4.5 and wearing diapers

[Tasha]

I really need help, because I'm not sure whether I'm wrong about this issue: Would you have a problem accepting a 4.5 year-old child into your daycare who is not potty-trained (and has no special needs or medical problems)?

[NillaWafers]

No I wouldn't accept the child, and not just because of that. I would assume there's other issues, especially with the parents. That's a can of worms I don't want to open.

[nannyde]

I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that. His parents need to care for him if he is normal and he and his parents want diapering. That's a family choice. When he goes to school they won't offer that service.

[Heidi]

I guess I would need more information. Not all special needs are diagnosed. I'd need to know what his previous daycare situation was, how the parents feel about the fact that he's still in diapers, why they think he is, and what they're ready to do about it.

[littletots]

I guess I would need more information. Not all special needs are diagnosed. I'd need to know what his previous daycare situation was, how the parents feel about the fact that he's still in diapers, why they think he is, and what they're ready to do about it.

I agree. Op your question was if I would accept a dck. I wouldn't. I'm sure there is a back story. Op said no special needs or medical. I try not to judge situation. Being military license we get tons of training about family stressers. You'll have to decide for yourself if you can accommodate.

[littletots]

I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that. His parents need to care for him if he is normal and he and his parents want diapering. That's a family choice. When he goes to school they won't offer that service.

My friends grandson was 2nd grade in depends. The school district was working w a team of medical folks. Schools do accommodate under special needs package. He was labeled special needs while helping him work out potty issues.

[daycare]

it would depend. do you have any other options of kids to enroll?

I would ask the parents if they are working on it and if so how are they doing it.

I would not team up with any parents that use punishment for potty accidnets or buy toys as a reward. It does not work and will only delay the process.

you can ask them to stop, but they won't.

last year I termed a family of a 3.5 year old becasuse DCD would spank the kid every time he had an accident at home. The poor kid would have an accident here and immediately go in to hysterics, yelling no no no don't tell my dad.
After talking to the parents and told them I would no longer help if they did that, they said ok we will stop, but they didn't. the poor kid was so traumatized. after another few weeks kid was still doing it and I confronted dcd who replied don't tell me how to raise my kid. DONE that day.

sorry to get off track, but this could be a sticky one. It is possible that the family just hasn't even tired too. BUT what does that say about their parenting. ugh

I personally would keep advertising and try to see if you can find another child.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

Is there a reason he has not been potty trained so far? Did you ask them straight out why he is in diapers? I would need to know their answer to that before I could decide. If they say they just haven't done it because they are busy or whatever, then no, I would not take him. If the family has been through something traumatic and he has gone backwards in his potty training, then I may work with him. It would HIGHLY depend on the parents and the child and whether I feel I would be able to help them over the hurdle. If it is pure laziness or a defiant child, then no way.

[Play Care]

My personal policy is that I will not take anyone new over age 3 still in diapers unless there is a documented medical issue or special need.

This after a very awkward situation several years ago with an older kid still in diapers.

[Thriftylady]

I wouldn't do it. If he had a diagnosis I might. But it just seems to be red flags to me without one.

[Tasha]

Today was his first day. His grandma dropped him off (dad's out of the picture, apparently), because DCM is out of town. About 15 mins after he arrived, he told me, ''I did No. 2, you need to change me.'' I thought he had just had an accident, so I went and got his bag, which I thought only had spare clothes, etc., and discover a bunch of diapers. When I interviewed him and his mother, I did not even think to ask if he was potty-trained because of his age, and certainly did not notice his diaper. After I changed him, I called his grandma to ask what was going on. She told me that he doesn't have any delays nor does he have any medical issues related to toileting. She is concerned, but said his mother isn't, that he just ''isn't ready'' and that it's not a big deal. I've already texted the mom and asked her to call me as soon as she can.

[littletots]

At least he doesn't sit in it. Sounds like DCM has spoken to drs. The "he isn't ready" & "it's not a big deal" is something she told grandmother to get her off her back.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

Today was his first day. His grandma dropped him off (dad's out of the picture, apparently), because DCM is out of town. About 15 mins after he arrived, he told me, ''I did No. 2, you need to change me.'' I thought he had just had an accident, so I went and got his bag, which I thought only had spare clothes, etc., and discover a bunch of diapers. When I interviewed him and his mother, I did not even think to ask if he was potty-trained because of his age, and certainly did not notice his diaper. After I changed him, I called his grandma to ask what was going on. She told me that he doesn't have any delays nor does he have any medical issues related to toileting. She is concerned, but said his mother isn't, that he just ''isn't ready'' and that it's not a big deal. I've already texted the mom and asked her to call me as soon as she can.

"We do number two in the toilet, so you will change yourself and I will show you how. After this we will make sure to use the toilet, so neither of us has to deal with it. If you need, I will remind you to sit on it until you get the hang of it." Of course, I would only do this if you plan to keep him. If he is verbal enough to tell you like that and if he has no behavior issues, you should be able to have him using the toilet before he leaves at the end of hte day. I would be upset with mom however, for not telling you and for making you find out the hard way. Whether you keep or term is up to you, but I would bet he would easily start using the toilet and have no issues. he has probably just never gotten the opportunity or the encouragement to. Let him know how awesome it is to have that independence and how proud his mom wil be to come home after a trip and see what he can do! Again, this is all based on how you feel it would work. If he is defiant and does not want to even try, then I would most definitely term, because I refuse to change a kid's diaper when they can verbally say "hey lady, I crapped my pants and you need to change me now!" Not quite his words, but kinda the same!

[Tasha]

I am angry at myself, because I was very lackadaisical with the process this time, and I am usually not. If you can follow this - my best friend's husband's mother goes to church with the grandmother so unless the mom was awful during the interview I was pretty much going to accept him. DCM didn't fill out all of the paperwork, and I was allowing her to bring in the remainder on Friday when she's back in town. And of course the question of diapers is on one of those pages. So she didn't lie to me. I just never asked and now I am kicking myself.

[nannyde]

Today was his first day. His grandma dropped him off (dad's out of the picture, apparently), because DCM is out of town. About 15 mins after he arrived, he told me, ''I did No. 2, you need to change me.'' I thought he had just had an accident, so I went and got his bag, which I thought only had spare clothes, etc., and discover a bunch of diapers. When I interviewed him and his mother, I did not even think to ask if he was potty-trained because of his age, and certainly did not notice his diaper. After I changed him, I called his grandma to ask what was going on. She told me that he doesn't have any delays nor does he have any medical issues related to toileting. She is concerned, but said his mother isn't, that he just ''isn't ready'' and that it's not a big deal. I've already texted the mom and asked her to call me as soon as she can.

You have the perfect out. They handed it to you on a silver platter. He has no delays, no medical issues, he's just not ready, and it's no big deal.

TAKE THE GIFT. BELIEVE his mother. She knows best!

Get out of it BEFORE he gets a diagnosis that will obligate you to not discriminate.

Just agree he is normal and he just isn't ready. Tell her you don't provide service to children who need diapering at his age. That level of contact is WAY too intimate for his age and your setting. It's way too much liability.

It's a child centered choice for him to choose diapers. It's a mothers right to honor his choice. Once she takes it out into the public, the choice won't be honoured. Too risky and WAY too much to ask another adult to honor.