4.5 and wearing diapers

[sharlan]

I agree. I wouldn't be comfortable changing a child's messy diaper at this age. Who knows what would be said.

[Josiegirl]

I agree. I wouldn't be comfortable changing a child's messy diaper at this age. Who knows what would be said.

Totally agree.

[kendallina]

Today was his first day. His grandma dropped him off (dad's out of the picture, apparently), because DCM is out of town. About 15 mins after he arrived, he told me, ''I did No. 2, you need to change me.'' I thought he had just had an accident, so I went and got his bag, which I thought only had spare clothes, etc., and discover a bunch of diapers. When I interviewed him and his mother, I did not even think to ask if he was potty-trained because of his age, and certainly did not notice his diaper. After I changed him, I called his grandma to ask what was going on. She told me that he doesn't have any delays nor does he have any medical issues related to toileting. She is concerned, but said his mother isn't, that he just ''isn't ready'' and that it's not a big deal. I've already texted the mom and asked her to call me as soon as she can.

Yikes, what a weird situation. I would be willing to work with the mom if she would be willing to train immediately. I would stress that this is developmentally NOT appropriate for him to not be trained. What would make her think that he's not ready? That's a little crazy. At least the grandma is with you and hopefully can help get mom on the same page. I would do a probation period of 3-4 weeks and if he's not trained, then they need to find other care.

ETA: I imagine that there is a whole set of things that mom is doing for him that she thinks he can't do but that he is perfectly capable of doing. I've had a lot of children like this the past few years and I actually enjoy teaching the kids (and the parents!) how capable they are. This kid is going to kinder in a year, I wonder what the mom was planning on doing with an unpotty-trained kid?

[Thriftylady]

I'd be done. If that is the attitude and how it goes, I would be done. I would term right now, in an email. I wouldn't take him another day.

[NillaWafers]

I'm just surprised that she must think this is totally normal? Otherwise I would have thought she would tell you! How strange.

[nannyde]

I'm just surprised that she must think this is totally normal? Otherwise I would have thought she would tell you! How strange.

Ehhh I dunno

Where was he in daycare before? My guess is it had something to do with why he needs new daycare.

[nannyde]

I am angry at myself, because I was very lackadaisical with the process this time, and I am usually not. If you can follow this - my best friend's husband's mother goes to church with the grandmother so unless the mom was awful during the interview I was pretty much going to accept him. DCM didn't fill out all of the paperwork, and I was allowing her to bring in the remainder on Friday when she's back in town. And of course the question of diapers is on one of those pages. So she didn't lie to me. I just never asked and now I am kicking myself.

It's just a lifestyle choice. It's not personal.

If you are having visions of trying to train him beware. Any kid who tells you to change him after he stood around you and pooped... knows he has to go.

[daycare]

Ehhh I dunno

Where was he in daycare before? My guess is it had something to do with why he needs new daycare.

I agree with this. I had a parent come to me with a child this age and during the interview I asked my typical questions and I was about to skip the queastion is your child potty trained and thank god I did not because the mom says, well that's why we are looking for a new program.

UGH. thank goodness I only wasted 15 min of my time and theirs becuase as soon as she said this, i told her I am really sorry, but I won't be able to assist him either.

this was of course after I found out that there was NOTHING wrong with the child, he just didn't want to use the toilet.

they were really shocked, I came highly recommended. they waited for an opening so they thought for some reason they were a sure thing.

I agree, get out now while you can.

[Unregistered]

I wanted to share what I dealt with when I first started doing childcare it was a 5 year old who was in diapers i was very shocked but they had a little situation were the 5 year old was kidnapped by her crazy grandma when she was 2 or 3 and grandma didnt potty train her and was a long prosses to get find her and get her back.so after getting her back I think at age 4 she went through alot so she had behavior issues with potty training so would not realise her pee into the potty she would hold it all day.no rape happened but potty training is what she wanted to control so she went to a behavior school and they got her potty trained she refuse to go at my house so I had to use there technics and say miss .. said u have to use the potty here and it work.since they explain what happened from day one and they were take care of it right away, I was fine wacthing her it only took two weeks to get everything good.she was a very good girl no problems. I had some age 4 in diapers just lazy ness so I potty train on the first day I let parents no I will not change a kid at this age they will use they potty easy since they are old enough. I perfer they do it at home tok but they some time s dont right away thats fine (I prefer both ends).well no diaper at my house. If they dont want trained at my house then I will not watch.

[Tasha]

Earlier I texted DCM about her kid still being in diapers,
and I just got this response: ''Is this a big issue? I didn't
mention it because it's part of your job to change diapers,
isn't it?"
I gotta figure how to get out of this quickly, because I
don't want this to escalate. I really wish it didn't bother
me to change this boy's diapers, but it really does.
Plus, there's no way she wouldn't know that this would
be a huge issue for a caregiver.

[Heidi]

Earlier I texted DCM about her kid still being in diapers,
and I just got this response: ''Is this a big issue? I didn't
mention it because it's part of your job to change diapers,
isn't it?"
I gotta figure how to get out of this quickly, because I
don't want this to escalate. I really wish it didn't bother
me to change this boy's diapers, but it really does.
Plus, there's no way she wouldn't know that this would
be a huge issue for a caregiver.

Although changing diapers is part of my job, unless your child has a documented disability, it is not common to expect a caregive to change diapers after a child's 3rd birthday or so. While I understand that some children are still learning at that time, 4 1/2 years of age is not something I am comfortable with. It is, in fact, so uncommon that I would have expected you to inform me that he is not potty trained. This lack of communciation itself raises enough red flags for me that I am terminating our arrangment effective immediately.

Something along those lines..??

[NillaWafers]

Although changing diapers is part of my job, unless your child has a documented disability, it is not common to expect a caregive to change diapers after a child's 3rd birthday or so. While I understand that some children are still learning at that time, 4 1/2 years of age is not something I am comfortable with. It is, in fact, so uncommon that I would have expected you to inform me that he is not potty trained. This lack of communciation itself raises enough red flags for me that I am terminating our arrangment effective immediately.

Something along those lines..??

Yeah that's pretty much perfect. And she is totally feigning ignorance. Like really?

No, lady. That is NOT normal haha.

[daycare]

I would maybe throw in a line about it's inappropriate intimacy at this age. No adult she be touching a child in that area of this age group.

Wow is all I got after reading moms last text.
I wouldn't deal with that. Oh boy.

[Tasha]

Although changing diapers is part of my job, unless your child has a documented disability, it is not common to expect a caregive to change diapers after a child's 3rd birthday or so. While I understand that some children are still learning at that time, 4 1/2 years of age is not something I am comfortable with. It is, in fact, so uncommon that I would have expected you to inform me that he is not potty trained. This lack of communciation itself raises enough red flags for me that I am terminating our arrangment effective immediately.

Something along those lines..??

I really like this, Heidi.
Does her text sound snarky, or is it just me? She seemed like
a really nice lady when I interviewed her. I've been doing some
Googling tonight and I guess there are kids out there who haven't
potty trained by 4, I just haven't come across them in my daycare.

[mommiebookworm]

I agree with what Heidi suggested. Several years ago, my cousin asked if I would babysit her almost 5 year old daughter. I said sure. She was playing and all of a sudden we could smell a horrible stench. I asked her if she needed to use the bathroom. She just looked at me, and said she did, in her diaper. I couldn't believe that noone told me that she wasn't potty trained. It was horrible!