around your home and that if he sees it again, he will be calling the authorities.

I think it is time to insert your husband into your business....DCD needs to know that hubby will not tolerate another man's intrusiveness.