I Will NEVER Understand.....

[mommyneedsadayoff]

The person that said that is not at all ignorant. :confused:

I wouldn't call you ignorant just because we haven't shared the same experiences or because I may have a different opinion.

Being ignorant simply means you lack awareness of a situation. If the poster had said, in their experience, it was easier being a sahm, versus a working mom, I would not have said it. They said it was their opinion that working moms have it harder. My sister has 3 kids and has never stayed home with them. She says, in her opinion, working moms have it tougher than stay at home moms. She still takes her kids to daycare when she is not working and tries to pawn them off to me when daycare is not an option, but according to her OPINION, she has it tougher than I do. I actually work and sah with my kids. I chose a job that allows me to do that. I have worked outside the home and I have been in daycare for many years. I think BOTH are tough. I would never say it is harder to work outside the home or vice versa. No matter what we do as parents, it can be tough and you will always question your decision. The earlier poster said she thinks it is harder to be a working mom than to be a sahm. I disagree and I think both situations are tough. I happen to like the above poster and feel no ill will, but is this not a discussion board where we can all agree and disagree? I am ignorant of many things and don't claim to know everything, but I have been a working mom a d a sahm (working) mom and I cannot stand the mommy wars of "I have it tougher than you..." This whole post is about parents who have the day off and still keep their kids in daycare. I disagree with that, but I certainly do not begrudge parents who NEED to use daycare so they can work. It pays my bills. If they choose to use daycare when they don't work, then by all means.

[Blackcat31]

Being ignorant simply means you lack awareness of a situation. If the poster had said, in their experience, it was easier being a sahm, versus a working mom, I would not have said it. They said it was their opinion that working moms have it harder. My sister has 3 kids and has never stayed home with them. She says, in her opinion, working moms have it tougher than stay at home moms. She still takes her kids to daycare when she is not working and tries to pawn them off to me when daycare is not an option, but according to her OPINION, she has it tougher than I do. I actually work and sah with my kids. I chose a job that allows me to do that. I have worked outside the home and I have been in daycare for many years. I think BOTH are tough. I would never say it is harder to work outside the home or vice versa. No matter what we do as parents, it can be tough and you will always question your decision. The earlier poster said she thinks it is harder to be a working mom than to be a sahm. I disagree and I think both situations are tough. I happen to like the above poster and feel no ill will, but is this not a discussion board where we can all agree and disagree? I am ignorant of many things and don't claim to know everything, but I have been a working mom a d a sahm (working) mom and I cannot stand the mommy wars of "I have it tougher than you..." This whole post is about parents who have the day off and still keep their kids in daycare. I disagree with that, but I certainly do not begrudge parents who NEED to use daycare so they can work. It pays my bills. If they choose to use daycare when they don't work, then by all means.

Thanks, but I am fully aware of what ignorant means.

She doesn't have to pour out her whole life story to have a valid point or not.

Her opinion may very well be based on her actual experiences, therefore making her very knowledgeable and educated on what it's like to be BOTH a sahm and a working mom.

Liking or not liking the poster has nothing to do with it and you do have every right to agree or disagree with others but calling her ignorant when you yourself do not know her experiences is not okay.

I also understand what this thread is about and happen to have my own opinions and thoughts about it but I certainly won't call anyone ignorant just because I don't agree.

What's hard for one person isn't hard for others. What's easy for one isn't easy for another. We all have our own experiences, our own thoughts, actions and reactions but I don't judge others 'personally' because of those things.

My issue was that you could have simply disagreed with her statement. You could have said "I disagree that working moms have it harder" But instead you said "Wow, whoever said that working moms is a harder job than SAHM is very ignorant".

To me that is an attack on the person not the opinion.

[Unregistered]

now, note that I am not talking about bringing a clearly injured child to the daycare. or neglecting a child altogether by plopping him/her at the center for the whole day, just so the parent can be left alone. (why have children at all, then?.. it's a rhetorical question, and needs not be answered.) what I am talking about is the center being open, and me being in my own right as a parent to decide, in a Shakespearean manner, to drop or not to drop when I am off myself. everything else is BS and not worth discussing.

I often see here this phrase, "your daycare, your rules." this is your business, with your rules (as it should be). you don't want parents dropping children off on a particular day/time? good. close. parents are creative, and if they need care when you are closed, they'll find a solution.

but butting into who does what when you are open is, at best, unprofessional (and gossipy at worst).

I really don't care if dcps drop off their child when I am open. I close when I want and actually have a lot of closures, so it doesn't bother me. And I wasn't talking about dcps like you who balance your time and time spent with your children, and who value their children.

I was sharing my opinion and experience regarding dcps who bring their child everyday regardless of anything else, and lament to me about not having enough time with their children and wondering why their child is acting a certain way, or can't even tell from their behavior that something is not right and they need to see a doctor. These are the dcps who I wonder why they even had children in the first place. This is what I don't understand.

[Mad_Pistachio]

dcps who bring their child everyday regardless of anything else, and lament to me about not having enough time with their children and wondering why their child is acting a certain way, or can't even tell from their behavior that something is not right and they need to see a doctor.

is it too rude to say that it would be helpful to see that in the original post? sorry, did not mean to offend or anything.
now, THIS is where I am right there with you. especially with taking children to daycare, come hell or high waters, and then complaining about not spending enough time with them :confused:

got mine out early today: she wanted to go to Dollar Tree and get some LED candles. sometimes I wish that store didn't have so much stuff at a child's eye level and within her arm's reach... oh, well. it's $1.

[Mad_Pistachio]

okay, the dispute about working moms vs. non-working moms, and who has it harder has gotten old centuries ago... I've been both. both were hard in their own way. it's not the degree of hardship, it's the kind: working mom probably misses the child or feels like the child is her second job (I mean, depending on the child and mother); stay-at-home mom may feel like she lives in the Groundhog day, and her job is 24/7, and every day is the same, and no one cares. I did not find one scenario easier than the other, it's a matter of preference: do I want that hardship or do I want this one? and which one can I afford to have?

can we just all get along? I hate mommy wars.

[midaycare]

okay, the dispute about working moms vs. non-working moms, and who has it harder has gotten old centuries ago... I've been both. both were hard in their own way. it's not the degree of hardship, it's the kind: working mom probably misses the child or feels like the child is her second job (I mean, depending on the child and mother); stay-at-home mom may feel like she lives in the Groundhog day, and her job is 24/7, and every day is the same, and no one cares. I did not find one scenario easier than the other, it's a matter of preference: do I want that hardship or do I want this one? and which one can I afford to have?

can we just all get along? I hate mommy wars.

:: A million times, yes! I've been both, too. Both are difficult.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

Thanks, but I am fully aware of what ignorant means.

She doesn't have to pour out her whole life story to have a valid point or not.

Her opinion may very well be based on her actual experiences, therefore making her very knowledgeable and educated on what it's like to be BOTH a sahm and a working mom.

Liking or not liking the poster has nothing to do with it and you do have every right to agree or disagree with others but calling her ignorant when you yourself do not know her experiences is not okay.

I also understand what this thread is about and happen to have my own opinions and thoughts about it but I certainly won't call anyone ignorant just because I don't agree.

What's hard for one person isn't hard for others. What's easy for one isn't easy for another. We all have our own experiences, our own thoughts, actions and reactions but I don't judge others 'personally' because of those things.

My issue was that you could have simply disagreed with her statement. You could have said "I disagree that working moms have it harder" But instead you said "Wow, whoever said that working moms is a harder job than SAHM is very ignorant".

To me that is an attack on the person not the opinion.

I apologize if my wording was offensive or hurtful to the previous poster. When someone says being a working parent is harder than a sah parent or vice versa and they do not preface it with "in my experience", it makes my back stiffen. I was not intending to attack the person (who I don't know), but I do think that saying either is one can be hurtful. It is an old debate and, imo, pits women against women. Again, sorry if my words were hurtful to the poster. I just know of many people have opinions, but no experience, so I was referring to those types of people. If the previous poster has worked outside the home and found it to be MUCH more difficult and stressful, then that is her right to feel that way and it is my right to disagree, as I have done both and found them to both have a different set of challenges. Either way, you have to do what makes you happy and do what is best for your family.

okay, the dispute about working moms vs. non-working moms, and who has it harder has gotten old centuries ago... I've been both. both were hard in their own way. it's not the degree of hardship, it's the kind: working mom probably misses the child or feels like the child is her second job (I mean, depending on the child and mother); stay-at-home mom may feel like she lives in the Groundhog day, and her job is 24/7, and every day is the same, and no one cares. I did not find one scenario easier than the other, it's a matter of preference: do I want that hardship or do I want this one? and which one can I afford to have?

can we just all get along? I hate mommy wars.

I agree and that is all I was trying to say, just not as elequently as you apparently

[daycarediva]

Wow, whoever said that working moms is a harder job than SAHM is very ignorant. I think both are tough and I have done both. They both come with pros and cons. That is the epitome of the "mommy wars" being waged. When I wrked outside the home, I made sure to spend as much time with my kids as I could, laundry be damned. Working from home, I spend a majority of time with my kids, yet laundry and housework is almost expected, because we are at home. I am sorry, but working moms get far more respect, imo, than sahm moms. It used to be the opposite and I imagine the tide will turn and the opposite will be true again. We are all moms (and dads) and we all do the best we can. But I didn't have kids to have someone else raise them, so as the OP states, if I had my kids in daycare and got the day off, it would not even be a question to keep them home and spend the day with them. As someone else stated, I pick my clients based on this as well. Feel free to do what you like, but I want parents who only leave their kids with me beacuse they HAVE to, not because they need ME time. My user name is Mommyneedsadayoff, because it is a play on the fact that I don't get a day off and I don't want one. My mother died when I was young and if I could get one more day with her, I would do anything for it! I may sound harsh or emotional, but I WILL NOT regret the amount of time I spend with my kids, because it is such a short life and it could be over tomorrow. Whether they want me there or not, I will be there or at least standing in the shadows for when they need me. If I die tomorrow, they will have had as much time with me as possible and that is all I care about. I can get my haircut and catch up on sleep in the future. Again, sorry for the intensity, but I feel so strongly about being with your child as much as you can. Everything else can wait and losing my mom really sealed that for me.

Being ignorant simply means you lack awareness of a situation. If the poster had said, in their experience, it was easier being a sahm, versus a working mom, I would not have said it. They said it was their opinion that working moms have it harder. My sister has 3 kids and has never stayed home with them. She says, in her opinion, working moms have it tougher than stay at home moms. She still takes her kids to daycare when she is not working and tries to pawn them off to me when daycare is not an option, but according to her OPINION, she has it tougher than I do. I actually work and sah with my kids. I chose a job that allows me to do that. I have worked outside the home and I have been in daycare for many years. I think BOTH are tough. I would never say it is harder to work outside the home or vice versa. No matter what we do as parents, it can be tough and you will always question your decision. The earlier poster said she thinks it is harder to be a working mom than to be a sahm. I disagree and I think both situations are tough. I happen to like the above poster and feel no ill will, but is this not a discussion board where we can all agree and disagree? I am ignorant of many things and don't claim to know everything, but I have been a working mom a d a sahm (working) mom and I cannot stand the mommy wars of "I have it tougher than you..." This whole post is about parents who have the day off and still keep their kids in daycare. I disagree with that, but I certainly do not begrudge parents who NEED to use daycare so they can work. It pays my bills. If they choose to use daycare when they don't work, then by all means.

I'm the ignorant one. Maybe you need some "me time". I seriously get the debate and understand the need for it, but this felt much more like an attack.
If you would kindly go back and reread my post I said....

Not to be argumentative at all, but why doesn't a working Mom deserve 'me' time? Being a working Mom is MUCH more difficult and stressful than being a SAHM, imho. I get "me" fairly often (weekly or biweekly) don't feel bad about it at all, either.

I've never been a SAHM because I always worked. I worked FT evenings and homeschooled a sick dd, while transporting her back and forth to dialysis with an autistic toddler in tow (and him back and forth to therapy) then worked all evening.

SOOOO, let me say it again, IN MY EXPERIENCE (in lieu of opinion, since you seem to prefer one word over the other). BEING A WORKING MOM WAS HARDER.

Why was it harder? Because after doing EVERYTHING a SAHM would do, after alllll that... I HAD TO GO TO WORK. I had to leave my kids with a meal for dh to warm up. I didn't get to say goodnight. I came home after 11, exhausted and had to be up again by 6. IF I had been a SAHM, it would have been easier. Maybe you're having difficulty making the connection between those awesome working moms (me, IMHO! ) who spend every minute with their kids and WHY I started daycare to begin with to NEVER lose another evening with them again...

I'm not trying to start a dang Mommy war, I'm saying that working Moms DESERVE ME TIME TOO. (I quoted a post that I thought was saying that they didn't deserve/need it) Because DANG, it's HARD.

In jest-
If you want me to be ignorant, I could go next door to my SAHM neighbor and tell her she needs to change out of her pj's, take her toddler outside for more than the mail and stop playing cartoons for him so loudly we can hear them outside for hours. (and I've been there, he watches cartoons while she is on her ipad....that's the REALITY of level of DIFFICULTY of SOME SAHM's complaining online)

QUALITY TIME VS QUANTITY TIME. KWIM?

A few of my dcp's picked up early yesterday after appointments and what not- one did a surprise lunch with their child, one took them to the indoor bounce thing, siblings went to the Y, one went to the movie. Working parents, doing their best, spending QUALITY time with their kids.

[daycarediva]

I apologize if my wording was offensive or hurtful to the previous poster. When someone says being a working parent is harder than a sah parent or vice versa and they do not preface it with "in my experience", it makes my back stiffen. I was not intending to attack the person (who I don't know), but I do think that saying either is one can be hurtful. It is an old debate and, imo, pits women against women. Again, sorry if my words were hurtful to the poster. I just know of many people have opinions, but no experience, so I was referring to those types of people. If the previous poster has worked outside the home and found it to be MUCH more difficult and stressful, then that is her right to feel that way and it is my right to disagree, as I have done both and found them to both have a different set of challenges. Either way, you have to do what makes you happy and do what is best for your family.


I agree and that is all I was trying to say, just not as elequently as you apparently

butttt.... I did.

and for what it's worth- BOTH can be difficult jobs if you're doing them correctly. I still think being a SAHM is easier though. Nothing would ever change my mind about that- NOT working another ft is easier than doing both (and doing them well).

[daycarediva]

Also, in my defense I didn't intend to start a "mommy war" I don't have enough free time to debate the internet mommy mafia. If my post hadn't ruffled feathers and been twisted into that light, then there wouldn't be a working mom vs sahm debate at all, since I did say IMHO.

[NoMoreJuice!]

I hate mommy wars.

Doesn't seem like it.

You are one of those people that creates drama and then complains about how much you hate drama. I'm sorry to be rude, but why are you on this forum? This is a great site for providers to share their unique perspective on the crazy situations we deal with every day. I can understand a random parent asking for help or insight, but you seem to be here for the purpose of stirring the pot.

[Mad_Pistachio]

Also, in my defense I didn't intend to start a "mommy war" I don't have enough free time to debate the internet mommy mafia. If my post hadn't ruffled feathers and been twisted into that light, then there wouldn't be a working mom vs sahm debate at all, since I did say IMHO.

oh, man... you think I remember who started what? I don't even bother to find out in kids' fights, I just separate them from one another (my stepfather used to do this with me and my brother: "you both go to opposite sides of the house NOW!" - worked like a charm every time)
so, for you the hardship of being a working Mom was more to bear than the hardship of being a SAHM. and it is fine. (to me, both **** big time, so I took my kiddo to work with me first 2 years. I know not everyone has this luxury, and I am in no way advising this.)

all I'm saying is, we really don't need to get into any fights about our choices (or choices life made for us). I have had quite enough of that in other parent/Mommy communities when breastfeeders were attacking formula feeders, and cloth diapers were flying into the faces of those who used disposable, and stollers were turned over in the name of Ergo and Didymos... come on. I already said it: live and let live. someone found something that works for him/her/child/the whole family? great! it's when the person cannot come up with a solution that we may (may! not should!) come in and offer a suggestion or five.

Veteran's Day is over for this year. all parents go back to work (okay, all but me, but don't mind me, I'm defective). weekend is in two days. hang in there. you will make it.

[Mad_Pistachio]

why are you on this forum?

will the answer "because I am about to become one" suffice?

[mommyneedsadayoff]

Let me try to explain why I responded the way that I did (or dig myself a deeper hole and piss off even more people)

Not to be argumentative at all, but why doesn't a working Mom deserve 'me' time? Being a working Mom is MUCH more difficult and stressful than being a SAHM, imho. I get "me" fairly often (weekly or biweekly) don't feel bad about it at all, either.

You started your post with "not to be argumentative..." which is sort of like when someone says, "Not to be offensive, but I am about to say something offensive". You said being a working mom is MUCH more difficult than being a Sahm, which implies that sahm don't work and you said it was your honest opinion. That is great and you have every right to the opinion, but MANY people have opinions on stuff and no experience with what they are talking about. If you had said, "I have done both and found working outside the home to be much more difficult...", then I would have known that you have done both and you were giving your opinion based on your experience. I didn't realize ignorant was such a horrific word, as I am ignorant on many things. I have never been a teacher, so if I said, "imho, being a teacher is the easiest job because they get done by 4 and have summers off, ect", I imagine many teachers would think I am ignorant and have no idea what I am speaking of. I did not see where you stated that you have done both, so again, I apologize for a poor choice in words. Not sure if this explanation helps to show where I was coming from or not, but I figured it was worth a shot and I have apologized, so it is best to just move on, because I do not want to fight with other moms. As for the question of whether working moms deserve me time...YES! We all deserve "me" time! Whether you work from home, stay at home and work with your kids, or work outside the home, we all need a chance to breathe and reboot I think the OP was just sating that some parents idea of "me" time is excessive and comes at the expense of their children and I don't think that is good for the family as a whole.

So, anyway, just to make sure it is clear, I am very sorry if my wording came off as hurtful or if anyone thought I was trying to start a fight or the "mommy wars". I also have no time for that and need to get my kid to school! And daycarediva, I am sorry for saying you are ignorant. You sound like an awesome mother and provider and I hope you can accept my apology and we can all just get along:::hug:

[Ariana]

Not to be argumentative at all, but why doesn't a working Mom deserve 'me' time? Being a working Mom is MUCH more difficult and stressful than being a SAHM, imho. I get "me" fairly often (weekly or biweekly) don't feel bad about it at all, either.

Well I certainly disagree that being a working mom is harder than being a SAHM so maybe this is why we disagree. I think they are both hard for different reasons. I definitely think a working mom deserves "me time" I just think someone who is at home with their children 24/7 needs a break from them more. I guess "me time" for me means time away from your kids. At work you have others to talk to, you can drink a coffee in peace, use the toilet in peace etc. My husband for example gets lots of "me time" at his work. He meets colleagues for lunches etc.

I work at home with my children so it's a double whammy. When I went from being a working person to a SAHM at first it was HARD!!!

I really don't want to contribute to the drama :: I think being a mom is hard whether you work or not. I certainly wouldn't begrudge anyone for "me time" but I do think being with your kids 24/7 warrants more "me time" than someone who works and is not around their kids 24/7.