Please Help Me Punish DC Girl

[DCMomOf3]

punishment often is used in a negative way.
Therefore, the term discipline is needed to replace that.

Too many people believe to punish their child means to spank, or whatever it is.
I'm NOT saying punishment means that you are hitting, spanking, or whatever, but I AM saying that when people hear the word punishment they think of some form of cruelty.
So to me, it is not the correct word. You can't put in your contract "I will PUNISH your kids if they say a bad word", "I will DISCIPLINE" them, meaning I will tell them, we don't talk that way here, that's nice, etc.

Discipline is the positive way to teach a child something. It's redirecting the bad behavior and modelling the correct way to behave. So they are less likely to repeat the bad behavior, more likely to learn from the mistake, and not making them suffer for it, even if sometimes we think they should.

Ditto this.

[DCMomOf3]

i get where you're coming from baybee, disipline is better received than punishment by most people. I keep littles so I do redirection more than anything, it's easier with toddlers, they can't do too many "bad" things...I don't have biters, they just like to sit on each other for some reason?! I just take baby a off of baby b's back and move on

You have 'sitters' too? Phew. I thought DCB2 was alone. I am at a loss what else to do. LOL

[dEHmom]

Ditto this.

Thank you DCMomOf3.

I didn't think I had said anything to cause a debate in my op, but apparently either I did, or some people are within the 2 weeks surrounding a menstrual cycle.

I'm really ill today, and so I've spent too much time on here already, but I'm seriously thinking the drama on this site is just too much to handle.

[DCMomOf3]

Thank you DCMomOf3.

I didn't think I had said anything to cause a debate in my op, but apparently either I did, or some people are within the 2 weeks surrounding a menstrual cycle.

I'm really ill today, and so I've spent too much time on here already, but I'm seriously thinking the drama on this site is just too much to handle.

In my classes they had a whole assignment on the difference between discipline and punishment and the effects on a child. There is a fine line for sure, but I would rather err on the side of caution when using terms like this. Even though in this case it is meant to be harmless, just using the word sets a certain tone.

Back to the issue at hand, it's all good, I think. I am pretty sure she got the advice she wanted.

[jen]

Thank you DCMomOf3.

I didn't think I had said anything to cause a debate in my op, but apparently either I did, or some people are within the 2 weeks surrounding a menstrual cycle.

I'm really ill today, and so I've spent too much time on here already, but I'm seriously thinking the drama on this site is just too much to handle.

You know, I wasn't going to say anyting, but...

The original poster was asking for advice on how to punish a child for writing on a table. You and another poster took it upon yourselves to correct her verbage. Whether she used the word punished or disciplined was of no consequence to her post. Has it occurred to you that simply responding to her question, without the grammar lesson, would have reduced the drama to about, oh, zero?

Maybe it isn't me (or anyone else) who is pms'ing...maybe you don't feel well and the word "punished" strikes a chord with you because of your own personal bias?

[dEHmom]

You know, I wasn't going to say anyting, but...

The original poster was asking for advice on how to punish a child for writing on a table. You and another poster took it upon yourselves to correct her verbage. Whether she used the word punished or disciplined was of no consequence to her post. Has it occurred to you that simply responding to her question, without the grammar lesson, would have reduced the drama to about, oh, zero?

Maybe it isn't me (or anyone else) who is pms'ing...maybe you don't feel well and the word "punished" strikes a chord with you because of your own personal bias?

Oh? I did originally just post with my 2 cents on a punishment. I seen someone had mentioned punishment was not the correct term, and she explained her reasons for that. I then seen the OP'er state in a very defensive way that it WAS the right term, and I just matter of factly pointed out that it was not.
SO....the conversation took a turn, and I went with that turn, followed it up with FACTS and then became a target for a rampage.

Yes me not feeling well may have been what triggered it, but that does not change the fact that what I stated was merely facts and offering a better term for or Clarifying what she was trying to say.

[cillybean83]

what do you do with your sitters? My son is the one who gets sat on the most, he's the only boy and they gang up on him and the poor thing has just learned to take it...he's been surrounded by ALL dkg's since he was 5 months old

I just pick my dcg's up off my kid and say "the floor is for sitting, you can play with Jack but you can't sit on him" then Jack points at them and says "NUH" and 20 minutes later someone is sitting on him again ROFL

as far as the post I don't think it was dramatic, different strokes for different folks, it isn't that big of a deal, it's just a word, the OP didn't say "what should I use to beat this kid, a bat or a claw hammer"... ::

[jen]

Oh? I did originally just post with my 2 cents on a punishment. I seen someone had mentioned punishment was not the correct term, and she explained her reasons for that. I then seen the OP'er state in a very defensive way that it WAS the right term, and I just matter of factly pointed out that it was not.
SO....the conversation took a turn, and I went with that turn, followed it up with FACTS and then became a target for a rampage.

Yes me not feeling well may have been what triggered it, but that does not change the fact that what I stated was merely facts and offering a better term for or Clarifying what she was trying to say.

LOL! Not a rampage and those are not facts!

[DCMomOf3]

I am saying it's time for the punishment vs discipline path to stop now. It's getting out of hand, let's get back to the point of this post. Both sides have had a say and arguing will not solve anything, just make the frustrations build.



I would like to know what happened with the DCK, did you make her write lines and did it help?

[dEHmom]

What are not facts?

She wanted to teach girl a lesson....teaching lesson = discipline, not punishment

Then I explained the difference between discipline and punishment.

Then I explained my childhood, how I was punished, and not disciplined.

When my own children drive me nuts, do you not think I want to backhand them so hard that they go flying into the wall? Pull out a leather belt and swat them? But I don't. Because this would just teach them to be afraid of mom. And I've lived it, and seen within my own parenting, and children's fear, when I hubby used to get mad, the kids would cringe, curl up in a ball, or drop to the floor in fear of a smack. But they still did the same things, they just tried to not get caught. It broke my heart to watch my kids cringe when any male figure lifted a hand, because they "Feared' they did something wrong, and were about to get punished. Not even knowing whether they did something or not.

I didn't do anything wrong, and I only stated FACTS.

[MyAngels]

what do you do with your sitters? My son is the one who gets sat on the most, he's the only boy and they gang up on him and the poor thing has just learned to take it...he's been surrounded by ALL dkg's since he was 5 months old

I just pick my dcg's up off my kid and say "the floor is for sitting, you can play with Jack but you can't sit on him" then Jack points at them and says "NUH" and 20 minutes later someone is sitting on him again ROFL

as far as the post I don't think it was dramatic, different strokes for different folks, it isn't that big of a deal, it's just a word, the OP didn't say "what should I use to beat this kid, a bat or a claw hammer"... ::

That might be a record - your post made me laugh twice - once for your poor baby's reaction to being sat on, and once for the bat and/or claw hammer ::. I love this site!

[DCMomOf3]

what do you do with your sitters? My son is the one who gets sat on the most, he's the only boy and they gang up on him and the poor thing has just learned to take it...he's been surrounded by ALL dkg's since he was 5 months old

I just pick my dcg's up off my kid and say "the floor is for sitting, you can play with Jack but you can't sit on him" then Jack points at them and says "NUH" and 20 minutes later someone is sitting on him again ROFL

my kids cry, apparently they haven't learned to take it yet. And DCB will just move from kid to kid. LOL. I'll just keep moving him in hopes that someday he stops.

[jen]

What are not facts?

She wanted to teach girl a lesson....teaching lesson = discipline, not punishment

Then I explained the difference between discipline and punishment.

Then I explained my childhood, how I was punished, and not disciplined.

When my own children drive me nuts, do you not think I want to backhand them so hard that they go flying into the wall? Pull out a leather belt and swat them? But I don't. Because this would just teach them to be afraid of mom. And I've lived it, and seen within my own parenting, and children's fear, when I hubby used to get mad, the kids would cringe, curl up in a ball, or drop to the floor in fear of a smack. But they still did the same things, they just tried to not get caught. It broke my heart to watch my kids cringe when any male figure lifted a hand, because they "Feared' they did something wrong, and were about to get punished. Not even knowing whether they did something or not.

I didn't do anything wrong, and I only stated FACTS.

I realize this is getting on people nerves so this will be my last post on the subject. While spanking is ONE form of CORPORAL punishment, there are many, many forms of non-violent punishment. Time out is considered a punishment, no longer allowing the child to use the markers is a punishment, making the child clean up the mess is a punishment.

http://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/communication-discipline/Pages/What-About-Punishment.aspx?nfstatus=401&nftoken=00000000-0000-0000-0000-000000000000&nfstatusdescription=ERROR%3a+No+local+token

http://www.livestrong.com/article/129582-advantages-punishing-children-bad-behavior/

Discipine is to teach, sometimes we teach by taking something away or not allowing a child to participate...in other words, we often discipline through punishment.

[Kaddidle Care]

Baybee0585 - thank you for trying to explain the difference between Punishment and Discipline. That's all I was trying to do but the OP took offense. It's OK - she has a right to have a difference of opinion, just as you and I do.

However, I want a punishment that will really sting.
Thanks for any advice!

OK dear, you asked for advice so now I'm going to give it.

You "want a punishment that will really sting." That sure sounds like you want revenge - against a child or her Mother or both.

I would like to advise you to be more cautious when you post things here since it can be viewed by ANYONE. You don't have to be a member here to read this. Can you imagine this child's Mother reading this on a public forum?

[cillybean83]

Can you imagine this child's Mother reading this on a public forum?

Boy my parents would be LIT UP if they read me complaining about their innocent little angels! I can hear it now...