Owner's Son Changing Diapers

[Jupadia]

At the age of 9 almost 10 I was changing my newborn baby brothers diapers, by the age of 12 (legal age to babysit where I lived at the time) i was changing all the kids i babysat some as young as 3 months.

I personally dont see an issue as long as the qw year old knows how to do it properly.

[Cat Herder]

I'm sure the 12 year old isn't considered a caregiver but a volunteer and there is no age limit for that it looks like.

Here volunteers cannot provide direct care (they can read, lead a project, sing, dance, lecture, cook, etc.) , must have a background check on file for view and have written approval before being in the playroom.

I did not look up requirements for volunteers in NY. I might have a few minutes this afternoon. Huge storms = clingy kids.

[daycarediva]

If your reason is simply because he’s a boy...yes it IS supporting gender discrimination but if your reasoning is simply due to his age then that is different in my opinion.

May I ask what state you are in as many states do not allow children of that age to assist/help in ways such as changing, eating or carrying an infant.

I agree. Our state requires a caregiver to be at least 18 years old and approved by the office (background check, fingerprinting, etc). Even if there is a grey area with the caregiver/volunteer verbiage, volunteers cannot give direct care. As a parent I would prefer it not be happening. When I enrolled I assumed the caregivers only would be doing this, you know? I have 11 & 13 yo boys. I wouldn't be telling them to change diapers. It seems unprofessional.

[Blackcat31]

I agree. Our state requires a caregiver to be at least 18 years old and approved by the office (background check, fingerprinting, etc). Even if there is a grey area with the caregiver/volunteer verbiage, volunteers cannot give direct care. As a parent I would prefer it not be happening. When I enrolled I assumed the caregivers only would be doing this, you know? I have 11 & 13 yo boys. I wouldn't be telling them to change diapers. It seems unprofessional.

Just clarifying since so many are commenting about what they did/do as babysitters.

Babysitting and working/volunteering and/or helping within the umbrella of a licensed caregiver are two different things.

OP~ I would discuss this with the licensed provider and just let her know that you would prefer that only those 18 and over (REGARDLESS of gender) perform all basic care routines etc for your children.

[LysesKids]

Here volunteers cannot provide direct care (they can read, lead a project, sing, dance, lecture, cook, etc.) , must have a background check on file for view and have written approval before being in the playroom.

I did not look up requirements for volunteers in NY. I might have a few minutes this afternoon. Huge storms = clingy kids.

Yep, we have a severe wind/damaging hail warning right now with our thunderstorms... not the greatest idea for infants that are trying to nap

[LysesKids]

Just clarifying since so many are commenting about what they did/do as babysitters.

Babysitting and working/volunteering and/or helping within the umbrella of a licensed caregiver are two different things.

OP~ I would discuss this with the licensed provider and just let her know that you would prefer that only those 18 and over (REGARDLESS of gender) perform all basic care routines etc for your children.

THIS

[mommyneedsadayoff]

Good morning! I am new here, I’m a father of two beautiful daughters, 1 and 3, and have a third baby on the way. Both of my girls started daycare, three days a week, once they turned one and my wife stopped breastfeeding. I really like our daycare. It is run out of a private home and is somewhat a family business as the owner runs it together with her husband, daughter (in her 20’s) and oldest son (19yo). The people are nice, the house is cozy and very clean and both of my girls seem to have a great time there but I saw something the other day that is bothering me and I don’t know if I could be overreacting.
To start off, I tried searching through the interweb for a similar situation but was unable to find one.
So last week I dropped off my girls a little later than usual and I saw the daycare owners 12yo son changing the diaper to one of the other girls. I didn’t say anything at that moment but I asked my wife later and she also thought it odd.
Today we asked the owner about it and she was very open that she believes that her kids should contribute and learn these valuable life skills. I totally agree that chores are important in a family but here’s my thing:
While I have no problem with the owners husband or 19yo son changing diapers, I am bothered by the 12yo changing my youngest daughters diapers (our 3yo is diaper free, woot woot!). I guess it’s because he’s a boy in the heat of puberty that’s bothering me so much. I want to be clear that I have no reason to think there is abuse or anything like that going on and changing a 1yo diaper is in no way sexual but boys in puberty can be curious and that is what has me worried.
What do you think? Am I just supporting some sort of bias?

Yes, I do think you are being bias towards young men. That is why I am assuming Catherder does not allow her sons to change diapers...to protect them from parents who may falsely judge or accuse them(sorry if that is not the case CH!). That being said, as parents, we should always be made aware of the people who will be providing direct care for our children. You saw another person's child being changed, questioned it, and now hopefully they understand you prefer the other adults to change your child, versus the son. If you don't feel they understand this, I would just speak with your provider and I am sure she will understand. That being said, I know many teen boys who are excellent childcare providers! If you feel good about everything otherwise, hopefully they will honor your wishes and it will all work out! Wish you the best!

[Cat Herder]

Yes, I do think you are being bias towards young men. That is why I am assuming Catherder does not allow her sons to change diapers...to protect them from parents who may falsely judge or accuse them(sorry if that is not the case CH!).

It is. I've been in business for myself 24 years. Worked in centers several (many ) years before that. When I opened it was still against regs for men to work in rooms with infants/toddlers or assist in restrooms. Yes, I am serious.

Attitudes are changing, but not as quickly as one would expect.

One false accusation could have ruined my sons chances of a productive future. True or not, that shadow sticks with someone.

[amberrose3dg]

It is. I've been in business for myself 24 years. Worked in centers several (many ) years before that. When I opened it was still against regs for men to work in rooms with infants/toddlers or assist in restrooms. Yes, I am serious.

Attitudes are changing, but not as quickly as one would expect.

One false accusation could have ruined my sons chances of a productive future. True or not, that shadow sticks with someone.

It does. My oldest daughters daycare was ruined over a false accusation. The woman was proven liar. It still ruined their business.

[DaveA]

My Mom ran a home daycare when I was 10-16 and I helped out. I don't remember if I changed diapers then (mid-late 80's). I know I changed diapers at 16 assisting in a 2 year old classroom in the daycare center she opened. Check with your local licensing for what the assistant requirements are. In IL you have to be 14 & 5 years older than the oldest enrolled child. I could easily see a situation where the provider asked if their child could "help out" at that age and a rep saying "sure" thinking they were talking about reading, passing out food, etc. and not considering diapering. If it's against regs they shouldn't be doing it period. If it complies with regulations they aren't doing anything wrong.

As to your question- I do think at least part of this biased based on you raising things such as hormones/ curiosity/ etc. This is family business including a husband and another man who I'm assuming helped when he was younger. There's a good chance they've experienced some pretty sexist/ discriminatory crap in that time. All in the name of "concerns", "protection", "it's a difficult situation" or other bs. Lord knows I've dealt with it from parents and other child care professionals my whole career. So they are probably not going to put up with any type of implication. Don't be surprised if when you go anywhere near what your are implying they tell to get out of their house and never come back.

[Unregistered]

My Mom ran a home daycare when I was 10-16 and I helped out. I don't remember if I changed diapers then (mid-late 80's). I know I changed diapers at 16 assisting in a 2 year old classroom in the daycare center she opened. Check with your local licensing for what the assistant requirements are. In IL you have to be 14 & 5 years older than the oldest enrolled child. I could easily see a situation where the provider asked if their child could "help out" at that age and a rep saying "sure" thinking they were talking about reading, passing out food, etc. and not considering diapering. If it's against regs they shouldn't be doing it period. If it complies with regulations they aren't doing anything wrong.

As to your question- I do think at least part of this biased based on you raising things such as hormones/ curiosity/ etc. This is family business including a husband and another man who I'm assuming helped when he was younger. There's a good chance they've experienced some pretty sexist/ discriminatory crap in that time. All in the name of "concerns", "protection", "it's a difficult situation" or other bs. Lord knows I've dealt with it from parents and other child care professionals my whole career. So they are probably not going to put up with any type of implication. Don't be surprised if when you go anywhere near what your are implying they tell to get out of their house and never come back.

You're really going to pull the sexism card? In a field that is predominantly women and paid lower wage than fields that are predominantly men? Really, Dave? I'm not going to cow toe to you like everyone else does.

[hwichlaz]

So it's okay if her 19 yo son changes diapers but not her 12yo son? I'm having a hard time with that. You're saying he was supervised.

I can hire a 14 year old off the street as an assistant in my state. And because they aren't 18 yet, there is no background check required. However, they count as a second adult in my ratios.....

you're overreacting

[hwichlaz]

I'd also like to point out...that your post didn't read like the 12 year old was changing YOUR child...and you have no way of knowing what their relationship to that child's family is. The little one could have been a cousin, niece, godchild etc....

2 of my families have been hiring my son to babysit their girls at their homes on date nights since he was 12.

[DadBod]

I'd also like to point out...that your post didn't read like the 12 year old was changing YOUR child...and you have no way of knowing what their relationship to that child's family is. The little one could have been a cousin, niece, godchild etc....

2 of my families have been hiring my son to babysit their girls at their homes on date nights since he was 12.

It wasn't my child this time, but I was unaware that a 12yo was changing diapers at all since summer break began. My daughter could have been changed on a daily basis by this boy for the past 6 weeks.

I do know the mother of the girl that was being changed and they are not related to the boy or the owners family. If it were a family thing there would be obviously no problem there.

The two families that your son babysits for know or have met him I presume? I have never talked to this boy and I do not know his character or level of responsibility. Also, I am not paying a babysitter or an individual, I am paying a state inspected child care business.

I dont mind the 19yo working at the day care because he is not a minor and is certified to work as a caregiver.

[hwichlaz]

It wasn't my child this time, but I was unaware that a 12yo was changing diapers at all since summer break began. My daughter could have been changed on a daily basis by this boy for the past 6 weeks.

I do know the mother of the girl that was being changed and they are not related to the boy or the owners family. If it were a family thing there would be obviously no problem there.

The two families that your son babysits for know or have met him I presume? I have never talked to this boy and I do not know his character or level of responsibility. Also, I am not paying a babysitter or an individual, I am paying a state inspected child care business.

I dont mind the 19yo working at the day care because he is not a minor and is certified to work as a caregiver.

Very true, if you were paying a baby sitter you'd be paying MUCH MUCH more.