What is Wrong with Kids These Days!!?

[Annalee]

happyface Well thank you for saying it because i agree! I was spanked and sometimes with a belt! I was a pretty happy kid otherwise and Im not "damaged" In fact, I was always told by my teachers, my first boss, and friends parents how respectful I was, and I will expect the same thing from my children!! Why dont parents now days expect this?? My other dcm is the one that dosnt like listening to her kid cry so she gets EVERYTHING she wants ... not here Ill listen to her cry all the live long day, I dont care I wont give into my kids and I wont give in to DC kids either!

Not only am I NOT damaged from my "whippins", my family is still very close...I have a large extended family ...all 5 generations on my dad's side and the 4 generations on my mom's side.....I think there was a CLOSENESS instilled in us about the importance of family and how respect for others leads to trust in each other....non-conditional love....no matter what you love the person even if you do not condone what they are doing. Not saying these "whippins" will solve ALL family issues but I think accountability/responsibility goes a long way!

[Unregistered]

I think a large part of the issue is working mom guilt. Feminists will hate me for this, and I should have logged out, but I'm lazy. Moms want to appease their kids because they feel bad for working.

Every dcm I have tells me of the guilt they feel. I felt bad while working. I don't think it's a secret that a lot of women - not all - but a lot feel bad and try to make up for it in other ways.

I agree. It doesn't help when bio mommy and daddy don't get along (divorced). Children know they can play the sides against each other.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

This thread is so full of wisdom. Ah, the world hasn't completely lost it.
The bad parenting is 100% going to be the reason I quit sooner rather than later.

[daycarediva]

Because the child might CRY!

The child must NEVER cry. That's why I quit infants. Soooo many rage babies who were just spoiled babies with no self soothing skills. Crying is how babies communicate!

I think the problem is consistency! Whatever a mom and dad decide to use as a consequence for unacceptable behavior should be followed consistently...I feel kids have no consistency and everything is a "reasoning session" that turns into a "power struggle"....I am 48 and was raised with the "whippins" so once you got one you didn't want another for a long while....and absolutely NO backtalking was allowed.....we were told what to do and we knew what would happen if we didn't follow through....another thing is I feel my parents and most of their generation were not so into their "self".....when my parents went on vacation, my brothers and I went with them......there was NO "me-time"......we were a family unit and were never made to feel like we were getting on our parents nerves......

THIS. I don't care what method you chose. BE CONSISTENT with rules, routine and expectations. NOTHING works if you only use it SOMETIMES.

I think a large part of the issue is working mom guilt. Feminists will hate me for this, and I should have logged out, but I'm lazy. Moms want to appease their kids because they feel bad for working.

Every dcm I have tells me of the guilt they feel. I felt bad while working. I don't think it's a secret that a lot of women - not all - but a lot feel bad and try to make up for it in other ways.

I ABSOLUTELY agree with this---- but the Moms that spout the I feel so bad for leaving snowflake---- are out every weekend night, sometimes during the week, too. The ones who are REALLY missing their kids are HOME spending time with them. It may not be QUANTITY time, but they try to make it QUALITY.

Like ECS said, the only reason I'll ever leave the field is if I can't get a good mix of kids due to behavior. I've seen more and more horrendous things, and parents just excusing it, it makes me sad.

I term at will now, I no longer put my all into working to fix a problem unless I KNOW the parent is on board completely and I see results and the results LAST. It RARELY happens. They're just looking for someone to shut up and deal with the kid because they pay you to.

I NEVER EVER thought I would be spit on, slapped, kicked, head butted, laughed at, swore at, told NO, you're not my boss! etc.

[Cat Herder]

Each time I think I figured out the root of the issue, another twist presents itself.

Today. 8:10 am, 3yo walks in, places hand to forehead and dramatically announces "I don't feel good! I am so drunk!! I could splode and fall down." Last week I was informed that "Daddy is an a$$ at work."....

I shrug it off blaming TV or eavesdropping. It makes me wonder what is next, though :confused:. Who knows....

Screen time? Parents "keeping it real"? All the "Potty Mouth" mommy websites? Attachment parenting that forgets to filter adult topics during "attached" time? The concept of "off limits" topics for children is outdated? Who knows...

I just know that it has made it's way into a rural farming community, now.... I can only assume how bad it is in a larger community with more social interaction.

I have been the butt of quite a few jokes lately for being "a 50's wife". I work hard to be the mom I WANT TO BE... while earning a nice living. Does it make them feel better about themselves? IDK

[KiddieCahoots]

Each time I think I figured out the root of the issue, another twist presents itself.

Today. 8:10 am, 3yo walks in, places hand to forehead and dramatically announces "I don't feel good! I am so drunk!! I could splode and fall down." Last week I was informed that "Daddy is an a$$ at work."....

I shrug it off blaming TV or eavesdropping. It makes me wonder what is next, though :confused:. Who knows....

Screen time? Parents "keeping it real"? All the "Potty Mouth" mommy websites? Attachment parenting that forgets to filter adult topics during "attached" time? The concept of "off limits" topics for children is outdated? Who knows...

I just know that it has made it's way into a rural farming community, now.... I can only assume how bad it is in a larger community with more social interaction. :eek:

Don't even get me going......::...........

[Annalee]

Each time I think I figured out the root of the issue, another twist presents itself.

Today. 8:10 am, 3yo walks in, places hand to forehead and dramatically announces "I don't feel good! I am so drunk!! I could splode and fall down." Last week I was informed that "Daddy is an a$$ at work."....

I shrug it off blaming TV or eavesdropping. It makes me wonder what is next, though :confused:. Who knows....

Screen time? Parents "keeping it real"? All the "Potty Mouth" mommy websites? Attachment parenting that forgets to filter adult topics during "attached" time? The concept of "off limits" topics for children is outdated? Who knows...

I just know that it has made it's way into a rural farming community, now.... I can only assume how bad it is in a larger community with more social interaction.

I have been the butt of quite a few jokes lately for being "a 50's wife". I work hard to be the mom I WANT TO BE... while earning a nice living. Does it make them feel better about themselves? IDK

Every thing a child/adult does/acts now has a name.....ODD, ADD, ADHD, OCD. While I do realize these are legit terms and "some" children/adults suffer from these issues, I DO NOT believe in sugar-coating by labeling a child a certain set of these initials. It seems, no one is guilty of anything anymore....there is always a reason for why a person did what they did even if it is MURDER....These diagnosis should never have become a license for anyone to be hurtful/disrespectful to others, but society has allowed this to happen in such a subtle way that "BAM" it is here and our nation is faced with a huge dilemma.....just my opinions....

[Blackcat31]

I think it has to do with parents being friends with their children.

Never has their been a generation that was afraid their child would not like them. :confused:

I think more parents need to lead instead of follow. More parents need to follow THROUGH and have clear consistent boundaries that are enforced.

Whether a parent chooses to use spanking or speaking as a form of discipline and guidance is up to each parent as no method works better than another.....the key to proper guidance/discipline is unique to each child as each child is unique.

Spanking or not spanking is not the issue. It's the follow through that comes with ANY method a parent chooses to use.

When we lead, role model and demonstrate the behaviors, character and actions we want our children to have, they WILL follow.

If we fail to lead, the children run amok.

[hope]

I don't believe it's mommy guilt. I have yet to see one true case of mommy guilt although many dcms have claimed they have it. My own sister believes she is a better mom for sending her children to daycare bc she doesn't think she has the patience to be with her children all day long???? I think many parents really don't like being parents. They only like the status. So they make it easy on themselves and become a helicopter parent so that the child can't get into anything that would involve effort. Some parents chose to give in to every whim of a child so they won't fuss. I don't really think they care if their child likes them. I think they just don't want to make waves because that would require work and effort.
I think all the problems with children lately are due to selfish parents. The world revolves around the parents and the child is intruding in on the parents selfish needs.

[JoseyJo]

My parents were not spankers and I also turned out okay

I agree that CONSISTENCY is the key, and confidence too. Parents are too wishy washy, always afraid that someone (kid, grandparent, cashier at the store) wont like how they discipline. I love Love and Logic parenting. No spanking involved, but also firm boundaries and consequences for all ages.

[midaycare]

I don't believe it's mommy guilt. I have yet to see one true case of mommy guilt although many dcms have claimed they have it. My own sister believes she is a better mom for sending her children to daycare bc she doesn't think she has the patience to be with her children all day long???? I think many parents really don't like being parents. They only like the status. So they make it easy on themselves and become a helicopter parent so that the child can't get into anything that would involve effort. Some parents chose to give in to every whim of a child so they won't fuss. I don't really think they care if their child likes them. I think they just don't want to make waves because that would require work and effort.
I think all the problems with children lately are due to selfish parents. The world revolves around the parents and the child is intruding in on the parents selfish needs.

I had serious mommy guilt. To the point of anxiety attacks. And I wasn't a
mom who was gone on the weekends. I felt guilty about grocery shopping without DS on the weekends after working all week.

There are a lot of problems with parents nowadays!

[spinnymarie]

I had serious mommy guilt. To the point of anxiety attacks. And I wasn't a
mom who was gone on the weekends. I felt guilty about grocery shopping without DS on the weekends after working all week.

There are a lot of problems with parents nowadays!

I'm with you. I've still got my mommy-guilt, only now it's for doing work at home instead of for being away at work. And I still drag everyone to the grocery store.

[hope]

I had serious mommy guilt. To the point of anxiety attacks. And I wasn't a
mom who was gone on the weekends. I felt guilty about grocery shopping without DS on the weekends after working all week.

There are a lot of problems with parents nowadays!

I'm sure there are mom's out there that do have mommy guilt and it is genuine and they probably have well balanced kids. I apologize for not clarifying. I was referring to parents of children that seem to have behavior issues. When children don't respect adults and constantly misbehave I feel it is due to lack of parenting which is due to selfish parents.

[midaycare]

I'm sure there are mom's out there that do have mommy guilt and it is genuine and they probably have well balanced kids. I apologize for not clarifying. I was referring to parents of children that seem to have behavior issues. When children don't respect adults and constantly misbehave I feel it is due to lack of parenting which is due to selfish parents.

I will own up to this, although I'm quite ashamed. When I was working outside of the home, I was constantly trying to buy ds's love. I spoiled him rotten with things, thinking it would make up for the daycare dump each day.

He didn't hear "no" much, either. Finally I realized my mistake when he was 2.5 and I quickly corrected it.

[Josiegirl]

I think parents need to stop negotiating with their kids, stop bribing them to do the things they should be doing anyways, and stop praising them for every single little thing under the sun. When did it become wrong to say "Because I say so and I'm the parent"???

If you try to explain to a 3 yo, the whys of doing something, make it brief and firm. Don't allow them time to manipulate you because they become masters of manipulation very quickly.

It's so sad really. Adults, authority figures, teachers, never got sassed the way do now by kids. They didn't get told NO emphatically, or hit, ignored, disrespected, called names. There was only that occasional challenging kid in class that would be sent to the principal's office or got to stay after class. Now kids are the rulers and I think they're crying out for someone to take the lead back, to show them the way lovingly but firmly.

So much has been taken away from teachers, parents, etc., as ways to discipline that the roles have been completely reversed. Bus drivers used to kick kids off the bus for being mean. Kids would get lower grades if homework wasn't turned in. They wouldn't be able to go on field trips if disciplinary action needed to be taken. Parents would be called into school and the child would become very afraid because they knew they were going to get in trouble twice.

Sometimes I feel there is so much wrong with 'kids these days' but then I see other kids, very sweet, kind-hearted appreciative respectful loving kids. I have some in my daycare, former dcks...I still remember a dcb who's now 13 yo. The last summer I had him, every day when he left he'd say thank you. I'm not giving up yet.

As I was writing all this down, the one simple thing that every single parent could do to help change their behavior is to take the time to be, really BE with their child. Take the time to show them how loved they are just by focusing that time on their child. No phone, no texting, no ipads, no computers, and good grief no tv. Snuggle in bed and read books together. Throw a ball and talk about school. Laugh with them. Let them know you want to be with them. Don't shove them off onto everybody else. Like all those dcps we hear about who would do just about anything to leave their kid/s with us as long as they possibly could and not take them anywhere or spend free time with them. Kids are not stupid. They figure it out.