How To Respond To This Parent's Complaint

[blandino]

I understand that parents choose a home daycare for the more intimate atmosphere. However, I always compare situations like this to a center to see if I am being unreasonable. In a center it would happen frequently that a different teacher would have access and probably be responsible for their children if they were needing extra support in a different room. It wouldn't even be a rare occurrence.

Aside from the obvious lack of trust. I think the act of rushing to come get her is complete overkill, and ridiculous. If the mom had concerns she could have discussed them at pick up or called you during the day. Rushing to come get her implies that she was so concerned for her safety that she felt that she needed to be removed from the situation immediately, which is ABSURD.

[craftymissbeth]

How would I respond to this complaint? With a big fat term notice.

Based on what you've said group care just isn't for her family. And that ok. What's not ok is treating you as if you are untrustworthy... so untrustworthy that both you and your regular assistant would allow the new sub to go off privately with their child to potentially harm them. And that's basically what she's saying... that regardless of whether you and the other assistant are there she fears this new man will do harm to her child - and you would let him.

[Unregistered]

Dear DCM,

I received your email regarding your concerns for your child being in my care with a male assistant after you came and retrieved your child extremely early today. In my honest opinion, I feel that you have some trust issues with my judgment and other things that I have let go. For these reasons, I do not feel that you trust ME to make wise decisions for the children in my care. This is hurtful and offensive but moreover, if you do not trust me,so much so that you had to rush and grab your child and write me a long email on the subject, then it seems as if our child care is no longer the proper fit for your family. This letter will serve as my two-week notice. Keep in mind, you may bring your child or not, however no refunds are given if you do choose to leave care prior to the end of your notice period. I do hope you can find a provider you can trust and wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,

You

[Scout]

People can flame me if they want but, as a parent I can understand her concerns. Not having knowledge of his backgroundcould make the unease worse. I id not read through all of it but, were they aware that you would have an assistant that they may not know when they signed a contract? I tell all my interviews when, rarely I am out for a whike my dh or mil will be filling in. If they didnt know this l, I agree aith her. If they did know this, then she is being ridiculous and has no grounds to complain. Sorry you are dealing woth this and I hope you did not take it the wrong way. I am not intending to insult.

[itlw8]

where does he wear these shoe covers??? outdoors???

[Stepping]

People can flame me if they want but, as a parent I can understand her concerns. Not having knowledge of his backgroundcould make the unease worse. I id not read through all of it but, were they aware that you would have an assistant that they may not know when they signed a contract? I tell all my interviews when, rarely I am out for a whike my dh or mil will be filling in. If they didnt know this l, I agree aith her. If they did know this, then she is being ridiculous and has no grounds to complain. Sorry you are dealing woth this and I hope you did not take it the wrong way. I am not intending to insult.

Yes, it states in my policies that if my child is sick I will find a substitute to avoid closing for the day. Unfortunately, I don't have family nearby to help in these situations. I didn't need to find a sub today but did anyway because I thought it was the best thing for all the children. Two sets of eyes are better than one. I also had a sub in yesterday, who she didn't know, but that was ok because that sub was female. Her concerns are based on the fact that he was male and that's discrimination.

And don't worry I'm not insulted, I value all opinions, even those different to my own.

[MarinaVanessa]

This would have been my response:

Dear DCM,

I appreciate you taking the time to communicate your concerns with me and I would like to respond. I must say that since you are being honest with me I can only do the same. I have to admit that I had hoped that by now I had proven to you that I make good business decision in regards to the daycare and the children. In these many months that you have been a client I have grown to know you and your family and especially your child. I have gladly made accommodations for your family that are not by any means standard in child care and I have been forthcoming to any questions that you may have that are atypical in the realm of daycare. I know that entrusting your child in the hands of another person is very difficult for any parent however I must admit that your fears go above those of the typical array of "first time" fears and I have always been more than willing to work with your family in an attempt to ease your fears.

After today however I must come to the realization that I will probably not ever be able to accomplish that you trust me fully with your child and in the decisions that I make. That thought to me is disappointing considering that the main goal in my business is to create a partnership based on mutual respect and trust. I would like to set aside some time to meet with you in person so that we can discuss whether our arrangement can continue with only half of that being met.

As far as the new male assistant goes I must ask you, would it had made a difference if my choice in assistant had been a woman? I only ask because he came highly recommended and after only working with him for one day I found that his work ethic and mannerism with the children was wonderful and I will more than likely be using him again. It is unfortunate that you feel uncomfortable with the choice that I made or I can least hope that I am misunderstanding (which can happen in written communication) and perhaps you are only concerned because the idea of adding another employee was not discussed with you. If that is the case then I must admit that the thought had never occurred to me as I do not make it a habit to discuss business decisions with my clients including the hiring of new staff.

I was actually very pleased with the male assistant and grateful to have him here as he can add extra benefits that I and [other assistants] cannot provide to the children during daycare hours, such as a positive male role model. I understand that a male assistant in the daycare may be an interesting thought to your family however with more and more males entering the child care field I jumped at the opportunity to add this extra facet to the daycare, especially with someone of his caliber. I hope that I can at least put some of your fears to rest by saying that the male assistant will not be handling any diaper changes and will always be working alongside myself or [1st assistant]. I will be more than happy to share more information about him with you, the only reason why I had not done so with any of the families was because I was searching for a possible candidate for an assistant and if I did not like any of the candidates there would nothing to tell.

Again, I hope that we can set aside some time to meet in private to discuss your questions and concerns and to decide how to go forward.

DC PROVIDER

I would then go into the meeting with an open mind but also with a two-week written notice at the ready. If I found that the client would not be comfortable with the decisions that I make then it would be in both our interests to go our separate ways. Sometimes these types of parents just need a little bit of extra "petting" to ease their fears and other times they are simply exhausting and impossible to work with.

I know that I would love to have a male assistant, there are too many benefits to list especially if you work with single parent clients.

http://www.spacesforchildren.com/men.html - Scroll down to Gender is Culture

http://www.examiner.com/article/gender-equality-men-child-care-the-last-frontier

[Scout]

The shoe covers::::This will probably be the only time I will hear this one! Let us know what you decide to do...I would not want this parent to be in my home as I would feel constantly as if I were being judged on my home. I just read the whole thread but, I still stand by my original post, however, if she did not have a problem with yesturday's sub then she has no ground to stand on!

[MarinaVanessa]

The shoe covers::::This will probably be the only time I will hear this one! Let us know what you decide to do...I would not want this parent to be in my home as I would feel constantly as if I were being judged on my home. I just read the whole thread but, I still stand by my original post, however, if she did not have a problem with yesturday's sub then she has no ground to stand on!

My thoughts exactly.

Sometimes though all it takes is setting boundaries. Once those are set then clients are less likely to ask/complain about other weird/strange/obsessive things.
Sort of like ... I'm sorry you feel that way, but this is how it's going to be. I understand if you need to find alternative child care arrangements. They usually choose to stay anyway ... usually.

[Cradle2crayons]

I totally get if the op had been off site and the male was alone with the kids and the parents hadn't been notified. But that wasn't the case.

I'd likely be prepared to term that family just for the simple fact they don't seem to trust you.

As a provider I commend you for putting he needs of your daycare children first and that shows because you had and paid for not one, but TWO assistance, even though you didn't have to. Kudos to you!!

My husband is my assistant and has occasionally been left alone with a few of the kids. But that's explained to parents from day one. None of my five daycare kids have a father or male role model in the picture and it DEFINATELY gives them that role model when he is here.

Op, you have to do what works best for you. But certainly you don't have to deal with that level of disrespect from this family.

[Hunni Bee]

If she was THAT uncomfortable, why did she leave the child??

That's what speaks volumes to me. And takes away all her credibility.

If you truly are worried and cannot stand the thought of your child in the care of a person, you don't leave them there at all. You don't work half or most of the day and then "rush" to get your special snowflake. Have several seats.

[Angelsj]

My husband is my assistant and has occasionally been left alone with a few of the kids. But that's explained to parents from day one.

Mine is also my sub/assistant, has all the same certifications and CPR, etc that I have and the kids LOVE him. I taught my 12 yo dd to change diapers just in case that ever arises, but so far it has not been an issue (the babies are part time.)
It isn't always him that subs for me, but the kids love when it is, even if he won't let them play with play do in the house. ::

[Mister Sir Husband]

well.. mom getting all nervous and pulling kid out because "assistant" is a guy.. at least that's one problem I won't ever have to worry about

[crazydaycarelady]

I really question whether I would continue care. It seems as if the family is looking for issues. I wouldn't want the stress of finding out where my tuna is sourced or whatever their current concerns are. If you can fill the spot I would. I think they have forgotten that you don't work for them, they are a client of yours!

[Shell]

I really question whether I would continue care. It seems as if the family is looking for issues. I wouldn't want the stress of finding out where my tuna is sourced or whatever their current concerns are. If you can fill the spot I would. I think they have forgotten that you don't work for them, they are a client of yours!