Sending Home For Behavior

[Laurel]

How do I go about that? How do I approach her and the whole situation... I've never had to term any one before and definitely haven't had to deal with this type of behavior.

I'd tell her in person or on the phone that "I don't think this is working out with little Johnny. You can't have him coming home every day and I can't have him here with the behavior he is displaying. I think it is time we part ways. If you'd still like little Suzy and Matt to come after school and during the summer that would be great but I will understand if you don't. Sorry."

I've never termed anyone but I should have. It was for behavior also. I tried too hard and that was dumb. It made me miserable. Live and learn though. So I don't know about a letter. I guess if you do letters then give it to her if she comes again or mail it to her.

If I ever termed, I'd just tell them. No papers unless they requested one. I don't see the point as I don't have anything in my contract about terming. I feel like I can do it anytime I want. They wouldn't owe me any money except for the care I gave. I 'request' that they give me notice if leaving but don't require it.

Just my two cents...

Laurel

[Brooksie]

Should I give her an official warning about his behavior and possible termination? In my contract it clearly states IN BOLD "I will discuss any serious behavior problems with you promptly and maintain a record of them in your Child’s file. If the problem persists, and we cannot work out a mutually satisfactory solution, I will have to terminate this Agreement.
INT_____" and also "I may terminate it if you violate the terms of the Agreement, and I will terminate it immediately if your Child persists in behavior which is harmful to others or to your Child or damaging to property. "

But how much time do you give for the behavior to improve? I don't expect it to be overnight but at the same time I can't have him interrupting our schedule so severely and I've never been shown such disregard and disrespect for authority and our property. Would you suggest he be evaluated? I think he should be but does that then open the door for me to have to deal with it until they can get him an appointment? I have already seen a change in my daughters behavior because of his. I really need suggestions.

I'm thinking about sending her a text along the lines of "I know that this is very frustrating for you guys, but if A***'s behavior does not improve next week I will have to terminate his care. I am willing to help him but if he is not receptive to that help then there's nothing I can do. I cannot allow him to disrespect our friends, our property, our rules, and also myself. We have a very positive care environment here and I can already see the effects of his behavior on the other children in care. As it is clearly stated in the contract if we can not come to an agreement or make any progress he will no longer be allowed to return. Hopefully we can see improvement on Monday, but be aware that if he does not cooperate, he will be sent home. I'm sorry that it has been such an inconvenience for you both this week, but I must think of our group and the care I am able to provide."

Too much? Feedback?

[lolaland]

But how much time do you give for the behavior to improve? I don't expect it to be overnight but at the same time I can't have him interrupting our schedule so severely and I've never been shown such disregard and disrespect for authority and our property. Would you suggest he be evaluated? NO I think he should be but does that then open the door for me to have to deal with it until they can get him an appointment? I have already seen a change in my daughters behavior because of his. I really need suggestions.

I'm thinking about sending her a text along the lines of "I know that this is very frustrating for you guys, but if A***'s behavior does not improve next week I will have to terminate his care. I am willing to help him but if he is not receptive to that help then there's nothing I can do. I cannot allow him to disrespect our friends, our property, our rules, and also myself. We have a very positive care environment here and I can already see the effects of his behavior on the other children in care. As it is clearly stated in the contract if we can not come to an agreement or make any progress he will no longer be allowed to return. Hopefully we can see improvement on Monday, but be aware that if he does not cooperate, he will be sent home. I'm sorry that it has been such an inconvenience for you both this week, but I must think of our group and the care I am able to provide."

Too much? Feedback?

I agree with the "green"... but just as a formality and I would also add the date the care terminates if no improvements. I do not believe there will be any improvement.

[Brooksie]

I agree with the "green"... but just as a formality and I would also add the date the care terminates if no improvements. I do not believe there will be any improvement.

If it were you which day would you give by? I don't think there will be improvement either but I don't know how much time I should expect...

[Laurel]

Should I give her an official warning about his behavior and possible termination? In my contract it clearly states IN BOLD "I will discuss any serious behavior problems with you promptly and maintain a record of them in your Child’s file. If the problem persists, and we cannot work out a mutually satisfactory solution, I will have to terminate this Agreement.
INT_____" and also "I may terminate it if you violate the terms of the Agreement, and I will terminate it immediately if your Child persists in behavior which is harmful to others or to your Child or damaging to property. "

But how much time do you give for the behavior to improve? I don't expect it to be overnight but at the same time I can't have him interrupting our schedule so severely and I've never been shown such disregard and disrespect for authority and our property. Would you suggest he be evaluated? I think he should be but does that then open the door for me to have to deal with it until they can get him an appointment? I have already seen a change in my daughters behavior because of his. I really need suggestions.

I'm thinking about sending her a text along the lines of "I know that this is very frustrating for you guys, but if A***'s behavior does not improve next week I will have to terminate his care. I am willing to help him but if he is not receptive to that help then there's nothing I can do. I cannot allow him to disrespect our friends, our property, our rules, and also myself. We have a very positive care environment here and I can already see the effects of his behavior on the other children in care. As it is clearly stated in the contract if we can not come to an agreement or make any progress he will no longer be allowed to return. Hopefully we can see improvement on Monday, but be aware that if he does not cooperate, he will be sent home. I'm sorry that it has been such an inconvenience for you both this week, but I must think of our group and the care I am able to provide."

Too much? Feedback?

I have been doing this for 16 years plus. I kind of don't get all the strict contract things that a lot of providers do.

I have two pages that I call Parent/Provider Agreement. It just has the bare bones like my hours, holiday/fee info, what they should bring, illness policy, etc. I have them sign it but I don't think of it as a legal contract although it might be. Two of my provider friends who have been doing it for years also have the same sort of thing. My friend calls hers "Guidelines" and has only about a list of 10 things on it and it is one page. It has nothing about termination, etc. Her parents don't even sign it. I think the way she puts it is the way I think. These are my rules and basically if you don't like them, leave. If you break them, I ask you to leave. We are both reasonable and will give them time to find someone else unless it is something severe. I don't think she has ever termed anybody either though.

I know of no law that says I have to do anything as far as accepting a client or asking them to leave. Our daycare laws seem pretty strict considering what I read here yet we can make our own business decisions as long as we are following our laws. We don't have to do anything like give reasons (although we probably will), give them a chance to work on the behaviors, etc. We don't even have to give them notice.

I'm a little confused as to why one would need a legal contract if it even is legal. I've heard that even with contracts a judge can override it so what is the point? Just wondering....not criticizing in any way.

In our little world here, it is either our way or the highway ...although we are fair and reasonable about it.

Laurel

[bunnyslippers]

School psychologist told me that ODD is a term they came up with to label children that used to be called BRATS.

Well, shame on that school psychologist. While some children have perhaps been misdiagnosed with ODD, it is a very real condition with very real impacts on a child's quality of life. I hate to hear professionals make such a hurtful statement.

[lolaland]

If it were you which day would you give by? I don't think there will be improvement either but I don't know how much time I should expect...

This is tricky... To give time for improvement when you already made your decision that this contract is over!!

I understand you want to honor every line in your contract and you don't feel comfortable terming immediately, but even if you only give 1 week it can be tricky... Whenever you do not send the kid home for behavior, parents will take that as an improvement... It happened to me. Parents will ignore most of the bad “reviews” and hold on to that one thing that wasn't so bad. And that will make you even more uncomfortable to term when the date comes... Do you really want to put your self through that?? (I call it “riding a dead horse”)

If you think you still want to go ahead with the formality of giving time... I would not give more than a week... and usually parents expect 1 month...

Sorry for not sounding very helpful... somethings there is no easy way out!!

[Brooksie]

I sent her the message and tole her I would do my best to work with him through the week but if I do not see a drastic improvement in his behavior by next friday he will not be allowed to return. Also that if he doesn not cooperate on any of those days he will be sent home. Fingers crossed she doesn't flip.

[lolaland]

I sent her the message and tole her I would do my best to work with him through the week but if I do not see a drastic improvement in his behavior by next friday he will not be allowed to return. Also that if he doesn not cooperate on any of those days he will be sent home. Fingers crossed she doesn't flip.

[Play Care]

I sent her the message and tole her I would do my best to work with him through the week but if I do not see a drastic improvement in his behavior by next friday he will not be allowed to return. Also that if he doesn not cooperate on any of those days he will be sent home. Fingers crossed she doesn't flip.

And if she does, that warrants an immediate termination.

If my child's behavior was so off the wall he was being sent home, I would have already been looking for other care.

[Brooksie]

I haven't gotten a response from her, but she was very quick to respond earlier... I am printing the notice out and giving it to her this afternoon when she picks up the other kids, just in case she tries to say she never got it.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I sent her the message and tole her I would do my best to work with him through the week but if I do not see a drastic improvement in his behavior by next friday he will not be allowed to return. Also that if he doesn not cooperate on any of those days he will be sent home. Fingers crossed she doesn't flip.

Parents with horribly behaved children WILL flip if they are unable to acknowledge how severe their child's behavior this. Sometimes it is to your face, and sometimes it is to other people. This parent has not acknowledged how severe her child's behavior is.
Although my child with RAD doesn't appear to have any issues to people like his friend's parents when he visits their homes (wish it was that way at home!! love rad!!!!!! ) I will readily acknowledge how incredibly difficult he is. If he was difficult away from home, I would even moreso acknowledge how difficult he is and be understanding of others who are suffering because of his behavior. If someone said something to me about his behavior I would not flip. I know the issues he has. I deal with them daily. But, I am trying to FIX the things that need fixing and that is the difference.

[caligirl]

We do the " you hit, you sit" but he wont sit. He will run from me and say he doesn't have to...

And this is why I watch infants to age 4, and then I send them off to preschool!!

[Brooksie]

She said her and her husband are going to talk about what to do with him when she gets home, but that the children may not be returning... At this point, I'm not even going to bug her for the 2 weeks she would owe for the other 2 kids. Just happy to be a little less stress free. I'll figure the money issue out later. Already have an ad place for their spots.

[lolaland]

She said her and her husband are going to talk about what to do with him when she gets home, but that the children may not be returning... At this point, I'm not even going to bug her for the 2 weeks she would owe for the other 2 kids. Just happy to be a little less stress free. I'll figure the money issue out later. Already have an ad place for their spots.

You did the write thing Things can only get better now. I know too well the burnout one can get from holding on for too long to the "wrong fit"...