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I know that some totally agree with this but what is going on with the parents that have the kiddos in bed with them every night? I have yet another parent that I questioned why junior does not like his bed here and she finally told me what I already knew and that he sleeps with them. He's a year old. I have 2 parents that do that out of 8. Does noone know about SIDS? I don't recall any of my friends siblings sleeping with their parents when I was little. Do you guys agree with it/disagree with it? What are your thoughts? I am thinking, first of all it's dangerous. My one dcg is almost 2 and wonder if they're sleeping and she wanders around the house what could happen. Secondly, I don't know how any of them could get proper sleep.
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I put my kids as infants in a side sleeper until they were getting on all fours (but not IN our bed, not at all safe).
And only bc I'm lazy and breastfed. It was easier. They transitioned to a crib in our room after that, and then after a year or so, to their own room. -
As a new, young mother, I was told by my pediatrician in the hospital to never bring the baby into our bed, even for nursing. He also said to put her in her own room.
I followed his advice. Both of my babies were fantastic sleepers.Comment
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I think it ALL stems from not wanting child to cry/be unhappy.
Over worked parents, stressed, over scheduled, busy lives leaves little time for quality anything.
Most just want sleep.
Co-sleeping is just one way to eliminate common sleep issues. Or rather it's the easiest way to get some sleep and not have your kid cry.
Co-sleep = easy.
SUIDS? That only happens to other people.
*Disclaimer* my comment are in general. I know some co-sleepers have completely different goals and reasons for doing it.Comment
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I have had a few co sleepers and it is usually only a problem right when they start here. They all started at under 4 months, but I told parents right away..."I do not sleep with babies, hold babies while they sleep, or put them in swings to sleep, so they will cry as they adjust to the new environment. I am here for them as support the whole time, but they will cry." None of them really cared, as long as the kid got on a good schedule, which they always did by about the 2-3 week mark. Every single one of these parents came in at some point in that first year and said, "little one is sleeping int heir own bed! They just wanted to and slept all night! They are so awesome!" Yep, they did it all on their own because at least one person in their life allowed them the freedom to sleep
Anyhoo, I really don't care what they do at home, but I have never understood how co sleeping was easier. I cannot sleep with a kid in my bed. I would be a zombie and probably go sleep in their crib if they took my bed over. It was never an option for my kids, because it just did not work for me or my husband. My bed is MY sanctuary and I wanted their beds to be THEIR sanctuary. When my daughter was 3, she went through this phase where she thought bugs were in her bed and she was terrified to sleep in her room. I laid a mat by my bed and she slept on the floor for a few weeks until it passed. That is the only sleep issue we have really had, but again, no kids in my bed. Nope!:
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Co-sleeping is part of the "attachment parenting" movement. Baby should never cry. Baby should be coddled every waking (and sleeping) moment. In my opinion, this teaches babies that they cannot possibly cope without mommy which is not in baby's best interest at all. Most "attached/co-sleeping" babies I've known are chronically miserable unless they are being held, rocked, nursed, etc.
There's a difference between being attentive and being attached 24/7 to your child. I was an attentive mother but none of my babies slept with me and I did not wear them in a sling all day. They were happy babies who could entertain themselves while I folded a load of laundry or left the room for a few minutes and they all slept in their own beds from birth
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I have seen some solid attachment parents who use balance. I have also seen the extreme attachment parent who lives and breathes their baby 24/7 and it is incredibly unhealthy. The only nanny job I ever quit was one of them. She was making herself sick with worry and her baby was perfectly fine! No matter what me and her husband said, she questioned whether it was good for the baby or would lead to brain damage. She was a pathologist and her dh an ER doc...incredibly smart people, very clueless parents. I couldn't be a part of it anymore.Co-sleeping is part of the "attachment parenting" movement. Baby should never cry. Baby should be coddled every waking (and sleeping) moment. In my opinion, this teaches babies that they cannot possibly cope without mommy which is not in baby's best interest at all. Most "attached/co-sleeping" babies I've known are chronically miserable unless they are being held, rocked, nursed, etc.
There's a difference between being attentive and being attached 24/7 to your child. I was an attentive mother but none of my babies slept with me and I did not wear them in a sling all day. They were happy babies who could entertain themselves while I folded a load of laundry or left the room for a few minutes and they all slept in their own beds from birth
My only contention with some attachment parents is the CIO issue and the fact that they sometimes act as though their style of parenting is the only truly acceptable way. If you do it differently, you are hurting your child in some way. I could say the same to them, but I don't, because I don't really care how they do things. But they truly care that I am causing brain damage because my babies cry sometimes.
I am still trying to figure out when commonsense left parenting, but for me, it all started with my crazy nanny family and a giant Dr. Sears book.
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I don't agree with bed sharing.
I think there needs to be better education and terminology on co-sleeping.
Many hear co-sleeping and think "baby needs to sleep in my bed with me." It is simply not safe. What is safe is having babe sleep in their own bed/bassinet/pack and play either in the parents room or in their own room.
Similar to what BC said, bed sharing is a band aide for over worked, over tired, over scheduled families who want to sleep without putting in the work of teaching their children how to sleep.Comment
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I have almost all co sleeping families. They train after a few weeks and sleep fine here. My only irritation is when they whine about it 😁Comment
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Nearly all of my friends bed share. I'd say 50% do it for the exact reason BC stated, and 50% do it because they believe we push children to be too independent too soon in this country. All of my friends are very well-educated, and are fully aware of the risk of SIDS.
I'll tell you that of my mommy friends I was the first to move my guy to his crib (at 4 months), and they thought it was super weird.Comment
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I agree, my bed was my sanctuary and their beds were theres. I now have a 19 year old son and 16 year old daughter. The only time they slept with us is if there was a bad storm or something and they were scared. I don't care which way you slice it, sleeping in a bed with an infant is dangerous. Accidents happen every single day like that. This particular child is a drop in. His brother comes 3 days a week, but grandma watches him. Mom came last night and I was holding him and I told her that he cries every time that I put him down and she said oh I know, he does that at home too. I can't put him down. Well, yes you can, he may cry though at first until he gets used to entertaining himself. He's a year old and doesn't even crawl. I see a problem.Comment
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I wanted to chime in with another perspective....
I am not an AP parent, if I had to put myself in a category I would say I am a RIE parent but I co-slept with my daughter and some of our most fond memories were formed in those moments. From her infant eyes gazing up at me when she awoke to the ten year old whose nights end in bed sharing a love of literature asking, "have you finished your chapter?" .... "Okay maybe just one more chapter..." etc. At ten she spends weeknights in her bed and 1-2 weekend nights co-sleeping in my bed staying up late reading beside me.
When dd was young co-sleeping took time, safety precautions had to be taken into account and it limited my ability to have others give me a break for more than a couple hours but it worked for us. When we transitioned to dd learning to sleep on her own I sat by her bed and held her hand, each night and each nap.... in a moment of questioning myself I mentioned it to a friend whose child was entering her teens she said "Be grateful she wants you to hold her hand, all too soon she will not even want you in her room." Today I am grateful for the days I was able to hold her hand as the time I have with her is fleeting and precious so I have no regrets. Society is rushing her to grow up and be independent, the homework load is intense, etc. so I understand dd's desire to have a space/rhythm at home to reconnect.Comment
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IMO, despite the safety concerns, co-sleeping causes kids to be extra tired in the morning. I tell parents all the time "their kids are sleeping but they are not RESTING". No one can rest with that many people in the same bed. Plus the kids never get a nap at home because they won't sleep unless a parent is beside them....BUT they sleep for us at daycare! Go Figure! Parents just don't want to put the time into it!
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It is definitely part of a new trend where we keep hearing things about women in African tribes who carry their babes all day and cosleep all night, and how those babies never cry. How American moms are so seperated from their poor babies etc. Moms here start to feel guilty and your start to convince yourself it is better. Maybe it IS better but I am not living in an African tribe with oodles of other women around supporting me. I tried to cosleep but it cost me 8 months worth if sleep and I barely even remember my daughters first 8 months. I think it can work but you need a support system OR you need to be a sound sleeper. I was a light sleeper.
Having said all of that when it comes to daycare, cosleeping parents are not helping their kids transition to group care. They think they can live in the African tribe at their house but then transition easily to American life while they go to work. Those children are exhausted and it isn't fair to them.Comment
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Absolutely! I had a child sleep at my house for 5 hours straight he was so exhausted from cosleeping.IMO, despite the safety concerns, co-sleeping causes kids to be extra tired in the morning. I tell parents all the time "their kids are sleeping but they are not RESTING". No one can rest with that many people in the same bed. Plus the kids never get a nap at home because they won't sleep unless a parent is beside them....BUT they sleep for us at daycare! Go Figure! Parents just don't want to put the time into it!Comment
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