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I don't believe in assigning gender roles to kids' toys,(or much in general)so that's a total non-issue here. I tend to weed out any families that have a problem with their son playing with dolls, etc. As far as pronouns & names, I call the child what they want to be called. My eldest child was born male, but came out as transgender at the age of 18, shortly before graduating high school. She's now almost 20, & therefore, if I think a family will have a problem w/ GLBT issues, my house is not the place for them.
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ok, the problem I see is that the parents are pushing their child to be transgender.
the child is 4, they are probably like most kids just trying things out.
sometimes I wonder if the parents wanted another sex child kwim because why would they be discussing hormon therapy on a 4 yr old. So many things can change.
let him play and explore but make sure you have boy stuff out too. But also what is his home life like. Does the dad not do anything and the mom does everything, maybe mom pushes the girly stuff on him, maybe they refuse to buy boy stuff.
btw, my ds is 11 and every once in a while his sisters will put polish on his nails to test out colors, but he likes to pampered too, nothing wrong with that. Oh yesterday dad took him pellet gun shooting.
I don't think you'll have a problem with the kid, I think you'll have a problem with the childs parents.Comment
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I agree countrymom!
It seems early for the parents to be making these BIG conclusions about the boys future based on what he does as a 4yo!
I also agree that any problems would most likely be with the parents and not the kid.Comment
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It all boils down to what YOU believe in as a human being. You either think it's fine, or you think it's inherently wrong to be gender confused.
If you think it's no skin off your teeth and have the live and let live mentality then you're not going to let your other families opinions of other families in your care, matter. Period. If one came and said...."ell OMG Miss J, you'll never believe but I saw so and so's parents were fixin to celebrate the devil worshipping holiday of Halloween....I dont want them around my kid because they dont believe as I do that it's evil!!".....or "Can you even believe they don't drive an American made car...I dont want someone who doesnt drive what I drive around me kid"......I'd tell them to both build a bridge and get over it as well as zip their lip because I don't allow what amount to elementary school bullying to occur in my presence, much less to be spouted from adults.
I foster an environment of respect and tolerance here. No exceptions.
I wouldnt care if it hurt my buisness becayse I think crap like that is just that - CRAP. Wrong, unethical, unChristainlike, whatever you want to call it. Either way, caving to such garbage would cause me not to sleep well at night so I would stand up for my ideal that God created that child, good, bad, confused, purple or whatever. Who the heck am I to tell God or anyone else for that matter, that what he created was fundamentally flawed??
Now if on the other hand you don't believe in tolerance when your personal beliefs don't align thats fine, and by all means don't take the family or term when you need to - but don't for one second blame that intolerance on anyone but yourself. As provider we are the end all be all as far as these decisions go. If it makes one uncomfortable to own that this is a personal choice then perhaps evaluating why is in order......Comment
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It's easy to blame the parents for things like this because they can be hard to wrap your head around but it's very well known that most transgendered adults knew at a very young age that something about them was different, as did their parents. The ones who denied or surpressed those inklings always seem to struggle the hardest coming to terms with who they really are, while those with open minded parents and families have a much easier go of life in general.
Sounds like this child is blessed in that respect, even if they are not actually transgendered.Comment
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Very well said!
I try very hard to foster tolerance. Now that I have my own transgender child situation, it becomes ironic at times. My child is also an atheist.
We've had to have a number of conversations about the fact that she (he) needs to respect the fact that other people are not. One can't ask for acceptance if one is rolling their eyes at other people's beliefs! It's a two-way street, my child!
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I absolutely would have no concern enrolling a transgendered or possibly transgendered child here. If any other families had a problem with it, they would be families I would be happy to lose.
Have any of you read the blog Raising My Rainbow? It is written by a mom who has a little boy who "likes girl things." It is SUCH a great read and she just wrote a book. It talks about the struggles and conflicts they have had with other people discriminating against their son. I would highly recommend it! http://www.raisingmyrainbow.com
As for the argument that transgender identity could be caused by parents, I really disagree! You can't make a little boy want to be a girl by refusing to buy him boy things... or by Mom doing most of "everything" at home. By that standard, single moms would be raising a higher number of transgendered sons... that does not seem to be happening! What about kids in other countries who play with sticks and random stuff and don't have expensive "boy toys" or "girl toys?" I don't think they are growing up with higher percentages of them being transgender!
Kids are who they are.Comment
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I just don't know if I am up for the drama this could bring to my life.
It is not the child at all that I forsee problems with. If this child were in my care the days would go by just as they do now.
But I can see problems with my other dcps, whether that is good/bad, wrong/right I see issues. I also see issues with this child's parents because I think they are making HUGE decisions based on a small childs wishes. I am glad they are open-minded and supportive as they may need that - when the child is older. But to already be considering this boys future gender re-assignment imo is premature, I don't agree with that.
I appreciate those that were supportive and admitted that this could cause issues instead of just assuming if I was a good, accepting person then this shouldn't be an issue. This is a new situation that I am trying to figure out the pros and cons for myself and my business.Comment
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I had this big response typed up about how uneducated and misleading some of the statements in these posts are but I deleted it....
I do want to know though, how do you KNOW his family is pushing him to do, say or feel anything?
These BIG conclusions aren't necessarily wrong or misguided simply because you don't don't agree or understand.
I also think it is rather presumptuous of the OP to automatically assume that her other parents would have issues with this..... do you KNOW that?
If ANY of my DC parents said or commented rudely on something like that openly in my home, THEY would be gone in a heartbeat.
My nephew is "this child" and until you have lived his life, walked in his mother's shoes or spend any amount of time getting to know him and who he is inside, you have NO right to judge or assume anything.
@Preschool teacher My sister LOVES that blog! She owns a few copies of Raising My Rainbow too! FANTASTIC book!!!
Well worth the read for ANYONE interested
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I never said I think they are pushing the boy to do anything. I said I think they are rushing a little in making large decisions like that they are going to give him hormones and already preparing for gender reassignment when the boy is 4yo.I do want to know though, how do you KNOW his family is pushing him to do, say or feel anything?
I don't know for sure obviously, but I know my dc families well and I think it is a possibility.I also think it is rather presumptuous of the OP to automatically assume that her other parents would have issues with this..... do you KNOW that?
See, I am trying to determine if I am up for more drama, and this has the potential for drama. Am I strong enough to do this right now?If ANY of my DC parents said or commented rudely on something like that openly in my home, THEY would be gone in a heartbeat.
I am NOT judging the child! I think others will though (and I have read that book so I know I am right, people will judge.)Comment
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If you took an African American family and your current families had a problem with it would you be strong enough to deal with that?Comment
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It's actually almost ALWAYS apparent by as early as age 1-2 if a child is transgender or gay... the problem is parents don't usually pick up on it - or they do and they hide it. These parents sound amazing for embracing this child just as he is, and preparing for the future reality that he might indeed be transgender. happyfaceComment
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