Co-sleeping

[Annalee]

Co-sleeping does not cause children to be extra tired in the morning - parents not ensuring their child gets the proper amount of quality sleep, regardless of location, does. Most parents I know put their children down significantly later than they should and we do not live in a society that values sleep - most of us (adults and children) walk around sleep deprived. Also all the technology and screen time does not help - my dd had zero screen time so that helped when she was little. Also my dd did nap at home because I would make sure she was tired by having an active and not passive day and I would lay beside her or sit beside and hold her hand until she went to sleep. I did put in the time, I would say CIO is the cliff notes version compared to the amount of time I dedicated to my daughter building a positive association and skill to go to sleep independently.

I suggest the book Sleepless in America: Is Your Child Misbehaving...or Missing Sleep? to all new families in my program as I am a HUGE sleep advocate https://www.amazon.com/Sleepless-Ame...ess+in+america

I have right now and have had many kids that are so tired from co-sleeping but have slept, in their parents mind, a good 8-10 hours. In my experience, one parent ends up in another bed which again means they lost their bed so they still don't rest good:confused: The entire family is affected but do not take the time to fix the problem!

[Max]

Anyone else on any mom boards/groups where majority of the pro co-sleepers get super defensive whenever SIDS is brought up? When it comes up, everyone promotes it but no one mentions SUID so as soon as I do (respectfully, just so all the info is out there) everyone is quick to point out that SUID/SIDS is sudden and unknown, and very different from suffocation. Which yes that's true but... Doesn't our training teach that since the back to sleep campaign and promotion of safe sleep measures, the number of SIDS/SUID cases has significantly dropped?

These groups I'm on view anyone who points out the risk of co-sleeping as a fear mongering stick-in-the-mud who is on their high horse So I must say, I'm happy I don't see any of that here! I don't have anything against people who co-sleep. I get it, we're all going to make different choices in life, especially with kids.

Sorry, just had to vent about these other groups

FWIW~ I currently co-sleep and struggle with it (mentally). Baby sleeps fine in his crib at night and for short naps during the day but I'm working 3rd shift (10.5 hr shifts) and need to sleep during the day. I'm drawing the line this week.. If I can't get on another shift, I'm outta here! happyface DC is close to being ready anyways! Plus, baby needs to get more used to how our lives will be once DC opens

[mommyneedsadayoff]

Anyone else on any mom boards/groups where majority of the pro co-sleepers get super defensive whenever SIDS is brought up? When it comes up, everyone promotes it but no one mentions SUID so as soon as I do (respectfully, just so all the info is out there) everyone is quick to point out that SUID/SIDS is sudden and unknown, and very different from suffocation. Which yes that's true but... Doesn't our training teach that since the back to sleep campaign and promotion of safe sleep measures, the number of SIDS/SUID cases has significantly dropped?

These groups I'm on view anyone who points out the risk of co-sleeping as a fear mongering stick-in-the-mud who is on their high horse So I must say, I'm happy I don't see any of that here! I don't have anything against people who co-sleep. I get it, we're all going to make different choices in life, especially with kids.

Sorry, just had to vent about these other groups

FWIW~ I currently co-sleep and struggle with it (mentally). Baby sleeps fine in his crib at night and for short naps during the day but I'm working 3rd shift (10.5 hr shifts) and need to sleep during the day. I'm drawing the line this week.. If I can't get on another shift, I'm outta here! happyface DC is close to being ready anyways! Plus, baby needs to get more used to how our lives will be once DC opens

I have seen that on many FB groups. Ironically, the same people blow a gasket when i mention CIO or self soothing, because of brain damage. If you do the research, it does not exist, but according to them, I am hurting my child, yet the info on SIDS is considered fear mongering.

[Josiegirl]

Co-sleeping with infants has got to be dangerous. And it's totally frustrating when a child is 2+ and the parent just gives up and lets them sleep in their bed. From a provider's standpoint it makes our day a little bit harder.
I have a 4 yo dcg who still sleeps with mom and dad a lot. This girl hardly ever naps here but I do keep her on a cot with books. Her mom has a fit if she falls asleep because then she won't go to bed at night. Last weekend she didn't nap and still didn't sleep early or well. I spoke up and said 'then I guess it doesn't matter if she naps or not'. This girl clearly has not been taught to self-soothe and fall asleep on her own.:confused:
It's frustrating when they shift the blame to us for letting them nap, yet don't do their part to help teach healthy sleep patterns.

[Ariana]

I disagree. I have had a lot of co-sleeping families and have never had a positive experience in regards to mood and rest time here when they co-sleep at home.

https://www.todaysparent.com/family/...s-co-sleeping/

My experience as well and since most cosleeping parents, who have their kids with us are working, they don't necessarily understand or see first hand the ramifications.

[daycarediva]

I wanted to chime in with another perspective....

I am not an AP parent, if I had to put myself in a category I would say I am a RIE parent but I co-slept with my daughter and some of our most fond memories were formed in those moments. From her infant eyes gazing up at me when she awoke to the ten year old whose nights end in bed sharing a love of literature asking, "have you finished your chapter?" .... "Okay maybe just one more chapter..." etc. At ten she spends weeknights in her bed and 1-2 weekend nights co-sleeping in my bed staying up late reading beside me.

When dd was young co-sleeping took time, safety precautions had to be taken into account and it limited my ability to have others give me a break for more than a couple hours but it worked for us. When we transitioned to dd learning to sleep on her own I sat by her bed and held her hand, each night and each nap.... in a moment of questioning myself I mentioned it to a friend whose child was entering her teens she said "Be grateful she wants you to hold her hand, all too soon she will not even want you in her room." Today I am grateful for the days I was able to hold her hand as the time I have with her is fleeting and precious so I have no regrets. Society is rushing her to grow up and be independent, the homework load is intense, etc. so I understand dd's desire to have a space/rhythm at home to reconnect.

Out of curiosity, are you married/have a SO? How's your sex life? Our 'marriage bed' and room is sacred space for us. Child free (and if my child is scared or sick, dh and I will sleep in their rooms with them, not the other way around)

Sounds like it worked for you well though.

I disagree. I have had a lot of co-sleeping families and have never had a positive experience in regards to mood and rest time here when they co-sleep at home.

https://www.todaysparent.com/family/...s-co-sleeping/

Same experience here. For working parents in my experience, it has been a nightmare and just a bandaid on serious sleep issues.

[Cat Herder]

Out of curiosity, are you married/have a SO? How's your sex life?

Get out of my head. :::: Marriage already has a high enough failure rate, why push it over the ledge.

Everyone here knows my views on this topic pretty well, so I shall refrain from the soapbox.

[hwichlaz]

My sex life was uneffected...we just had sex other places then our bed.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

My sex life was uneffected...we just had sex other places then our bed.

Can I ask how your SO felt about co sleeping? I did not bed share because I cannot sleep with a kid int he bed. I think it is because I am a light sleeper and I worry too much. In fact, even now, I sleep so lightly at night that when saturday/sunday com around, my dh gets up at 7 or 8 and I sleep HARD till about 10. Once he is up and I know he has ears on the kids and is "on duty", I can finally relax and I literally PASS out! Anyway, back to my question, because when I was pregnant with my first, I mentioned having a bassinet or one of those types that goes in your bed and he said no. He was adamant about it. He sleeps like the dead, which is probably why I sleep so lightly at night, but it was not just about being scared to roll on the baby. It was also about keeping our bed for us. I almost got the sense that he was scared I would kick him out or start choosing the baby over him. It was a vulnerable side to him that he does not show often and it stuck with me, so bed sharing was never even an option. Did you experience that or did your SO not care either way? Do they sleep ok with the baby in bed too? Thanks for any feedback! I love this topic!

[hwichlaz]

Can I ask how your SO felt about co sleeping? I did not bed share because I cannot sleep with a kid int he bed. I think it is because I am a light sleeper and I worry too much. In fact, even now, I sleep so lightly at night that when saturday/sunday com around, my dh gets up at 7 or 8 and I sleep HARD till about 10. Once he is up and I know he has ears on the kids and is "on duty", I can finally relax and I literally PASS out! Anyway, back to my question, because when I was pregnant with my first, I mentioned having a bassinet or one of those types that goes in your bed and he said no. He was adamant about it. He sleeps like the dead, which is probably why I sleep so lightly at night, but it was not just about being scared to roll on the baby. It was also about keeping our bed for us. I almost got the sense that he was scared I would kick him out or start choosing the baby over him. It was a vulnerable side to him that he does not show often and it stuck with me, so bed sharing was never even an option. Did you experience that or did your SO not care either way? Do they sleep ok with the baby in bed too? Thanks for any feedback! I love this topic!

At first, he was against it. But I was exhausted and fell asleep driving one day....luckily kind of came to a slow stop on the shoulder of the road. Then I fell asleep nursing him in the rocking chair and dropped him. So I told my DH that it wasn't fair that I was doing all of the getting up with our son since I was breastfeeding....so if he didn't want to cosleep that was fine...but he needed to be the one to put him back in his own bed when I was done nursing him. He agreed, then lasted 3 nights. He realized he wasn't in danger of rolling over on him at all. That we both are the kind of sleepers that wake up a little bit to change positions. Then DH loved it because he got to wake up to see his son looking at him, watching him in the morning...and when daddy would open his eyes, Timmy would smile really big at him. <3

[CityGarden]

I appreciate a great discussion City and I hope you do not feel I am trying to put you down. I really just want to know why parents are so intent on making sleep a problem they need to solve or something they must ease their child in to. I just find it very fascinating and the only thing I have come up with so far is that they don't want the child to cry. They feel the cry is out of distress and has nothing to do with sleep. This has been my experience and I appreciate your insight!happyface

I too appreciate good discussions - I typically won't comment on such a hot button topisc especially because I don't feel there is any one right approach. Sleep was not something I felt the need to solve or fix, in the moment I just did what felt natural for me.

[CityGarden]

Out of curiosity, are you married/have a SO? How's your sex life? Our 'marriage bed' and room is sacred space for us. Child free (and if my child is scared or sick, dh and I will sleep in their rooms with them, not the other way around)

Sounds like it worked for you well though.

I do have a SO, we do not live together, and we have a fantastic and creative sex life but at that time I was a single mom escaping an abusive partner. It did work well for me at the time... and some of my most precious memories with my dd were in those small moments. If I marry and have future children it would have to be a conversation for my husband and I to decide together - and I am not set on any one way.

I will say my SO parents in a similar fashion as we are both very active in our children's lives ---- he flies out of state for every basketball game of his college age son and he encourages me to cherish the moments with my daughter and to not rush her to milestones or to rush her growing up. We just enjoy them.

[Ariana]

I too appreciate good discussions - I typically won't comment on such a hot button topisc especially because I don't feel there is any one right approach. Sleep was not something I felt the need to solve or fix, in the moment I just did what felt natural for me.

To me you did what was best for both of you and you were at home with him during the day. I think most of us are talking about kids in daycare. I know I did things with my kids that I couldn't have done if they had been going to daycare. This is a big part of the priviledge of being at home. I personally think that attachment parenting type of style only works for stay at home parents.

[CityGarden]

To me you did what was best for both of you and you were at home with him during the day. I think most of us are talking about kids in daycare. I know I did things with my kids that I couldn't have done if they had been going to daycare. This is a big part of the priviledge of being at home. I personally think that attachment parenting type of style only works for stay at home parents.

We co-slept with all three babies - the first two while I was working full-time and the last while I was at home with everyone. We chose to co-sleep because we enjoy it. Our babies all napped independently just fine.
Ours are all now as children perfectly fine sleepers in their own beds, though we do all like to cuddle in the morning on the weekends.
Our children stayed with their grandmother while I was at work.
I do feel strongly that co-sleeping does NOT usually set up a healthy sleep pattern for a child that has to go to daycare all day with many other children. My mom was happy/excited to rock babies, but that is not possible at daycare.

Yes Ariana I do feel I did what worked for us and I do feel it was in large part because I was not working outside the home. I do agree with spinnymarie that I too feel "strongly that co-sleeping does NOT usually set up a healthy sleep pattern for a child that has to go to daycare all day with many other children."

[Max]

Mommyneedsadayoff I know you didn't ask me but my DH is super pro co-sleeping but I had to tell him that it's just not working for me - I was too worried about the baby in our bed and was NOT getting good sleep at all. My sleep is sacred... and being a tired mom all the time was no good for anyone! Plus I went on and on about safe sleep so now baby goes in the crib each night. My DH has been so infatuated with the new baby though, he's a big ol softy.

Anyways just thought I'd chime in on