Families Not Prepared For Attending Daycare

[Unregistered]

I have logged out for privacy. I have been doing licensed daycare for over 15 years. But lately, I keep getting families that just aren't working out. Either the family is not prepared for blending into a group setting, the parents don't want their clothes dirty, or the parents want all sorts of special treatment for their child. I used to have families that worked out perfectly and never had problems getting and keeping kids for years. But lately, I have been going through kids every couple of weeks.

It seems like every new family I get lately is simply not prepared to handle going to daycare. I had a mom who breastfed. She knew that she was going to go out to work and not be a stay at home mom. She wanted to provide breast milk in bottles for daycare. Which is perfectly fine with me. But she never had anyone else other than the father and aunt (only for 2 days) feed the baby (3 months old) before attending daycare. So of course, the baby would not take the bottle from me. The baby would go all day long without eating at all! I watched the baby for a few days and called the mom each day to get her to pick up early to feed her baby. I simply couldn't bring myself to let the baby go all day without eating. After a couple of days, I told the mom that I couldn't keep watching the baby because he wouldn't eat.

I had a mom who raised her 1 year old to sleep all day and be up all night. Her sister decided that she needed to get a job and put the child in daycare. So they went from having the child sleep all day to being in daycare and me keeping her up all day ( except for naptime after lunch). They are mad at me because the child falls asleep at dinner time. I told them that they have to give the child time to adjust to a new sleeping pattern. They just fussed at me about her being tired.

I have had a few kids lately whose parents allow them to drink and eat all throughout the day at home. So when they come for the interview, I tell them that their child will not be allowed to do so here and that their child will be served their breakfast, lunch, and snack and that after meal time, the food and drinks will be cleared away. They will not be allowed to constantly drink and eat here. So the parents, after a few days are fussing at me because their child is hungry and thirsty when they go home. Of course they are! First of all, they are used to nibbling and drinking CONSTANTLY all day long (which is not healthy for them) and secondly, the child had snack at 3. The parents pick up at 5:30 and get home around 6 (3 hours after snack) so of course the child is going to be hungry and thirsty when they get home.

I have had parents who throw a fit if their child gets a speck of dirt on their clothes or skin their knee on the sidewalk. The children are supposed to be able to play outside. Which includes running and occasionally falling on the sidewalk which results in a skinned knee. They play outside in the grass area which also has dirt under the grass, so, when the child falls or sits down, they are going to occasionally get a grass stain and/or dirt on their clothes. But the parents flip out over these things!

Then there's the families that want special treatment. Things such as 'can you write down everything he eats and drinks, every time you change a diaper/every time he goes to the bathroom and note whether he peed or pooped, which children he played with and what things he played with, he will tell you when he's hungry and thirsty, so just feed him and give him drinks whenever he lets you know he needs them, he likes this food and doesn't like that food, if you serve him a meal and he says he doesn't like it or doesn't eat enough, you can just ask him what he wants you to make to replace what he didn't want to eat, here's his special blanket he has to carry around with him all day, and I want you to make sure no one else touches it or he will get upset, I want him to watch television/I don't want him to watch television, etc.

And of course, there's the parents that coddle their children obsessively up to the age 5! The parent babies their child so much that the child literally emotionally can't handle leaving mommy and daddy. The child cries throughout the day for weeks for the parents because they are used to being held, coddled, and doted on all day and night by their parents. The parents have told me that one or the other is constantly entertaining, holding, sitting with, laying down for naptime and bedtime with the child or the child sleeps in the bed with the parents every night. I have actually had parents who tell me that they want me to lay down beside their child and rub their child's hair until he falls asleep! NOOO!!! I can NOT lay down beside your child!!!

It just seems like the parents think I am a personal nanny or something. And it is obvious that their child rules the house at home and they expect me to allow their child to rule the daycare!


These are the types of families I have gotten in the past year or so. I used to get families that were prepared to enter a group daycare setting and the families would stay with me for years. However, in the past year or so, I haven't been able to get many families that are ready to enter daycare.

Do any of you get families like these? Do you keep them in your care? Do you make special changes as per their requests? Or do you basically tell them that they might not be a good fit for your childcare and let them go elsewhere?

[crazydaycarelady]

Yes, I am having those issues also, after 22 years of providing childcare I am seeing a lot of new things.

I also have a dcm that did not get her child ready for daycare with bottles. She brought him to me at 9 mos thinking that me pouring the milk into his mouth out of a sippy with no stopper would work out just fine. And then she is all worried that he is not getting enough milk during the day. Well, no kidding! I told her to get him used to a bottle. The worst part is that I am not bonding with the child at all because neither one of us are enjoying this pouring/gulping routine. Why couldn't she just get him used to a bottle???

I also have kids bringing TONS of junk they need to soothe themselves. Like not one blanket but two blankets, and teddy bears and all this other junk they do not need.

And when did 3yos stop being able to get their own shoes and coats on?

Kids are just so coddled and babied anymore it's a wonder they can breathe on their own!

[Cradle2crayons]

I have logged out for privacy. I have been doing licensed daycare for over 15 years. But lately, I keep getting families that just aren't working out. Either the family is not prepared for blending into a group setting, the parents don't want their clothes dirty, or the parents want all sorts of special treatment for their child. I used to have families that worked out perfectly and never had problems getting and keeping kids for years. But lately, I have been going through kids every couple of weeks.

It seems like every new family I get lately is simply not prepared to handle going to daycare. I had a mom who breastfed. She knew that she was going to go out to work and not be a stay at home mom. She wanted to provide breast milk in bottles for daycare. Which is perfectly fine with me. But she never had anyone else other than the father and aunt (only for 2 days) feed the baby (3 months old) before attending daycare. So of course, the baby would not take the bottle from me. The baby would go all day long without eating at all! I watched the baby for a few days and called the mom each day to get her to pick up early to feed her baby. I simply couldn't bring myself to let the baby go all day without eating. After a couple of days, I told the mom that I couldn't keep watching the baby because he wouldn't eat.

I had a mom who raised her 1 year old to sleep all day and be up all night. Her sister decided that she needed to get a job and put the child in daycare. So they went from having the child sleep all day to being in daycare and me keeping her up all day ( except for naptime after lunch). They are mad at me because the child falls asleep at dinner time. I told them that they have to give the child time to adjust to a new sleeping pattern. They just fussed at me about her being tired.

I have had a few kids lately whose parents allow them to drink and eat all throughout the day at home. So when they come for the interview, I tell them that their child will not be allowed to do so here and that their child will be served their breakfast, lunch, and snack and that after meal time, the food and drinks will be cleared away. They will not be allowed to constantly drink and eat here. So the parents, after a few days are fussing at me because their child is hungry and thirsty when they go home. Of course they are! First of all, they are used to nibbling and drinking CONSTANTLY all day long (which is not healthy for them) and secondly, the child had snack at 3. The parents pick up at 5:30 and get home around 6 (3 hours after snack) so of course the child is going to be hungry and thirsty when they get home.

I have had parents who throw a fit if their child gets a speck of dirt on their clothes or skin their knee on the sidewalk. The children are supposed to be able to play outside. Which includes running and occasionally falling on the sidewalk which results in a skinned knee. They play outside in the grass area which also has dirt under the grass, so, when the child falls or sits down, they are going to occasionally get a grass stain and/or dirt on their clothes. But the parents flip out over these things!

Then there's the families that want special treatment. Things such as 'can you write down everything he eats and drinks, every time you change a diaper/every time he goes to the bathroom and note whether he peed or pooped, which children he played with and what things he played with, he will tell you when he's hungry and thirsty, so just feed him and give him drinks whenever he lets you know he needs them, he likes this food and doesn't like that food, if you serve him a meal and he says he doesn't like it or doesn't eat enough, you can just ask him what he wants you to make to replace what he didn't want to eat, here's his special blanket he has to carry around with him all day, and I want you to make sure no one else touches it or he will get upset, I want him to watch television/I don't want him to watch television, etc.

And of course, there's the parents that coddle their children obsessively up to the age 5! The parent babies their child so much that the child literally emotionally can't handle leaving mommy and daddy. The child cries throughout the day for weeks for the parents because they are used to being held, coddled, and doted on all day and night by their parents. The parents have told me that one or the other is constantly entertaining, holding, sitting with, laying down for naptime and bedtime with the child or the child sleeps in the bed with the parents every night. I have actually had parents who tell me that they want me to lay down beside their child and rub their child's hair until he falls asleep! NOOO!!! I can NOT lay down beside your child!!!

It just seems like the parents think I am a personal nanny or something. And it is obvious that their child rules the house at home and they expect me to allow their child to rule the daycare!


These are the types of families I have gotten in the past year or so. I used to get families that were prepared to enter a group daycare setting and the families would stay with me for years. However, in the past year or so, I haven't been able to get many families that are ready to enter daycare.

Do any of you get families like these? Do you keep them in your care? Do you make special changes as per their requests? Or do you basically tell them that they might not be a good fit for your childcare and let them go elsewhere?

I don't have these problems myself but I am very very detailed at interview.

No, they don't get special. I tell them how I run my daycare and explain that my house, my rules, my schedule and they have to blend into that. If they want special they can hire a nanny.

I really think the interview process weeds out a lot of these problem families.

Of course it's not 100% but it's pretty close.

[Blackcat31]

Welcome to today's parenting.

Yes, I get families like this too. I simply make sure I am clear about my rules and expectations and then hold the parents to them.

If they leave over it, then they leave. I know that ****s sometimes because that means loss of income but honestly my own values, ethics and morals do NOT allow for me to continue being part of something I simply don't believe in or don't support.

I will NOT cater to one child and/or one family. Best case scenario, ALL providers will feel the same and eventually the family that suffers from this kind of entitlement learns that not everyone feels that they are "special".

Worst case scenario, another provider will take them and bend or cave to their special requests....which does nothing to help teach the family that they aren't the only ones on this earth, but I guess that's ok with me because they aren't MY problem...kwim?

The interviewing process is THE biggest aspect of my program. In my opinion it sets the stage right up front for what my working relationship with a family will or won't be.

If the family makes it through the interview and the two week trial period, it is usually all good after that.

Hang in there. Daycare is changing. Parenting is changing. Human beings are changing.

You have two choices. Adapt methods and ways of dealing with these issues or cave and just accept it as it is.

I choose to adapt and find ways to deal so that I can still get up and go to work every day with some like or willingness towards my job.

((((hugs)))) :hug:

[Unregistered]

I do go over it all during the interview. My interview is at least an hour. Typically up to 2 hours. I am overly informative about all my rules, ways of operating my daycare and our routine. Often, the parents will tell me how they are at home and I tell them on the interview how I will handle that situation at daycare. For example they will tell me the child is allowed to eat and drink whenever they want. So I will tell them on the interview that their child will get food and drink only at meal time here and then the food and drink will be picked up and they have to wait for the next meal to be served. Except when it is really hot and we are outside, then I allow them water throughout the time we are outside and when we come back inside we get a drink.

But even though we discuss everything at the interview, when the child is going through the adjustment period getting used to my way vs. the parents way, the parents get mad and won't give the child or themselves the time needed to adjust.

[Cradle2crayons]

I do go over it all during the interview. My interview is at least an hour. Typically up to 2 hours. I am overly informative about all my rules, ways of operating my daycare and our routine. Often, the parents will tell me how they are at home and I tell them on the interview how I will handle that situation at daycare. For example they will tell me the child is allowed to eat and drink whenever they want. So I will tell them on the interview that their child will get food and drink only at meal time here and then the food and drink will be picked up and they have to wait for the next meal to be served. Except when it is really hot and we are outside, then I allow them water throughout the time we are outside and when we come back inside we get a drink.

But even though we discuss everything at the interview, when the child is going through the adjustment period getting used to my way vs. the parents way, the parents get mad and won't give the child or themselves the time needed to adjust.

Maybe that's the issue?? If a parent tells me they do things x way and it's a major deal, then they may not be a good fit for my program.

For instance, on breasted babies. I explain they have to have them bottle trained before starting. And I make them prove that to me at interview. I'll require a second interview and ask them to bring a bottle and the baby and I'll ask them to prove it.

Another for instance, if they tell me they lay down with their child for naps, that's a red flag.

If parents have a lot of red flags at interview, they may not be the right fit for my program.

[Blackcat31]

I do go over it all during the interview. My interview is at least an hour. Typically up to 2 hours. I am overly informative about all my rules, ways of operating my daycare and our routine. Often, the parents will tell me how they are at home and I tell them on the interview how I will handle that situation at daycare. For example they will tell me the child is allowed to eat and drink whenever they want. So I will tell them on the interview that their child will get food and drink only at meal time here and then the food and drink will be picked up and they have to wait for the next meal to be served. Except when it is really hot and we are outside, then I allow them water throughout the time we are outside and when we come back inside we get a drink.

But even though we discuss everything at the interview, when the child is going through the adjustment period getting used to my way vs. the parents way, the parents get mad and won't give the child or themselves the time needed to adjust.

Call them out on it.

"Sally, this is all stuff we discussed during the interview. ALL things you said you understood and agreed to. I am not understanding what the issue is now?"

Then leave the ball in their court. IF they continue to complain, offer them two choices.....find care that will cater to their needs or you will happily raise their rate so you can hire an assistant to meet their requests.

Interviewing definitely helps weed out the ones who aren't a good fit but a lot of them (especially the ones who agree but then don't do it) slip through and in those cases, you really just have to be upfront and open...

I do that by calling them out on what they agreed to and are now complaining about.

I also ask them for a solution...I NEVER offer one myself.

The minute they say "well give him food whenever he wants" I say, "Sure! But I'll have to hire someone to supervise the other kids who want their own special schedule too and that means raising rates for everyone. I'll do this tomorrow okay?"

If raising rates is ALWAYS the answer, you'll be amazed at how fast they begin to see things from your perspective and adjust.

[Unregistered]

At least I now know it's not just me. I keep wondering why parents like this are drawn to me. But I guess it's not just me that gets parents like this.

I typically tell the parent that I will wean the child into my way of doing things, but the parents just won't allow the adjustment period and I lose the child or I realize that it will take too long for the family to adjust and I stop watching the child.

Yeah, I have been noticing that more and more parents are allowing the children to give the orders at home and the parents do whatever makes the kids happy. They are in for a real shock once their child goes to kindergarten or 1st grade! I have read lately about the large amounts of children that are expelled/kicked out of daycare nowadays. So I should realize that it's not just me.

[Cradle2crayons]

At least I now know it's not just me. I keep wondering why parents like this are drawn to me. But I guess it's not just me that gets parents like this.

I typically tell the parent that I will wean the child into my way of doing things, but the parents just won't allow the adjustment period and I lose the child or I realize that it will take too long for the family to adjust and I stop watching the child.

Yeah, I have been noticing that more and more parents are allowing the children to give the orders at home and the parents do whatever makes the kids happy. They are in for a real shock once their child goes to kindergarten or 1st grade! I have read lately about the large amounts of children that are expelled/kicked out of daycare nowadays. So I should realize that it's not just me.

It's not just you but I realized a long time ago, SOME things, situations, and children just can't be weaned or adjusted into my program.

[Play Care]

At least I now know it's not just me. I keep wondering why parents like this are drawn to me. But I guess it's not just me that gets parents like this.

I typically tell the parent that I will wean the child into my way of doing things, but the parents just won't allow the adjustment period and I lose the child or I realize that it will take too long for the family to adjust and I stop watching the child.

Yeah, I have been noticing that more and more parents are allowing the children to give the orders at home and the parents do whatever makes the kids happy. They are in for a real shock once their child goes to kindergarten or 1st grade! I have read lately about the large amounts of children that are expelled/kicked out of daycare nowadays. So I should realize that it's not just me.

It's not just you!! I also have a pretty detailed contract/ interview process to weed out the "crazies" and I still got the kids who don't nap (and parents who didn't think it was a big deal) or who want special and discounts. And of course, I'm the one who is "unreasonable" because I won't be a doormat...

[Unregistered]

I think I will stop taking families that have too many differences in raising children from the way I do. I have told a handful of parents on interviews that I think they would be better with a nanny going to their house or figuring out a way for the mom to stay home with their child because they have so many special requests. I guess I will have to tell that to more families.

For the parents that I think might work, if problems like this arise, I could tell them that I will dote on their child as long as I can get my assistant to work full time, which would require me raising the rate and see what happens.

[Unregistered]

Thank you all for discussing this with me. I really was getting discouraged, but I feel a lot better now.

[Unregistered]

I have logged out for privacy. I have been doing licensed daycare for over 15 years. But lately, I keep getting families that just aren't working out. Either the family is not prepared for blending into a group setting, the parents don't want their clothes dirty, or the parents want all sorts of special treatment for their child. I used to have families that worked out perfectly and never had problems getting and keeping kids for years. But lately, I have been going through kids every couple of weeks.

It seems like every new family I get lately is simply not prepared to handle going to daycare. I had a mom who breastfed. She knew that she was going to go out to work and not be a stay at home mom. She wanted to provide breast milk in bottles for daycare. Which is perfectly fine with me. But she never had anyone else other than the father and aunt (only for 2 days) feed the baby (3 months old) before attending daycare. So of course, the baby would not take the bottle from me. The baby would go all day long without eating at all! I watched the baby for a few days and called the mom each day to get her to pick up early to feed her baby. I simply couldn't bring myself to let the baby go all day without eating. After a couple of days, I told the mom that I couldn't keep watching the baby because he wouldn't eat.

I had a mom who raised her 1 year old to sleep all day and be up all night. Her sister decided that she needed to get a job and put the child in daycare. So they went from having the child sleep all day to being in daycare and me keeping her up all day ( except for naptime after lunch). They are mad at me because the child falls asleep at dinner time. I told them that they have to give the child time to adjust to a new sleeping pattern. They just fussed at me about her being tired.

I have had a few kids lately whose parents allow them to drink and eat all throughout the day at home. So when they come for the interview, I tell them that their child will not be allowed to do so here and that their child will be served their breakfast, lunch, and snack and that after meal time, the food and drinks will be cleared away. They will not be allowed to constantly drink and eat here. So the parents, after a few days are fussing at me because their child is hungry and thirsty when they go home. Of course they are! First of all, they are used to nibbling and drinking CONSTANTLY all day long (which is not healthy for them) and secondly, the child had snack at 3. The parents pick up at 5:30 and get home around 6 (3 hours after snack) so of course the child is going to be hungry and thirsty when they get home.

I have had parents who throw a fit if their child gets a speck of dirt on their clothes or skin their knee on the sidewalk. The children are supposed to be able to play outside. Which includes running and occasionally falling on the sidewalk which results in a skinned knee. They play outside in the grass area which also has dirt under the grass, so, when the child falls or sits down, they are going to occasionally get a grass stain and/or dirt on their clothes. But the parents flip out over these things!

Then there's the families that want special treatment. Things such as 'can you write down everything he eats and drinks, every time you change a diaper/every time he goes to the bathroom and note whether he peed or pooped, which children he played with and what things he played with, he will tell you when he's hungry and thirsty, so just feed him and give him drinks whenever he lets you know he needs them, he likes this food and doesn't like that food, if you serve him a meal and he says he doesn't like it or doesn't eat enough, you can just ask him what he wants you to make to replace what he didn't want to eat, here's his special blanket he has to carry around with him all day, and I want you to make sure no one else touches it or he will get upset, I want him to watch television/I don't want him to watch television, etc.

And of course, there's the parents that coddle their children obsessively up to the age 5! The parent babies their child so much that the child literally emotionally can't handle leaving mommy and daddy. The child cries throughout the day for weeks for the parents because they are used to being held, coddled, and doted on all day and night by their parents. The parents have told me that one or the other is constantly entertaining, holding, sitting with, laying down for naptime and bedtime with the child or the child sleeps in the bed with the parents every night. I have actually had parents who tell me that they want me to lay down beside their child and rub their child's hair until he falls asleep! NOOO!!! I can NOT lay down beside your child!!!

It just seems like the parents think I am a personal nanny or something. And it is obvious that their child rules the house at home and they expect me to allow their child to rule the daycare!


These are the types of families I have gotten in the past year or so. I used to get families that were prepared to enter a group daycare setting and the families would stay with me for years. However, in the past year or so, I haven't been able to get many families that are ready to enter daycare.

Do any of you get families like these? Do you keep them in your care? Do you make special changes as per their requests? Or do you basically tell them that they might not be a good fit for your childcare and let them go elsewhere?

I second all this a hundred percent I, I'm just adding another big problem $ parents are cheap, they think they can negotiate my fees./ never had all this problems before in over ten years trying to register new families.

[Unregistered]

Yep, that's another thing. Some parents are trying to get me to accept the amount of pay I made 15 years ago! I understand that the economy is not in it's best condition, but I certainly deserve to make more than I made 15 years ago.

I have also noticed that while a parent is trying to get me to accept a much lower rate for child care, they have their nails done, perfect hair style, drive a nice car, their clothes and their kid's clothes are designer clothing, they have an I-phone, etc. I guess they can afford more upscale unnecessary items if they don't pay the typical rates for the necessary items in life.

[Heidi]

You know what? I feel sorry for all the fictional nannies we all keep hiring...::

Not kidding, though. I was a nanny once years ago for a wonderful family. Can you imagine being one now? Getting all the daycare rejects?

I'd like to hear from some "center people" about the whole rocking to sleep and schedule thing. We in the family daycare business all seem to get frustrated with it. How are we supposed to manage multiple children on different schedules with one person? But, how about center folks? Do you rock babies? Let them sleep on their own personal schedule?

Am I niave' in thinking that in a center, you work an 8 hour day and get a lunch break? Maybe even administrative time to do lesson planning? Is there a cleaning staff? :confused:

90% of family providers don't do "no nap" care, and try to get everyone on a consistent schedule (with exception to the littlest ones). So, if I put my foot down, I can guess that parents arent' going to the next FCC and getting what they want. I'm just curious about what a center would say.