DCP Stopping Over After Business Hours

[JenNJ]

All the contact needs to be addressed. Today. I would not answer texts or emails unless they were emergencies. Check the voicemail before deciding to return the call or not and do Nannyde's "buh-bye outside" program. I would be reluctant to let him inside my home anymore so I would likely just terminate if the behavior did not stop immediately.

[jen]

I'd put this man in his place THE VERY NEXT TIME I saw him. Id' say it AND provide it in writing. Set boundaries and enforce them. I'd also talk to the Mom about this.

Also, if he drives by after hours again and you see him, I'd have hubby stand outside and wave him to pull over. HE should then tell the man that he has no business driving around your home and that if he sees it again, he will be calling the authorities.

I think it is time to insert your husband into your business....DCD needs to know that hubby will not tolerate another man's intrusiveness.

The problem with that advice is that it is a public street and there is literally nothing anyone can do to stop his from driving around in her neighborhood. All he would need to say is that he drives by on his way to such and such a place...

I would simply send out an email to everyone which states a policy regarding addressing daycare issues:

Dear Parents,

In order to maintain proper supervision of all the children in care, I feel the need to implement the following policies:

During the daycare day, my time is quite limited and dedicated to caring for the children. I will of course give you the quick run-down at the end of day, but please understand that this is a very busy time and therefore any issues which need to be discussed more thouroughly should be addressed in a conference scheduled in advance.

My family time is very important to me. Arriving after hours for an unscheduled visit may result in immediate termination of care. Please respect the needs of my family as I strive to respect the needs of yours.

As always, for quick concerns during the day, please feel free to email me or text me and I will get back to you at my earliest convenience.

For the driving by situation I would say something like this to Mom: I see "Jim" drive by all the time! Do you have friends in this neighborhood?

Also, any text or email that he sends to you, reply to BOTH Mom and Dad.

He needs to know that his adventures aren't going to slide under the radar. ANYTIME he initiates any contact with you, make sure that Mom knows about it. He call, then send Mom and email. Jim called today to check in on Susies and Timmy. Susie and Timmy are doing great in daycare! Of course, if any issues do arise, I will be sure to let you know.

EVERYTIME he makes contact, you contact Mom.

[laundrymom]

I agree with responding to both with every contact. However I would also never respond to a text or call until dc hours. If I get a text after hours they get a response the next business day ( in most cases) my closed time means closed.

[laundrymom]

Also if a dad walks in my home when it's alone time with hubby,.. I tell them. I'm sorry but you need to leave,... ( while opening the wine)This is my closed time and hubby ran out for whip cream and chocolate. Then show him the door.

[Unregistered]

Too freakin' creepy...I JUST terminated a family for some of the stuff you are telling...the dad CREEPED me and my sister and daughter-in-law out big time! I couldn't take it one more minute ..and I am old enough to be this dcd's MOTHER...it's just too creepy...YUCK!!!

[dEHmom]

I read the majority of the responses.

You need to report this guy immediately. I understand that the police often can't do anything about it until after something happens. But you need to have it documented with them.

Why doesn't your husband step in? I understand he doesn't like him, but he shouldn't have left you alone with him like that! He should have been standing there with you, letting this guy know he needs to ______ off! It was Valentines day, why wasn't he with his wife?

I would suggest informing this father, if he would like to continue with childcare, he needs to respect your business and personal life. His constant contacts are interferring with the care you can/are providing.
If he is so concerned about informing you, he will spend the time prior to dropping off his child typing up a note for you. If the information is not on that note, he may only contact you if it is actually that important for you to know. And if he contacts for something "important" and it is not important, you will be raising his rates.

This sends chills down my spine, and it makes me think of some of the movies i've seen!

I don't trust this guy, and the fact that he did what he did, especially on valentines, makes me think that he's got pictures of you plastered all over his wall, and he is watching you more than what you've noticed.

[missnikki]

I read the majority of the responses.

You need to report this guy immediately. I understand that the police often can't do anything about it until after something happens. But you need to have it documented with them.

Why doesn't your husband step in? I understand he doesn't like him, but he shouldn't have left you alone with him like that! He should have been standing there with you, letting this guy know he needs to ______ off! It was Valentines day, why wasn't he with his wife?

I would suggest informing this father, if he would like to continue with childcare, he needs to respect your business and personal life. His constant contacts are interferring with the care you can/are providing.
If he is so concerned about informing you, he will spend the time prior to dropping off his child typing up a note for you. If the information is not on that note, he may only contact you if it is actually that important for you to know. And if he contacts for something "important" and it is not important, you will be raising his rates.

This sends chills down my spine, and it makes me think of some of the movies i've seen!

I don't trust this guy, and the fact that he did what he did, especially on valentines, makes me think that he's got pictures of you plastered all over his wall, and he is watching you more than what you've noticed.

This is what I'M saying too! I am getting a very disturbed vibe from this. As a PP said, your instincts are there for a reason. (And I'm not one to sweat, pretty much, anything.)

[Atroya]

I agree with everyone..this behavior has to stop. Definitely start talking to his wife. Maybe call her and tell her the constant phone calls during the day need to stop because you have kids taking naps at various times and the phone calls are disturbing the children. Take that up with him also, but by talking to his wife about it, she may question him about it too. Him driving by and going to your church is also very creepy. I would just terminate them,and also report him to the police as a potential stalker. Call the wife, tell her what has been going on, tell her he is making you uncomfortable, and tell her because of it, you are terminating immediately.

I would also lock the door at all times, especially after the last kid leaves in the evening. When the door shuts behind them..lock it. I have one set of parents that walk in without knocking, two sets that knock. The only reason I prefer knocking is that I have 2 big dogs that go crazy when someone comes in the house, and that way I can get them outside before I open the door.

[DCMomOf3]

Why doesn't your husband step in? I understand he doesn't like him, but he shouldn't have left you alone with him like that! He should have been standing there with you, letting this guy know he needs to ______ off!

The problem I see with this is he may back off with her DH there but having the husband step in could only make him avoid the husband. Then he may start coming when he knows DH is gone and she is alone. She needs to be assertive and firm with or without her husband and have a plan in place if he doesn't react well to being told to back off.

[busymomof2]

Weirdo!!! When he calls let the vm pick it up. When he drops off/picks up kids don't listen to him or appear interested in what he is saying. Some how he thinks he has a sempathatic ear in you or maybe even a friend. I have a bm who crept me out too. Always staying after drop off wanting to talk (hello I'm working), wanting to hang out on the weekend, etc. One day she she showed me naked pictures of her on her cell phone (before tummy tuck). I could not believe it! That's when I knew I was in the wrong by letting her think we could be friends or even listening like I cared what happened to her. Now during drop off/pick up it's hello and good-bye. That's what you need to do - let him know you are not his friend or at all interested in ever being a friend.

[Unregistered]

The creepy dcp

I am so appreciative of your help. He is away on biz travel this week and kids are in care of another relative so it's been fairly quiet. Only one or two e-mails since the weekend. I am writing a carefully worded letter thanks to all of you (that will go to ALL families) indicating that I will not entertain dcps after business hours and all contact will be during hours. I will post final wording, hopefully later today. Then will ask you all to read it before I send it out. Thanks again for helping me end this. I am a very friendly, caring, religious person and will have to find a way to just be non-caring when he is around. My door is now locked all of the time! Thanks for your concern of a fellow provider.

[nannyde]

I am so appreciative of your help. He is away on biz travel this week and kids are in care of another relative so it's been fairly quiet. Only one or two e-mails since the weekend. I am writing a carefully worded letter thanks to all of you (that will go to ALL families) indicating that I will not entertain dcps after business hours and all contact will be during hours. I will post final wording, hopefully later today. Then will ask you all to read it before I send it out. Thanks again for helping me end this. I am a very friendly, caring, religious person and will have to find a way to just be non-caring when he is around. My door is now locked all of the time! Thanks for your concern of a fellow provider.

It won't work but you need the experience of attempting this kind of problem solving with this technique. Part of this business is knowing when you can tell all to tell one.

In this case you need to tell one.

[mickey2]

It won't work but you need the experience of attempting this kind of problem solving with this technique. Part of this business is knowing when you can tell all to tell one.

In this case you need to tell one.

I agree with nan!

This is not like a sick policy reminder or something.

You need to just be frank and tell this guy that you will not tolerate any inappropriate, unnecessary or after hours contact and if it continues he will need to seek a new daycare for his children!

[missnikki]

I agree with nan!

This is not like a sick policy reminder or something.

You need to just be frank and tell this guy that you will not tolerate any inappropriate, unnecessary or after hours contact and if it continues he will need to seek a new daycare for his children!

AND you need to report him to licensing! AND you need to document everything. AND you need to call the police if he continues.

I CANNOT STRESS THAT ENOUGH.

[daycare]

so I read your post but have not had the chance to read what everyone else is saying...

so here goes my 2cents...thats probably all its worth..

so this guy kinda sounds like my ex-hubby...

now think about this for a sec.

my x- was comp. heartbroken when we seperated and divorced. He is from a diff county and did not have any family or really any close friends to talk with or turn to.

The only thing he had in his life were his kids, which he worried about them 24/7. For about 2.5 years he went through this really weird phase in his life. He was depressed and really wanted to make friends, he is one of these overly intelligent people with no social skills and he did exactly what this guy is doing to our preschool teacher..... a center not a home daycare

he would drive over to the preschool teachers house alot, as she babysat for us from time to time and would not call first. Lets just say he had no ability to properly socialize at all.... I fell in love with his brains...

one day I got a call from preschool teacher and she asked me what is up with your x? I asked why what is he doing now????.... she told me and I had to pull him aside and talk to him... he was so emabrassed and did not realize that he was being over bearing and creepy.

I could be wrong here, but maybe this is the case for this guy. His kids may be all he has, maybe a really bad marriage, or sad life and he is really trying to just find a friend or any form of meaing for his life.

anyways now that I just aired my dirty laundry..... I think you should just talk to the wife and ask her about it.... also talk to both of them with every subject.
sorry to throw the whole different side of this........could be......or not.....

good luck...