Something Flipped The Bitc# Switch!! HELP!

[PitterPatter]

Sounds exactly like the ADHD/ODD kids that I had. I'll NEVER, EVER, EVER take another ODD child. EEEEEEVER. Not at all worth it. Not even a little. Not for ANY amount of money.

My 12 yr old son has ADHD and ODD I have been coping with his since he was 3 and I had a 6 yr old DCB for a couple years with the same. They each had issues but nothing to this extreme. I was/am able to get them to sit and calm down even at the worst level. But this was like a driven rage of spit. I don't think she thinks spitting is a big deal she did agree the behavior was "inapropriate" but that's all she said.

Personally I think ADHD and ODD diagnosis is slapped on many too many kids when not needed but this one.. Oh yeah! Someone needs to put the cuckoo back in the clock!

[Blackcat31]

Mom isn't lying about him not behaving like that at home.

Most children (not all) that have these types of issues don't have them at home because the environment at home has been altered to fit them. Or rather not upset them.

I am sure at home, he is given anything and everything he wants so that he doesn't have a fit or get upset.

If I were in your shoes I would NOT allow him to come back to care. I would also document and report this incident to licensing just so your butt is covered.

Incidences of extreme violence like that can be psychologically harmful for the children to have witnessed and you will unfortunately have to relay the short version to the other parents upon pick up today so that they are all aware of what happened.

I would also report this to licensing simply as a safety net for not only you but for this child as his parents seriously need to get him the help and/or services he clearly needs. If he is already in some sort therapy or seeing a specialist then that is great but still what a scary situation and one that will have fallout no matter what.

I am sorry you had to endure all that.

Are you okay?

Not just physically but emotionally as well?

[CraftyMom]

My VERY FIRST dck was very similar. No diagnosis that I know of. I had never heard of ODD until I joined here, Im sure my dck had it. He lasted 3 days here, I don't know how he lasted that long. I guess due to him being my first kid I wanted it to work. It ended when I asked him to wash his hands for lunch. He refused then ran away. I found him naked peeing on my living room rug! I asked him why "because I don't like you or your stupid house or your stupid dog" (6 pound yorkie) Then he told me he was going to get a gun and shoot me so I would be dead!! That was the end. This boy hadn't even turned 3 yet!

Mom was always talking in baby sweet talk to him, making excuses galore. In the end she tried blaming his previous daycare, kids were being mean to him. Yeah sure.

I am hoping you don't take him back. I would be worried for the other kids. The boy I had would just clothes line the other kids for no reason and other mean things, saying he didn't like them.

He could also be a sweet ray of sunshine...good manners, played very well, but only with one child, the others he bullied. He would fine as long as he could dictate the entire day.

He was previously at a center. Mom said she decided to go with home daycare so he could get more structure????? I now know he must have been kicked out of the center

[TheGoodLife]

:hug: Words cannot express what you went through, I'm so sorry to hear that happened to you! For the safety and well being of yourself and anyone else in your home, I hope you do not allow DCB back in your home again. That is beyond what a daycare should be trying to help with, and you would be putting the safety of everyone involved at risk, as well as your job. Say he went into a rage and hurt another child? You'd be liable as you had known he was capable of it. I'd call DCM and explain that you are not able to care for anyone with that type of behavior and wish her luck. (I wouldn't want to even wish her luck, as her lack of outrage and huge expression apology would have been so disrespectful to me!)

[sugar buzz]

I call BS on DCP- they've seen that crap before and don't want to admit it. She didn't ask because she doesn't want to bring it up & hopes you'll let it slide. If you're going to term, make sure are clear about it. If they're that much in denial they might take anything less as a "suggestion" and try to keep bringing him.

That level of aggression is usually across the board. It could be that he is dominant in their home, and they cater to him to prevent outbursts. It's just not safe for him to be in group care. I'm sorry that you had to experience that.:hug:

[PitterPatter]

Mom isn't lying about him not behaving like that at home.

Most children (not all) that have these types of issues don't have them at home because the environment at home has been altered to fit them. Or rather not upset them.

I am sure at home, he is given anything and everything he wants so that he doesn't have a fit or get upset.

If I were in your shoes I would NOT allow him to come back to care. I would also document and report this incident to licensing just so your butt is covered.

Incidences of extreme violence like that can be psychologically harmful for the children to have witnessed and you will unfortunately have to relay the short version to the other parents upon pick up today so that they are all aware of what happened.

I would also report this to licensing simply as a safety net for not only you but for this child as his parents seriously need to get him the help and/or services he clearly needs. If he is already in some sort therapy or seeing a specialist then that is great but still what a scary situation and one that will have fallout no matter what.

I am sorry you had to endure all that.

Are you okay?

Not just physically but emotionally as well?

Thank you for your concern it really means a lot! Everyones replies are really appreciated. I am fine, still in shock but I will be ok. Thank you. Talk about an instant headache! Tell ya what it makes me much much more thankful for all of my other kids! Even the naughty ones! I am giving everyone including the parents huge hugs before they leave today!!

[Leigh]

My 12 yr old son has ADHD and ODD I have been coping with his since he was 3 and I had a 6 yr old DCB for a couple years with the same. They each had issues but nothing to this extreme. I was/am able to get them to sit and calm down even at the worst level. But this was like a driven rage of spit. I don't think she thinks spitting is a big deal she did agree the behavior was "inapropriate" but that's all she said.

Personally I think ADHD and ODD diagnosis is slapped on many too many kids when not needed but this one.. Oh yeah! Someone needs to put the cuckoo back in the clock!

The kids I had were brothers. Their caregivers did nothing about the situation except inflame it. They only received therapy at my home-the caregivers refused to participate because they thought that what went on at home was no one else's business. The kids were in a chaotic environment (verbal and physical abuse) with no rules. The only time these kids were dealt with at home was to yell at them, hit them, or worse (things were bad). The therapy was starting to help with the oldest when the younger's behaviors started to escalate. After their therapist telling me for months to terminate care, I finally did when the youngest attacked a younger child at my home and hurt him. I was spit on, bitten, kicked, hit, had about $2000 in damages to my home, and was basically a basket case every day trying to find ways to manage these kids. I didn't want to give up because I felt like I was the ONLY person who cared about these kids' well-being. I finally realized that unless their caregivers are also working on the situation, it would never change. They have been through MANY childcares since they left me-some lasting only a few weeks. I feel sorry for those kids, and think about them all the time, but it was not worth dealing with them at all. The other kids are happier with them gone and so am I.

I just could not do it again, and I wouldn't suggest that anyone else do it, either. The kids I had just were not safe and did not belong in group care.

[mrsp'slilpeeps]

I had 3 siblings that had ADHD and OCD here last year for 5 veeerrrryyy looooong months.

It got to the point that the rest of my families all threatened to pull their children if this family stayed. That's a lot of income to lose all at once.

The 3 kids were so horrible to everyone that they hated coming here and the show that was put on daily, at pick up time was out of this world.

I finally had to make the decision to term. she put her kids in a centre!!

I think you need to term him asap.

[PitterPatter]

The kids I had were brothers. Their caregivers did nothing about the situation except inflame it. They only received therapy at my home-the caregivers refused to participate because they thought that what went on at home was no one else's business. The kids were in a chaotic environment (verbal and physical abuse) with no rules. The only time these kids were dealt with at home was to yell at them, hit them, or worse (things were bad). The therapy was starting to help with the oldest when the younger's behaviors started to escalate. After their therapist telling me for months to terminate care, I finally did when the youngest attacked a younger child at my home and hurt him. I was spit on, bitten, kicked, hit, had about $2000 in damages to my home, and was basically a basket case every day trying to find ways to manage these kids. I didn't want to give up because I felt like I was the ONLY person who cared about these kids' well-being. I finally realized that unless their caregivers are also working on the situation, it would never change. They have been through MANY childcares since they left me-some lasting only a few weeks. I feel sorry for those kids, and think about them all the time, but it was not worth dealing with them at all. The other kids are happier with them gone and so am I.

I just could not do it again, and I wouldn't suggest that anyone else do it, either. The kids I had just were not safe and did not belong in group care.

Wow so many problems in these little minds. I don't understand how it gets so far. Obviously parents catering to them but has to be more than that. God help the school system when they enter there! Sorry you and the others have had bad experiences as well. I guess mine wasn't so bad after all but it was bad enough. I will be praying for these troubled kids tonight.

[Heidi]

Term. For the safety of the other children, for the safety of your dog, for this child's safety. He needs way more help than you can offer.

You're not a behavioral specialist; you're a daycare provider. Please don't take this on yourself. He needs a one-on-one that is trained to deal with this.

Oh, and :hug:

[KidGrind]

BUH BYE! I wouldn't even entertain working with that. It's obviously an ongoing concern. Mom needs a nanny, and a psych eval.

[Josiegirl]

Oh he!! no way that child would ever be stepping foot in my house again. Not just the spitting but nobody calls me bi!@h in my own home. I've had 2 that did that(it wasn't the only thing they did but that was the proverbial straw)and they both got notice.
I hope you've calmed down a little since they left and can let it go. As I read all you wrote I could picture it in my head; all I could think was OMG that poor woman!!
Wish I could share my chocolate with you or something.
Tomorrow's Friday.

:hug::hug::hug:

[KiddieCahoots]

Oh he!! no way that child would ever be stepping foot in my house again. Not just the spitting but nobody calls me bi!@h in my own home. I've had 2 that did that(it wasn't the only thing they did but that was the proverbial straw)and they both got notice.
I hope you've calmed down a little since they left and can let it go. As I read all you wrote I could picture it in my head; all I could think was OMG that poor woman!!
Wish I could share my chocolate with you or something. Tomorrow's Friday.

:hug::hug::hug:

::...........
Just out of curiosity, what kinda chocolate?.....I may have to make a run to the store

[Hazel]

I had a child similar to this. He ended up kicking my dog so hard he broke his rib and gave him a concussion. I called mom and termed immediately. He had been here a month and I should have seen this coming. I won't go into too much detail but a boot thrown at my head wasn't fun. And then mom couldn't control him, not even to leave. One day she asked me "Miss, do you have a belt?" I was floored! You want me to give you a belt to hit your child! WTH!!!!
Hurting my dog was just the icing on the cake... It had all built up to this and I was done. Heaven forbid he had kicked a baby and broken his/her ribs!

[nannyde]

I will never understand why a parent has a child that is perfectly normal at home... who never shows an ounce of aggression... and when in public is a violent animal... why in the WORLD would you ALLOW him to be somewhere where you KNOW he is going to be violent?

There's NOTHING wrong with him at home under parental care... then keep him with you. It's abusive to put him in a situation where he is violent when he is an angel with you. He deserves to be where he is happy and well behaved... if that means living under a bridge thenso be it.