What is Wrong with Kids These Days!!?

[deliberateliterate]

Or they're afraid their child won't like them.

I think it also has a little to do with the fact that so many parents (myself included) just don't know what they're doing. Until very recently, kids helped raise their younger siblings and multi-generation houses were so common. Experience + lots of support means that parents probably didn't question and second guess themselves. It's more common for me to fall asleep each night wondering what I could have done different/better than for me to be confident
in my mothering abilities and happy with the job that I did that day. All of that to say that if you're not completely confident in what you are doing I think it's very easy to look to your kids to try to gauge how you're doing. Maybe these parents that give in to their kid's every whim think that happy kids = good parents??

[Soccermom]

It doesn't seem that abnormal to me to have a child sneaking crackers.....of course it is not okay but I am more than positive that kids in generations past would grab a snack and eat it if it was right there in front of them unattended.

I agree with you there Cheerfuldom. It was completely my fault for not putting the crackers away and totally normal for her to grab a snack so I am not upset at all about that (Truth be told, it is almost funny) but it is the way that children react to adults scolding them for disobeying that gets me.

They either don't react at all or laugh it off. I couldn't even get her to apologize for taking something that she was told not to eat since she would just giggle every single time. (She is almost 4) I didn't feel like it was a time out worthy offense (not that time outs seem to even work here anymore) but by the end I was so frustrated with her thinking the entire thing was hilarious despite me pretending to be upset with her for being naughty.

[Unregistered]

I logged out because I KNOW that what I am about to say is controversial. I believe the biggest problem is that we, as parents, no longer spank our children. By no means am I suggesting a beating or anything, but a quick swat on the bum or slap on the hand would definitely show the child who is boss. I have 2 of my own children, who are very well behaved because they know what the consequences will be if they don't. To be clear, they barely ever get a spank or anything, but I personally feel that because we did this in their early years, it helped to clarify who is the authority figure and to respect their elders.

From a daycare stand point, obviously I would NEVER to this (as I would never allow anyone else to do it to my kids), but I think that it would definitely help with the behaviours and attitudes of kids these days. My dc parents who do spank or slap hands have children that are very well behaved, happy and listen to adults. The ones who don't, well, they are the children that we are always complaining about on here.

This is just my opinion and I know exactly what is coming (ie/ hitting a child for hitting doesn't make sense, you are scaring a child into complying, etc). But these issues weren't AS common 30+ years ago. Just thought I would put it out there.

[Annalee]

I logged out because I KNOW that what I am about to say is controversial. I believe the biggest problem is that we, as parents, no longer spank our children. By no means am I suggesting a beating or anything, but a quick swat on the bum or slap on the hand would definitely show the child who is boss. I have 2 of my own children, who are very well behaved because they know what the consequences will be if they don't. To be clear, they barely ever get a spank or anything, but I personally feel that because we did this in their early years, it helped to clarify who is the authority figure and to respect their elders.

From a daycare stand point, obviously I would NEVER to this (as I would never allow anyone else to do it to my kids), but I think that it would definitely help with the behaviours and attitudes of kids these days. My dc parents who do spank or slap hands have children that are very well behaved, happy and listen to adults. The ones who don't, well, they are the children that we are always complaining about on here.

This is just my opinion and I know exactly what is coming (ie/ hitting a child for hitting doesn't make sense, you are scaring a child into complying, etc). But these issues weren't AS common 30+ years ago. Just thought I would put it out there.

I think the problem is consistency! Whatever a mom and dad decide to use as a consequence for unacceptable behavior should be followed consistently...I feel kids have no consistency and everything is a "reasoning session" that turns into a "power struggle"....I am 48 and was raised with the "whippins" so once you got one you didn't want another for a long while....and absolutely NO backtalking was allowed.....we were told what to do and we knew what would happen if we didn't follow through....another thing is I feel my parents and most of their generation were not so into their "self".....when my parents went on vacation, my brothers and I went with them......there was NO "me-time"......we were a family unit and were never made to feel like we were getting on our parents nerves......

[Butter Biskets]

Agreed!

[KiddieCahoots]

I logged out because I KNOW that what I am about to say is controversial. I believe the biggest problem is that we, as parents, no longer spank our children. By no means am I suggesting a beating or anything, but a quick swat on the bum or slap on the hand would definitely show the child who is boss. I have 2 of my own children, who are very well behaved because they know what the consequences will be if they don't. To be clear, they barely ever get a spank or anything, but I personally feel that because we did this in their early years, it helped to clarify who is the authority figure and to respect their elders.

From a daycare stand point, obviously I would NEVER to this (as I would never allow anyone else to do it to my kids), but I think that it would definitely help with the behaviours and attitudes of kids these days. My dc parents who do spank or slap hands have children that are very well behaved, happy and listen to adults. The ones who don't, well, they are the children that we are always complaining about on here.

This is just my opinion and I know exactly what is coming (ie/ hitting a child for hitting doesn't make sense, you are scaring a child into complying, etc). But these issues weren't AS common 30+ years ago. Just thought I would put it out there.

I'm feeling bold today so....

I agree. Feel it's combined with structure and setting limits, and when you combine structure and limits, like you said, you end up not even having to spank.
Like pp, parents are afraid to do any of this now a days, want to be bff's with their child, or play "good cop/bad cop", and the children are conditioned to know this, use it, and manipulate it.

[cheerfuldom]

I agree with you there Cheerfuldom. It was completely my fault for not putting the crackers away and totally normal for her to grab a snack so I am not upset at all about that (Truth be told, it is almost funny) but it is the way that children react to adults scolding them for disobeying that gets me.

They either don't react at all or laugh it off. I couldn't even get her to apologize for taking something that she was told not to eat since she would just giggle every single time. (She is almost 4) I didn't feel like it was a time out worthy offense (not that time outs seem to even work here anymore) but by the end I was so frustrated with her thinking the entire thing was hilarious despite me pretending to be upset with her for being naughty.

I don't do timeouts and I don't force apologies either. In this case, I would have just put the crackers away with a quick discussion that Mrs. so-and-so told her she could not have any crackers and that she made a poor decision in sneaking crackers after being told not to. I wouldn't worry about her reaction after that. It still seems within typical behaviors for a 3 year old to be giggling about this versus really understanding why it wasn't okay. I think you are being too hard on her.

I do agree that in general I see some appalling parent reactions toward kids behaving badly but in this specific case, to me, it was not that big of a deal. I know you have been through a lot of drama with the daycare OP (just judging from past posts) so I would imagine that at this point, you are just burnt out with the whole daycare thing so a small issue like cracker stealing is going to seem much bigger.

[Rockgirl]

I think the problem is consistency! Whatever a mom and dad decide to use as a consequence for unacceptable behavior should be followed consistently...I feel kids have no consistency and everything is a "reasoning session" that turns into a "power struggle"....I am 48 and was raised with the "whippins" so once you got one you didn't want another for a long while....and absolutely NO backtalking was allowed.....we were told what to do and we knew what would happen if we didn't follow through....another thing is I feel my parents and most of their generation were not so into their "self".....when my parents went on vacation, my brothers and I went with them......there was NO "me-time"......we were a family unit and were never made to feel like we were getting on our parents nerves......

Spot on!!

[SignMeUp]

Having come from that generation, "logged out", I understand what you are saying, and I'm not going to go into the spanking discussion ::

But I think it went downhill FROM there, if you know what I mean. Went from 'not spanking' to 'never saying no'.
It's the 'never saying no' and never setting any kind of boundary that is the problem, in my (honestly humble) opinion.

And I do think that the parents who cannot ever allow their child to ever cry for any reason, also comes from progression.

[SignMeUp]

I'm feeling bold today so....

I agree. Feel it's combined with structure and setting limits, and when you combine structure and limits, like you said, you end up not even having to spank.
Like pp, parents are afraid to do any of this now a days, want to be bff's with their child, or play "good cop/bad cop", and the children are conditioned to know this, use it, and manipulate it.

And that part is normal, the attempts to manipulate. This is how children learn. They manipulate toys, they manipulate people, they manipulate with emotions.

But it's our job as adults, to set some honest and healthy boundaries and not allow them to become manipulative.

[Jazminsdaycare]

I won't log out for this because I believe 100 % that kids are out of control nowadays because it is considered " bad" to spank

I am so tired of parents bragging about how they don't believe in corporal punishment ( I hate this term) and they have the most insane kids!

Anyways, I don't believe all kids should be spanked and for every little thing but they have to learn respect and obedience for adults.

I had one of my 3 year old dcg's come up to me yesterday and said " my Mommy hurts me all the time"
I said " how does she hurt you?"
she said " she spanks me on my butt"
I then said " what did you do?"
she then proceeded to list all of her offenses
then I said " and now you are a good girl because you have a good mommy"

she seemed disappointed she didn't get any sympothy from me
oh well! ::::::

[Butter Biskets]

I won't log out for this because I believe 100 % that kids are out of control nowadays because it is considered " bad" to spank

I am so tired of parents bragging about how they don't believe in corporal punishment ( I hate this term) and they have the most insane kids!

Anyways, I don't believe all kids should be spanked and for every little thing but they have to learn respect and obedience for adults.

I had one of my 3 year old dcg's come up to me yesterday and said " my Mommy hurts me all the time"
I said " how does she hurt you?"
she said " she spanks me on my butt"
I then said " what did you do?"
she then proceeded to list all of her offenses
then I said " and now you are a good girl because you have a good mommy"

she seemed disappointed she didn't get any sympothy from me
oh well! ::::::

Hahaha! I do the same thing! Good for you AND her mommy!

[jgcp]

I logged out because I KNOW that what I am about to say is controversial. I believe the biggest problem is that we, as parents, no longer spank our children. By no means am I suggesting a beating or anything, but a quick swat on the bum or slap on the hand would definitely show the child who is boss. I have 2 of my own children, who are very well behaved because they know what the consequences will be if they don't. To be clear, they barely ever get a spank or anything, but I personally feel that because we did this in their early years, it helped to clarify who is the authority figure and to respect their elders.

From a daycare stand point, obviously I would NEVER to this (as I would never allow anyone else to do it to my kids), but I think that it would definitely help with the behaviours and attitudes of kids these days. My dc parents who do spank or slap hands have children that are very well behaved, happy and listen to adults. The ones who don't, well, they are the children that we are always complaining about on here.

This is just my opinion and I know exactly what is coming (ie/ hitting a child for hitting doesn't make sense, you are scaring a child into complying, etc). But these issues weren't AS common 30+ years ago. Just thought I would put it out there.

happyface Well thank you for saying it because i agree! I was spanked and sometimes with a belt! I was a pretty happy kid otherwise and Im not "damaged" In fact, I was always told by my teachers, my first boss, and friends parents how respectful I was, and I will expect the same thing from my children!! Why dont parents now days expect this?? My other dcm is the one that dosnt like listening to her kid cry so she gets EVERYTHING she wants ... not here Ill listen to her cry all the live long day, I dont care I wont give into my kids and I wont give in to DC kids either!

[midaycare]

I think a large part of the issue is working mom guilt. Feminists will hate me for this, and I should have logged out, but I'm lazy. Moms want to appease their kids because they feel bad for working.

Every dcm I have tells me of the guilt they feel. I felt bad while working. I don't think it's a secret that a lot of women - not all - but a lot feel bad and try to make up for it in other ways.

[Unregistered]

It's the parents. They don't know how to discipline their children, because they weren't. The generation grew up with daddy/step dad/step dad number 2/and all sorts of broken homes and extended relatives have no clue how to raise a child, because mom and dad were competing over who was the coolest while working 80 hours a week. I know some of you are single moms and divorced, but I refuse to take children from broken homes. I've noticed when dad is in the picture, things don't go down like that. Dad. Not step daddy or husband number 6 or whoever. Children know how to play divorced parents.

I used to make the parents do things. Like pay for what was broken. It doesn't make the children stop. I make the make the cracker eater earn off those crackers. Like make her clean up things or not let her play where she wanted tomorrow.