4.5 and wearing diapers

[childcaremom]

Although changing diapers is part of my job, unless your child has a documented disability, it is not common to expect a caregive to change diapers after a child's 3rd birthday or so. While I understand that some children are still learning at that time, 4 1/2 years of age is not something I am comfortable with. It is, in fact, so uncommon that I would have expected you to inform me that he is not potty trained. This lack of communciation itself raises enough red flags for me that I am terminating our arrangment effective immediately.

Something along those lines..??

I would send it now and not accept the child back into care for one more day. Terminate immediately. Yikes!

[Play Care]

I would maybe throw in a line about it's inappropriate intimacy at this age. No adult she be touching a child in that area of this age group.

Wow is all I got after reading moms last text.
I wouldn't deal with that. Oh boy.

While I completely agree with this, I would not say it to this mom. I can see this coming back as a "she was touching him inappropriately!" or some such nonsense.

[mamamanda]

While I completely agree with this, I would not say it to this mom. I can see this coming back as a "she was touching him inappropriately!" or some such nonsense.

Yes, parents seems really weird about this to me. I have 3 kids who range in age from 3.5-5yo and their parents all want me to wipe their bottoms for them each time they poop. They don't even attempt to have them do it themselves. I am not comfortable with that, so at my house they have to wipe themselves and then if they are struggling I can help them with a quick check to see if they got it all. One of the moms got frustrated over it saying that her daughter wasn't capable of wiping herself properly so now she was coming home from my house with "diaper rash" b/c of not getting her bottom clean. So instead of working with her at home her solution was to send diaper cream that I'm expected to smear on dcg's bottom I wipe her each time she poops. Seriously?!? Just no. So, I continue to have dcg wipe herself after giving her a few more pointers on proper hygiene. Then I allow dcg to have a dollop of cream to use herself and wash her hands thoroughly after. I feel very uncomfortable considering the age, but all of these moms act like this is just a normal partof my job. Must be something about the parenting culture today. We take away a child's independence left and right.
And no way would I be changing those diapers on a 4.5 year old.

[nannyde]

Earlier I texted DCM about her kid still being in diapers,
and I just got this response: ''Is this a big issue? I didn't
mention it because it's part of your job to change diapers,
isn't it?"
I gotta figure how to get out of this quickly, because I
don't want this to escalate. I really wish it didn't bother
me to change this boy's diapers, but it really does.
Plus, there's no way she wouldn't know that this would
be a huge issue for a caregiver.

Dear parent,

You are correct that diapering is a part of my job. Just like bottle feeding children who are unable to drink out of a cup, I provide that level of care until they are ready and able to transition to a cup. I would not, however, offer bottle feeding to a four year old who is perfectly normal and without delays.

I offer spoon feeding until a child can master self feeding with utensils. I would not, however, spoon feed a four year old who is perfectly normal and without delays.

I rock children before nap when they are unable to settle themselves before going down for a nap. I would not, however, offer rocking to a four year old who is perfectly normal and without delays.

I purchase rattles, cloth books, squeak toys, boppies, etc for children that can't safely play with with cars, trains, dolls etc. I would not, however, purchase them for a four year old who is perfectly normal and without delays.

Just because specific cares are part of my job, it doesn't mean I need to extend infant and toddler care to ANY child of ANY age because I offer it to the birth to three crowd.

It's not personal. I would not diaper a five, six, ten or twelve year old either. Diapering after the toddler years (birth to three) would only be offered to children who have developmental disabilities and delays. Your son is normal and is without delays. Continuing in diapers is a lifestyle choice at this age. I applaud you for honoring his choice. As his mother, this is your call. I can't offer this unless he would have diagnosed moderate to severe physical and or developmental delays. Offering that level of special needs care for a normal child is not part of my job.

This is a family lifestyle choice, not a daycare issue. Should he become FULLY able to use the potty independently and wipe himself without assistance, feel free to reapply for a slot. If I have an opening at that time, we can proceed. He will need to be FULLY capable to potty for at least one month without accidents or need for ANY adult intervention before, during, and after toileting.

I highly encourage you to tell prospective child care providers this.information immediately when you are searching for care. It is going to be a challenge to find a provider who offers diapering services to children his age who are perfectly normal and without delays. It will save you time and save your son from continuous child care changes.

[Thriftylady]

I don't normally fall into these crazes, but this is a great time to say "bye Felicha".

[laundrymom]

I would just answer back with,

Hey Sally, thanks for texting back so quickly. While you are correct that diapering infants and toddlers is my job, I typically am working on more advanced skills with my preschoolers and kindergarteners. If there is a developmental delay that is prolonging potty learning for Gavin, please provide me with the documentation I need to show my licensor. If there is no diagnosed delay we have two options. We can either work together to get him into underwear and on track with his peers (this will involve him taking responsibility for his own mess after an accident) or we can dissolve our relationship and you can find a provider willing to work within your lifestyle
Choices for your son.
Please advise within 24 hours which option you prefer so I can notify the next family on my waiting list to begin care on Friday.

[hope]

I would just answer back with,

Hey Sally, thanks for texting back so quickly. While you are correct that diapering infants and toddlers is my job, I typically am working on more advanced skills with my preschoolers and kindergarteners. If there is a developmental delay that is prolonging potty learning for Gavin, please provide me with the documentation I need to show my licensor. If there is no diagnosed delay we have two options. We can either work together to get him into underwear and on track with his peers (this will involve him taking responsibility for his own mess after an accident) or we can dissolve our relationship and you can find a provider willing to work within your lifestyle
Choices for your son.
Please advise within 24 hours which option you prefer so I can notify the next family on my waiting list to begin care on Friday.

I wouldn't offer to help train. If the dcm has waited this long I don't see her putting in an honest effort now. Offering to work with her on training will fall all on the provider. Provider only traing is hard at 2 and 3.......at 4.5 it would be torture on the provider. This dcm needs to take the time to train at home and then once trained she can look for care.

[hope]

And i do find dcm's text response snarky. Not someone I would be willi g to work with.

[Ariana]

She didn't tell you. For me this is the reason I would terminate care. Why wouldn't you tell someone this. She KNOWS this is not normal because she didn't tell you and she didn't even mention things like; do I provide diapers or do you...things that would be normal conversation for a mother with a child in diapers. Diapers come up always when interviewing a diapered child. Her snarky remarks are beyond rude and ridiculous. This is why she is needing another daycare. If there is no extenuating circumstances for this child I would bet that this is out of pure laziness on her part. He probably had some accidents that she got fed up with and voila she is turning him into a helpless person.

I would try and potty train this child IF the mom had been upfront and if she wasn't such a biatch about it. I would be very objective and non confrontational about the whole thing.
Dear DCM,
I do not provide diapering services for children at this age therefore termination of the contract is effective immediately.
Thank you for considering me and my services and all the best,
DCP

We all know she is not going to suddenly have a change of heart and start complying.

[nannyde]

I would just answer back with,

Hey Sally, thanks for texting back so quickly. While you are correct that diapering infants and toddlers is my job, I typically am working on more advanced skills with my preschoolers and kindergarteners. If there is a developmental delay that is prolonging potty learning for Gavin, please provide me with the documentation I need to show my licensor. If there is no diagnosed delay we have two options. We can either work together to get him into underwear and on track with his peers (this will involve him taking responsibility for his own mess after an accident) or we can dissolve our relationship and you can find a provider willing to work within your lifestyle
Choices for your son.
Please advise within 24 hours which option you prefer so I can notify the next family on my waiting list to begin care on Friday.

I would not offer to assist training. There's a reason he isn't trained and going to a different provider doesn't change that.

My guess is he went into pullups at a very young age and has had TONS of potty training. I'm guessing three years of it. I could be wrong of course.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

My son was 3.5 when he trained and it took less than an hour. He didn't ask to start wearing underwear, but I knew he was ready (and I was ready too), so I told him he was done with diapers and would use the toilet now. He didn't get t the toilet in time the very first time (playing and waited too long...probably forgot he didn't have and diaper on). So he cleaned himself up, put on new underwear and that was the last accident he had. He ran to the potty the next time and from then on, including no problems at night. Not every kid will be that easy, but at 4.5, unless he is defiant and blatantly does not want to train, it may not be that hard.

Now, all that said, I would definitely terminate because of MOM. The fact that she didn't tell you, when I know SHE knows it is not usual for a perfectly normal almost five year old to be in diapers (otherwise she would have told you upfront) and also the text back to you about it being your "job" to change diapers. Well, it is HER job to make sure her child is advancing at an age appropriate pace. As nanny said, you wouldn't let an almost five year old have their drink in a bottle, so why would she think it is your job to change their diaper? She withheld the truth for a reason and its because she knew you would have issues with him not being trained (probably like the other daycares she used before). Who knows what else she won't tell you, so I would move on!

[daycarediva]

My personal policy is that I will not take anyone new over age 3 still in diapers unless there is a documented medical issue or special need.

This after a very awkward situation several years ago with an older kid still in diapers.

Same policy... I have/had a nightmare incident taking a 3yo not yet trained, he is STILL NOT TRAINED. He's just shy of 5. I call Mom to come clean him up if he is unable to do it himself.

Although changing diapers is part of my job, unless your child has a documented disability, it is not common to expect a caregive to change diapers after a child's 3rd birthday or so. While I understand that some children are still learning at that time, 4 1/2 years of age is not something I am comfortable with. It is, in fact, so uncommon that I would have expected you to inform me that he is not potty trained. This lack of communciation itself raises enough red flags for me that I am terminating our arrangment effective immediately.

Something along those lines..??