How To Respond To This Parent's Complaint

[Stepping]

My little guy has been sick with croup since Monday so I've been splitting my time between looking after him upstairs and helping my assistant with dck's downstairs. It's been a pretty stressful week for my assistant so I've been finding an extra assistant to come in and sub for the busy times of day. Today, my assistant recommended a guy friend of hers that she works with. Both myself and my assistant are present in the house at all times! Dcm arrives at 10.30 to remove her daughter from care and then sends this email:

"I wanted to take a quick moment and just let you know my thoughts on today's substitute situation. Unfortunately, I felt/feel very uncomfortable leaving DCG with someone who we do not know anything about--even if that person is a third person stand-in working alongside you and Assistant. Having more of his background information (maybe in an early morning email) would have helped my fears-is he CPR certified, who are his references(for your consideration is fine), does he have a resume to share, where do he and Assistant work together? Even though I wish I didn't, I feel even more uncomfortable with a male substitute caretaker who we do not know. I would have spoken with you about this, but there's not exactly a time/place for private parent-teacher conferences, so I thought I would address here as soon as possible.

We didn't know what to do this morning when we got this news as it was very disconcerting, but I was totally unprepared to work from home so I had to rush downtown at 8:30 to gather my office things."

It goes on longer but you get the idea!

I'm so frustrated! I could have just closed for the day and left all my parents in the lurch. Or I could have my assistant work alone as I'm within my ratio to do so but I wanted her to have help and wanted the kids to be well cared for. This comes at extra expense that I don't need to spend so when a parent complains its hard to take.
I understand her fears but she dropped her child off to me, not a complete stranger and my assistant has been with me longer than her child has!
I needed to vent here before responding as I don't want to reply with something rash.
This family are always the first to question and complian about everything and I'm annoyed that they don't trust me to make good decisions regarding the care of their child.
Vent over! Thanks for listening

[CedarCreek]

Oh goodness. I'd reply something like: Please be assured that I have checked all of the new assistants references and certifications as I do all assistants. I am very sorry that you do not feel comfortable leaving dcg in care due to his gender. If you would like, I can let you know the dates that he will be working in advance so that you can keep dcg home that day.

Are you planning on using him in the future or just this one time? That also is a factor in how you word it. If you plan on using him in the future, be prepared to lose this dcg either by her leaving or you terming.

[SSWonders]

Was the third person licensed or approved by your licensing agency?

[Blackcat31]

The not trusting you would be my sticking point too.

Maybe you could just be super short and to the point and just say that although you understand her fears, you are MORE than capable of making business decisions in the best interest of the group and that if she has any personal issues against your choice of assistants, that the only thing you can offer her is a head's up when the assistant will be present and SHE can choose to stay home with child or bring child but the rate will remain the same.

I would also maybe add that while being a male in the early childhood field is not as common as females, you refuse to put that stereotypical thought process into a child's mind and are sad that you actually have to address it at all.

I'd be really upset if I were you at the lack of trust. For me personally that trust is so important in the provider-parent relationship.

I'm sorry this family is giving you such a hard time. Especially when you didn't have to go this far above and beyond.

[Stepping]

He was originally just a sub for today but he was great and lives locally so I will likely use him again in the future.

He isn't CPR certified but doesn't need to be as both myself and my assistant are. We only need to have one certified staff member present. But to be honest I don't think that is what she was really worried about!

[Stepping]

I don't need to clear 'emergency subs' with licensing as long as they are never left alone with the children. And I can never get hold of licensing anyway so if I waited for their approval I would probably have to close for the day.

Black cat - you're right about the trust issue. It's been a sticking point since day one with them as they are extremely over protective. They question everything from what materials my mattresses are made out of to the type of paint on my walls!
They also supplied me with a lifetime supply of shoe covers so their child doesn't ever have to risk coming into contact with debris from outside. Even though I'm a no shoes household!

[TwinKristi]

Wow, I have to say I would probably be hurt and offended too! To even think that you would just find some "guy off the streets" or something to come babysit! LOL I'm assuming he IS CPR certified and has all his clearances to work with children and you did the back work on him? Maybe just assuring her that you would never jeapordize not only her child, but he other X children in your care and your entire business by hiring someone unfit to assist you while you cared for your own sick child because after all you are a mom first and foremost. If this is a one-time thing that you don't typically do except a dire emergency then I would also make that clear. And I would probably throw in there the alternative would be closing for the day which would be the least cost effective choice for you and them. Some people are really weird about guys caring for kids, but other people don't seem to care at all about who cares for their kid. I have a client who has asked if my teenage sons could watch her son when I was sick. She had no problem at all with my dh watching her kids either. Other clients I've had would have a serious issue with my dh or teens simply because they're male. When I worked in a gym daycare there was a couple guys but they usually took older kids (5-12) to the other area we had with video games, basketball hoops, stationary bikes, foosball, etc. and not with the infants.

[Stepping]

although you understand her fears, you are MORE than capable of making business decisions in the best interest of the group and that if she has any personal issues against your choice of assistants, that the only thing you can offer her is a head's up when the assistant will be present and SHE can choose to stay home with child or bring child but the rate will remain the same.

I would also maybe add that while being a male in the early childhood field is not as common as females, you refuse to put that stereotypical thought process into a child's mind and are sad that you actually have to address it at all. ".

I like this thought process and think I will say something along these lines. Thank you everyone for your support as always!

[Blackcat31]

I don't need to clear 'emergency subs' with licensing as long as they are never left alone with the children. And I can never get hold of licensing anyway so if I waited for their approval I would probably have to close for the day.

Black cat - you're right about the trust issue. It's been a sticking point since day one with them as they are extremely over protective. They question everything from what materials my mattresses are made out of to the type of paint on my walls!
They also supplied me with a lifetime supply of shoe covers so their child doesn't ever have to risk coming into contact with debris from outside. Even though I'm a no shoes household!

Um, I don't even know what to say in response to that... :confused:

Maybe you are better off without this family... Why in the world would they put their child in group care and then be that "weird" about it?

Sounds like they need to have a nanny so they can control every aspect of their DD's life. Including debris from the outside.

[Stepping]

And there was also the time when they asked me where I source my tuna from. When I replied 'trader joes' they asked 'no, which ocean was this tuna sourced from?' :confused:

[sharlan]

Sounds like a "unique" family.

I honestly wouldn't have been offended at the question. I may have been hurt at the lack of trust as others have said. But, I would rather the parent come to me right away with any questions than to let it simmer and blow out of proportion.

[melilley]

And there was also the time when they asked me where I source my tuna from. When I replied 'trader joes' they asked 'no, which ocean was this tuna sourced from?' :confused:

Wow, and wow to the shoe covers...in a no shoe house!

I agree with bc, you are probably better off without this family. If they don't trust your judgement of the people that you have substitute for you then they shouldn't have their child in your care.

[Stepping]

Sounds like a "unique" family.

I honestly wouldn't have been offended at the question. I may have been hurt at the lack of trust as others have said. But, I would rather the parent come to me right away with any questions than to let it simmer and blow out of proportion.

To be honest, I'm not offended at the question. They have a right to ask about who is caring for their child. I'm offended that they felt my judgement was so poor they had to rush out of work and pick their child up, despite the fact that the emergency sub was working alongside a trusted assistant.

[Josiegirl]

Wow. I admit with my first child I was overprotective but never to that extreme? Which ocean did the tuna come from? Shoe covers? I have to feel sorry for her child.
And I would've felt very angry getting an email like that. It all but says she's worried because the assistant is male. Isn't that discriminatory?
I'd be looking to replace that dcf.

[daycarediva]

To be honest, I'm not offended at the question. They have a right to ask about who is caring for their child. I'm offended that they felt my judgement was so poor they had to rush out of work and pick their child up, despite the fact that the emergency sub was working alongside a trusted assistant.

I completely agree with you. I would possibly term over the lack of trust.