I Will NEVER Understand.....

[Ariana]

Also, in my defense I didn't intend to start a "mommy war" I don't have enough free time to debate the internet mommy mafia. If my post hadn't ruffled feathers and been twisted into that light, then there wouldn't be a working mom vs sahm debate at all, since I did say IMHO.

No worries Diva! You certainly cannot take credit for the SAHM vs. WM debate. That has been going on since the dawn of time....or at least since the invention of the internet ::

We are all entitled to our opinion as we all have different life experiences, personalities and perspectives.

[daycarediva]

Let me try to explain why I responded the way that I did (or dig myself a deeper hole and piss off even more people)



You started your post with "not to be argumentative..." which is sort of like when someone says, "Not to be offensive, but I am about to say something offensive". You said being a working mom is MUCH more difficult than being a Sahm, which implies that sahm don't work and you said it was your honest opinion. That is great and you have every right to the opinion, but MANY people have opinions on stuff and no experience with what they are talking about. If you had said, "I have done both and found working outside the home to be much more difficult...", then I would have known that you have done both and you were giving your opinion based on your experience. I didn't realize ignorant was such a horrific word, as I am ignorant on many things. I have never been a teacher, so if I said, "imho, being a teacher is the easiest job because they get done by 4 and have summers off, ect", I imagine many teachers would think I am ignorant and have no idea what I am speaking of. I did not see where you stated that you have done both, so again, I apologize for a poor choice in words. Not sure if this explanation helps to show where I was coming from or not, but I figured it was worth a shot and I have apologized, so it is best to just move on, because I do not want to fight with other moms. As for the question of whether working moms deserve me time...YES! We all deserve "me" time! Whether you work from home, stay at home and work with your kids, or work outside the home, we all need a chance to breathe and reboot I think the OP was just sating that some parents idea of "me" time is excessive and comes at the expense of their children and I don't think that is good for the family as a whole.

So, anyway, just to make sure it is clear, I am very sorry if my wording came off as hurtful or if anyone thought I was trying to start a fight or the "mommy wars". I also have no time for that and need to get my kid to school! And daycarediva, I am sorry for saying you are ignorant. You sound like an awesome mother and provider and I hope you can accept my apology and we can all just get along:::hug:

Thank you. Water under the bridge, no hard feelings.

No worries Diva! You certainly cannot take credit for the SAHM vs. WM debate. That has been going on since the dawn of time....or at least since the invention of the internet ::

We are all entitled to our opinion as we all have different life experiences, personalities and perspectives.

I am SOOO not a drama starter, and I never want to appear that way. Thanks, I think it's very adult of us to agree to disagree.

[Josiegirl]

It's hard and it's easy and it's all relative.

[MOM OF 4]

Parent's perspective:
I am off. my DH is off. our daughter is in daycare.
we have people come clean the furnace today, and it may take a while. I have online classes, and need to study. what my DH is going to do, I've no idea, but he's active enough to find something (he's doing dishes, and it's not even 9 am yet).
here is the thing: I pay my daycare, on time, every week, no questions asked. they are open 6am to 6pm, and I am never late (actually, my go-to pickup time is 4pm), and she is never dropped off earlier than 8am because we all need our beauty sleep. I have never brought her with a fever drugged with Motrin, or any of the crazy stuff parents do, whether out of desperation or because they don't care.
what I do when she is in their care is not their business.
and you know, I tried getting a haircut with a child in tow. never again. I will do that when she is in the care of a teacher she loves.
for thousands of years, people have lived in huge families: 3-5 generations pretty much under the same roof. women would have children and go back to the field next morning.
my parents live far away and work. my DH's Dad died 5 years ago. both his mother and sister are an ocean away, and his stepmother is not to be trusted with little (or big) children. and... that's it. we are on our own, this is why we have this amazing daycare (I will be deeply depressed when she goes to school, I love it this much).
will I go get her if the daycare calls and asks me to? oh, you bet! it may take a few minutes to get there, but I will have to problems doing it. I often get her out early just so we can go to the playground, have a snack together, or shoe shopping. otherwise, she is there 8 to 4 (give or take traffic), and I am not answering to anyone about how I spend this time, be it studying, sleeping, getting a haircut, or taking a cat to the vet. I pay, I drop off/pick up, I follow the rules - you ask no questions about my pastime. after all, I am not asking you what you do when you are closed.

live and let live.
or close for the holidays you want to be closed for.

And if YOU were my DC parent, and picked up EARLY or dropped off late on those kinds of days, and took at least a couple days off in a year (i.e. not the first one here and last to leave EVERY day, then it wouldn't bother me as much as someone who NEVER takes one of their days off to be with their own children, that they made.

I have made exceptions for the responsible parent. It's the irresponsible ones who want nothing to do with their kids because it's inconvenient and hard that I could not stand. And that's why us DCProviders have policies...because one person ruins it for everyone else.

Parenting IS hard. It's not going to be easy. Many times the Daycare provider is with your children more than you. Their job is just as difficult and sometimes, even MORE difficult. Daycare providers DESERVE AND NEED time off.

[MOM OF 4]

I have a family with DCM being a teacher. It was a non-school day so she was off along with DCD who took the day off. Their two older SA kids stayed home with them and they still brought the toddler to daycare. The kicker for me was, dcb was the only child in my care that day and they were aware of this! It just made me so sad that they would rather bring him to spend the entire day with ONLY me (no other kids), when the rest of his family was at home spending the day together.

That would make me upset too. Why is everyone so afraid of littles? Bigs kind of stink sometimes. I would relish in time with my littles. I don't have littles anymore.....

I also would feel like crap if my parents got rid of me at daycare, and gave extra time to my brothers and sisters.

[auntymimi]

And if YOU were my DC parent, and picked up EARLY or dropped off late on those kinds of days, and took at least a couple days off in a year (i.e. not the first one here and last to leave EVERY day, then it wouldn't bother me as much as someone who NEVER takes one of their days off to be with their own children, that they made.

I have made exceptions for the responsible parent. It's the irresponsible ones who want nothing to do with their kids because it's inconvenient and hard that I could not stand. And that's why us DCProviders have policies...because one person ruins it for everyone else.

Parenting IS hard. It's not going to be easy. Many times the Daycare provider is with your children more than you. Their job is just as difficult and sometimes, even MORE difficult. Daycare providers DESERVE AND NEED time off.

My first term was one of those irresponsible parents. A single mom with 3 kids, her kids went to dads 3-4 days a week. 2 weeks into our working relationship she informs me that her boss gave her the schedule she had been asking for. She had asked to work doubles on the days she had the kids so she could be completely off for me time when dad had the kids! she literally would have only seen her kids to wake them up to bring them to my house, and take them home for bed. Her kids referred to MY house as "home". I finally had to term for unrelated issues but will still take the kids for free on occasion (she quit her job, so no longer receives assistance ) because they were awesome and they became really close with my own kids. What I never understood was (and she had often told me this) if you never wanted children, why did you have THREE of them?! Very sad.

[mrsnj]

I have parents who will bring their kids in a snow storm...blizzard...hurricane....etc. I will text and tell them I have no electric and still I know who will be knocking on my door. I joke not. One dad lives down the street. We will have a state of emergency and I will have not one child here. But I can look out my window and there will be dad trudging on foot through wind, sleet, hail, rain, snow to drop off little pumpkin. Mom and dad will be off and going now where too. Like serious? Its THAT important to bring the child here all alone while you trudge back home for the day? Takes "Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night...." to a whole new meaning :::::: I KNOW who will be coming during these times and who will not. Like ol faithful.

I agree. I just started closing. I don't mind staying open for those who need me. I actually feel guilty closing sometimes. And honestly I have been known to take a child who's parents have no where to turn on a holiday and I am friendly with. I don't advertise it. No one else knows. But those are the real in need parents. BUT I won't stay open for those who want to go get a hair cut or nails done. So. I close. Time to parent up.

[Annalee]

Doesn’t see an issue with this perspective!

Yet, if a parent has signed a contractual obligation to only bring their child during work hours they should adhere to it.

It is why I close every holiday and only offer contracted days & hours services.

I have a preference for the type of parents I like to provide services for which includes parents not trying to spend the least amount with their children. Parents who on the day off thinks, “I’m going to spend the extra time with my little one.”

I have a family who’s father is a med student. He had mid terms yesterday. On Monday after studying he picked up his son to have lunch with him. The mother asked me on a day he is not scheduled for care, “Can you take care of him this day?” I didn’t have an issue with it because she respected her contract and asked me if I was available and willing.

At the end of the day, it’s a business. Providers and parents should enter into contracts that works for both of them.

This is exactly why I take all holidays, lots of personal time, professional time, unlimited emergency days and vacation days with 52 weeks pay....I reached a point I had to set my own schedule so I was happy. Granted, everyone at interview doesn't enroll, but if they do, they know upfront how it is going to be. I limit hours for the day as well....no exceptions....this requires clients to sometimes have a designated pickup person, but if a parent wants your services, I feel they will make it work.

[Cat Herder]

That brings to mind this.....

[Sugaree]

I've done this a few times. There are some things, like doctor's appointments, that he just doesn't need to go to.

I had planned on doing this next month so that I could buy his Christmas presents and get them wrapped before he saw them, but I just got an email from the center that they are having a professional development day that day so now I gotta figure out something else. At least I was already taking the day off so I don't have to line up extra care.

[delferka]

I think we all have our own opinions about how children should be raised. I would never have done it. I always juggled with my kids in tow. That's how they learn about life. Again, my opinion.
Although, we make our money taking care of other peoples children. I don't care if they are going to the beach alone. I still make money and take care of their kids! I don't think it's any of our business what they are doing while their children are in our care.

[KIDZRMYBIZ]

I think we all have our own opinions about how children should be raised. I would never have done it. I always juggled with my kids in tow. That's how they learn about life. Again, my opinion.
Although, we make our money taking care of other peoples children. I don't care if they are going to the beach alone. I still make money and take care of their kids! I don't think it's any of our business what they are doing while their children are in our care.

Right on. You have to adopt this attitude, at least outwardly, to keep in business. I don't get it. I don't respect it. Of course I don't - almost all of us started in this business to just BE with our own kids. So I will silently judge that decision to drop off when it wasn't necessary, but I will greet you with a smile and happily take Junior from you.

I have a DCM that told me last week that she was taking this Thur and Fri off and her work was not happy about it. It is DCB's 1st bday on Sat, and they will have lots of family in town all weekend and she won't even hardly get to hold him. They want to spend some alone time with him, go to the zoo, other fun things to celebrate. Can I have his DC party for him on Wed?

Sure, can do and did. Imagine my surprise when she came in Thur morning at 7:45 and said she needed to get some things done before family shows up Sat. She did come for him at 1:00, though, so that was nice. Then, this morning she brings him in again and says she needs to go to Wal-Mart, but she'll be back at noon. Lo and behold, texted at 11:30 she'll get him at 4:45, regular time. Whatevs, lady, whatevs...

[mommyneedsadayoff]

Right on. You have to adopt this attitude, at least outwardly, to keep in business. I don't get it. I don't respect it. Of course I don't - almost all of us started in this business to just BE with our own kids. So I will silently judge that decision to drop off when it wasn't necessary, but I will greet you with a smile and happily take Junior from you.

I have a DCM that told me last week that she was taking this Thur and Fri off and her work was not happy about it. It is DCB's 1st bday on Sat, and they will have lots of family in town all weekend and she won't even hardly get to hold him. They want to spend some alone time with him, go to the zoo, other fun things to celebrate. Can I have his DC party for him on Wed?

Sure, can do and did. Imagine my surprise when she came in Thur morning at 7:45 and said she needed to get some things done before family shows up Sat. She did come for him at 1:00, though, so that was nice. Then, this morning she brings him in again and says she needs to go to Wal-Mart, but she'll be back at noon. Lo and behold, texted at 11:30 she'll get him at 4:45, regular time. Whatevs, lady, whatevs...

I had this mom too. Numerous times she would say she is taking the day off or leaving work early to do something fun with her kid and every time it came to the actual day, plans would change and dck was with me the whole day. After the second time, I stopped mentioning anything to dck so they wouldn't be disappointed when mom didn't follow through. The last time, though, I called her on it and it was probably what ended our arrangement. She was suppose to pick up at 1, before naps, so they could head out of town. She wanted dck to sleep on the way, so we planned for her to pick up before naps. One o clock rolls around and she texts me saying it will be closer to two before she gets here. I said that is fine, but I will put LO down for his nap, as everyone is going down for naps. She got upset and said she would be over in 30 minutes and I said fine. I still made him lay down and he ended up falling asleep and 45 minutes later she showed up, so I woke him and handed him off. No surprise, he didn't sleep on their road trip and she texted me later all mad that I put him down. I told her that if she had picked him upi when she said she would, none of it would have happened, but I will not keep a child up because it is more convenient for you. Long story short, they never came back and I was SO okay with that

It is sad that some parents don't want to spend time with their kids, but not much we an do about it other than close and force them to be with their kid. I try to weed those parents out quickly, though, as I get older. Ain't nobody got time for that

[Blackcat31]

These kinds of threads make me sad.

Absent parenting
Judgmental providers


Not sure which is worse.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

These kinds of threads make me sad.

Absent parenting
Judgmental providers


Not sure which is worse.

Personally, I would think absent parents is worse, just because everyone, provider or not, judge other people's behaviors or actions. Maybe the OP was just venting and this forum allows her to speak with others who feel the same (or different) and find some perspective. It is not a bad thing. It is an age old debate and not the first thread on here that I have read about parental involvement. Maybe what is sad is that it is even a "debate" at all. Parental involvement should be a given, imo.

Just to add that I have had so many wonderful parents and I am sure many of us had, but we tend to need to vent about the not so great ones. Or maybe the better way of saying that is , the ones who don't seem to have their priorities in order.