Terming Questions

[Laurel]

I'm just wondering how long everyone has been in business and how many times they have termed and for what?

I'm asking because of providers I know personally who seem to go through children a lot and also because here on this board when someone needs help solving a problem I just hear 'term them' a lot it seems.

I have been doing this almost 20 years (if you count when I only did it summers) and I have never termed anyone.

I considered it twice (and should have once). One was a summer only gig with 3 school aged brothers one of which probably had ADD but mom was nurse and would not consider any medical intervention of any kind. Trying summer but I stuck it out!

The other was a chronic behavior problem which just never got better. Should have termed that one.

So just wondering:

1. How many years doing this?

2. How many times termed?

3. What did you term for?

Thanks, Laurel

[CedarCreek]

1. One year
2. One child
3. He was violent and hurt myself and other dcks

[Angelsj]

I have been doing this for over 30 years.

I haven't really "termed," more like just parted ways, except one family that more read the writing on the wall and quit coming, though I would not have accepted them in the door anyway.

I have seen many behavior problems, but mostly I can deal with them.

I did have a family leave due to the new "ethnic" makeup of my daycare. I had been watching her girls for two years, and took a new family where dad was white, and mom was African (as in moved here from Africa with the dad, who was there on a mission trip.) Wonderful people with two gorgeous kids, but 'mom of girls' tried to get me to drop them. When I realized what she was up to, I told her she was welcome to go, and to be honest, if she was going to treat them differently, I would rather she did go. She did.

The family I mention above had SOOOOO many issues, from a girl with head lice, to a young boy who would do things like step on the baby's fingers when he thought no one was watching, and tried to accuse me of abuse. I didn't tell her on Friday that she was termed, but had planned on doing so on Monday. They didn't come back.

[momofsix]

Ive been doing home child care for over 22 years, with a small break during that time.

I've never actually termed anyone. I did "close up shop" once and start over with new families. That was over 18 years ago.

[EAP]

I have been doing this licensed for a little over a year and before that unlicensed over a year. I have zero problem terming a family and have termed 3. My program only has 4 spots and if someone isn't working out it impacts me and my family. I had one child who aged out and was violent, one contract I could not accommodate the hours they needed (not the original hours, a new request) so we parted ways and recently a parent with late payments, late pick-ups and a bounced check in addition to them being very difficult and frankly treating me badly. I will try to retain clients to the best of my ability but my end goal is to have pleasant work days and positive working relationships with my families, if those things aren't happening then it isn't a good fit and they can move on.

[MamaBearCanada]

3.5 years.

I have termed once for violence towards my child.

[Patches]

1. Been open about 9 months

2. Termed 2 times

3. One was for violent behavior (child) and the other was for constantly breaking policies (parent)

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I feel like the queen of terming after reading these replies. ::
I USUALLY have 8-10 children here (and have had up to 12). I have had BIG turnover this year as I have termed many and helped many term themselves. I got to the point where I just didn't want to **** it up and deal any longer. I wanted to enjoy my job. Doing this has helped me to love it.

1. How many years doing this? Almost 1.5 years.

2. How many times termed? I have termed some and HELPED others term themselves. Had they not termed themselves, I would have done so. I termed 6 children (two were sibling sets of 2 children each, so 4 different families). I have HELPED 6 children's families term themselves (two were sibling sets of 2 children each, so 4 different families).

3. What did you term for?
DCG - Mom could not abide by the policies (many of them). The last time, she went on vacation one week and didn't pay me. She was insistent that she would NOT be paying for their week away but she WOULD pay me for the time DCG was coming ahead of time (like they are required to) and she would see me then. I told her no and termed her. Lots of drama and she begged to be taken back. She still badmouths me.

DCB - Had Autism, which is fine I have several with Autism, but was also extremely violent. If it had been limited to just me I could have coped but he would attempt to smash other children's heads with blocks when I wasn't looking so I termed after 1 day. Too much of a liability.

DCB (and DCG had to go too) - I had for 9 months and tried a variety of ways to curb his assaults on other children. Finally, he was suspended. Events from that month were blamed as the reason for his bad behavior (a lie) and I called them on that. I should have termed that family from the beginning, to be honest with you. That child caused me so much stress and the behavior never improved.

DCG & DCG - Their parents could not follow the policies and would throw fits when I insisted that they do. I had them for 15 months, I believe, and I could not take it any longer. After the last episode of bringing in a sick child I termed them and holy moly what a tantrum (complete with yelling at me in front of other children, a slammed door, and sending the husband over after hours).


Those that termed themselves (or I would have had to...)

DCB and DCB - Aggressive/violent behavior. When they were here, the child that assaulted others actually DIDN'T because of this oldest child's outlandish behavior. They lasted 1 month. They termed themselves because I wouldn't work for free an additional hour every evening.

DCB - Disrespectful/aggressive behavior. Only aggressive at pick-ups and would slap, scratch, pinch, etc. me. Disrespectful ALL the time. He was here for 6 months and his Dad wanted him at a "real Preschool." After moving to the "real Preschool" for 2 weeks they begged to come back.

DCG - Followed me around and could not make a single friend here. She wanted me to engage her the entire 9 hours she was here each day and would not speak to other children. She was here for 1 month and never made a friend. She also did not wish to eat unless we prepared unhealthy meals for her (which wouldn't happen) and Dad rudely confronted me about this issue. He demanded that we make her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich instead every meal and said she didn't like being here because of what we served. We insisted that they start teaching her how to eat appropriate foods for her age (she was overweight) so she wouldn't starve here as we were not changing our menu. They said they just couldn't get it under control and left.

DCG and DCG - Parents didn't want to pay after awhile. They went on a month long vacation last year after being here 4 months, no pay for me, and I allowed them to come back after it. 3 months later they tried to withdraw without a 2 weeks notice so they could save money again. We bartered because they didn't want to be sent to collections. When they began paying again, 3 months later they said they wanted to withdraw for 2 months this summer instead of 1 and then they'd be back. Then they said they weren't going to withdraw. Then, they said they were. Then, DCM said they were planning to keep them here to which I said I had already filled one spot and that child would begin on July xx.

[MyAngels]

I've been open for 20 years and I've termed once, not long after I opened. It was a 4 year old who cussed like a sailor and the parents thought it was cute .

I think maybe twice I've encouraged families of some of my older kids to find a full day preschool situation since I felt they were outgrowing my program. I wouldn't have termed them, so I don't think that counts.

[Cradle2crayons]

So just wondering:

1. How many years doing this? Off and on for more than 5 years this stretch

2. How many times termed? I honestly haven't kept track (is this bad)

3. What did you term for?
The only things I have ever termed for were non payment and continued failure to follow policies. I've never termed because of a child particularly. Although I've had most of my kids start here with no routine, eating Crap food at home, and allowed to do everything they wanted at home. They all shape up fine with some adjustment. It's the parents I have issues with. But I don't tolerate any disrespect and after a few warnings of policy violations, out the door they go.

[Blackcat31]

1. How many years doing this? Almost 21 yrs (October)

2. How many times termed? LOTS in the beginning. In the last 10-15 yrs...maybe twice.

3. What did you term for? Early on, it was just a lot of bad situations that got worse than they should have. The last 2 times, were for behavior issues. Once for a parent and once was a child.

I answered in bold above.

I'm just wondering how long everyone has been in business and how many times they have termed and for what?

I'm asking because of providers I know personally who seem to go through children a lot and also because here on this board when someone needs help solving a problem I just hear 'term them' a lot it seems.

I have been doing this almost 20 years (if you count when I only did it summers) and I have never termed anyone.

I considered it twice (and should have once). One was a summer only gig with 3 school aged brothers one of which probably had ADD but mom was nurse and would not consider any medical intervention of any kind. Trying summer but I stuck it out!

The other was a chronic behavior problem which just never got better. Should have termed that one.

I think that terming happens to two main reasons.

#1. The provider was NOT very good at interviewing and choosing families that are a good fit for her (or him) the program and/or in general. If you try to make a bad or less than good relationship work, whether in person and/or business, we all know it usually ends up bad.

#2. The family either lied about something (behavior, beliefs, routines etc) or the family/child starts to act badly or in a way that is not desirable to the provider and the situation either festers and gets so bad it reaches the point of no return and terming becomes the ONLY option or the situation gets bad enough that the parent/child senses the providers distain or resentment and again ends up ending badly.

I think that ALOT of times terming happens simply because it is an easier out than letting things get bad...kwim?

I know a lot of providers (both in real life and on-line) that are not-so-great about enforcing policies and rules that they literally paint themselves into a corner and have NO choice but to term.

I also know a lot of providers who are super picky about whom they enroll and those providers seem to have the least amount of "term" situations.

Like I said above, I termed a lot in the beginning of this career BECAUSE I simply enrolled anyone who could fill the space. It took me a few years to realize I am interviewing the family for ME/MY program just as much, if not more than it was the family interviewing me.

If you want to really know the facts behind the reasons for terming, you need to look at the interview process as well as the strength of the provider's backbone and the consistency and expectations for policy enforcement.

That's my 2 cents.

[e.j.]

I've been licensed for 17 years. I've never termed anyone but I have refused parent requests (no nap, later pick ups, earlier drop offs.....) knowing that they would leave on their own as a result.

[mema]

1. How many years doing this? 4.5 years

2. How many times termed? Once that I did. A few that were mutual

3. What did you term for?

The one I did term for was becoming violent and very disrespectful. He moved on to a 2 provider home that had a married couple and I think he needed that male influence around. His dad was, well, not very nice.

I had one that was a school ager that didn't listen at all. I couldn't trust him walking to school. One day, he was messing around on the way there and was really late. DCM blamed me and my kids. I told her that my kids were told to go straight to school, no goofing off, and they did. They told him to keep up, but knew they would be in trouble if they didn't get to school. I helped her "see" that SAC was a good place for him to be. I should've know at the interview when he slid down my banister and she didn't say anything, but I thought hey, it's only 2 hours before school.

Another I had for 4 years-since a few months old. She became very bossy, stopped listening, throwing/spitting/hitting. We (well, I) tried to get her to stop, but without parents help it was really not working. Dcg lost privileges every day and she didn't care. I talked with the parents about it at the beginning, but knew they didn't want to hear it, so I stopped. I knew dcg would tell them everything anyway. One day they called to say they found other care-I had marked the calendar anyway and she had 10 days left before I was going to term.

[Lyss]

1. How many years doing this? 2.5 years (5 total but I took a break when we moved)

2. How many times termed? 1 (nearly 2 but DCG finally adjusted and stopped being a 24/7 crier, I was days away from it )

3. What did you term for? DCM switched to an earlier schedule and expected me to take DCB at 5:00 am with no questions asked. I normally open at 7:30 but made arrangements with her for 6:45 because her schedule was changed unexpectedly and it was only supposed to be short term. The 5am time she volunteered for, assuming I would just take DCB. She told me she volunteered and that she'd be bringing him earlier no asking. Got her walking papers when she picked up ::

I've lost 3 total in the 2.5yrs, 2 aged out and the one term

[JoseyJo]

Have been open 4 years next month. Have termed 3.

DCB 13mo- before (and why!) we started taking only 18 mo and up- dcm and gma both a mess, dcb would only sleep in COMPLETE darkness and quiet, while being held (dcm and gma cocooned him and covered his face w/ a blanket and walked him until he was asleep then laid on couch w/ him in arms the whole time he slept, each nap and at night).Tried to get him to adjust, tried to get dcm/gma on board changing at home too, but no dice. He was exhausted all day every day and I couldn't stand his suffering anymore.

DCB 3.5- had never been in any setting w/ any learning going on, or really with any positive adult interaction. Anytime we tried to do anything remotely educational would start screaming bloody murder and would not stop until it was free play time again. Tried to get him to adjust for 3 mo, and to get mom on board w/ more positive learning interactions at home, but no dice and finally couldn't handle the constant auditory assault anymore.

DCB 3- just termed last week- violent toward other children and toward his mom at p/u d/o. DCM would not "see" him doing it, even when it was toward her, so would not work toward correcting w/ me.

I "helped to term" one- my nephew. I love him dearly but as he got older he got WAY to possessive toward me and became a very sneaky mean bully. He was much happier and more well adjusted and we had a better relationship after he moved to a center.