Potty Training

[SandeeAR]

Ok, let me say first I know this is a "control issue" on dkg part. She is 2 1/2 and smart as can be. She totally understands what to do and when to do it. She just won't. She is the middle child.

Mom had a baby 3 months ago. Gma decided to start potty training her while at their home after baby was born. She did ok, but not great. (not a good time to try in my opinion, too many changes at once). Mom & I tried to keep it up, but it was just too much for Mom with 3 kids. One baby, the 2 1/2y/o and 5 year old starting kindergarten. So she stopped. They decided to try again this week.

She WILL NOT tell you she needs to go. The only way to keep her dry is to haul her to the potty every hour. I just can't do that with the other kids. I look up and suddenly 2 hours have past and she is wet or dirty. She goes and hides to do #2. So she knows full well what she is doing.

Any tips on getting her to tell us? Last time I potty trained was 26 years ago LOL. I don't remember it being this hard. Btw, they didn't have this hard of a time with the 5 y/o. This one is VERY hard headed.

[momma2girls]

This is what I have written in my contract- I will assist with potty training , this needs to be started at home and child making good progress, and totally understand the concept of it, before I will assist with it here. Pullups/and/or diapers are required at all times until potty trained(this means goes on their own, without assistance and reminders from myself, and be totally accident free for quite sometime

[SandeeAR]

This is what I have written in my contract- I will assist with potty training , this needs to be started at home and child making good progress, and totally understand the concept of it, before I will assist with it here. Pullups/and/or diapers are required at all times until potty trained(this means goes on their own, without assistance and reminders from myself, and be totally accident free for quite sometime

That's the thing, she is in pull ups and does understand the concept of it. In the first round, she would tell us some of the time. Now she won't tell us at all. Parents are trying hard too, not just me.

[Blackcat31]

We use a kitchen timer. When the bell goes off...it's time to go! We just keep resetting it for every hour! Seems to work good and it helps me keep track of time.

[SandeeAR]

We use a kitchen timer. When the bell goes off...it's time to go! We just keep resetting it for every hour! Seems to work good and it helps me keep track of time.

Good idea! But, any hints on getting her to tell us? This is a VERY verbal child, ahead for her age.

[Blackcat31]

I think telling you she has to go comes in time. Just getting her to go every time the bell goes off though is a good start. She will eventually catch on. On a few occassions, I have "bribed" a kid who is especially non-cooperative.....we use mini MM's or Gummie Bears. 1 for trying and 3 for going. Trying means sitting atleast 5-10 minutes. Sometimes, they will try ALL day just for the treat, but I usually catch on and reign them back in as long as they are progressing. The "bribing" phase is usually only allowed to go on for 3-5 days before I realize it is or isn't working. Then I move on to 5 mini MM's or 5 gummies at the END of the day for staying dry. Eventually, it does become something they start doing on their own. Just be careful not to let it become a power struggle. Once they are dry for a full week then there are no more treats. I have people who have suggested using stickers and such, but personally my kids are motivated by candy. Maybe it is because I have had a lot of boys lately and they are sooooo stubborn! LOL!

[DanceMom]

I agree that it just comes in time...A child is ready to potty train when THEY are ready to potty train..My daughter was 4 1'2 when she was finally trained...but I have a dck that is 2 1/2 and is fully trained. I have a 3 yr old that wont tell me but will go on her own, I have a 2 yr old ( mom has been training since 12 months ahh yeah...) and she will go when you sit her on it but she wont tell you when she has to go.

It all depends on the child...they will tell you when they are ready to tell you..not when grandma, mom, you or anyone else is ready.

Anything else just bribe..If you tell me when you have to go potty you will get an M&M etc...

[momma2girls]

I think telling you she has to go comes in time. Just getting her to go every time the bell goes off though is a good start. She will eventually catch on. On a few occassions, I have "bribed" a kid who is especially non-cooperative.....we use mini MM's or Gummie Bears. 1 for trying and 3 for going. Trying means sitting atleast 5-10 minutes. Sometimes, they will try ALL day just for the treat, but I usually catch on and reign them back in as long as they are progressing. The "bribing" phase is usually only allowed to go on for 3-5 days before I realize it is or isn't working. Then I move on to 5 mini MM's or 5 gummies at the END of the day for staying dry. Eventually, it does become something they start doing on their own. Just be careful not to let it become a power struggle. Once they are dry for a full week then there are no more treats. I have people who have suggested using stickers and such, but personally my kids are motivated by candy. Maybe it is because I have had a lot of boys lately and they are sooooo stubborn! LOL!

I have also done the Mm thing as well. Maybe try if she goes on her own, and tells you she has to go, reward her with a mm

[SandeeAR]

She will go just about everytime you set her on the potty. We have tried the MM's and stickers. But nothing seems to get her to be willing to tell us. It is sort of like, you guys want me to tell you, so I won't.

After 3 weeks last time of taking her all the time, she still wouldn't tell anyone. She just got MM's for going in the potty every time we took her. To me, that seems like "we" are the ones trained and not her.

[Blackcat31]

Maybe ONLY reward her if she tells you she has to go. Say something like, "You are such a big girl ***X! I am glad you are using the potty....next time if you tell me you have to go, you will get an M&M. If I have to bring you, there will be no treat." If she is verbal enough then she will understand exactly what you mean.
Possibly we are rewarding for the wrong thing...I think the goal here is the telling you part not the using the toilet part. So reward for meeting the goal instead. Good Luck...I am always so surprised at how well kids can make us crazy over the simple things! LOL! ::

[SandeeAR]

Good idea on rewarding only on her telling me. Think I'll try that. May have hit on something that might help just now. Last week I bought a "hair care" set, with a battery operated hair dryer. She LOVES it. I put it up on a shelf and she has to ask for it (so she doesn't run the batteries all day long). Well, she just ask for it. I told no, when she told me she need to go potty and went, She could play with it. We will see how it goes!


Thanks for all the replies and ideas so far. Keep em coming, I'm open to anything that will get her to tell me!

[Crystal]

Personally, I would ease off. She CLEARLY does not want to do this yet, and that's OKAY!!!

I would NEVER, in a million years, bribe a child to use the toilet.

Put her in diapers, give her a few weeks, and then try again. Don't push it, or force it on her. Then if she does what she needs to do, great. If not, back to diapers.

You are right, it's a control issue. This is one you cannot win. She is experiencing change in her life, she needs to adjust. Using the toilet is not as important as the child feeling secure and being allowed to still be "a baby" in the sense that she has a new sibling....she may be feeling left out, or like she's being forced to be a "big-girl" when developmentally, she's still a toddler.

I have trained many., many children, (most recently 3 at the same time) and typically my kids are trained within 2-3 days with no accidents, because I wait until they are completely ready, developmentally, to be successful from the beginning.

[SandeeAR]

Mom was wanting to start her when she was 9 months pregnant, b/c she was always telling us when she was wet, dirty and telling us she needed a diaper. She decided to wait b/c she was so large and tired.

I wouldn't have started her when Gma did either. I really thought this time was a little too soon. But, since they have, I have to try and find something that works when I have her. I have 3 days a week, 10 hours each time while Mom and Dad work.

[kidkair]

Have her practice telling you she needs to go. Set the timer and when the timer goes off have her repeat after you "I have to go potty" and then take her to the potty. If you make having her tell you as part of the routine then she'll get used to it and eventually begin to tell you for real.

[SandeeAR]

Have her practice telling you she needs to go. Set the timer and when the timer goes off have her repeat after you "I have to go potty" and then take her to the potty. If you make having her tell you as part of the routine then she'll get used to it and eventually begin to tell you for real.

Good Idea!