Potty Training

[Blackcat31]

i dunno - i don't typically like rewards, but for potty training - it WORKS. it's not like bribing them to do "the right thing" and it's not really bribing them at all if you give them candy after they go instead of saying, "if you potty, you'll get candy." i consider potty training a different planet all together when it comes to rewards. if you know about pavlov's experiment with the dogs - it works in much the same way. he didn't say, "when i ring the bell, you'll get food," but they learned after a very short time that when the bell was rang - they got food. i think the idea of the egg timer was a good one. when the timer goes off, it's potty time. after going potty, they get an M&M. over time, when the timer goes off, they'll go potty, but no M&M will be "needed." it's the behaviorist approach that is typically frowned upon, but using the potty is a situation where children do have to be trained, literally.

Great example! I don't look at it like bribing either. It is a motivator and motivators are completely different than bribes. Once the child gets motivated to behave in a specific manner then it becomes a habit and something they are capable of doing on their own...I don't see it as any different than giving stickers....it is the same concept....do something;earn a reward. Some kids are just motivated more by an M&M rather than a sticker. I also think it is an insult to a child's intelligence if they are not trained by age 3. Studies have proven over and over again that children are capable of controling their body functions by 3 years of age. It is developmental and some are ready before others but if we took the same approach we do with potty training to other things like say using a sippy or silverware until we felt the child signaled us as to his/her readiness, kids would be feeding themselves with their hands until who knows when....
Each generation of children sets the bar a little lower and a little lower. If we look back to the previous generations, the ages of normal potty training kids have gotten older and older. Why? In some European countries if children are not trained by 24 months they are put in special education classes for developmentally delayed children.
I have been using the M&M method for training kids since I trained my own 20 years ago and I have yet to have a child who has not had success...no regressing, no issues after they wear underwear and no longer receive the 'motivator'. There are lots of other reasons for children to want to stay trained once they are in undies. We have specific things that only children who wear underwear can do. Crayons for those in diapers and markers for those who are trained. Swim lessons for those who have undies and not for kids in diapers. I think it works...and I am going with what works!
I know some people will disagree but I guess everyone is entitled to their opinions. We all need to do what works with us and the families we provide services for.
The mother of the litle boy who is being given a 'motivator' for using the toilet says she does not think it is a bribe.....she says a bribe is what she gets every Friday on payday. LOL! I happen to love my job so I don't look at it the same way as she does, but to each his own I guess.

[Crystal]

The definition of bribe:

bribe   /braɪb/ Show Spelled
[brahyb] Show IPA
noun, verb, bribed, brib·ing.
–noun
1. money or any other valuable consideration given or promised with a view to corrupting the behavior of a person, esp. in that person's performance as an athlete, public official, etc.: The motorist offered the arresting officer a bribe to let him go.
2. anything given or serving to persuade or induce: The children were given candy as a bribe to be good.

So, if you think it insults a child's intelligence if they are not trained by 3, do you not think it insults their intelligence to "bribe" them to do what they are perfectly capable of doing by age 3?

A bribe, whether related to a child or an adult, is offering someone a "treat" whether it is money or candy, to do something that you want them to do. Oh, and I don't do stickers either....I don't do rewards/bribes for anything. I set expectations and I expect the children to, if they are developmentally ready, to be able to do as asked. If they aren't developmentally ready, I don't ask them to do it.

Also, this "If we look back to the previous generations, the ages of normal potty training kids have gotten older and older. " May very well have to do with the fact that previous generations would SPANK their children if they soiled their pants. I'd rather a child be a little older, than enact physical punishment, for not being developmentally ready to train.

Sorry if I am taking this to far, but it REALLY irritates me. And, I realize it is my opinion, and everyone needs to do what works for them, but this is just one topic I am VERY serious about.

[Blackcat31]

So, if you think it insults a child's intelligence if they are not trained by 3, do you not think it insults their intelligence to "bribe" them to do what they are perfectly capable of doing by age 3?

No, I do not "bribe" them to do what they are capable of doing....I "bribe" them to become motivated to do what they are capable of doing.

I understand that everybody has their own opinions and I completely 100% respect that, I just use what works and at the end of a day when I am heading home after taking care of multiple children with a multitude of issues I look at the end game. Everyone went home safe, kids were happy, so and so used the toilet and all was good. Toilet training should be the responsibility of the parents and not the providers. I am willing to assist but we all know that when the kid spends 90% of their day with the child care provider, it becomes my responsibility. As a parent, I probably used a lot of different techniques and methods considering they were my children and I was home with them, but when I have 10 children in a day; we do what works. I know a provider who lives on the next block who actually REQUIRES her daycare families to take off 7-10 days and completely train their child when they become ready so that she does not have to have any role in it besides support when the child returns.....What a wonderful, but unrealistic expectation!

Long story short, I do see, hear and respect your opinion on the subject. Another great example on just how many differences there are out there in child cares and provider styles....which is why I am assuming we are all our own 'bosses' and families have the option of choosing to go where it works for them. If I ever have a family who does not want me to do things the way I do, then I will happily compromise as best I can. But for now, I am using the egg timer and the 'bribe'.

[Crystal]

Cool....I can respect that.

BTW, Thank you for not thinking I am trying to attack you when I voice my opinion.....as that is so often the case here

[kidkair]

The definition of bribe:

bribe   /braɪb/ Show Spelled
[brahyb] Show IPA
noun, verb, bribed, brib·ing.
–noun
1. money or any other valuable consideration given or promised with a view to corrupting the behavior of a person, esp. in that person's performance as an athlete, public official, etc.: The motorist offered the arresting officer a bribe to let him go.
2. anything given or serving to persuade or induce: The children were given candy as a bribe to be good.

motivate |ˈmōtəˌvāt|
verb [ trans. ]
provide (someone) with a motive for doing something : he was primarily motivated by the desire for profit.
• stimulate (someone's) interest in or enthusiasm for doing something : I'm going to motivate kids to study civics.

Given these definitions, I agree with PP who suggested that they were motivating rather than bribing. I use a positive reinforcement chart where the child gets a happy face to velcro on a chart for every step of the process. They get a hug at the end as well as a sticker if they succeed.

[Blackcat31]

Cool....I can respect that.

BTW, Thank you for not thinking I am trying to attack you when I voice my opinion.....as that is so often the case here

No problem.....my husband says it is the one thing about me that drives him crazy...I always see everyones side. Besides, we were bantering about a topic not each other personally. I am the oldest of six kids so needless to say there was a lot of differing opinions in my house growing up. Plus I have a really thick skin! LOL! Everyone has right to their opinion and although I have to say, it is sometimes funny to read the posts where ppl are arguing back and forth, I do not see the point in that. We are basically all in this together! Live, learn and let live! Hope you have a great day!

[Crystal]

....I am the youngest of 6 kids!

[Blackcat31]

....I am the youngest of 6 kids!

See...more common ground! LOL!