Would You Take A Gender Non-Conforming Child?

[crazydaycarelady]

No, the child did not come to the interview (which I normally take as a HUGE RED FLAG!)

The hours will work but we mostly talked about the child and didn't discuss meals, naps, anything in the contract, or the daily schedule. I do think she is looking for acceptance first and foremost. (I am starting to wonder if maybe dcm likes drama?) Why not just come over like any regular interview and let me discover the child's personality on my own?

[My3cents]

I read majority of the responses and I must say that it warms my heart to know that so many providers would be willing to take a child that is gender-questioning. I would take the child but then again, I'm part of a two mom household/family. I was asked by a few people if I thought my marriage/family would be an issue with enrolling kids but I think parents are more so concerned with knowing their kids have a safe and loving place to go while they are working... Plus, my wife works outside of the home so she wouldn't be here with us anyway so I don't see why it would be a problem... Otherwise, if the family has a problem with my family, then my day care isn't where they need to be anyway.

As so many stated, he may grow out of it. He may not. But, it's none of the other parents business and I don't see it as harmful to any of the other kids. It will indeed teach them about differences in people.

Welcome to the forum. I have wondered if anyone here was from a same sex household.

[Brooksie]

One thing I would be conscious of, whether you are personally for or against it or whatever. If you decide to NOT take the child for whatever reason, it would be best to not hint towards ANY of the issues in the OP or any concern for how their child would affect your business. I would definitely come up with some other reason why it did not fit because just like you cannot deny a handicapped child because you simply don't want to deal with them, you have to have a reason for not being able to facilitate them. I cannot say, I can't take your child because they are handicapped but I can say, I cannot take your child because they are handicapped and I don't have a ramp to get them in my house, or my apartment building doesn't have an elevator. Something like that. Its no different than saying, I cannot take your gender neutral child because I'm worried that he wont fit in, or may affect my business poorly; But you can say, I don't think that your schedule will work for us at this time, or I do not think he will be a good fit for the hours needed or so forth. So be careful with your wording because you could be hearing from licensing or seeing a lawsuit for discrimination even if that isn't you intent. Good luck.

[Unregistered]

I just don't know if I am up for the drama this could bring to my life.

It is not the child at all that I forsee problems with. If this child were in my care the days would go by just as they do now.

But I can see problems with my other dcps, whether that is good/bad, wrong/right I see issues. I also see issues with this child's parents because I think they are making HUGE decisions based on a small childs wishes. I am glad they are open-minded and supportive as they may need that - when the child is older. But to already be considering this boys future gender re-assignment imo is premature, I don't agree with that.

I appreciate those that were supportive and admitted that this could cause issues instead of just assuming if I was a good, accepting person then this shouldn't be an issue. This is a new situation that I am trying to figure out the pros and cons for myself and my business.

Absolutely, you are being realistic. Not only that, it's your home and you can decide who fits into the group or not, you don't need a reason. You certainly don't need to justify anything.

I've done this many years, the more I research and nip it in the interview the less problems I've had. If one slips through the cracks, I terminate right away which is best for all parties imo.

I think you've answered your own questions.

[Unregistered]

No, the child did not come to the interview (which I normally take as a HUGE RED FLAG!)

The hours will work but we mostly talked about the child and didn't discuss meals, naps, anything in the contract, or the daily schedule. I do think she is looking for acceptance first and foremost. (I am starting to wonder if maybe dcm likes drama?) Why not just come over like any regular interview and let me discover the child's personality on my own?

I don't do interviews unless they bring the child, and I only do one. I find that strange right there. If she calls back you can tell her you may have already filled the space. I try and give them other provider numbers to help them out.
She may never call, but the writing is on the wall.

[Willow]

Guarantee she didn't bring her child to avoid exposing them to the very prejudice you are discussing you're feeling OP.

Why would ANY mother bring their child somewhere they'd very likely hear someone express how weird the child is and how that weirdness might affect the persons business????

There are a whole lot of incredibly rude and ignorant people out there that have zero capability of holding their own tongue. How was she supposed to know you could?


Makes PERFECT sense to me that she'd need to screen first and make the biggest perceived concerns the priority during that initial interview.....only bringing the child into the process when she knows he's going to be accepted with open arms and nothing less......

[Heidi]

Guarantee she didn't bring her child to avoid exposing them to the very prejudice you are discussing you're feeling OP.

Why would ANY mother bring their child somewhere they'd very likely hear someone express how weird the child is and how that weirdness might affect the persons business????

There are a whole lot of incredibly rude and ignorant people out there that have zero capability of holding their own tongue. How was she supposed to know you could?


Makes PERFECT sense to me that she'd need to screen first and make the biggest perceived concerns the priority during that initial interview.....only bringing the child into the process when she knows he's going to be accepted with open arms and nothing less......

Momma is just protecting her child the best she can. Like I said before, this is just the beginning for her.

[Starburst]

I know we can't discriminate. I think (I know) I would lose other families though. As a business I would suffer.

I personally think it's none of the other parent's business. You can actually get in trouble not only for discriminating against the child, but if you let that information leak to your daycare parents (confidentiality). Just make sure that child gets extra privacy when it comes to dressing and toileting.

[Laurel]

I personally believe that most gay people are born that way, but also some people choose that lifestyle

I kind of think of it like a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being gay and 10 being straight. 5 being bisexual. There is a lot of iffyness there and like everything else in life is is rarely just black and white.

Laurel

[Starburst]

I personally believe that most gay people are born that way, but also some people choose that lifestyle

I kind of think of it like a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being gay and 10 being straight. 5 being bisexual. There is a lot of iffyness there and like everything else in life is rarely just black and white.

There is a difference between being gay and being transgendered. Gay people know that they are the gender they are born as, they just prefer the same sex. Transgendered people believe that they were born in the wrong body, ergo they don't see themselves as gay or lesbian because they believe they are that gender "between the ears" (the brain is the most important sex organ).

Try thinking of it from their perspective. You know you are a female, you like dresses, shoes, and playing with dolls. But everyone treats you like a boy and makes fun of you for trying to be yourself they keep insisting you are a boy even though you know in your heart you are a girl. same for the opposite, a boy would feel humiliated if his parents forced him to wear dresses and act like a girl if he truly believed he was a boy.

There was actually a mom who had twin boys and due to complications from a circumcision; a doctor (Ironically names Dr. Money) who believed that gender was based on "how you were raise" and helped her make the deformed one physically appear to be female so the mom could raise him up to be female. But he always knew he was male, eventually all the secrets destroyed his life. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GhbVFjIaN0 Watch Part 2 (even up to part 4) also to get the full story.

[Sunshine75]

Crazydaycarelady only you know your families best. No one else here knows what your families are like or what may happen if you lose families. You are right to be cautious and that is ok. NEVER feel bad for looking out for your family and putting them first. Others here would accept a non gender-conforming child and in fact have stated if other families didn't like it they could leave. Great, maybe that works for their finances and their family. Maybe that works that in the future they can see how each family responds when they start at their daycare and if they leave in the first week and they no longer have a set amount they make each month that works for them. It does not work for everyone. You also stated your families are traditional families. When you said that do you mean Christian? If so, what backgrounds? I can tell you a methodist may not have a problem with it but an evangelical/baptist might. Again, you know your families best. There is a huge difference between a child that wants to play with girl toys and a child who wants to play a dress up and a child who chooses to dress like a girl day in-day out, be called Samantha instead of Sam and grows their hair to be longer. Those two scenarios are not even remotely the same. Your families should be fine with the child who wants to play dress up and play with girls toys but be a boy but they as well have every right to be cautious with their own children and the environment and ways they wish to see them raised. Because you are with their children full time the environment that you have will cause them to make choices about whether or not they want their children there. This is getting long but what is starting to concern me most about this site is that people are going off on tangents and really dumping on OP with absolutely no injection by MOD's to keep it professional and courteous. What is the point of a mod exactly if they don't remind others to keep it courteous and supportive. Others easily could have said I would/would not take in a non-gender conforming child and I understand/don't understand why it would affect your business without the negativity and put downs.

[blandino]

I actually love when you post. ::

Ditto

[SilverSabre25]

There is a difference between being gay and being transgendered. Gay people know that they are the gender they are born as, they just prefer the same sex. Transgendered people believe that they were born in the wrong body, ergo they don't see themselves as gay or lesbian because they believe they are that gender "between the ears" (the brain is the most important sex organ).

Try thinking of it from their perspective. You know you are a female, you like dresses, shoes, and playing with dolls. But everyone treats you like a boy and makes fun of you for trying to be yourself they keep insisting you are a boy even though you know in your heart you are a girl. same for the opposite, a boy would feel humiliated if his parents forced him to wear dresses and act like a girl if he truly believed he was a boy.

There was actually a mom who had twin boys and due to complications from a circumcision; a doctor (Ironically names Dr. Money) who believed that gender was based on "how you were raise" and helped her make the deformed one physically appear to be female so the mom could raise him up to be female. But he always knew he was male, eventually all the secrets destroyed his life. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GhbVFjIaN0 Watch Part 2 (even up to part 4) also to get the full story.

She didn't ask for the clinical description and the people you're quoting probably know full well that gay and transgendered are VERY different.

Not saying you're wrong, but just that this was a touch off topic. Okay really off topic.

And that doc was a total crackpot. Learned about him during a course on human sexuality in college. He was a bastard, and a quack, and drove at least one person to suicide.

[Starburst]

She didn't ask for the clinical description and the people you're quoting probably know full well that gay and transgendered are VERY different.

Not saying you're wrong, but just that this was a touch off topic. Okay really off topic.

And that doc was a total crackpot. Learned about him during a course on human sexuality in college. He was a bastard, and a quack, and drove at least one person to suicide.

Did you even read my comment? I wasn't giving OP a definition, It was to the people I quoted and they were more off topic than I was because this has nothing to do with being gay. FYI Not everyone understands the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity, so why do you automatically assume they know? They are adults and they can tell me that themselves if they feel I misunderstood their comments.

IK that doctor was a quack, but you would be surprised how many people still believe your gender is only based on how you were raised (as some of the earlier comments pointed out). IDK why you feel the need to attack me for trying to let them know they are not the same.

[SilverSabre25]

Did you even read my comment? I wasn't giving OP a definition, It was to the people I quoted and they were more off topic than I was because this has nothing to do with being gay. FYI Not everyone understands the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity, so why do you automatically assume they know? They are adults and they can tell me that themselves if they feel I misunderstood their comments.

IK that doctor was a quack, but you would be surprised how many people still believe your gender is only based on how you were raised (as some of the earlier comments pointed out). IDK why you feel the need to attack me for trying to let them know they are not the same.

Well, they do often coincide. not always, but I see LOTS of stories about couples where one is trans, and say, it's a man-->woman, with a woman. That would be considered lesbian in my book. or Woman-->man, with a man, would be gay. Although both are kind of variations of straight, from the other person's perspective. And of course there are plenty of Man--->woman, who are now with men and woman---> man who live with women. That...well, I guess it's a variation on straight too.

I think that Laurel and My3cents both have excellent points. Laurel is right, it IS a scale. Not completely linear, since we have the trans issue and a few other unusual circumstances (such as people who truly asexual, or happen to have sex organs of both sexes, etc). But there IS a continuum. Like Autism.

And My3cents is right IMO, too. Some people, who fall into the middle of that continuum, will choose to be homosexual and fall in love with/be with a same-sex partner. Others in the middle, will choose to be straight. Still others choose to be bi and be with BOTH. Those are all choices, no? And honestly I feel that there are plenty of people, especially young people, who maybe closer to either end of the continuum who choose to explore the far side of the spectrum, just to see what it's like. Or to rebel. Or to fit in. And that too, is a choice.

And none of it is wrong.

It's like you're assuming that sexuality is a straight progression from straight to gay, but actually, from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of....wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey...stuff.