Blood Curdling Screaming

[Unregistered]

First of all... I don't want to hear people who wear babies all day tell me to do that. It's not an option. I will not even consider it. If you do that. More power to you. I am not judging you and I support your decision but I absolutely will not consider it. Please do not try to talk me into it or tell me I am terrible for not doing it.

This is a question for the people who work the way that I do (Not wearing babies constantly).... Have you ever quit a family because you cannot get a child to stop screaming all day? I was hoping it would be a phase but it is not changing. It almost seems to be getting worse.

I have had this child from the time she was 6 weeks old and every.single.day she screams from the minute her mom leaves to the time she leaves. Blood curdling shrieking, exorcist style screaming non stop. The only time she does not is if I am holding her...and she will smile. She is perfectly fine if she is held. I put her on the mat to play with toys... nope... put her in the saucer... nope. Put her in the swing... nope... swaddling does not help anymore, she is too big.

She is cute when she is happy but I feel like I am losing my sanity.

Mom admits that she and her husband trade off at home nonstop because she can't bare to listen to it. He has even told her she needs to let her cry and then mom says she tells him "can you HEAR her?!"

I keep mentioning that she cries all day start to finish and that I am ready for the end of the day but I don't think I'm getting through. I am at the point where I am about to say that she needs to make a turn around or she is going to have to find someone who can give her more one on one attention. It is distracting me from the other children and I cannot give only one of 6 children my undivided attention.

I will be losing her and her brother who is here part time if that is the case. I love the family but at this point it is almost worth it.

[Unregistered]

She is now 6 months old

[jojosmommy]

Omg! I could have wrote this post.

Hugs to you!

I have this exact issue, started at 6 weeks, now 6 months and full on whiner. Medically fine, fed, changed, needs met. Yet not happy.

I HOPE someone has good advice. Just wanted to say I 100% understand what you are going through.

[Unregistered]

Omg! I could have wrote this post.

Hugs to you!

I have this exact issue, started at 6 weeks, now 6 months and full on whiner. Medically fine, fed, changed, needs met. Yet not happy.

I HOPE someone has good advice. Just wanted to say I 100% understand what you are going through.

I know... I am literally on my last leg here. Nothing is "sinking in" with mom. I have had this family for 2 years but I cannot keep a child who is this dependent of every ounce of my time all day. There are days where even holding her is not enough... she has to be TALKED to as well. That's fine off and on but I can't do this undivided thing all day OR listen to the exorcist. I just can't do this anymore.

[Play Care]

I know... I am literally on my last leg here. Nothing is "sinking in" with mom. I have had this family for 2 years but I cannot keep a child who is this dependent of every ounce of my time all day. There are days where even holding her is not enough... she has to be TALKED to as well. That's fine off and on but I can't do this undivided thing all day OR listen to the exorcist. I just can't do this anymore.

Really, you have your answer.
:hug::hug::hug:

[cara041083]

I had a lil boy that did that. When I talked to the parents, they told me to stand in front of a mirror and let him look at his self and that would calm him :: Ya I don't think so. Im like you I won't carry a baby around eaither. I would term. Its not worth the added stress if it can't be resolved.

[Heidi]

Does she sleep?

If she can't go to sleep on her own, and is thus not sleeping enough (4 hours per day would be ideal), then she is going to be a wreck no matter what you do.

At 6 months, she is perfectly capable of being on a schedule. Morning nap 1 hour, afternoon nap with everyone else.

Nan says put them to bed right away at arrival, then up at 9. Then a busy morning and back to bed after lunch at noon. I would absolutely put her to bed on your schedule, and make her stay put until YOU say nap is over. Use white noise. She'll get it really quick now, but if you wait another month or two and she can stand up, it's a lot harder.

Look at it this way-she's crying 99% of the time anyway, so there should be no guilt about CIO. If there is, go in every 10 minutes, a quick hair stroke, and a "it's still nap time". Or, just lay her down and walk back out. Most of mine that I've had like that just get madder when you do that, though.

I bet that once she starts sleeping on a regular schedule, and independently, you'll see a big change. Try it for 2 weeks. If it doesn't change, then you can still "fire" her.

[Annalee]

Since I had to term a crying child after keeping her nine longgggg months, I go by the "if a child has not adjusted to dc after 12 weeks they will never adjust" rule and terminate.....just can't handle the crying especially if parents aren't willing to help with the issue.

[Unregistered]

Does she sleep?

If she can't go to sleep on her own, and is thus not sleeping enough (4 hours per day would be ideal), then she is going to be a wreck no matter what you do.

At 6 months, she is perfectly capable of being on a schedule. Morning nap 1 hour, afternoon nap with everyone else.

Nan says put them to bed right away at arrival, then up at 9. Then a busy morning and back to bed after lunch at noon. I would absolutely put her to bed on your schedule, and make her stay put until YOU say nap is over. Use white noise. She'll get it really quick now, but if you wait another month or two and she can stand up, it's a lot harder.

Look at it this way-she's crying 99% of the time anyway, so there should be no guilt about CIO. If there is, go in every 10 minutes, a quick hair stroke, and a "it's still nap time". Or, just lay her down and walk back out. Most of mine that I've had like that just get madder when you do that, though.

I bet that once she starts sleeping on a regular schedule, and independently, you'll see a big change. Try it for 2 weeks. If it doesn't change, then you can still "fire" her.

That is actually the schedule that I follow.

It was better when she was initially sleeping more at the beginning. There are days she barely sleeps anymore. She FLIPS out when I lay her down in the pack and play and leave the room. It is ridiculous what a train wreck she turns into. Pure hysterics....

I always feed her first and lay her down. I try to make sure she's good and full. Some days she will sleep but most she is too busy flipping out. If I go in like you said and leave she just gets more mad like you said. It seems to ignite the drama more.

[sharlan]

I am wondering if you don't have a type of round robin situation going on.

The baby starts the screaming, you get stressed (naturally), the baby gets more stressed, the other kids get stressed, you get more stressed, on and on.

If the mom is not willing to work with you, it might be time to let this family go.

My last baby was a screamer. She spent the first 4 mos of her life attached to Mom's breast 24/7. I kept telling Mom that she had to stop and set some limits. Slowly Mom did. In the mean time, about 6 wks, baby did a lot of screaming. Fortunately I was able to put her in a separate room that was totally dark for naps. I would sit outside the door and let her scream for 5 mins, I'd go in and comfort her, never picking her up. Once she was able to turn from her back to her tummy, the screaming stopped. We also spent a lot of time with her in the stroller. Sometimes I would even have the stroller in the house and walk her around.

Good luck.

[Heidi]

That is actually the schedule that I follow.

It was better when she was initially sleeping more at the beginning. There are days she barely sleeps anymore. She FLIPS out when I lay her down in the pack and play and leave the room. It is ridiculous what a train wreck she turns into. Pure hysterics....

I always feed her first and lay her down. I try to make sure she's good and full. Some days she will sleep but most she is too busy flipping out. If I go in like you said and leave she just gets more mad like you said. It seems to ignite the drama more.

So, how long do you leave her be? I've never had a tired child last 20 minutes. It certainly SEEMS like more, so I set my microwave timer for 7 minutes, and if they aren't winding down by then, I'll go in and resettle. It's quite dark in my sleeping rooms, there is a fan, and they have a sleep sack and a book and pacifiers. I would not do the pacifiers again, because honestly it's just another battle when they throw them out, but with my 11 mo's I'm stuck with them for a little longer. Will be ditching them soon.

Do you have others that sleep at the same times? If so, put them to bed first, making a big show of saying night night. Maybe wind things down with a lullaby first. Then, put them to bed first, and her LAST (so she sees everyone else going). Lay her down, give her blanket if applicable, and say goodnight. Then walk away, turn on your bathroom fan and stove vent and every fan you can find. Do NOT go back in for at least 10 minutes. If after that time she's still raging, go in, lay her down, whisper good night, and walk away. Rinse and repeat until nap is over.

After the nap is over, walk around singing some wake up song LOUDLY. Get her up FIRST. Smile brightly, did you have a nice rest? Etc. Sunny...fake it if you have to. Then get anyone else up.

Afternoon nap, same thing.

Try it for this week and next. If by next Friday she doesn't go with the flow, she's not meant for group care.

:hug:

[Blackcat31]

A year or so ago, I could have wrote the very same post.

I stuck it out. The kid got better, but until they turned a year old.

I look back now and I swear I must have lost my mind in all the screeching and crying because I have NO idea what I was thinking allowing it to continue on for as long as it did.

The parents were the SAME as you said...mom and dad taking turns passing back and forth, giving in until the next daycare day came so they could drop off and get a break.

I loved loved loved the family so I felt obligated to stick it out. I also had a sibling that I didn't want to leave either.

Anyways, my story ends with me doing ALL the hard work, putting up with the screeching, allowing the other kids to go silently insane and not understand at all why..... and the family up and pulls their child because they wanted a different type of environment. :confused:

My advice. Stop. Don't continue being the one who bears the majority of the weight in this situation. If the child isn't blending in and being happy, don't keep them.

Give the issue back to the parents. Whether they are or aren't on board doesn't matter. What matters is you care for a GROUP of children and ONE is making the GROUP miserable (including the provider) so stop allowing ONE child to set the tone for the day.

Let the parents know that you like/love them and the kid(s) but until the child is able, you just can't continue on the way things are.

(((Hugs))) for dealing. I will NEVER EVER EVER do that again. Did I mention NEVER?

[hgonzalez]

I have the same child here, three weeks into daycare. She has slept a total of 1.5 hours the last two days here (40 mins today) and has been screaming most of the rest of the day. If I hold her, she is fine.

Not sure I can keep doing this either. I finally put her in her crib, she is screaming and I need a break.

[Unregistered]

And I agree about the screaming and CIO. Just for my sanity and the rest of the kids for that matter I have resorted to that but she is stubborn. It just comes to a point and time where I am like, your needs are met...

You've been fed
You've been changed
You don't need to burp
you've had enough attention
Nothing is making you happy and I have other stuff I have to get done so you are just going to have to continue to scream it out alone

Your needs are met... I just keep saying that

....but you can still hear her upstairs on the opposite side of the house. And it worries me when parents walk in and hear that what they must think...which is another reason I'm about ready to part here. I don't want to give an impression that I'm trying to neglect her obviously. I can't have us all sitting her listening to it all day though.

[Heidi]

You know, BC brings up a good point.

Taking that into account, I would tell the parents "here is my plan..." Then, do it. Tell them you EXPECT them to do the same thing on the weekend. IF they don't feel like they can do that, then they need to make other care arrangements immediately. If they are willing to work together, then you will give it two weeks.

Yeah, you're pretty much blackmailing them. But, you're willing to do the work if they are.

As far as carrying her around, I would not do it. If she's pulling on your legs wanting attention, I'd say "oh, you want a hug? why of course I'll give you a hug!" Then, bend down and hug her (don't pick her up). Then move on. I'd only carry her if I had to...to get her from A to B. But, I would make sure to give her lots of quick moments of hugs, pats, hair stroking throughout the day to reassure her.