Sending Home For Behavior

[Unregistered]

I remember a kid like that. He threw something at one of the walls. I promptly grabbed him from behind, crossed over his little arms, sat down and crossed my legs over his to get him to stop kicking. He screamed and screamed and wiggled. It was very difficult to hold him but I just rocked him and told him that I know he was having a hard time and that I would help him, but he HAD to stop. He said he hated me, wanted me to go away, wanted me to basically to not exist. I told him he could hate me all he wants, I would NOT go away and I would not be letting him go until he calmed down and could behave himself. It was 20 minutes of pure heck! But, after he calmed down, I asked him if he knew why I did what I did (he was 4 1/2). He said no. I explained to him that I will NOT let him hurt anyone or our things. He said that he was doing it because he "just knows I will kick him out anyway" So basically he thought he didn't have to listen or respect me because everyone else pretty much didn't give him a chance. He came from 6 different daycares, one who was not nice and the others who didn't want anything to do w/ him. It was very sad.

To cut the story short, let's just say after this day, he never messed with me again. He also turned out to be my BEST dc kid and was very helpful and loved doing activities and helping the littles do things such as tying shoes for me or getting a diaper for me. He just didn't trust anyone cool would be there for him. That's why he acted out. I had him 4 1/2 yrs and we cried when they moved away. I hear from his dad every once in awhile an hear that he had a hard time adjusting when he moved but is doing well now.

Would some people object to what I did? Oh yes, but his parents did not. In fact, they were just happy that I even took care of the situation, he was not hurt in any way, and didn't kick him out like the others. Sometimes, you just have to do things differently for one kid than another. And this is what worked for us.

[Cradle2crayons]

I am also one of those parenting a child with ODD and lots of other really not so awesome abbreviations.

I also at one point years ago when the denial was lost.... Wondered if I had to do it again would I... Of course I would... But it's just a natural reaction in the grips of the roughest times.

I've dealt with with two other dck. With one, the parents were on board and were basically BEGGING their pedi to help. The other was in denial doe quite a while.

My advice is that if you can't get the parents on the same page, whether its ODD or potty training, you will get nowhere fast.

I give parents time to jump on board with me and if they don't, they have to go. If they agree to a behavior plan and really work on it with me, it works. If not, I can tell pretty quick.

[Laurel]

I remember a kid like that. He threw something at one of the walls. I promptly grabbed him from behind, crossed over his little arms, sat down and crossed my legs over his to get him to stop kicking. He screamed and screamed and wiggled. It was very difficult to hold him but I just rocked him and told him that I know he was having a hard time and that I would help him, but he HAD to stop. He said he hated me, wanted me to go away, wanted me to basically to not exist. I told him he could hate me all he wants, I would NOT go away and I would not be letting him go until he calmed down and could behave himself. It was 20 minutes of pure heck! But, after he calmed down, I asked him if he knew why I did what I did (he was 4 1/2). He said no. I explained to him that I will NOT let him hurt anyone or our things. He said that he was doing it because he "just knows I will kick him out anyway" So basically he thought he didn't have to listen or respect me because everyone else pretty much didn't give him a chance. He came from 6 different daycares, one who was not nice and the others who didn't want anything to do w/ him. It was very sad.

To cut the story short, let's just say after this day, he never messed with me again. He also turned out to be my BEST dc kid and was very helpful and loved doing activities and helping the littles do things such as tying shoes for me or getting a diaper for me. He just didn't trust anyone cool would be there for him. That's why he acted out. I had him 4 1/2 yrs and we cried when they moved away. I hear from his dad every once in awhile an hear that he had a hard time adjusting when he moved but is doing well now.

Would some people object to what I did? Oh yes, but his parents did not. In fact, they were just happy that I even took care of the situation, he was not hurt in any way, and didn't kick him out like the others. Sometimes, you just have to do things differently for one kid than another. And this is what worked for us.

I don't have a problem with how you handled it but how did you watch the other children for the 20 minutes this was going on?

Laurel

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

You did the write thing Things can only get better now. I know too well the burnout one can get from holding on for too long to the "wrong fit"...

I agree. I tried for 9 months with one family and by the end of that, I really didn't like my job when that child was here. I was miserable.

:hug:

[Cradle2crayons]

I agree. I tried for 9 months with one family and by the end of that, I really didn't like my job when that child was here. I was miserable.

:hug:

That's the reason I do behavior plans.i even have used them with my own daughter.

You give it x time frame. You type up the behavior plan or agreement and you and the parent signs. You be clear with the parent at the end of that month if certain goals are not met, care ends. And stick to it.

9 months is a long time to be miserable. I'm sorry you are having to go through this.

[Brooksie]

Her text to me this morning: "J**** and I have been talking and we are still trying to figure everything out. When we came to you we explained that Aiden will need some time and positive influence to deprogram from the last daycare. Daycare providers are with the children more than their own parents and it is important that you are able to help teach him good behaviors and help him grow. He is 4 years old and should be able to be controlled and taught. That is your profession. If he tells you he doesn't have to listen to you and you call me to pick him up he wins. It takes time for children to adapt to a new environment and you have thrown your hands up after 3 weeks. You said you were willing to help him. My question to you is are you giving up and should wwe move on? It doesn't seem like you want to work with A**** and that he is too much for you."

After much thought my final response has been: "Yes, you are right, this is my profession. And working with children who have challenging behaviors has always been a passion of mine and is my long term goal. But right now, with starting my business I need to be able to cater to a younger group, mostly infants. If I was able to only take 3 and 4 years olds (which hopefully, one day will be the case), I feel that I would be more able to meet his special needs. As of right now, when he is having his outbreaks, I am unable to meet the physical needs of the other children in my care, just because I am trying to keep him from hurting himself, our property or others at Sprouts. I think that an older age group and more one on one care would be greatly beneficial to him. Trust me, I really care for him and if I could have just him throughout the day I would. I truly want to be able to help him, but I still need to be able to meet needs of others in my care and when he is throwing his fits, I have infants that are being kept up from their naps, and kids that are waiting to be fed that cannot do it themselves. At this point, with the extremes of his behavior, most regrettably, I do not think it is a good fit for him. I would recommend reaching out to Child Find and see if they can help with a behavior plan as to best prepare him for Pre K in the Fall, and hopefully get him in somewhere that can give him the one on one work he desperately needs. I want the best for all children and being the professional that I am, I realize that A***s needs at this time exceed my current capability to meet them, as sad as it is to see him go."


Any thing I should ad? I feel bad because I truly want to help him, but I just can't manage his behaviors with 3 other kids full time under the age of 28mo.... Was I wrong here?

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Her text to me this morning: "J**** and I have been talking and we are still trying to figure everything out. When we came to you we explained that Aiden will need some time and positive influence to deprogram from the last daycare. Daycare providers are with the children more than their own parents and it is important that you are able to help teach him good behaviors and help him grow. He is 4 years old and should be able to be controlled and taught. That is your profession. If he tells you he doesn't have to listen to you and you call me to pick him up he wins. It takes time for children to adapt to a new environment and you have thrown your hands up after 3 weeks. You said you were willing to help him. My question to you is are you giving up and should wwe move on? It doesn't seem like you want to work with A**** and that he is too much for you."

After much thought my final response has been: "Yes, you are right, this is my profession. And working with children who have challenging behaviors has always been a passion of mine and is my long term goal. But right now, with starting my business I need to be able to cater to a younger group, mostly infants. If I was able to only take 3 and 4 years olds (which hopefully, one day will be the case), I feel that I would be more able to meet his special needs. As of right now, when he is having his outbreaks, I am unable to meet the physical needs of the other children in my care, just because I am trying to keep him from hurting himself, our property or others at Sprouts. I think that an older age group and more one on one care would be greatly beneficial to him. Trust me, I really care for him and if I could have just him throughout the day I would. I truly want to be able to help him, but I still need to be able to meet needs of others in my care and when he is throwing his fits, I have infants that are being kept up from their naps, and kids that are waiting to be fed that cannot do it themselves. At this point, with the extremes of his behavior, most regrettably, I do not think it is a good fit for him. I would recommend reaching out to Child Find and see if they can help with a behavior plan as to best prepare him for Pre K in the Fall, and hopefully get him in somewhere that can give him the one on one work he desperately needs. I want the best for all children and being the professional that I am, I realize that A***s needs at this time exceed my current capability to meet them, as sad as it is to see him go."


Any thing I should ad? I feel bad because I truly want to help him, but I just can't manage his behaviors with 3 other kids full time under the age of 28mo.... Was I wrong here?

Still not acknowledging how extreme and far from normal her child's behavior is. Still refusing to accept responsibility, whether that be responsibility for her LACK of parenting/discipline or responsibility from a lack of getting him diagnosed and getting him the help he so desperately needs (that is not a daycare providers responsibility). My child has extreme behaviors, too, and if someone told me his behavior was extreme I'd agree and see what we could do about it not place the blame on someone else for not working hard enough. Oh brother!!!

You? Wrong? No. She is wrong. I would never choose to "WORK" with a child who had parents who thought it was my responsibility to shape his behaviors if they were that extreme. Absolutely not. Whether I had ONE child here or TEN. They'll be in for a reality check when he goes to Pre-K in the Fall and is kicked out. Best of luck to them.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

That's the reason I do behavior plans.i even have used them with my own daughter.

You give it x time frame. You type up the behavior plan or agreement and you and the parent signs. You be clear with the parent at the end of that month if certain goals are not met, care ends. And stick to it.

9 months is a long time to be miserable. I'm sorry you are having to go through this.

I did do that at the end which is why he is gone. He was suspended after having 4 incidents in one day (after 3 you are suspended) and then was terminated.
Mom said her child (well, both actually) were out of control and she didn't know what to do. Dad made a list of everything I did that contributed to his bad behavior and blamed it all on me. That child is a sociopath and will be kicked out of kindergarten this Fall, without a doubt in my mind.

[nannyde]

Her text to me this morning: "J**** and I have been talking and we are still trying to figure everything out. When we came to you we explained that Aiden will need some time and positive influence to deprogram from the last daycare. Daycare providers are with the children more than their own parents and it is important that you are able to help teach him good behaviors and help him grow. He is 4 years old and should be able to be controlled and taught. That is your profession. If he tells you he doesn't have to listen to you and you call me to pick him up he wins. It takes time for children to adapt to a new environment and you have thrown your hands up after 3 weeks. You said you were willing to help him. My question to you is are you giving up and should wwe move on? It doesn't seem like you want to work with A**** and that he is too much for you."

After much thought my final response has been: "Yes, you are right, this is my profession. And working with children who have challenging behaviors has always been a passion of mine and is my long term goal. But right now, with starting my business I need to be able to cater to a younger group, mostly infants. If I was able to only take 3 and 4 years olds (which hopefully, one day will be the case), I feel that I would be more able to meet his special needs. As of right now, when he is having his outbreaks, I am unable to meet the physical needs of the other children in my care, just because I am trying to keep him from hurting himself, our property or others at Sprouts. I think that an older age group and more one on one care would be greatly beneficial to him. Trust me, I really care for him and if I could have just him throughout the day I would. I truly want to be able to help him, but I still need to be able to meet needs of others in my care and when he is throwing his fits, I have infants that are being kept up from their naps, and kids that are waiting to be fed that cannot do it themselves. At this point, with the extremes of his behavior, most regrettably, I do not think it is a good fit for him. I would recommend reaching out to Child Find and see if they can help with a behavior plan as to best prepare him for Pre K in the Fall, and hopefully get him in somewhere that can give him the one on one work he desperately needs. I want the best for all children and being the professional that I am, I realize that A***s needs at this time exceed my current capability to meet them, as sad as it is to see him go."


Any thing I should ad? I feel bad because I truly want to help him, but I just can't manage his behaviors with 3 other kids full time under the age of 28mo.... Was I wrong here?

She didn't say a word about the safety, care, and happiness of the other children.

She doesn't have child care for him and she's trying to remain in the one up position when she is not. She has a very badly behaving child, money for care, and two other children who bring money to the deal. If you don't want the money she has nothing to remain in the one up. She's trying to tell you that your professional abilities are in the mix and she is incorrect. Get that out of the conversation.

[Brooksie]

She didn't say a word about the safety, care, and happiness of the other children.

She doesn't have child care for him and she's trying to remain in the one up position when she is not. She has a very badly behaving child, money for care, and two other children who bring money to the deal. If you don't want the money she has nothing to remain in the one up. She's trying to tell you that your professional abilities are in the mix and she is incorrect. Get that out of the conversation.

She's basically getting such a deal her oldest daughter is free. Sure, its cutting my income in half but that's not why I'm doing daycare in the first place. Its to provide quality care for the children trusted to me and also to spend quality time with my daughter. I already see the affect of his behavior on dd. She's been hitting the dog and then telling me shes tired and that's why she hit him (A*** would hit, throw things, refuse to clean up and then cry his stomach hurt). AINT NO BODY GOT TIME FOR THAT sorry I just had to put a light spin on this. I hate this kind of stress.

[nannyde]

Her text to me this morning: "J**** and I have been talking and we program are not equipped to facilitate that.still trying to figure everything out. When we came to you we explained that Aiden will need some time and positive influence to deprogram from the last daycare. Daycare providers are with the children more than their own parents and it is important that you are able to help teach him good behaviors and help him grow. He is 4 years old and should be able to be controlled and taught. That is your profession. If he tells you he doesn't have to listen to you and you call me to pick him up he wins. It takes time for children to adapt to a new environment and you have thrown your hands up after 3 weeks. You said you were willing to help him. My question to you is are you giving up and should wwe move on? It doesn't seem like you want to work with A**** and that he is too much for you."

After much thought my final response has been: "Yes, you are right, this is my profession. And working with children who have challenging behaviors has always been a passion of mine and is my long term goal. But right now, with starting my business I need to be able to cater to a younger group, mostly infants. If I was able to only take 3 and 4 years olds (which hopefully, one day will be the case), I feel that I would be more able to meet his special needs. As of right now, when he is having his outbreaks, I am unable to meet the physical needs of the other children in my care, just because I am trying to keep him from hurting himself, our property or others at Sprouts. I think that an older age group and more one on one care would be greatly beneficial to him. Trust me, I really care for him and if I could have just him throughout the day I would. I truly want to be able to help him, but I still need to be able to meet needs of others in my care and when he is throwing his fits, I have infants that are being kept up from their naps, and kids that are waiting to be fed that cannot do it themselves. At this point, with the extremes of his behavior, most regrettably, I do not think it is a good fit for him. I would recommend reaching out to Child Find and see if they can help with a behavior plan as to best prepare him for Pre K in the Fall, and hopefully get him in somewhere that can give him the one on one work he desperately needs. I want the best for all children and being the professional that I am, I realize that A***s needs at this time exceed my current capability to meet them, as sad as it is to see him go."


Any thing I should ad? I feel bad because I truly want to help him, but I just can't manage his behaviors with 3 other kids full time under the age of 28mo.... Was I wrong here?

she gave you the out. Take it.

I would just agree that he needs time to deprogram from the last daycare and you and your program aren't equipped to facilitate that.

[Cradle2crayons]

I'd have that term letter typed up ready to be handed out ASAP.

End of story. When do parents come to that point when they understand its not our job to raise THEIR kids. Yes we spend a lot of time with them. Yes while they are here we assist the parents in reinforcing positive behaviors, and so many other things.

But in the end it is the parents responsibility.

I'd term ASAP after that text.

[nannyde]

She's basically getting such a deal her oldest daughter is free. Sure, its cutting my income in half but that's not why I'm doing daycare in the first place. Its to provide quality care for the children trusted to me and also to spend quality time with my daughter. I already see the affect of his behavior on dd. She's been hitting the dog and then telling me shes tired and that's why she hit him (A*** would hit, throw things, refuse to clean up and then cry his stomach hurt). AINT NO BODY GOT TIME FOR THAT sorry I just had to put a light spin on this. I hate this kind of stress.

Blame it on the other daycare and get OUT of it. The parents are blaming her so jump on that and jump out.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I'd have that term letter typed up ready to be handed out ASAP.

End of story. When do parents come to that point when they understand its not our job to raise THEIR kids. Yes we spend a lot of time with them. Yes while they are here we assist the parents in reinforcing positive behaviors, and so many other things.

But in the end it is the parents responsibility.

I'd term ASAP after that text.

In my behavior plan of action I state THIS in one of the paragraphs:

__Business name__ does not wish to terminate the child care arrangements with any child currently attending. We hope that working together as a team will not only eliminate this behavior but also prevent it from happening in the future. We recognize that it is primarily the parent’s responsibility in instilling the proper values into their children. __Business name__ serves as a support system for the parents and wishes to support you in your efforts. __Business name___ is limited in its disciplining efforts; therefore the responsibility to discipline and guide the children rests primarily on the parents.
We look forward to working with your family in developing a well-mannered, well-adjusted child!

[Cradle2crayons]

In my behavior plan of action I state THIS in one of the paragraphs:

happyface