How To Respond To This Parent's Complaint

[MotherNature]

The not trusting you would be my sticking point too.

Maybe you could just be super short and to the point and just say that although you understand her fears, you are MORE than capable of making business decisions in the best interest of the group and that if she has any personal issues against your choice of assistants, that the only thing you can offer her is a head's up when the assistant will be present and SHE can choose to stay home with child or bring child but the rate will remain the same.

I would also maybe add that while being a male in the early childhood field is not as common as females, you refuse to put that stereotypical thought process into a child's mind and are sad that you actually have to address it at all.

I'd be really upset if I were you at the lack of trust. For me personally that trust is so important in the provider-parent relationship.

I'm sorry this family is giving you such a hard time. Especially when you didn't have to go this far above and beyond.

We need a clapping hand icon. Totally agree. I hate the gender bias as well...My husband, for instance is waaaay more patient and creative with kids than I am. When he was little he wanted to be the President so he could live in the white house because it has a gazillion bedrooms for kids. He's a fantastic dad, very involved, & he helps out a lot around here.

[Blackcat31]

We need a clapping hand icon. Totally agree. I hate the gender bias as well...My husband, for instance is waaaay more patient and creative with kids than I am. When he was little he wanted to be the President so he could live in the white house because it has a gazillion bedrooms for kids. He's a fantastic dad, very involved, & he helps out a lot around here.

This is one stereotype that really gets me hot under the collar.

I think men offer so many valuable things to early childhood. Some things women just cannot duplicate.

I used male sitters when my kids were young. I've had male assistants here in my program as well as sponsored male students as interns.

I think that the stereotype of molestation and all the other common worries about men in this field is simply ridiculous and something I am surprised hasn't changed over the years.

[Unregistered]

When my son was in daycare center 4 ago they hired a male teacher for his preschool classroom. There was a big fuss over it and parents were flipping out. Half the girls in the class ended up either moving to the other preschool classroom or leaving the center. People were freaking out about this male teacher and the how he might see their daughters in the bathroom.

[MCC]

OP- I just ran into this same situation last week. My husband and I both had to be at an appointment, and I had to hire a sub. I stressed about it for 2 weeks, b/c I didn't want to inconvenience the parents by closing, but I also didn't want to leave my assistant alone with 6 kids. So I had my cleaning lady (who is here every Wednesday morning for 5 hours cleaning) stay with her. I have a background and CPS check on her b/c she is here during care hours cleaning. I met her when she was a previous client's nanny. She almost always stops in the daycare room to play with the kids when she is here cleaning.

I sent out an email on Monday letting parents know that she would be here with the kids and with my assistant for 3 hours on Wednesday. One DCM was very upset. She ended up taking the morning off and not bringing DCB in, which negated me needing to hire the extra help. It really has been eating at my heart b/c I feel that she didn't trust my judgment. I left my own child here that morning, so I obviously felt comfortable with the situation.

I just feel that in a center, the providers are often supported by new assistants, so what is the difference really? I'm still not sure I want to keep this family here after that.

Good luck OP!

[KIDZRMYBIZ]

What a sad statement this thread makes. Women can work in non-traditional careers, but not men? Male assistants are held back from changing diapers? That's just so insulting it completely disgusts me. By that line of thought, women providers should not be changing any little boys' diapers either.

[NeedaVaca]

Update? I'm wondering what happened!

[littlemissmuffet]

I am sure the mom wouldn't have had an issue if it wasn't a man.

We are proud that my husband is my business partner and part time assistant. He makes a HUGE difference in the lives of some of my DCKs, especially the ones without dads or the ones with deadbeat dads. He runs this daycare JUST as well as I do with or without me here and I trust him 100% - it's imperative that my DCPs do as well.

It's too bad that a couple of bad seeds have created such a stigma around men in childcare. How many women do we hear of on a regular basis who beat or put DCKs in harm's way? Yet, people still overall trust a female childcare provider. It's ridiculous!

[crazydaycarelady]

This is one stereotype that really gets me hot under the collar.

I think men offer so many valuable things to early childhood. Some things women just cannot duplicate.

I used male sitters when my kids were young. I've had male assistants here in my program as well as sponsored male students as interns.

I think that the stereotype of molestation and all the other common worries about men in this field is simply ridiculous and something I am surprised hasn't changed over the years.

I totally agree! My three boys are now 23, 21, and 19yo. Two of them live here but they all are fill-in subs. I would really tick me off if someone was opposed to them being here based on gender! The kids LOVE the things my boys do with them that I don't (play ball, go for lawn mower rides.)

[TwinKristi]

Have you replied OP??

[Stepping]

Not yet. This DCG is not in on Fridays so I'm taking my time to respond in a considered and informed way. I'm not looking to term but I'm going to make it clear that I will not discriminate against any member of staff, that I'm saddened they trust my judgement so little they felt the need to rush out of work and that I will be using this assistant again in the future.

It's pretty hard to get care for under twos in our neighbourhood so it's unlikely they will continue to make a fuss.

I have really enjoyed reading everyone's responses and they have helped me to formulate how I want to respond. Thank you happyface

[Stepping]

Forgot to say, thank you Marina for the links about men working in child care. I will be including those in my response.

[jenn]

I would just reply back to the email.

"Thank you for sharing your concerns. All people in my home are considered by me to be trustworthy and qualified and meet all legal requirements. My substitute policies will not be changing. If you would like to discuss this further, I would be happy to set up a time to do so."

Short and to the point. If they want to meet, I would have very clear plans in writing to share with them. I would give them the articles about male providers as well.

[Unregistered]

What a sad statement this thread makes. Women can work in non-traditional careers, but not men? Male assistants are held back from changing diapers? That's just so insulting it completely disgusts me. By that line of thought, women providers should not be changing any little boys' diapers either.

ALL parents signed my contract stating my husband would be my #1 sub if home or my friend M would be my backup to him. I always tried to make appts where I could take the kids but sometimes JUST NOT POSSIBLE, so I always 2nd tried to do them when hubby would be home. He passed all same checks I did.

He HAS changed diapers. I usually tried to do my dr appts or dental appts during nap so he would not have to change diapers or do too much with the kids. I lost a baby (2nd trimester loss) I was carrying one day and I had to have the baby removed and I could not take the kids on. My husband (because most of the parents were REAL JERKS at that time and WOULD NOT take any time off) volunteered to step in and had to do EVERYTHING from breakfast, snacks, lunch, nap, activities AND DIAPER CHANGES that day. He did a great job and the kids LOVED him so much they couldn't stop talking about this guy (I had mostly 2-5yo girls) that was so funnnnnnn! They loved him and who cares if he's a guy. How did these women think they even HAD children? Do they not even trust their own husbands?

Only ONE parent was pretty cool about seeing my hubby change diapers at pickup. She came about an hr early and of course her dd pooped. Side note: My DCP said he did put on rubber kitchen gloves and was gagging and using all the wipes....such a wimp! But that said, he got her clean and didn't do anything unscrupulous to her.Just because he's a guy doesn't mean he is GOING to do something. In fact, gotta watch out for ladies, anymore! See all the teachers FEMALES on the news with the male kids? Gross. So I am astonished how we're allowed to stereotype a man simply because he helps take care of kids.

How offensive