Sending Home For Behavior

[daycare]

got it!!!

I am having a huge issue with this whole LABEL thing right now that it's driving me NUTS.

Anytime a child does something that warrants a conversation with the parents, the parents always seem to try to find some disorder to smack on their kid.

I am from a country that does not have preventive medicine, so all of this ADD, ODD, and etc is all new to me. I don't understand any of it...

Most of the time children are very behaved here with me, but kids are kids and will have bad days. But to me it's just either a phase or a child being a child. TO parents its always something else???



Thanks for your response

[Willow]

Oppositional Defiant Disorder is a heck of a thing to have to deal with as a provider. I raised a child who had it (still has it, but I no longer raise him).

I second the behavioral plan. If you'd like a copy of one I used, please PM your e-mail address and I'd be more than happy to send it to you so you could get an idea of what one provider used.

ODD and RAD are two I really struggle with even in toddlers. I've heard the horror stories from those who have parented a child with one (or both) of those diagnoses into their teens and all I can say is they must be saints.......it really doesn't get any tougher than that imho.....

[Meyou]

ODD and RAD are two I really struggle with even in toddlers. I've heard the horror stories from those who have parented a child with one (or both) of those diagnoses into their teens and all I can say is they must be saints.......it really doesn't get any tougher than that imho.....

My friend's son has ODD and they ARE saints. I don't know how they get through the day sometimes. I watch him in the summer when they need someone and it's a tough week. He's 10 and it's like having 3 new clingy teething babies all start on the same day kind of hard. But he's wiggled his way into my heart and we get along well enough that my house is one of the few places he likes to go so I keep doing it.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

ODD and RAD are two I really struggle with even in toddlers. I've heard the horror stories from those who have parented a child with one (or both) of those diagnoses into their teens and all I can say is they must be saints.......it really doesn't get any tougher than that imho.....

My oldest child is an adopted teenager with RAD and severe ADHD. Insert hair bursting into flames here, please.

I feel like I've barely survived after raising 1 with ODD for 5 years, having no children for 3 years, and then getting this kiddo. If I knew then what I know now, I'm not sure that I would have chosen the life I did. Brutal honesty. I know I could get flamed for it.

All of that to say, if it's a parenting issue then I'd term without a doubt in my mind. If the parents are willing to seek professional help for that child (whether he has ODD or not!) then I would consider working with them. I couldn't guarantee that it would last, but I would at least explore the option of not terminating care immediately.

[Willow]

got it!!!

I am having a huge issue with this whole LABEL thing right now that it's driving me NUTS.

Anytime a child does something that warrants a conversation with the parents, the parents always seem to try to find some disorder to smack on their kid.

I am from a country that does not have preventive medicine, so all of this ADD, ODD, and etc is all new to me. I don't understand any of it...

Most of the time children are very behaved here with me, but kids are kids and will have bad days. But to me it's just either a phase or a child being a child. TO parents its always something else???



Thanks for your response

I get where you're coming from. The whole "my kid has gluten intolerance/celiacs disease or autism" train is certainly getting old (I'm sure especially so for those who are ACTUALLY dealing with those afflictions!)

That said, kids with ODD don't have good days in the traditional sense. Some may not be as bad as others but everyday is a serious struggle and challenge to manage.


Give a kid a bucket of candy, a puppy, a free pass to never have to return to school and a trip to Disney Land and they'll still find a way to turn the offer into the worst idea ever. Doesn't matter if inside they love all that stuff, they'll buck it anyway just because they can. Every opportunity is an opportunity to cause a ruckus.

[Willow]

My friend's son has ODD and they ARE saints. I don't know how they get through the day sometimes. I watch him in the summer when they need someone and it's a tough week. He's 10 and it's like having 3 new clingy teething babies all start on the same day kind of hard. But he's wiggled his way into my heart and we get along well enough that my house is one of the few places he likes to go so I keep doing it.

[Willow]

My oldest child is an adopted teenager with RAD and severe ADHD. Insert hair bursting into flames here, please.

I feel like I've barely survived after raising 1 with ODD for 5 years, having no children for 3 years, and then getting this kiddo. If I knew then what I know now, I'm not sure that I would have chosen the life I did. Brutal honesty. I know I could get flamed for it.

All of that to say, if it's a parenting issue then I'd term without a doubt in my mind. If the parents are willing to seek professional help for that child (whether he has ODD or not!) then I would consider working with them. I couldn't guarantee that it would last, but I would at least explore the option of not terminating care immediately.

[Mom2Five+]

My oldest adopted daughter is also ODD and RAD. I would never judge someone for saying that if they had known then that they may have thought twice. I feel this way because not only do I have her I also have a adopted son who has PDD. It is a hard thing to deal with on a daily basis and someone who hasn't walked in your shoes will not know what we have to deal with. My daughter is now 14 and so in comes the hormones also. I know they didn't ask for the drugs and no prenatal care that these parents chose to do, but it is so hard and very draining.

Like the others have suggested tell the parents to get him evaluated and if it comes back that he does not have any disorders than that will be great but you will know that it is just behavioral and that the parents need to step up to the plate. If it does come back ODD then I would say term because you will not be able to give him and the other kids your all. He will take up most of your time.

[Brooksie]

He was sent home again today because he would not cooperate. Obviously the mom is NOT happy but I don't know what else to do. I cannot have him disrupting our day so severely. He was keeping kids from napping and also getting ready for lunch and I could not control him. I FINALLY got him to sit down just as his dad was getting there to pick him up. Mom sends texts saying she can't keep having him sent home. I said I understood but I also can't have him disrupting everyone elses day and schedule, if he cannot participate in the activities of the day he can't be here. She responds that he will soon find out of he acts up he gets to go home and she can't have that. I don't know how to respond. Am I doing something wrong? I just cannot let him get away with that behavior and I can already see that it is affecting the other children... What do I do?

[lolaland]

He was sent home again today because he would not cooperate. Obviously the mom is NOT happy but I don't know what else to do. I cannot have him disrupting our day so severely. He was keeping kids from napping and also getting ready for lunch and I could not control him. I FINALLY got him to sit down just as his dad was getting there to pick him up. Mom sends texts saying she can't keep having him sent home. I said I understood but I also can't have him disrupting everyone elses day and schedule, if he cannot participate in the activities of the day he can't be here. She responds that he will soon find out of he acts up he gets to go home and she can't have that. I don't know how to respond. Am I doing something wrong? I just cannot let him get away with that behavior and I can already see that it is affecting the other children... What do I do?

Term! It seems by mother's texts that she wants you to keep holding the "hot potato" while parents go on with their job's routine uninterrupted. Term before you become another "crazy daycare lady" in the stories this family will tell to the next daycare arrangement!

[Brooksie]

How do I go about that? How do I approach her and the whole situation... I've never had to term any one before and definitely haven't had to deal with this type of behavior.

[nannyde]

He was sent home again today because he would not cooperate. Obviously the mom is NOT happy but I don't know what else to do. I cannot have him disrupting our day so severely. He was keeping kids from napping and also getting ready for lunch and I could not control him. I FINALLY got him to sit down just as his dad was getting there to pick him up. Mom sends texts saying she can't keep having him sent home. I said I understood but I also can't have him disrupting everyone elses day and schedule, if he cannot participate in the activities of the day he can't be here. She responds that he will soon find out of he acts up he gets to go home and she can't have that. I don't know how to respond. Am I doing something wrong? I just cannot let him get away with that behavior and I can already see that it is affecting the other children... What do I do?

Just keep saying “I understand" to all of her statements. She's going to take him out so let her. You are going to be forgotten two minutes after they pull out of your driveway the last time you give her a no. A few years from now she will look at you as just one of a lot of caregivers who have said no.

[Laurel]

Just keep saying “I understand" to all of her statements. She's going to take him out so let her. You are going to be forgotten two minutes after they pull out of your driveway the last time you give her a no. A few years from now she will look at you as just one of a lot of caregivers who have said no.

[lolaland]

How do I go about that? How do I approach her and the whole situation... I've never had to term any one before and definitely haven't had to deal with this type of behavior.

I had in my contract a description of the different situations that would entitle me to term contract immediately... The child's behavior you're describing was in it.

I would write a termination letter stating that due to her child disruptive/aggressive behavior and for the sake of the other children safety/well-being, I could no longer provide care to ____. In effect from date _____.

It's very hard to term but this is not your problem to solve and these parents by now, and looking back at this child's history, are very aware about what's going on and that you might term.

This is my personal opinion and I think you are taking serious risks by keeping this child in your daycare.

Good luck!

[NeedaVaca]

If you don't term him you could very well lose all your other families, it's hard to term someone the first time and I have rarely termed, the few times I have I was shaking from nerves but when it was done the relief was immediate!