Newborn Won't Eat & Cries..HELP!!

[Cat Herder]

There is just a population of breastfeed babies that refuse the bottle. Do your research. It's real. I am one of those miserable moms who is desperate to try and teach my baby to take a bottle.

All of this I say to explain to you that many educated women, like myself, ARE TRYING. DESPERATELY trying. And 'taking a few more weeks' I doubt would be productive in my case. I have tried since week 6, and she is now 13 weeks. I go back to work in 4 weeks.

So please, PLEASE explain to me what I should do to make it easier on you. Sheesh, kick a girl when she's down! What happened to 'care' in the word 'caregiver'? Don't mask that you believe you are truly caring by sending the child home. Partner with the parent. HELP them.

It's proven that many children REFUSE the bottle from the mom because they can sense that the "goods" are only a few layers of fabric away. So in all actuality, it is usually a spouse, or patient caregiver who helps these babies develop this skill.

Again, this is just sad to hear everyone of you patting each other on the back like "yeah, you tell 'em!"

I think some of it is that you came into the "Providers" section where we were supporting the OP's feelings and frustrations. This is a common problem that is dumped on us....not by Mothers like you, most often. I do not know of a provider who would not bend over backwards to help a Mom who was really trying. We can see it in your eyes.

Your situation is not as common as the Moms who just do what is easiest for them. "I am paying you so why should I have to do the work?". It is real, I have been asked that very question

I have had several children transitioning to a cup with great difficulty to find that mom has gone back to co-sleeping and "free" breast feeding because she got tired of getting up at night. SHE was the one who asked me to transition to whole milk in a cup to begin with, how fair is that?? This is not uncommon in the 11-12th month when they start getting restless. At least at my house.....

I breastfed all 3 of my own children, my last 18 enrolled newborns were breast fed. Out of those only two had "bottle problems" due to prematurity. They did not get to work on ****ing/latching on early due to being on ventilators.

Once they were discharged we did work as a team...endlessly. At their homes, and mine. One required tube feedings and I worked with that as well....

You came into a "Provider" venting/supporting thread, that is all.

I do want to mention that Breatsmilk is sweeter than formula, infants are naturally drawn to sweet (aren't we all??). Our La Leche coach recommends using a bit of glucose water in the bottles at first to teach them to like it better than the breast (just like they did in the hospital until your milk came down remember? Unless you were one of the lucky ones who had milk day one?). Then have Dad give the Breastmilk in the bottle with you out of the room for a bit (alternate every feeding breast/bottle). Deliberate and consistent.

Carnation Good Start is one of the sweeter ones on the market and babies go nuts for it...IMHE If you find yourself needing to supplement your supply.

Also, make sure any pacifier use is similar to the type of bottle nipple you are using (Avent works great for first transitions, Dr. Browns works great for colic even though they do leak a bit, it's worth it)

I am sure others will give you their advice, too.. Thats just what I have found to work here and I only enroll newborns. Mostly premature ones.

I do wish you luck and want to remind you that this phase is not forever, you are not alone and it will be worth it. Ok???

[Unregistered]

So, I have a 12 week old BF baby who has refused, REFUSED a bottle from me, her grandma, grandpa, and husband, despite our best efforts over the last 3 weeks. I am not going back to work for another month, but was researching "baby refusing bottle" like I do almost EVERY day trying to figure out what I can do- I am desperate.

I am ABSOLUTELY horrified at this forum, site, etc. Do you really believe that this lady hasn't tried? Any really, the only person who can make even a possibility of this claim is the original poster here who was watching the baby.

I have done everything, EVERYTHING in my power to get my child to take a bottle. She just refuses. It's real. It's out there. Many, many babies experience this refusal.

I am SO, SO, SO glad that I have a caring, compassionate daycare provider who keeps her site small so she can actually tend to children who aren't perfect upon delivery. It's a partership, I pay her great money so that we can work together on issues that arise.

I just cannot believe the ugliness on this site. Unbelievable.

Agreed!
My favorite is "What I've done before is call Mom while the baby is screaming. They can't take the emotional pressure and it makes them feel really really guilty."
Wow, what great parent relationships you must have.
I hope that poor new mother finds someone who cares more about the family she cares for than the money.

[DBug]

I haven't had any exclusively BF babies in my daycare yet, but I nursed all 3 of mine. The younger two never saw a bottle and were weaned straight to cups. I absolutely LOVED nursing (in spite of several years of sleep deprivation, cracked & bleeding nipples, etc., etc.) because it allowed me to bond with my babies in a way that NO ONE else could -- not their father, not their grandparents, no one. And I think that's an awesome thing. The mother/child bond was designed to be THAT intense.

I also think it's a wonderful thing when moms like unregistered get that. Props to you for BF'ing as much as possible! But I would humbly suggest that perhaps your little one isn't taking a bottle because he or she doesn't want to be separated from you. Is there any way you could manage to stay home, maybe even just until your LO is 9 or 10 months old? I didn't work for several years when my babies were little, and yes, it's a huge sacrifice financially. We weren't able to buy a house until 8 years after our oldest was born because of it. I only ever shopped second-hand, and we never had a new vehicle until very recently. But it was TOTALLY worth it! I got to spend all of that time with each of my kids, not having to struggle with bottle feeding, seeing their firsts, and being the only one they called "Mommy".

I know there are so many things to take into consideration, but I would encourage you to seriously take a look at whether it is possible to stay home with your baby for a little bit longer.

Honestly, I wish that every mom could stay home with their kids. It would put me out of business, but then I wouldn't have to see the look of guilt on a mama's face when her baby holds out his hands to me instead of her ....

[Unregistered]

This is obviously an old post, but the wonders of the internet allow what you write online to live on. I'm also a parent searching the web to find a solution to my child not eating enough at daycare.

It makes me so thankful that I have found a daycare provider who is working with me, and promotes breastfeeding. She even told me that she prefers it, as the children are sick less often, and therefore bring less illness to her center. I know this is not the first child she has helped learn the bottle and she is so reassuring when she shows me her other kids that have had issues and have now mastered the bottle. She does it with concern and tenderness for both my son and I, as it's a big transition for everyone.

I understand that this site is for daycare providers to share ideas, concerns and frustrations, and I think it's amazing that something like this exists, but I would be very cautious about what you post in such a public forum.

If I had a child being cared for by nannyde, I would yank them out as fast as I could. From your attitude, my takeaway is two fold. First, that you have no concern over the developmental of my child, and that you are going to take no interest in helping them learn new skills and second, that you do not trust yourself in stressful situations to not snap. If you are so effected by what you saw on the news that you won't even consider taking on an infant that is transitioning to a bottle because you feel it might be too stressful for you to handle, what happens when other issues arise that make a baby difficult to soothe? What happens during teething or transition to a cup or away from a pacifier? If you can't trust yourself not to snap over one issue, why would another be any different? I am fully aware that daycare providers are not parents, but you are with our children for the majority of the day. You may witness milestones before us, you may even know some of their preferences or quirks better than us, and I hope that take interest in the development of our children as they learn to sit up, crawl, and take solids and not just hand them over at the end of the day considering it a success that their basic needs were met.

Finally, I would suggest educating yourselves about breastfeed infants. Often they reverse cycle, and do chose not to eat from the bottle and rather from the breast at night. I suspect this is what my son is doing, as he prior to daycare he would take a bottle from us (we started three weeks prior to him going in and had some troubles but at the end he would take a full feeding at night) and now he is waking to eat when he used to sleep through the night. If this is the case, it is not neglect, or starvation, if they are eliminating enough and gaining weight.

You may peg me as a troll or what not, (which I think the definition is someone who posts something to stir up trouble) but I caution you all to be careful what you post in such a public manor. God I love my daycare provider, she'll be getting sweets on Tuesday and a fact check at Christmas.

[nannyde]

This is obviously an old post, but the wonders of the internet allow what you write online to live on. I'm also a parent searching the web to find a solution to my child not eating enough at daycare.

It makes me so thankful that I have found a daycare provider who is working with me, and promotes breastfeeding. She even told me that she prefers it, as the children are sick less often, and therefore bring less illness to her center. I know this is not the first child she has helped learn the bottle and she is so reassuring when she shows me her other kids that have had issues and have now mastered the bottle. She does it with concern and tenderness for both my son and I, as it's a big transition for everyone.

I understand that this site is for daycare providers to share ideas, concerns and frustrations, and I think it's amazing that something like this exists, but I would be very cautious about what you post in such a public forum.

If I had a child being cared for by nannyde, I would yank them out as fast as I could. From your attitude, my takeaway is two fold. First, that you have no concern over the developmental of my child, and that you are going to take no interest in helping them learn new skills and second, that you do not trust yourself in stressful situations to not snap. If you are so effected by what you saw on the news that you won't even consider taking on an infant that is transitioning to a bottle because you feel it might be too stressful for you to handle, what happens when other issues arise that make a baby difficult to soothe? What happens during teething or transition to a cup or away from a pacifier? If you can't trust yourself not to snap over one issue, why would another be any different? I am fully aware that daycare providers are not parents, but you are with our children for the majority of the day. You may witness milestones before us, you may even know some of their preferences or quirks better than us, and I hope that take interest in the development of our children as they learn to sit up, crawl, and take solids and not just hand them over at the end of the day considering it a success that their basic needs were met.

Finally, I would suggest educating yourselves about breastfeed infants. Often they reverse cycle, and do chose not to eat from the bottle and rather from the breast at night. I suspect this is what my son is doing, as he prior to daycare he would take a bottle from us (we started three weeks prior to him going in and had some troubles but at the end he would take a full feeding at night) and now he is waking to eat when he used to sleep through the night. If this is the case, it is not neglect, or starvation, if they are eliminating enough and gaining weight.

You may peg me as a troll or what not, (which I think the definition is someone who posts something to stir up trouble) but I caution you all to be careful what you post in such a public manor. God I love my daycare provider, she'll be getting sweets on Tuesday and a fact check at Christmas.

Since this is an old thread I will just repeat what I have said in the previous posts.

When interviewing a family with a breast fed baby it is best IMHO to make SURE the baby has converted or transitioned to a nipple BEFORE they start care. I accomplish this by having the baby eat a FULL bottle in front of me during the third interview and/or right before starting care. This tells me that the baby is completely capable of eating at care.

It's very important that a baby is never put in care before they can easily eat. This means they can take a bottle in your care or.. if you offer hosting breast feeding on site.. that the mother can come immediately if the child needs to be fed.

The original post is a textbook example of a really bad scenario where a baby was knowlngly left with a provider without the ability to eat and no immediate access to the mother.

[Crazy8]

damn it... I hate when I spend 10 min. reading a post and then realize its an old thread that was bumped.

I was feeling so bad for that little baby. I am pro-breastfeeding and have had many BF babies in my daycare and all have worked out perfectly. But I think the mom in the OP was seriously lacking the knowledge on how to transition the baby. You don't just send them off to daycare at 6 weeks old with formula and bottles - 2 things you're now admitting you NEVER used before even though the provider asked you to get the baby used to them before starting. I understand some BF babies won't ever take a bottle from mom, but will eventually take it from others - but this needed to start BEFORE the baby was thrown into daycare. How ANYONE can argue that simple fact is beyond me. :confused:

[nannyde]

damn it... I hate when I spend 10 min. reading a post and then realize its an old thread that was bumped.

I was feeling so bad for that little baby. I am pro-breastfeeding and have had many BF babies in my daycare and all have worked out perfectly. But I think the mom in the OP was seriously lacking the knowledge on how to transition the baby. You don't just send them off to daycare at 6 weeks old with formula and bottles - 2 things you're now admitting you NEVER used before even though the provider asked you to get the baby used to them before starting. I understand some BF babies won't ever take a bottle from mom, but will eventually take it from others - but this needed to start BEFORE the baby was thrown into daycare. How ANYONE can argue that simple fact is beyond me. :confused:

Well it sounds like we are to have concern over the developmental skills of the child and take an interest in helping them learn new skills

That was a good thread tho. If you read Little's posts by themselves it is a really textbook case of how a provider learns to detect whether or not a baby is nipple transitioned, the horrible experience of being around a hungry baby you can't help, how it affects the emotions of the provider, how the parents react, and how it affects the care of the other children. Terrible story but a really really good lesson for providers.

This site is a treasure trove of real life examples of some of the hardest things to manage in child care. I love that.

[blessedmess8]

Just thought I'd add this for anyone needing help in this area: Lots of people are just ignorant about breast feeding. I don't mean that to be hateful, I mean they really don't know information they need to know! Like the fact that the taste is TOTALLY different and that infants actually have to learn to **** a completely different way with a bottle than they do with a breast. And going back and forth can be confusing!! My youngest had an especially hard time with it and would NEVER take anything else from me! At a little over a year, never having had formula, she stole a drink of a baby's bottle and gagged! That's how different the taste is! Lol! I used a certain bottle called "Adiri." I ordered them from amazon.com. So, any of you parents dealing with this or providers who need to help parents dealing with this, that's a good first step. The bottle is actually very similar to the breast!

[nannyde]

Just thought I'd add this for anyone needing help in this area: Lots of people are just ignorant about breast feeding. I don't mean that to be hateful, I mean they really don't know information they need to know! Like the fact that the taste is TOTALLY different and that infants actually have to learn to **** a completely different way with a bottle than they do with a breast. And going back and forth can be confusing!! My youngest had an especially hard time with it and would NEVER take anything else from me! At a little over a year, never having had formula, she stole a drink of a baby's bottle and gagged! That's how different the taste is! Lol! I used a certain bottle called "Adiri." I ordered them from amazon.com. So, any of you parents dealing with this or providers who need to help parents dealing with this, that's a good first step. The bottle is actually very similar to the breast!

I've only had a couple of formula babies in the last five years. I think it's been maybe three or so years since I had one.

So when I do the initial interview I tell the parents that the child must be able to eat a full feeding bottle here right before starting care. If they need help with info on nipple confusion or transition to please let their Doc know so they can help hook them up with someone to help.

They just start doing pumped and bottles at home when they are first born and switch the baby back and forth. By the time they get to me they can easily do both.

If a provider WANTS to be involved in transitioning to a nipple then that's a GREAT service to offer. I don't want to offer that. I love the first couple of weeks of havning a new baby. I really cherish that time and so do the other kids. I wouldn't want to add a layer of "learning" onto what the baby already has to learn to be here.

This way there isn't any gray area of "well he did a little"... he's doing better... he did it for Daddy a week ago... It's feed in front of me so I can see how the baby takes the nipple. One feeding tells me everything I need to know. I can tell how well the child does within a few minutes by just watching the ****, swallow, grasp, head movements, breathing pattern, and fatigue. Once I see experienced nipple ****er I'm good to go.

So the provider has the choice to educate themselves on how to transition and offer the service of transition or offer the service where they just receive infants who can readily take the nipple. I offer the latter and have the baby eat in front of me right before starting. If you offer transitioning you should be prepared for a significant amount of one to one care, a high amount of parent contact, and worse case scenario... an infant who does very poorly while in your care until the skill is learned. The older the baby gets the harder the transition in most cases.

[blessedmess8]

I've only had a couple of formula babies in the last five years. I think it's been maybe three or so years since I had one.

So when I do the initial interview I tell the parents that the child must be able to eat a full feeding bottle here right before starting care. If they need help with info on nipple confusion or transition to please let their Doc know so they can help hook them up with someone to help.

They just start doing pumped and bottles at home when they are first born and switch the baby back and forth. By the time they get to me they can easily do both.

If a provider WANTS to be involved in transitioning to a nipple then that's a GREAT service to offer. I don't want to offer that. I love the first couple of weeks of havning a new baby. I really cherish that time and so do the other kids. I wouldn't want to add a layer of "learning" onto what the baby already has to learn to be here.

This way there isn't any gray area of "well he did a little"... he's doing better... he did it for Daddy a week ago... It's feed in front of me so I can see how the baby takes the nipple. One feebding tells me everything I need to know. I can tell how well the child does within a few minutes by just watching the ****, swallow, grasp, head movements, breathing pattern, and fatigue. Once I see experienced nipple ****er I'm good to go.

So the provider has the choice to educate themselves on how to transition and offer the service of transition or offer the service where they just receive infants who can readily take the nipple. I offer the latter and have the baby eat in front of me right before starting. If you offer transitioning you should be prepared for a significant amount of one to one care, a high amount of parent contact, and worse case scenario... an infant who does very poorly while in your care until the skill is learned. The older the baby gets the harder the transition in most cases.

I don't think it is, in any way, a good idea to accept a chld who isn't bottle ready! However, I feel like I have a wealth of knowlede I've come across over the years and that it is my job to help educate parents. I wasn't getting in to the issue of whether or not to term the child, just throwing that out there for anyone who the information might be helpful to! I would have absolutely taken the same action as the provider did and would have imparted any BF knowledge I had to offer upon parting ways! That's just how I roll.

[Unregistered]

Why wouldn't a Mom make sure that her baby was ready to go to daycare? Eating is kind of a big deal. I'm bitter today anyway, but I just don't understand some people.

Before I had to go back to work (in a previous life), we transitioned my kids to bottles long before they went to daycare. My husband fed them since I was breastfeeding and I pumped, but still. If my babies had any issues I would have made sure they were resolved, one way or another, before they went to daycare. I don't get it.

Hugs to you. A crying newborn is not fun.

Just because the baby is not taking bottles at dc does not mean mom didn't do her job to prepare him. My infant always takes a bottle, not even picky about nipples. He however so far will not eat at dc. Not every one can be at home till they chose not to.