Would You Take A Gender Non-Conforming Child?

[Blackcat31]

He would not be taking the hormones now, closer to when he goes into puberty

He is not living as a girl yet (probably to young to make that call really) just a boy who really really likes girl stuff and whose parents get him what he wants.

How would I lose business? Come on now - do you seriously think that none of the other families is going to question this? We've come a long way but I have pretty traditional families who are probably not going to want to explain the dynamics of this situation to their 3-5 year old children.

I am still not understanding how parents would have any idea that anything is different or that there is a dynamic of anything to explain.... :confused:

I have been doing child care for 20+ years and I've always had boys playing in the dress up clothes (tiara's, high heels and dresses) as well as girls playing in the sandbox with dump trucks etc...

NEVER has any parent thought anything of it...

Like a previous poster said, it is adults who attach the stigma's and stereotypes to these situations.

Again, I fail to see anything that would even let other parents know what is going on in the private life of this child/family.

[SSWonders]

He would not be taking the hormones now, closer to when he goes into puberty

He is not living as a girl yet (probably to young to make that call really) just a boy who really really likes girl stuff and whose parents get him what he wants.

How would I lose business? Come on now - do you seriously think that none of the other families is going to question this? We've come a long way but I have pretty traditional families who are probably not going to want to explain the dynamics of this situation to their 3-5 year old children.

My son was very much into doing what his older sister did. He reveled in dressing up in her princess costumes. We even got him his own American Girl doll for Christmas one year. That's what he asked for. We didn't make a big deal out of it. He's 22 now and as "male" as can be.

All of my daycare kids play with all different kinds of toys and nobody thinks anything of it.

[crazydaycarelady]

I am still not understanding how parents would have any idea that anything is different

The other parents would know/see that the child is a boy and has a boy name but consistently wears girl clothes, etc. not just for dress-up. This goes beyond the normal girl playing in the sandbox, boy playing the role of mommy once in awhile. The boy would be playing with the other children for 40-50 hours a week. I think it is going to come up.

[babylady]

Boy who wants to be a girl

I would welcome the child and help other parents to understand him/her if they have a problem. There are all kinds of hermaphrodites born and it would be very sad if they have to hide their sexuality all their lives or have therapy to change them. Read the book Middlesex. On the other hand, I wonder if the parents of the boy are overreacting. Some parents are uncomfortable if their little boys like so-called "girly" things and overreact to stop them. It seems to me that thinking about hormone therapy (I understand, not doing it until he's older) when he is still only four is overreacting in the other direction. But then, maybe they know something I don't know. My inclination is to just let him be as he is. Maybe he is not a boy or a girl but both.

[SilverSabre25]

I'm sorry, but i still don't think that the other families have any right to know anything about this child. and traditional or not....they may surprise you.

As for explaining the dynamics to their children I seriously doubt it will ever come up. Kids just don't care. And if they do care, it will come about in a natural way.

If you have an established rule of "there is no such thing as boy toys and girl toys" then it becomes a non issue. And if it DOES get brought up, you can have the child answer the question ("Sally wants to know why you like to wear the princess dress and pretend to be the mommy. Would you like to answer?") or you can smile and tell Sally that this is just how [child] feels like playing and it's okay.

[JoseyJo]

I wouldn't have any problem with it personally. I am sure there would be some readjusting but we do that with every new family that comes in. If a dcp asked me why dcb was wearing a dress I would shrug, smile and say "He likes it" and then go on.

[Sunshine75]

I understand what you are saying crazy daycare lady and I think it would confuse children. I would personally not be welcoming of that situation and no, I do not care to be pressed or harassed about my choice so would appreciate no negative comments being slung at me.

[LaLa1923]

It wouldn't bother me at all. I used to have one! my little boy wanted all girl, he even went through a few years of wearing dresses. He's 7 now and grown out of it. If he hadn't I would be the first one to walk in his parade!

[Leanna]

When I first started my home daycare I had a 4 yr. old who is biologically a boy but, I am almost certain a transgendered person. He enjoyed dressing-up in "girls" clothes, would use anything he could to pretend he had long hair, used markers to paint his nails, loved to pretend fashion shows and concerts, but, more telling, he would say, "How come I'm not a girl?" "Why is Kayla a girl and I'm not?" He was truly troubled by this.

While I tried to support him in however he was feeling, this little boy's father did not. He vehemently tried to wring these feelings out of this little boy. This little guy, who was FOUR and confused and probably a little sad too, would get in serious trouble for having magic marker on his nails or choosing to have a flower painted on his face at preschool.

While this was a very real situation for this boy, none of my other DCF's ever noticed or commented on anything this boy did. If he was dressed up when another parent came for pick-up A. he probably wasn't the only one and B. they would either not notice or just say, "Oh look! You are dressed up!" It never became a bog deal. If anyone had ever commented on anything he said or did, I would have just said, "Yes, doesn't DCB look fancy?" or "DCB loves Belle. Who is DCG's favorite princess?" or "Oh yes! We ALL had fun playing tea party!" Really, it isn't anyone else's business. They may ask out of curiosity and that is ok, but passing judgement is NOT.

[Soccermom]

I am going to be very honest here...No, I would not take him. I have at different times taken on special needs or special circumstances children and have always regretted my choice. I then end up feeling really guilty about wanting to term when it doesn't work out.
My issue is not with the children themselves but more with the parents. A lot of times when a child is *Special Needs*, the parents tend to be overly sensitive about it and end up being pretty needy themselves.
They also tend to expect more from their childcare provider as well as from the other children in care. (Example I now have a child diagnosed with Asperger's and just yesterday DCM asked that I take out the new Time Out Chair because it is causing DCB anxiety.... )
As for the Gender Non-Confirming issue, I think it would be great for the other children to be exposed to the reality of life at an early and accepting stage in their lives but I do foresee issues with DCPS.

[Hunni Bee]

It takes all kinds.

The only reason I would not take this family is if they were asking for all kinds of special to accommodate the child's situation.

If any other family had any problems with the child or him being there, they'd be having them in the car on the way to find a new daycare.

[Familycare71]

I had a friend who's daughter once at age 7-8 said: when I get to heaven I am going to ask God to give me a penis-
She didnt like anything considered "girlie"... She was like this until about 12 or so and then started choosing more traditional things in certain areas.
She is a girl and it never became any more than a little girl that identified more with boys.
I think children can be gender neutral with out it being a "thing". No one thought twice about her wearing boy clothes- she was a Tom boy and that was that- why little boys can't be afforded the same I have no idea!

[Sunshine74]

I'm sorry, but i still don't think that the other families have any right to know anything about this child. and traditional or not....they may surprise you.

As for explaining the dynamics to their children I seriously doubt it will ever come up. Kids just don't care. And if they do care, it will come about in a natural way.

If you have an established rule of "there is no such thing as boy toys and girl toys" then it becomes a non issue. And if it DOES get brought up, you can have the child answer the question ("Sally wants to know why you like to wear the princess dress and pretend to be the mommy. Would you like to answer?") or you can smile and tell Sally that this is just how [child] feels like playing and it's okay.

This is what I think too.

[Laurel]

I had a friend who's daughter once at age 7-8 said: when I get to heaven I am going to ask God to give me a penis-
She didnt like anything considered "girlie"... She was like this until about 12 or so and then started choosing more traditional things in certain areas.
She is a girl and it never became any more than a little girl that identified more with boys.
I think children can be gender neutral with out it being a "thing". No one thought twice about her wearing boy clothes- she was a Tom boy and that was that- why little boys can't be afforded the same I have no idea!

I'm not sure about the whole issue but girls already wear boys clothes such as pants, etc. It is already socially acceptable. However, if a boy arrived in a dress as a daily thing (I'm not talking about dress up time) then I do think it would raise eyebrows. Not that it 'should' but it 'would' most probably.

When I worked in a preschool we had a little boy who came to school dressed in some girl clothes. His mom took him to the girls department to shop. He also was into Barbie dolls and brought some in the morning to show us.

We discussed as a group how we felt. Everyone felt comfortable with it because his mom seemed to have the right attitude and didn't allow him to wear dresses. Of course, none of the children cared. I'm not sure what we would have done if she would have wanted him to wear dresses with his hair a boy cut and his name "Michael". I can't remember his name really.

Laurel

[originalkat]

The other parents would know/see that the child is a boy and has a boy name but consistently wears girl clothes, etc. not just for dress-up. This goes beyond the normal girl playing in the sandbox, boy playing the role of mommy once in awhile. The boy would be playing with the other children for 40-50 hours a week. I think it is going to come up.

I see where you are coming from...and yes parents would notice and it would come up. I really do not see how you guys think a boy coming to school wearing dresses and people arent going to question that... but hey, I m from the midwest.::Around here parents would question it.