I Will NEVER Understand.....

[Thriftylady]

Not to be argumentative at all, but why doesn't a working Mom deserve 'me' time? Being a working Mom is MUCH more difficult and stressful than being a SAHM, imho. I get "me" fairly often (weekly or biweekly) don't feel bad about it at all, either.

I personally have finally learned that everyone deserves some "me time". I don't mind that so much. DCM the other day was off worked and asked if her girls could ride the bus here because she had a hair appointment and wasn't sure it would be done in time. She promised to be here as soon as possible. And it was time she is paying for anyway. Point is, she asked. Her asking made her feel much better to me than just dropping them in the morning taking the whole day off and pretending she was at work. I guess the honesty just means a ton to me, that and the fact she ASKED. I felt respected I guess instead of just dumped on. I took my first me time two years ago (after DD turned 15) for a weekend, and felt guilty the whole time, but I am getting better at it.

[laundrymom]

I have four here who have parents not at work. It doesn't bother me. They need some time occasionally to poo without an audience. However, recently I had a family who was with me for six years. Two children. They only missed for illness. Period. They were here from contracted open to contracted close ever single day. Didn't matter weather, vacations, birthdays, nothing. They actually dropped off on ever single child's bdays that were a normal care day. They posted pics of them w family and friends at the zoo. Museums. Chucky cheese. You name it. Without kids.
They just didn't enjoy their kids.
I felt sorry for them. Still do.
These are the kinds of parents who bug me. The ones who treat the kids as an afterthought. A burden. And yes. There are plenty. And those kids... Those ones who never will know the UNCONDITIONAL LOVE of a mommy or daddy, those kids are the ones I love the most. They deserve to feel treasured. Adored. Valued.

[Michael]

A Parent's Dilemma

[Mad_Pistachio]

Quite a few years ago, I had a child whose parents were not together. They never could get straight who was going to pick him up. One day I started calling dad (who child lived with) and couldn't get a hold of him on his cell. So I started calling mom, grandma, every number I had because it was past closing. Come to find out, dad had went to the bar after work for a beer, and by 7 PM was still there.

I have a story back, from my nanny history.
in 2006, I got hired into an amazing Indian family. their oldest was 3.5 (about same age as my daughter is now), and youngest was 4 months, both girls. the oldest one went to preschool 9am to 12pm (socialization and all that), and I was hired to take her there in the morning, be with the youngest, pick the oldest up at noon, and be with both until a parent comes home.
my first day. I took the oldest to preschool, came back, did what needed to be done with the youngest, she fell asleep. their Mom called (understandable anxiety: it's her first day, too), I reported that snowflakes are fine, and we are all good... and I evidently didn't hang up (home phone, different buttons) and left the handset on the table.
time to get the oldest from preschool - and I am dead stuck in traffic with no way out because there was some bad accident down the road. I have a baby in the car, the other one is stuck in preschool, and I am trapped.
their Mom calls, "where are you? are you on the phone? it gives a busy signal!" - "no, I am in the car, there was an accident, I am stuck!"
somehow, I got out. I picked the poor snowflake up at least half an hour later than I had to (preschool called the parents freaking out). I thought I was SOOOO fired! I was even rehearsing how I would not accept the payment for that day: I didn't think I deserved it.
I was forgiven. they did check the traffic news, and yes, the accident was confirmed (bad, with injuries and all kinds of nasty). and the phone was found on the table, with "Talk" button still on (the Dad said, "ah, those stupid phones!") I stayed with that family until they moved out of state the following year. but honestly, if they fired me, I'd understand: their children are in my care, and I am pretty much nowhere to be found.
and probably, in place of a parent, I'd let that nanny go. at the very least, she brings bad karma.

yeah, people do stupid things. it gets sad when it's children who suffer.

[Mad_Pistachio]

The OP stated that her contract is for working hours only. If the parents signed the contract they need to follow the policy. If the parent doesn't agree with the policy they should find a different provider.

okay, the "I am open so you can work" is a little too vague of a statement, at least for me as a parent. what qualifies as work? is going to an office work? is cleaning/cooking work? or is it only work when I do it for someone who pays me for it? I study online, at home - is that work? questions can go on and on. I would need someone stating that to be a little more specific.
yes, you are right, when a parent doesn't like the policy, they need another daycare. but if I am handed a policy with the "work" clause in it, I'd flood a provider with questions.

[Mad_Pistachio]

I have be told by dcp, dck has not gone on family outings to the zoo, amusement parks, long weekend getaways, and was not a part of a big family vacation, because it's too much of a hassle to include him. Instead, dck has been with me for the day/week while they take off to do these things with their older kids.

you see, this is that other side of the stick I don't get, either. going to the zoo without my kiddo? only to the gift shop to get some stones, maybe (but I don't need a ticket for that). I am just really into semi-precious gems, and our zoo has a whole box of those to choose from. otherwise, it would be pretty boring. and you are right, it's not fair to the little one to be excluded just because he's little. as a solution, they can take a sitter for him with them on vacation. (rates can be negotiated. I did that once. I mean, I was the sitter.) but plopping him at your home for a week so the rest can go somewhere is just mean.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

Wow, whoever said that working moms is a harder job than SAHM is very ignorant. I think both are tough and I have done both. They both come with pros and cons. That is the epitome of the "mommy wars" being waged. When I wrked outside the home, I made sure to spend as much time with my kids as I could, laundry be damned. Working from home, I spend a majority of time with my kids, yet laundry and housework is almost expected, because we are at home. I am sorry, but working moms get far more respect, imo, than sahm moms. It used to be the opposite and I imagine the tide will turn and the opposite will be true again. We are all moms (and dads) and we all do the best we can. But I didn't have kids to have someone else raise them, so as the OP states, if I had my kids in daycare and got the day off, it would not even be a question to keep them home and spend the day with them. As someone else stated, I pick my clients based on this as well. Feel free to do what you like, but I want parents who only leave their kids with me beacuse they HAVE to, not because they need ME time. My user name is Mommyneedsadayoff, because it is a play on the fact that I don't get a day off and I don't want one. My mother died when I was young and if I could get one more day with her, I would do anything for it! I may sound harsh or emotional, but I WILL NOT regret the amount of time I spend with my kids, because it is such a short life and it could be over tomorrow. Whether they want me there or not, I will be there or at least standing in the shadows for when they need me. If I die tomorrow, they will have had as much time with me as possible and that is all I care about. I can get my haircut and catch up on sleep in the future. Again, sorry for the intensity, but I feel so strongly about being with your child as much as you can. Everything else can wait and losing my mom really sealed that for me.

[daycare]

this made me laugh...

I don't care anymore, I used to, but I don't want anyone to judge me, I won't judge them.

If you don't want to spend the day with your kid when you have it off, who am I to judge you.

If I am open, I expect kids to be here. If I want a day off, then I schedule one in to my calendar and take it.

I tried years ago to do the whole if you are not working keep your kids home, but then I am pretty sure parents just lied to me about their work schedules.

[hope]

I understand parents can have "me time" and I normally am pretty cool about kids being here if parents say they need that time. I schedule my hours as I want and dont mind taking a day here and there for myself.
Over the years I have heard many parents make remarks about how hard it is to leave their children to go to work, how much they miss them and how lucky I am to be home with my children. I chose to be home with my children. These same parents are the ones that find every opportunity to leave their children in daycare or with relatives. And when their children have issues related to time not spent with their parents, All i here is how much the parents miss them and want to spend time with them.

[Laurel]

Not to be argumentative at all, but why doesn't a working Mom deserve 'me' time? Being a working Mom is MUCH more difficult and stressful than being a SAHM, imho. I get "me" fairly often (weekly or biweekly) don't feel bad about it at all, either.

I'm gonna have to disagree that being a working mom is much harder than a SAHM mom. I was a SAHM to my 3 before I did childcare. I was also a 'working' mom but not until they were in school all day so maybe I don't have a complete picture there BUT I had 3 children about 3-4 years apart 24/7 until they all reached school age. My mom did watch them occasionally but not that often. Mostly in the evening so my husband and I could go out but not really in the daytime. My time was more flexible then doing childcare because I could take them shopping with me (that was tough sometimes) but at one point I actually got a part time job in the evening (my husband watched them) just to see some adults for a while. Going to work isn't always a hardship. Not to mention the money. I knew how to pinch a penny back then. ::

[daycare]

for some people staying home all day is more difficult than going to a job and vice versa.

I don't think that one is harder than the other so to speak, I think it all depends on the person and what they are or are not able to handle every day.

I just think that most mothers who work are judge for having kids and then not caring for them because they are trying to have the best of both worlds, both being a mother and having a career.

[Blackcat31]

Wow, whoever said that working moms is a harder job than SAHM is very ignorant.

The person that said that is not at all ignorant. :confused:

I wouldn't call you ignorant just because we haven't shared the same experiences or because I may have a different opinion.

[childcaremom]

I don't care anymore, I used to, but I don't want anyone to judge me, I won't judge them.



If I am open, I expect kids to be here. If I want a day off, then I schedule one in to my calendar and take it.

This about sums up how I feel.

Just make sure the chicklets are picked up on time. Because if you are late AND you had the day off, fur will fly.

[daycare]

This about sums up how I feel.

Just make sure the chicklets are picked up on time. Because if you are late AND you had the day off, fur will fly.

fur will fly.....ahahhahahah that super funny!!!

[midaycare]

Parent's perspective:
I am off. my DH is off. our daughter is in daycare.
we have people come clean the furnace today, and it may take a while. I have online classes, and need to study. what my DH is going to do, I've no idea, but he's active enough to find something (he's doing dishes, and it's not even 9 am yet).
here is the thing: I pay my daycare, on time, every week, no questions asked. they are open 6am to 6pm, and I am never late (actually, my go-to pickup time is 4pm), and she is never dropped off earlier than 8am because we all need our beauty sleep. I have never brought her with a fever drugged with Motrin, or any of the crazy stuff parents do, whether out of desperation or because they don't care.
what I do when she is in their care is not their business.
and you know, I tried getting a haircut with a child in tow. never again. I will do that when she is in the care of a teacher she loves.
for thousands of years, people have lived in huge families: 3-5 generations pretty much under the same roof. women would have children and go back to the field next morning.
my parents live far away and work. my DH's Dad died 5 years ago. both his mother and sister are an ocean away, and his stepmother is not to be trusted with little (or big) children. and... that's it. we are on our own, this is why we have this amazing daycare (I will be deeply depressed when she goes to school, I love it this much).
will I go get her if the daycare calls and asks me to? oh, you bet! it may take a few minutes to get there, but I will have to problems doing it. I often get her out early just so we can go to the playground, have a snack together, or shoe shopping. otherwise, she is there 8 to 4 (give or take traffic), and I am not answering to anyone about how I spend this time, be it studying, sleeping, getting a haircut, or taking a cat to the vet. I pay, I drop off/pick up, I follow the rules - you ask no questions about my pastime. after all, I am not asking you what you do when you are closed.

live and let live.
or close for the holidays you want to be closed for.

2 of my dcp's were off today and still dropped off. It just doesn't bother me.