Families Not Prepared For Attending Daycare

[MyAngels]

I have a good one about "parents today"

I have a family who's cat died in late September/early October. Passed away while child was in care.

Parents are choosing to NOT tell the child because they don't want the child to be upset. Child is 3.5 yrs old.

So when the child asks about the cat, where is the cat etc...they say "Oh, I don't know. He must be outside chasing mice or something. He'll probably come in later on." ANYTHING to redirect and deflect.

Then the mom tells me that they are even keeping the cat's food and water dish out so the kid doesn't catch on.

I'm sorry but :: :: :: :: ::

Oh my ::::. I suppose the cat is just going to live forever

I blame the "parents today" vents on the internet. Every time a new parent has any kind of question they take to the internet. As we all know "if it's on the internet it must be right" .

In the my day (I can't believe I just said that) new parents relied on their mothers, grandmothers or other people with more experience to help them when they needed it.

[daycarediva]

I have a good one about "parents today"

I have a family who's cat died in late September/early October. Passed away while child was in care.

Parents are choosing to NOT tell the child because they don't want the child to be upset. Child is 3.5 yrs old.

So when the child asks about the cat, where is the cat etc...they say "Oh, I don't know. He must be outside chasing mice or something. He'll probably come in later on." ANYTHING to redirect and deflect.

Then the mom tells me that they are even keeping the cat's food and water dish out so the kid doesn't catch on.

I'm sorry but :: :: :: :: ::

:: a CAT!? Reminds me of the simpsons with Snowball I, Snowball II, etc....

Dcp's of mine just successfully replaced my 4.5yo dcg's hamster with one that looked the same. Dcg does NOT understand why tootie bites her now! Seriously, just tell her it died and bury it. Allow them to mourn small losses so that big ones aren't as hard!

[NeedaVaca]

I have a good one about "parents today"

I have a family who's cat died in late September/early October. Passed away while child was in care.

Parents are choosing to NOT tell the child because they don't want the child to be upset. Child is 3.5 yrs old.

So when the child asks about the cat, where is the cat etc...they say "Oh, I don't know. He must be outside chasing mice or something. He'll probably come in later on." ANYTHING to redirect and deflect.

Then the mom tells me that they are even keeping the cat's food and water dish out so the kid doesn't catch on.

I'm sorry but :: :: :: :: ::

That is insane! What??? Makes me think I must be a huge meanie, my poor DD had a fish that died twice . Not really, but it was floating, no movement whatsoever for the entire day. Gave her the "speech" & told her we could give him a proper funeral/goodbye. Went to scoop it out and the darn thing moved!!! The shock (little jump & scream)and laughing was ridiculous, I told her honey, the fish IS going to die, just not today . It died for real the next day Kids can't be sheltered from everything...does more harm than good IMO

[Blackcat31]

That is insane! What??? Makes me think I must be a huge meanie, my poor DD had a fish that died twice . Not really, but it was floating, no movement whatsoever for the entire day. Gave her the "speech" & told her we could give him a proper funeral/goodbye. Went to scoop it out and the darn thing moved!!! The shock (little jump & scream)and laughing was ridiculous, I told her honey, the fish IS going to die, just not today . It died for real the next day Kids can't be sheltered from everything...does more harm than good IMO

::

I told my DD that her fish died because she didn't clean her room. (She was probably 6.)

Now she has kind of an OCD about her room being clean.... Ooopsie

Yeah about the cat....I heard that pets dying in early childhood is THE BEST thing that can happen so you can teach your child about death so when it happens to a grandparent or something they have already built somewhat of a grasp about the subject.

[MrsSteinel'sHouse]

I have a good one about "parents today"

I have a family who's cat died in late September/early October. Passed away while child was in care.

Parents are choosing to NOT tell the child because they don't want the child to be upset. Child is 3.5 yrs old.

So when the child asks about the cat, where is the cat etc...they say "Oh, I don't know. He must be outside chasing mice or something. He'll probably come in later on." ANYTHING to redirect and deflect.

Then the mom tells me that they are even keeping the cat's food and water dish out so the kid doesn't catch on.

I'm sorry but :: :: :: :: ::

LOL!! Ok my dd is in college 3 hours away. "her dog" is getting old. When she came home for fall break it was late at night and the dog was upstairs asleep. I guess Kate was sitting in the chair when she all of a sudden looked around and asked her dad, "is Bella dead??" He said no, just upstairs. We joke if she dies while she is at school we are going to have her stuffed and move her around the house in photos to send her. I was on the phone with her once and Bella barked and Kate said, good so Bella is alive. I promised to never tell her at school if she dies...

[cheerfuldom]

well I have to say after reading through this thread I'm glad its not just me. I feel like I am so old saying "parents today" - I'm "only" 40. But its so true, in the last 5 years or so the dynamics of parents have changed so much. The not saying "no" to kids is the worst. I had a parent who's child had a meltdown in my driveway because I didn't put a sticker on his daily sheet that day - wouldn't you know the very next day she bought a pack of stickers to keep in her car for him. REALLY? How about just telling your child no, that you can't expect something every single day, when you get one its a treat?? Now I just stopped doing it entirely.

omg. that is just ridiculous about the stickers. I am 31 and I still say "parents today..." ha ha. I think I was born in the wrong generation. If my kid misbehaves at school, which she has done, I am ALL over that situation and making sure that the teacher knows we support the teacher and misbehavior from my kid will not be tolerated.

[cheerfuldom]

I have a good one about "parents today"

I have a family who's cat died in late September/early October. Passed away while child was in care.

Parents are choosing to NOT tell the child because they don't want the child to be upset. Child is 3.5 yrs old.

So when the child asks about the cat, where is the cat etc...they say "Oh, I don't know. He must be outside chasing mice or something. He'll probably come in later on." ANYTHING to redirect and deflect.

Then the mom tells me that they are even keeping the cat's food and water dish out so the kid doesn't catch on.

I'm sorry but :: :: :: :: ::

so lying is okay? wow.

we had to give our cat away and I told my 2 year old immediately, as well as the other kids. but the 2 year old was the most attached to the cat. I am not going to lie to my own kids or keep them from having opportunities to learn to cope with disappointment. nor am I filling a food and water bowl every day if i dont have to. my word, parents today! ugh

[My3cents]

Welcome to today's parenting.

Yes, I get families like this too. I simply make sure I am clear about my rules and expectations and then hold the parents to them.

If they leave over it, then they leave. I know that ****s sometimes because that means loss of income but honestly my own values, ethics and morals do NOT allow for me to continue being part of something I simply don't believe in or don't support.

I will NOT cater to one child and/or one family. Best case scenario, ALL providers will feel the same and eventually the family that suffers from this kind of entitlement learns that not everyone feels that they are "special".

Worst case scenario, another provider will take them and bend or cave to their special requests....which does nothing to help teach the family that they aren't the only ones on this earth, but I guess that's ok with me because they aren't MY problem...kwim?

The interviewing process is THE biggest aspect of my program. In my opinion it sets the stage right up front for what my working relationship with a family will or won't be.

If the family makes it through the interview and the two week trial period, it is usually all good after that.

Hang in there. Daycare is changing. Parenting is changing. Human beings are changing.

You have two choices. Adapt methods and ways of dealing with these issues or cave and just accept it as it is.

I choose to adapt and find ways to deal so that I can still get up and go to work every day with some like or willingness towards my job.

((((hugs)))) :hug:

Thislovethis

[My3cents]

I do go over it all during the interview. My interview is at least an hour. Typically up to 2 hours. I am overly informative about all my rules, ways of operating my daycare and our routine. Often, the parents will tell me how they are at home and I tell them on the interview how I will handle that situation at daycare. For example they will tell me the child is allowed to eat and drink whenever they want. So I will tell them on the interview that their child will get food and drink only at meal time here and then the food and drink will be picked up and they have to wait for the next meal to be served. Except when it is really hot and we are outside, then I allow them water throughout the time we are outside and when we come back inside we get a drink.

But even though we discuss everything at the interview, when the child is going through the adjustment period getting used to my way vs. the parents way, the parents get mad and won't give the child or themselves the time needed to adjust.

The parent gets mad! You just implement your rules. You need to give new clients time to adjust and see that you don't budge on your own rules. Group care is different from one on one care. I say this a lot. Many parents don't understand what group care is all about, they just think play mates for little one. They don't go above that and think cooperation, waiting turns, etc... they just think about their one and only precious and what they want for them. They don't have to split up their time for more then there own kids so they don't understand when someone else does. They get clued in quick when school starts, but for kids that are in daycare before school it starts then. I don't blame my parents, but I do keep telling them the rules, and what I expect to keep my day and everyone's day running the smoothest it can. Nap time is not about making your kid sleep so that they are up all night. It is about rest for everyone that is very much needed from a busy day of go go go. I have said this time and time again, parents are not thinking of us, they are thinking of their own child and what they have on their plates for the then and now. They just don't. Natural. So, have to explain this is how I work and how it works best for everyone here. Your not being unreasonable. Hang in there. Explain to the parents, adjustment times can be hard, we just all need to stick to it and be on the same page. I do things different then you do and that is ok.

[My3cents]

I second all this a hundred percent I, I'm just adding another big problem $ parents are cheap, they think they can negotiate my fees./ never had all this problems before in over ten years trying to register new families.

I don't know if parents are cheap, or just financially burdened by the times. I think many parents are just looking to save money any way they can- Takes two parents working to make ends meet.

I think of my own self- grocery shopping four bags and over a hundred dollars, and those bags are not full.

Cell phone bill- phone used to cost about ten a month, now we are talking hundreds

Taxes always going up

Mortgage, car payment.

Heat ...... its a killer and we are still colder then we should be at our home.

Electric

credit cards

health coverage

schooling

misc.

wages don't go up enough to cover the cost of everything else going up

I am not whining, but just saying most people are just looking to make it these days. You would think that childcare would be a # 1 or right up there, we are taking care of the most valuable asset.

Negotiating fee's is not an option. I have to be able to make it too.

[My3cents]

Honestly I don't think about what a center would offer. The difference between me and the centers is that I love their kid. I think about their kid night and day. I try to figure out every nook and cranny of their needs. I try to raise them to be outstanding humans. I care... a lot.

The schedule is for me. I need it. I have a lot of experience and I know what it takes to get all of us thru the day, week, month, year. I know what's best in my home... in my group. I don't expect parents to understand. They have one kid and five minutes of experience. They don't take care of other people's kids. I do.

I really have to get better about responding after reading everyones post. I am like an excited puppy and I just want to jump right in

I won't say that center caregivers don't care and love the kids. I think many do. I just feel home providers don't have to go through so many loops of upper management and are more invested because they are the sole everything.

[My3cents]

My daycare kids and my own personal kids only get drinks and food at meals and snacks. UNLESS it's hot outside, then they get water outside and after we come inside etc.

In kindy they don't have a cup full of water at their disposal all day. And really, they don't need 100 oz of liquid all day either.

I think it's awesome that you are sure yours get enough fluid, but personally it has been recommended to me that kids need boundaries, even with food and drink. Here's a time for it and a time they don't get it.

Recommended fluid total intake a day for a healthy child is approximately 44 oz total per day. That includes water found in the food they eat, as well as water in heir milk etc. our pediatrician recommends milk for meals and water for snacks with plain water intake of 8-12 oz per day. Unless they are sick, etc. they get 8-12 oz of water at snack times so no extra is needed unless it's hot outside or they are sick. Also, my son, if he gets too much water, simply won't eat.

If I had a cup sitting around for every child I'd have a germ fest. I'd spend all day keeping x cup away from y and oh no, did I turn my back and another kid slobbered on y cup. Not to mention spills etc. I think it just teaches them instant gratification and they don't have to wait for anything.

But kudos to those who do that though!!

I agree, but if a child told me they were thirsty I would give them water- No it is not out all the time and for the same reasons above.

[My3cents]

Listen, I respect the way you do things. I just can't see denying a basic need. I have parents say that they don't think their kids drink enough water, and would I push it. I can't imagine saying, "Oh no, if they ask me between meals, I say no." So it comes down to what we're comfortable with. It's all good!

I don't say no, but we are not going to play in water all day~ You know your kids and who is truly thirsty and who is not. If asked, I give them water. If not they have drinks at scheduled meal times. When it is hot outside we take out water bottles.

[My3cents]

I may have given the impression that parents have complained that their kids don't drink enough HERE, as if it WERE my fault or problem. If I did, I didn't mean to.

I have long-term families (12 yrs, 10 yrs, 8 yrs, etc.), so we discuss the kids' well being just like I would if I were talking to my sister about her kids. A mom might say, "Joey just isn't a water drinker! Can you help him to remember to drink?" And I would fully know that they are doing the same at home. You've heard about that "village"? I live there.

Again, I wasn't criticizing the OP or you. And I'm not trying to change anybody's mind here. Just sayin' .......

(Sorry, OP. I didn't mean to hijack your post!)

I have heard the it takes a village and I think your both villagers, just doing things differently and that is ok. Both parties are making sure needs are met. One leaves water out, one doesn't. Whatever works best is what I go for.

[My3cents]

Mine have their names on them, and always, always sit in the exact same spot on the end cap of my kitchen counter, which is where the eating table is, as well. With new kids, or younger kids, I do monitor that they don't take the wrong cup. And I don't do non-lid cups until I'm convinced they won't spill. Usually age 4, maybe even 5. But if an accident happens, it's water, so no real harm. I actually can't remember ever mopping up a spill, though. And I'm going on 20 years.

I thought it was not good to use sippy cups that late, has to do with teeth alignment. I get my kids on a regular cup as soon as possible......so much easier and better for them