Potty Training

[Crystal]

Mom was wanting to start her when she was 9 months pregnant, b/c she was always telling us when she was wet, dirty and telling us she needed a diaper. She decided to wait b/c she was so large and tired.

I wouldn't have started her when Gma did either. I really thought this time was a little too soon. But, since they have, I have to try and find something that works when I have her. I have 3 days a week, 10 hours each time while Mom and Dad work.

I would simply tell Mom and Dad she is not ready and when she is with me, she will be in diapers. First, let me say, I realize that it isn't you that is pushing it on the child, it's grandma and parents, so PLEASE don't think this is directed at you:

One of my biggest pet peeves is people forcing potty training on a child who is not developmentally ready. If she were developmentally ready, she would be trained and this would be a non-issue.

The parents would be told that it isn't working, and that if they choose to insist that she be trained, then when she has CONSISTENTLY been telling them and then using the potty at home, for a minimum of two weeks, that is when I would start again here. I would not allow them to make me train their child. I know what is appropriate and I know when a child is ready, therefore, in my program, I decide when the time is right and when it will happen.

[QualiTcare]

I agree that it just comes in time...A child is ready to potty train when THEY are ready to potty train..My daughter was 4 1'2 when she was finally trained...but I have a dck that is 2 1/2 and is fully trained. I have a 3 yr old that wont tell me but will go on her own, I have a 2 yr old ( mom has been training since 12 months ahh yeah...) and she will go when you sit her on it but she wont tell you when she has to go.

It all depends on the child...they will tell you when they are ready to tell you..not when grandma, mom, you or anyone else is ready.

Anything else just bribe..If you tell me when you have to go potty you will get an M&M etc...

4 1/2? i understand waiting until they're ready, but that's quite a long time to wait. i've had to change a 4 year old's diaper before (he was delayed, mom was delayed) and it was DISGUSTING! there's a difference in baby/toddler poop and 4/5 year old poop. that's grounds for adoption.

[SandeeAR]

Well the parents aren't forcing the issue. As a matter of fact Mom texted me from work today to see if I thought we should wait. (she works 12 hour shifts)

I told her I was trying the "withholding M&M's until she told me" today. This afternoon, she did tell me. I gave Mom the idea this afternoon. I told her I would continue to try if she wanted or wait.

Won't have her again till Friday. Will see them tomorrow at church and see want they want to do.

[Crystal]

Well the parents aren't forcing the issue. As a matter of fact Mom texted me from work today to see if I thought we should wait. (she works 12 hour shifts)

I told her I was trying the "withholding M&M's until she told me" today. This afternoon, she did tell me. I gave Mom the idea this afternoon. I told her I would continue to try if she wanted or wait.

Won't have her again till Friday. Will see them tomorrow at church and see want they want to do.

So, when the child is trained and you stop giving her M&M's, and she decides to "take control" of the situation again by not telling you and wetting herself, are you going to start giving her M&M's again? Sorry, but that REALLY makes no sense. I cannot stand bribing a child to do what they SHOULD do when they are developmentally ready.

[SandeeAR]

So, when the child is trained and you stop giving her M&M's, and she decides to "take control" of the situation again by not telling you and wetting herself, are you going to start giving her M&M's again? Sorry, but that REALLY makes no sense. I cannot stand bribing a child to do what they SHOULD do when they are developmentally ready.

Don't think it will be necessary. She is a VERY smart girl. I think once she is trained, she will stay trained. Not everyone agrees on how to raise or train children. All children develop at different stages. If her parents feel she is ready, I will support them in whatever way I can. Her parents are the only ones that it must make sense too.

[SandeeAR]

BTW, The "withholding the M&M's idea" came from this board.

[Crystal]

BTW, The "withholding the M&M's idea" came from this board.

I know. Not by me though.

AND, I am sorry if sound like I am being rude to you. I really don't mean to. It's just a HUGE pet peeve of mine. Not just the candy/bribe thing. The techniques and attitudes that some portray when potty training irritate me too....so I am super "sensitive" when it comes to this subject.

[Crystal]

Don't think it will be necessary. She is a VERY smart girl. I think once she is trained, she will stay trained. Not everyone agrees on how to raise or train children. All children develop at different stages. If her parents feel she is ready, I will support them in whatever way I can. Her parents are the only ones that it must make sense too.

I hope you're right. That would be great! Smart though, could mean she is smart enough to manipulate the situation when it come's to getting her candy...........hopefully she won't.

I agree all children develop at different stages. WHOLEHEARTEDLY agree. But, she hasn't developed to the stage where she can consistently tell you every time she needs to use the potty, and that is my whole point.

I agree you should support the parents. Again, WHOLEHEARTEDLY agree....until it is clear that what they expect is not going to work. Then, the only person it needs to make sense to, is the child.

[Unregistered]

Potty trained, but wants to wear diapers?

What would you all do? We have a 2 1/2 yr old who is FULLY potty trained except when sleeping (like at nap time). She hasn't even had one single accident since she started wearing panties at daycare. We were so proud of her! She wore panties for maybe a week before parents started sending only diapers for her. NO PANTIES! So they're sending this potty trained 2 1/2 yr old in a clean diaper each morning, with a diaper bag full of diapers and no panties. About once or twice a week they'll send her a pair, but the next day it's back to diapers. If this girl can switch between diapers and panties back and forth like that and not have an accident and not be confused, you know she's fully completely potty trained! But when she wears a diaper (since that's all they send her), she potties in it. Doesn't bother to go potty. If asked if she needs to, she says no everytime. Right at first she would get upset at nap time when we'd get ready to put a diaper on her, now it's the complete opposite! She just doesn't want to take time out of her play to go potty when she's wearing a diaper, but if she has on panties she knows she has to.
So dcg is potty trained, but doesn't want to be, and the parents send her with only diapers, so that she doesn't have to. We've told the parents several times that she is potty trained, hasn't had ANY accidents and doesn't need a diaper anymore except nap, but they continue to ignore it, I guess. It's really frustrating because we have 4 others potty training. And have been for months. With that many potty breaks, and that many diaper changes, I get irritated when we could eliminate one of those, but the parents want to treat her like a baby still. Her parents were even the ones who told us to work with her and that she was potty trained at home. So it's not like we tried to do it before the parents wanted us to. It's like they've changed their mind. I'm not going to try rewarding her for going potty because she IS potty trained. How would you handle the parents sending only diapers for her? I am so sick of this potty training business and not getting anywhere, then we finally have one potty trained practically over night, but parents change their mind after she's trained!

[SandeeAR]

Three months ago, when Gma started the training the first time, sheDID tell us. Just not on a regular basis, but she did tell us, so she knows when she needs to go.

However, with a newborn in the house and the other two kids, it was just too much for the Mom and she chose to stop training.

She is not the type child to try and manipulate anyone, it just isn't her personality.

[ninosqueridos]

I have two dcks that are exactly the same as your dcg. I've been taking them to go potty every hour for 8 months and the whole "eventually they'll get the idea" thing still hasn't kicked in yet. If I wait more than an hour, they will certainly be wet or pooped. They just won't say it. Ever. I love them though and their families too so I will keep on keeping on....

[booroo]

first I think the ebook.. 3day training method is wonderful.. and as a provider I would get a copy of that and give it to the mother...
Second.... I would give the child a little more control... let them think its there idea.... So like I would say "Sue remember your wearing big girl panties, and you want to keep them dry, so make sure you tell me when you have to go to the potty"..... I used the 3 day method with my last and I was wondering why I didnt have this informationn with my other children... While my others took about 2 weeks to fully train.. this one is quick and simple...
thrid-- pull ups are a waste of money and time... they do nothing in the potty train but set them back.... She needs to be wearing panties.... and reminded to keep them dry and clean!! A couple of accidents and she will get it.

[QualiTcare]

I hope you're right. That would be great! Smart though, could mean she is smart enough to manipulate the situation when it come's to getting her candy...........hopefully she won't.

I agree all children develop at different stages. WHOLEHEARTEDLY agree. But, she hasn't developed to the stage where she can consistently tell you every time she needs to use the potty, and that is my whole point.

I agree you should support the parents. Again, WHOLEHEARTEDLY agree....until it is clear that what they expect is not going to work. Then, the only person it needs to make sense to, is the child.

i dunno - i don't typically like rewards, but for potty training - it WORKS. it's not like bribing them to do "the right thing" and it's not really bribing them at all if you give them candy after they go instead of saying, "if you potty, you'll get candy." i consider potty training a different planet all together when it comes to rewards. if you know about pavlov's experiment with the dogs - it works in much the same way. he didn't say, "when i ring the bell, you'll get food," but they learned after a very short time that when the bell was rang - they got food. i think the idea of the egg timer was a good one. when the timer goes off, it's potty time. after going potty, they get an M&M. over time, when the timer goes off, they'll go potty, but no M&M will be "needed." it's the behaviorist approach that is typically frowned upon, but using the potty is a situation where children do have to be trained, literally.

[Unregistered]

4 1/2? i understand waiting until they're ready, but that's quite a long time to wait. i've had to change a 4 year old's diaper before (he was delayed, mom was delayed) and it was DISGUSTING! there's a difference in baby/toddler poop and 4/5 year old poop. that's grounds for adoption.

Potty training should be quick, easy and painless. If the child isn't ready, why get upset? I agree, wait until the mother makes some progress first at home. Maybe because the child sees the baby in diapers and getting all the attention, this child wants the attention as well.

Just a thought.....

[QualiTcare]

Potty training should be quick, easy and painless. If the child isn't ready, why get upset? I agree, wait until the mother makes some progress first at home. Maybe because the child sees the baby in diapers and getting all the attention, this child wants the attention as well.

Just a thought.....

we're not talking about getting upset with a 2.5 or even 3 year old (which in my opinion, MOST typically developing kids should be potty trained by 3). we're talking about a kid who is ready for KINDERGARTEN pooping turds in a diaper. they only make diapers so big for a reason. you know if a 5 year old (or 4.5 year old entering kindergarten) isn't potty trained, they will be in special ed classes? that is NOT normal.