Please Help Me Punish DC Girl

[Abigail]

Have you talked to the 7 year old about how it hurt your feelings that she colored on your table? Ask her how she would feel if someone colored on her favorite teddy bear or stuffed animal or whatever it might be. I would do a lesson plan about treating everyone and everything with respect and she may slowly learn what shame feels like. I miss being a kid, but I didn't learn by being centered specifically on something, I really learned through watching others (and tv) just something that wasn't directly at me because I always rebelled and just decided to hate the person bringing it to my attention.

I would tell her she needs to try to clean it up and then bring up how it hurt your feelings, etc. Then just do a daily theme for awhile about respect and anything else that may tie into subtly teaching her actions.

[QualiTcare]

magic erasers are just that - magic.

i love them. i've said before, i'd do a commercial for them for free.

anyone who doesn't have them is missing out bigtime.

[SandeeAR]

6. YES punishment is an excellent choice of words. There are consequences for actions. I understand why the action is happening, I know the WHY, it doesn't matter. A young lady chose to vandalize, and then chose to break new toys so they would not be new for the other kids. That deserves a punishment. Punishment is not bad. You can sweeten it up and call it consequence, or thinking time, or character time, but it is also punishment. The problem is that we get so hung up in worrying about hurting a childs feelings (By using words like punishment!) that we forget that when adults did use that word kids listened. I really don't care right now how she feels about it . I care that she learns a lesson. The police sure wouldn't care about her feelings if they caught her tagging a building! You wouldn't care if she chose to key your car! Same deal.

AMEN!!! People make fun of the way things were done in the 50's with kids, (btw I'm a child of the 70's), but kids had waaaaaaaaaay more respect for other people and other's belongs along with their own!

[dEHmom]

6. YES punishment is an excellent choice of words. There are consequences for actions. I understand why the action is happening, I know the WHY, it doesn't matter. A young lady chose to vandalize, and then chose to break new toys so they would not be new for the other kids. That deserves a punishment. Punishment is not bad. You can sweeten it up and call it consequence, or thinking time, or character time, but it is also punishment. The problem is that we get so hung up in worrying about hurting a childs feelings (By using words like punishment!) that we forget that when adults did use that word kids listened. I really don't care right now how she feels about it . I care that she learns a lesson. The police sure wouldn't care about her feelings if they caught her tagging a building! You wouldn't care if she chose to key your car! Same deal.

You are very correct on everything you have said above, except for punishment is not the correct word. Discipline is. There is a big difference. Punishment is the suffering aspect of a bad behavior some ex. electric chair, punishment is spanking, beating, yelling, screaming, torturing, whipping, etc etc etc. You get my drift.
Discipline is often taken to another level where it becomes a euphemism for punishment (disciplinary procedure). Make it a noun, and it now becomes the instrument of punishment.

Discipline is actually the regulation of children and the maintenance of order. Self-discipline is the training that you give yourself to accomplish a task or when you adopt a particular pattern of behavior, even if you would rather be doing something else.

[ammama]

If the mom doesn't seem to care, send the table home for HER to clean. Maybe then she would care about disciplining her daughter!! If my own 7 year old daughter did something like that, I would be mortified, and would do whatever I could to make it right. Mind you, I can't imagine my kid ever doing that, she knows she'd be in for it. If Mom is not on board, it will be hard to really ever teach this child.

[Blackcat31]

If the mom doesn't seem to care, send the table home for HER to clean. Maybe then she would care about disciplining her daughter!! If my own 7 year old daughter did something like that, I would be mortified, and would do whatever I could to make it right. Mind you, I can't imagine my kid ever doing that, she knows she'd be in for it. If Mom is not on board, it will be hard to really ever teach this child.

YES!!! This is what I am going through right now with an 8 yr old dcb. His mother gives me zero support in disciplining her child so he knows that their is never any consequences/punishment at home so he is super naughty here. Yesterday we had a no school day and he was in a separate room, where I could see him and because he was separated fromthe others due to some other bad behavior...so he sits near the doorway of this room watching me while the whole time he is ripping the material off one of those cloth cube storage bins behind his back knowing full well that he was not suppose to destroy anything at my house! I was sooooo mad at him....but this kid doesnt care because ANY attention I give him is attention and he thrives on that....his mom gives me no support I dont know if it is because she is either frustrated by his behavior as well and doesnt know what to do and is tired of hearing it or because she just doesnt care...I dont know for sure which one...but I am on my last leg with this kid! I feel like he is now doing things to get attention so I can relate to how you are wishing for your dcg to have some punishment that stings.....if anything it should make them think twice before doing anything they know they shouldnt.
Like your dcg, my dcb does things he totally knows better than doing but chooses to do them anyways. I honestly think he would rather have the negative attention...for right now though my dcb is like your dcg, he gets certain toys only and that is it until he can learn some respect. As for the mom not being on board, I am thinking of making the rule that if he does something outright distructive, then she will need to come pick him up immediately...if the problem begins to effect her then maybe she will start taking responsibility for her child.

[missnikki]

Have you thought about wasting mom's time at pickup? Like have your consequence take place when she shows up. Example:
Sally draws on your table with a sharpie because mom's running late, etc. When mom comes, she has to hear about it and then you tell Sally, "I don't think mom is going to want to pay for a new table, so you are going to stay here to scrub it until it comes off." If mom gives you any trouble about that, you say, "I will need to replace it and I'll add it to your bill, unless you can hold your horses and let Sally make this right. Sally, at our house you are expected to take care of our things. I promise I will not go to your house and ruin your things, because I know that would make you sad. So let's protect each others things or else you will be spending your time cleaning instead of playing." etc... etc... so mom hears you doing the old 'consequences 101' speech. Maybe you will inspire her to not be so afraid of handling the situation. Or maybe I'm just in a hopeful mood this morning.

[jen]

You are very correct on everything you have said above, except for punishment is not the correct word. Discipline is. There is a big difference. Punishment is the electric chair, punishment is spanking, beating, yelling, screaming, torturing, whipping, etc etc etc. You get my drift.
Discipline is often taken to another level where it becomes a euphemism for punishment (disciplinary procedure). Make it a noun, and it now becomes the instrument of punishment.

Discipline is actually the regulation of children and the maintenance of order. Self-discipline is the training that you give yourself to accomplish a task or when you adopt a particular pattern of behavior, even if you would rather be doing something else.

LOL...since when has punishment equalled spanking, beating, yelling or screaming????

The definition of punishment is:

Definitions of punishment (n)
pun·ish·ment [ púnnishmənt ]
penalty for doing something wrong: a penalty that is imposed on somebody for wrongdoingact of punishing: the act or an instance of punishing
rough use: rough treatment or heavy use

Clearly, punishment is the perfect word!

Good grief, can we all stop with the overly politically correct and return to simple facts of life.

[cillybean83]

when did punishment become a naughty word? I don't know about you guys but when I was a kid and I acted up and blatantly disrespected my parents, my dad got a belt after me and i straightened up quick, and somehow I managed to not need years of therapy to overcome how abused I was.

obviously we can't spank a daycare kid, but we sure can punish them and if their mom and dad don't want their child punished for wrong doing then mom or dad need to quit their job and stay home with their child.

sorry to get on a soap box

[SandeeAR]

LOL...since when has punishment equalled spanking, beating, yelling or screaming????

The definition of punishment is:

Definitions of punishment (n)
pun·ish·ment [ púnnishmənt ]
penalty for doing something wrong: a penalty that is imposed on somebody for wrongdoingact of punishing: the act or an instance of punishing
rough use: rough treatment or heavy use

Clearly, punishment is the perfect word!

Good grief, can we all stop with the overly politically correct and return to simple facts of life.

AMEN. Folks have to realize EVERYONE has different opinions on things. Your's....meaning anyone on here, is NOT the only right way!

[SandeeAR]

when did punishment become a naughty word? I don't know about you guys but when I was a kid and I acted up and blatantly disrespected my parents, my dad got a belt after me and i straightened up quick, and somehow I managed to not need years of therapy to overcome how abused I was.

obviously we can't spank a daycare kid, but we sure can punish them and if their mom and dad don't want their child punished for wrong doing then mom or dad need to quit their job and stay home with their child.

sorry to get on a soap box

I'll join you on your soap box!!!

[dEHmom]

punishment often is used in a negative way.
Therefore, the term discipline is needed to replace that.

Too many people believe to punish their child means to spank, or whatever it is.
I'm NOT saying punishment means that you are hitting, spanking, or whatever, but I AM saying that when people hear the word punishment they think of some form of cruelty.
So to me, it is not the correct word. You can't put in your contract "I will PUNISH your kids if they say a bad word", "I will DISCIPLINE" them, meaning I will tell them, we don't talk that way here, that's nice, etc.

Discipline is the positive way to teach a child something. It's redirecting the bad behavior and modelling the correct way to behave. So they are less likely to repeat the bad behavior, more likely to learn from the mistake, and not making them suffer for it, even if sometimes we think they should.

[jen]

punishment often is used in a negative way.
Therefore, the term discipline is needed to replace that.

Too many people believe to punish their child means to spank, or whatever it is.
I'm NOT saying punishment means that you are hitting, spanking, or whatever, but I AM saying that when people hear the word punishment they think of some form of cruelty.
So to me, it is not the correct word. You can't put in your contract "I will PUNISH your kids if they say a bad word", "I will DISCIPLINE" them, meaning I will tell them, we don't talk that way here, that's nice, etc.

Discipline is the positive way to teach a child something. It's redirecting the bad behavior and modelling the correct way to behave. So they are less likely to repeat the bad behavior, more likely to learn from the mistake, and not making them suffer for it, even if sometimes we think they should.

Ack! Because kids shouldn't suffer for intentional wrong-doing! AGH!!!!

In addition...we all know individuals who are referred to as "strict disciplinarians" and I don't think anyone thinks of that term as warm and fuzzy.

You are right about one thing, if she was writing up her contract, I would tell her to use the pc word discipline...but she isn't writing up a contract, she's seeking advice on how to punish a child for a wrongdoing. Not a mistake, not she didn't know better, not an accident. An intentional wrong-doing. My child is 7 and guess what, if she wrote on someones table, I'd spank her little butt because she KNOWS better.

[dEHmom]

Ok this is getting out of hand. OP'er said "I care that she learns a lesson" meaning she wants to discipline her, not punish her.

THATS THE DIFFERENCE! GOOGLE DISCIPLINE VS. PUNISHMENT

Times have changed. We cannot compare ourselves to the way things were 50 years ago! I AGREE 100% that kids these days, hell even adults these days have NO RESPECT for anything. Maybe kids do need spankings still. It shouldn't be such a taboo to talk about spanking a child! TO EACH THEIR OWN as everyone keeps saying, yet we are all criticized or told WE ARE WRONG even on this forum for speaking what we believe. How many of us on here have altered what we truly wanted to say, were going to say, or what happened because they know it's about to turn into some huge debate on here?!?!?!?!
But studies have shown, children who were spanked, are likely to spank, children who watched parents fight, are likely to fight with their partner, children who are abused, are likely to abuse, ETC ETC ETC.

I grew up with the belt, with spankings, yelling, screaming, truth is, I was too terrified to do wrong IN FRONT OF MY DAD! but any other time, who cared. HE PUNISHED, he acted in the heat of the moment, he didn't teach me to learn from my mistakes, he only taught me to be better at hiding them. THAT'S MY TRUTH!

[cillybean83]

i get where you're coming from baybee, disipline is better received than punishment by most people. I keep littles so I do redirection more than anything, it's easier with toddlers, they can't do too many "bad" things...I don't have biters, they just like to sit on each other for some reason?! I just take baby a off of baby b's back and move on